ednut1:
Marriage nowadays ehn. Fear dey catch me o

It's been months since I commented but ur statement has induced my submissions.......
Put it in PRAYERS.....
People are getting RESOURCEFUL LADIES as well.
I am part of the LUCKY ONES, I must say.
I met my wife in the US.
May be overseas mentality affected her as well, because they really know how to show LOVE.

Most times I feel ashamed of myself, that I haven't done any crazy thing for her. But she does it 4me as if her life depends on it.

My family feels her presence more than any person's presence.
I am being insulted and finished by my own parents when ever she complains.

She penetrated us well......
Marriage can be a blessing as well as a curse.
Let your instincts guide you.
Meanwhile pray to be LUCKY

Tallesty1:
Why struggle? Just decide and if they're not comfortable with your decision then they should take their daughter. Life is very simple
Because you allowed them bro, report him to his kinsmen, church and tell them to warn him to remove his nose from your business To be a man, you must step on toes when necessary. What is wrong with disrespecting people who do not respect you? Let your wife take any side she wants, just don't change your mind, don't look face and don't say sorry.
Tell your wife what you want, how you want it and stand your ground, don't give in to her manipulations. And if her parents interfer then tell them to their face to leave you to run your family the way you want.
Not necessary unless your wife is stubborn and foolish. God cannot do for a man what he has already empowered him to do. Sit down, think and decide and then tell your wife to fall in, if she refuses then let her go. No be africa we dey? Let's see how long she can stay with her parents before running back to you. Only then will she know that her parents never really loved her as they claim.
Ofcourse you are. Being manipulatable makes you weak but it doesn't matter. Stand up and say "NO, MY MUMU DON DO" and mean it. You are free like a bird bro, nobody caged you. Just be a man in every sense of it. Be insensitive when need be, be strong like a lion and wise like a serpent.

Op, kindly adhere to this advice. Quit using the kids as a smokescreen to hide your weakness. Your weakness is exactly what they have been feeding off.

I was in a "cursed" union I thought was marriage once in my life, and boy did I procrastinate to bail In hindsight, the procrastination and bidding of time is actually the reason I am here typing today because I am very sure if my intentions to bail were noticed, I sure woulda eaten my last meal, or had a knife forgotten in my bowels.

It got so worse that i'd sneak into the house and locked myself in a different room to sleep,not before making sure the doors are triple locked and the bed frame moved behind it.

The day I finally made the move, one of the days i'll never forget in my life. I'd picked the few clothings a simple bag could take at about 5am, sneaked up to the maiguard to please open the gates and not say a word about sighting me.

That was how I made a run for it, and I thank God I did on a daily.

E better say person no get wife, than say you no fit enter house because of bad woman.
Rubbish...

ndindiatu:

Ehya . U love marriage but she doesnt

I love a happy home with my children enjoying the presence of both parents in their lives.

I hope you can have the courage to see through what ever your decision is because if alone the way you succumb again that will be your end.They will so trample on uoi that u will regret trying to stand up to them.


I am married for 8 yrs now and I can tell you that it was what you allowed . Be a man ,call your wife and instruct her on what you want not dialogue this thing cus I know there have been dialogues before.


secondly ,whether they told you or not you have to swallow your pride for your sanity and inform your people !!!! They should go with you to your in-law and reach some sort of agreement with them .All this is for you to be justified for the next action you are going to take


After that ,put your feet down in your house and call the short. keel darling darling for side this time.

If the interference continue leave the marriage !! if they drag children leave them for her ,later you will settle that.


Start being very carful with this event of wife killing their husband in their sleep ,cus the parents might instruct her to hurt you so as to make you loyal.


Be outspoken when you get to ur in-law house don't do that respect thing .let them see you in another way with that they will be shocked that you have that courage compared to who they were seeing before.

Ishilove:

I have noticed your comments and posts on marital affairs on this forum. You go around advising people with marital challenges to quit their marriages because yours didn't work out. Misery loves company, so you want everyone break up their homes because your own marriage failed. Pele o, Chairman, Association of Unhappily Divorced Men. Shioor.

Guy, swerve with your bitterness. Marriages are still succeeding. If you don't have any reasonable advice to give then stop polluting threads with your cynicism and negativity. We all can't be unhappy like you, so my sincere advise to you is go away, lick your wounds, heal properly before coming back to the internet.

Go and sit down madam, that guy is absolutely spot on. Marriage is the biggest scam and most married men the world over are unhappy in it. And that is because of today's over selfish, over indulged women. Tell us, what exactly does a man gain from marriage?

3free2:
I know similar stories has been narrated on this forum but I want the world to hear my tale of regret and sorrow.

For nine years I've struggled to eliminate family interference from my home but unfortunately I've not been able to. My father in-law and his wife call the shot and when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful.

From the onset I pleaded with my own family to allow us chat our own path, learn from our mistakes and grow together in love. This has backfired on me because my wife did not do same with her family.

I can't consider breakup, I don't want my kids to grow in a broken home. The problem is worse presently only God can show me the way out of this mess.

Some might say I was weak from the onset, but some women can be manipulative and cunning. I am in a cage right now, I desperately need help before the worst happens.

This argument is usually flawed.

This is what a judge said to my brother's friend when his case and that of his wife was brought before him. The cited his children as excuse , but he gave a point that shut the judge up for 5 minutes and was left with no option than to dissolve the marriage.

Judge: don't divorce because of your children.

Him: children can always be the reason to divorce your wife if you think her influence on them could destroy them in the future.


Your children will grow up to know it's right to behave like their mother and their maternal grandparents. Liberate yourself.

If the problem is not from you or your own family, then flee.

ndindiatu:

Why Muslim dey give this kin advice . Na wah. Una way sef

Since you have a better idea, please table it

There is no where power is handed over peacefully . From his explanation his inlwas are running his home , something he doesn't like but yet very shy to express himself . A man is runs the family his way not the father in-law nor mother in-law . To tell them you are in charge begging them is a big mistake as no one begs for power . You need to make a bold statement : send her packing (not divorce) and cease communication for 3 months , everyone will be looking for your attention .

Power is grabbed through force even in democracy .

@ Op, I had similar experience but my wife's mother is just older than me by 10years. She was trying to influence her daughter on certain decisions, and when the issues became unbearable for me. I actually summon my mother in-law and I told her that failure for her to show up for discussion will bring her child back to her house. She couldn't come become of the fear of what I might say but she sent emissary to mediate on the matter.
Can you first have the courage to summon your in-laws? If you can do that, you have conquered all fear related to their influence on your marital home.

Secondly, during the crisis, my wife attempted to attend a family party and I insisted she must not go. She dared me and left our daughter at home and saying she will attend against my will, I dropped a caveat that once she attend the party, she should forget about coming back to my house and her parent's house should be sufficient for her. Though, her mother called me on phone about the party and bla bla bla but I maintained my position, after some minutes my wife came back and she cried her heart out. That is how to be a man.

3free2:
I know similar stories has been narrated on this forum but I want the world to hear my tale of regret and sorrow.

For nine years I've struggled to eliminate family interference from my home but unfortunately I've not been able to. My father in-law and his wife call the shot and when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful.

From the onset I pleaded with my own family to allow us chat our own path, learn from our mistakes and grow together in love. This has backfired on me because my wife did not do same with her family.

I can't consider breakup, I don't want my kids to grow in a broken home. The problem is worse presently only God can show me the way out of this mess.

Some might say I was weak from the onset, but some women can be manipulative and cunning. I am in a cage right now, I desperately need help before the worst happens.

My friend, I understand where you are coming from, obviuosly, there are other things that you might have not told us, however, i urge you to stand up for what is right. Things like this never happen to men who are strong headed and stubborn. It happens to men who are very considerate and have a conscience. Read these two stories, they may help. https://www.nairaland.com/4447411/wife-finally-moved AND https://www.nairaland.com/4457718/update-wife-finally-moved

3free2:


Looking back, I think I have been worst than an introvert. Iwas so eager to impress my stupid in-laws.
I've given up so much for the sake of the happy home of my dreams. I'm too ashamed to narrate the whole story.

I was in your shoes before.I took the bull by the horn refused visiting them again as well as telling my wife how her mother was turning me to a zombie which I will no longer take.Since then I'm expressing peace as the man of the house

3free2:
I know similar stories has been narrated on this forum but I want the world to hear my tale of regret and sorrow.

For nine years I've struggled to eliminate family interference from my home but unfortunately I've not been able to. My father in-law and his wife call the shot and when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful.

From the onset I pleaded with my own family to allow us chat our own path, learn from our mistakes and grow together in love. This has backfired on me because my wife did not do same with her family.

I can't consider breakup, I don't want my kids to grow in a broken home. The problem is worse presently only God can show me the way out of this mess.

Some might say I was weak from the onset, but some women can be manipulative and cunning. I am in a cage right now, I desperately need help before the worst happens.

Na because say you no get money, you dey hide your face.

Go get some bro and come back and thank me later

Lloydfolarin:


You ll be in this your miserable cage for a long time as long as you maintain this sort of repulsive mentality.

Life is too short to spend each day regretting your marriage.

I was once in your shoes but bailed myself out and happy for taking that bold step then as a man.

Real men take tough decisions.

You ll be free from problems of this world right from the day you don’t allow anything to hold you down including your children.

Listen, if you die today, your children ll move on as if you are nothing.

You became a miserable fool cos of mere pussy of your wife and children. The day you zero your mind on those two advantages she has over you, trust me, happiness ll become all yours.

My guy, if you are the one feeding yourself, call the bluff of her parents in her present with little madness and see these people respecting your boundary.

If she is your wife, she ll remain your wife. If she isn’t your wife, separation ll eventually happen.

Mr man, children is not excuse to stay in marriage. Only peace of mind should keep you in marriage.

Trust me, i was once in your shoes cos of my children, i couldn’t leave the stupid marriage. I was miserable and scare for my children being raised in broken home. However, i later realise that if i die in that marriage, this children ll move on very fast...

You can stay in your children lives while living on your own. Trust me, you ll see the difference in a week. You ll see you are missing in term of peace of mind and sanity.

The day a woman knows that you are afraid to lose your children or don’t want your children to be raised in a broken home, trust me, you are finished. She ll use it against you.

Why do you think all these babe mama respect their babe dads? Why? Cos those guys don’t give a Bleep.

Look at those small children called Davido and Wizkid, no woman out of those babies mamas can disrespect them cos they are in charge.

Be in charge and prove to your in laws that you are a Mr nonsense man by throwing them out of your house and your wife if she wants to take side with them.

If you think anybody has a better method to make your marriage than what i have said here, you are in for a shock. That family ll never changed until you do what i ask you to do

GBAMEST! No mind OP he go soon hear am hot

Ishilove:

Oya the full gist pronto. You know where...

Pipedreams:
Bro listen good. Exact same thing happened to me. My ex wife always took instructions from her family and undermined me severally after many warnings. Maybe cos they are well off. Never be with a manipulative wife that picks her family over you. Combine that with proud in-laws then that's a disaster!! I pity u bro! Yours is different cos u have 3kids with her. What were u thinking bro!! 3kids! And ur just noticing ur caged? Marriage na setup I swear. Well I sent her packing. Now her proud family is the one calling me and they ashamed of their daughter in their house. But never will I go back cos I have seen their hidden characters and I would not want to bring kids into a disaster union.

Bro this your woman will make your kids disrespect you. Way out:

Call a family meeting and warn your wife Infront of her family with a loud voice that ur done with d disrespect. If she tries it again,throw her things out and see u recover some respect cos they will beg u. It's better to be a Wicked husband than a weak husband bro. You have been too nice and decent. Act like an Agbero wey no send and ul see changes Look people punch a pillow cos they know it's soft and can't do nothing but scared to punch a Hard Rock cos it would leave them injured.

Marriage in Africa comes with a Lotta baggage and subtle slavery. I am safe to say I have tasted being single and married. I will pick SINGLE any day!!!! There are no benefits of marriage for a man but just pains, trials and tribulations . It's a scam. Societal expectations are mere lies! Misery loves company! Most married men are unhappy but they all see you and say when are you getting married? as if you are missing out! No wonder it is the woman's happiest day. Cos 80percent of her life goals has been achieved but a man's problems begins! I don't blame baby daddies I swear! Why buy the whole cow when you can get the milk for 2cents? Marriage to most ladies in this dispensation is like playing Russian roulette by handing a woman a pistol loaded with two bullets outta 7 rounds and asking her to roll and shoot! Lmao

Wow, powerful exposition. I feel this writeup gan ni, you just wrote everything like asif you downloaded it from my head.

Op start looking for a new wife esp a black American in their 40s, there are so manyvof them looking for husband.

Thank me later

ShenTeh:


It is really sad the kids we have on this platform.

Someone who's been married for over 9 years -probably longer than you knew your name - comes to seek counsel and your best joke is to lead him in to suicide.

Did your parents not advise you to desist from jumping into matters beyond your cranium?

@OP, It is not too late. You can have your home and control back!
I. Tell your in-laws you detest their interference in running your home. It is not going to be easy, because it seems to me they had enjoyed your introverted nature from forever. They will be shocked! May probably put up a fight and lash out, but trust me, they will begin to respect that. Go there. Cite specific examples when you talk to them. Don't make phone calls. You also don't need to discus your planned visit with your wife, they'll tell her anyway and you need to face them with a clear head (We know the way our wives interfere with our senses). Too, you need her shock to be genuine when her parents give her the feedback. She may get back at you with whining and bickering, but she will be deeply relieved to know that you went alpha-male.

2. You must also earn the trust of your family. Wifey and children must know that you have their best interest at heart, even if you don't have the means now.

Talk often about your dreams for your family and try to give clear and simple explanations for your actions. Seek your wife's opinion on even simple issues and explain to her why her option may be unsuitable at the moment...

Etc

Good luck. It will work out fine.

you said it all,reading your post gave me the impression that you are a lady. The truth is that marital problems can be resolved when both parties genuinely want reasonable resolution. In this case, there is nothing much the man can do if the woman is not ready to adjust

EVILFOREST:

It's been months since I commented but ur statement has induced my submissions.......
Put it in PRAYERS.....
People are getting RESOURCEFUL LADIES as well.
I am part of the LUCKY ONES, I must say.
I met my wife in the US.
May be overseas mentality affected her as well, because they really know how to show LOVE.

Most times I feel ashamed of myself, that I haven't done any crazy thing for her. But she does it 4me as if her life depends on it.

My family feels her presence more than any person's presence.
I am being insulted and finished by my own parents when ever she complains.

She penetrated us well......
Marriage can be a blessing as well as a curse.
Let your instincts guide you.
Meanwhile pray to be LUCKY

True. You found a Unicorn. You are lucky. I love ladies with a non Nigerian funny manipulative mindset

You deserve more than 10 likes for this I will use my alternates to like this.

Ishilove:

I have noticed your comments and posts on marital affairs on this forum. You go around advising people with marital challenges to quit their marriages because yours didn't work out. Misery loves company, so you want everyone break up their homes because your own marriage failed. Pele o, Chairman, Association of Unhappily Divorced Men. Shioor.

Guy, swerve with your bitterness. Marriages are still succeeding. If you don't have any reasonable advice to give then stop polluting threads with your cynicism and negativity. We all can't be unhappy like you, so my sincere advise to you is go away, lick your wounds, heal properly before coming back to the internet.

please we need a future and single parenting raises what i term defective children beside you may be more lucky than myself

Ibrahim3307:
you still believe say I go marry?

Pipedreams:
Bro listen good. Exact same thing happened to me. My ex wife always took instructions from her family and undermined me severally after many warnings. Maybe cos they are well off. Never be with a manipulative wife that picks her family over you. Combine that with proud in-laws then that's a disaster!! I pity u bro! Yours is different cos u have 3kids with her. What were u thinking bro!! 3kids! And ur just noticing ur caged? Marriage na setup I swear. Well I sent her packing. Now her proud family is the one calling me and they ashamed of their daughter in their house. But never will I go back cos I have seen their hidden characters and I would not want to bring kids into a disaster union.

Bro this your woman will make your kids disrespect you. Way out:

Call a family meeting and warn your wife Infront of her family with a loud voice that ur done with d disrespect. If she tries it again,throw her things out and see u recover some respect cos they will beg u. It's better to be a Wicked husband than a weak husband bro. You have been too nice and decent. Act like an Agbero wey no send and ul see changes Look people punch a pillow cos they know it's soft and can't do nothing but scared to punch a Hard Rock cos it would leave them injured.

Marriage in Africa comes with a Lotta baggage and subtle slavery. I am safe to say I have tasted being single and married. I will pick SINGLE any day!!!! There are no benefits of marriage for a man but just pains, trials and tribulations . It's a scam. Societal expectations are mere lies! Misery loves company! Most married men are unhappy but they all see you and say when are you getting married? as if you are missing out! No wonder it is the woman's happiest day. Cos 80percent of her life goals has been achieved but a man's problems begins! I don't blame baby daddies I swear! Why buy the whole cow when you can get the milk for 2cents? Marriage to most ladies in this dispensation is like playing Russian roulette by handing a woman a pistol loaded with two bullets outta 7 rounds and asking her to roll and shoot! Lmao

Oga I doubt if u are actually been married before??@Op Abeg dis advice is not NYC to take run for Ya previous lyf wit did kinda......

Azumy:
Oga I doubt if u are actually been married before??@Op Abeg dis advice is not NYC to take run for Ya previous lyf wit did kinda......

LMAO. Can a single guy know all these? It won't be nice for you women cos you always want to control and manipulate your man and his family.

3free2:
I know similar stories has been narrated on this forum but I want the world to hear my tale of regret and sorrow.

For nine years I've struggled to eliminate family interference from my home but unfortunately I've not been able to. My father in-law and his wife call the shot and when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful.

From the onset I pleaded with my own family to allow us chat our own path, learn from our mistakes and grow together in love. This has backfired on me because my wife did not do same with her family.

I can't consider breakup, I don't want my kids to grow in a broken home. The problem is worse presently only God can show me the way out of this mess.

Some might say I was weak from the onset, but some women can be manipulative and cunning. I am in a cage right now, I desperately need help before the worst happens.

DTS what you get when u r a gold digging broke ass

Ur wife n her family are definitely influential n wealthy n supports ur family almost always for this to happen.

U better endure n shut up bc u can't eat ur cake n have it.

DTS d life of a broke jobless married man, u lost ur manhood d day u became unable to provide for ur family

UBGG:
Every time I read of men like you, I appreciate the men in my family.

Now, here's what my brother did when his wife tried to be yours with him. He came home one day with a carpenter, asked him to change the locks and threw the wife out. He let her stay with her family for a year before he took her back.

It's been 7yrs, 2 kids and a woman who knows not to try to be a b!tch with him.

I honestly don't get weak man. I don't. Na wa!!

Ur brother na COMMANDO.
tell him, he's mentoring somebody .No dulling
RESPECT TO BIG BRO

UBGG:


She wasn't without a job and if she had decided to end it, she would not have been missed.

That she was accepted back shows that she was missed. Nobody accept back a bad options unless they can't get over with.

EVILFOREST:

I am part of the LUCKY ONES, I must say.
May be overseas mentality affected her as well, because they really know how to show LOVE.

Overseas mentality?
You are just lucky and I believe you are very tolerant.
Overseas mentality promotes independent mind in women which most African men will find repulsive.

Pipedreams:
Bro listen good. Exact same thing happened to me. My ex wife always took instructions from her family and undermined me severally after many warnings. Maybe cos they are well off. Never be with a manipulative wife that picks her family over you. Combine that with proud in-laws then that's a disaster!! I pity u bro! Yours is different cos u have 3kids with her. What were u thinking bro!! 3kids! And ur just noticing ur caged? Marriage na setup I swear. Well I sent her packing. Now her proud family is the one calling me and they ashamed of their daughter in their house. But never will I go back cos I have seen their hidden characters and I would not want to bring kids into a disaster union.

Bro this your woman will make your kids disrespect you. Way out:

Call a family meeting and warn your wife Infront of her family with a loud voice that ur done with d disrespect. If she tries it again,throw her things out and see u recover some respect cos they will beg u. It's better to be a Wicked husband than a weak husband bro. You have been too nice and decent. Act like an Agbero wey no send and ul see changes Look people punch a pillow cos they know it's soft and can't do nothing but scared to punch a Hard Rock cos it would leave them injured.

Marriage in Africa comes with a Lotta baggage and subtle slavery. I am safe to say I have tasted being single and married. I will pick SINGLE any day!!!! There are no benefits of marriage for a man but just pains, trials and tribulations . It's a scam. Societal expectations are mere lies! Misery loves company! Most married men are unhappy but they all see you and say when are you getting married? as if you are missing out! No wonder it is the woman's happiest day. Cos 80percent of her life goals has been achieved but a man's problems begins! I don't blame baby daddies I swear! Why buy the whole cow when you can get the milk for 2cents? Marriage to most ladies in this dispensation is like playing Russian roulette by handing a woman a pistol loaded with two bullets outta 7 rounds and asking her to roll and shoot! Lmao

I would have argued some of your points but, I want to believe you spoke from experience. BUT not all married men are sad. NO!!! Most men see the handwriting on the wall, at the very beginning of the relationship, but ignore the signs. I just hope the op has enough money to call the bluff of his in-law. I am a woman and I will never allow any member of my family do such to my husband.

mamawin:
I would have argued some of your points but, I want to believe you spoke from experience. BUT not all married men are sad. NO!!! Most men see the handwriting on the wall, at the very beginning of the relationship, but ignore the signs. I just hope the op has enough money to call the bluff of his in-law. I am a woman and I will never allow any member of my family do such to my husband.

May God increase the oil on your head. You will make a good wife. A woman should stick to her husband and not join his in-laws to bring him down. You spoke well unlike ishilove that has same destructive mentality.

Pipedreams:


May God increase the oil on your head. You will make a good wife. A woman should stick to her husband and not join his in-laws to bring him down. You spoke well unlike ishilove that has same destructive mentality.

How is my thinking destructive? Where in my post did I encourage 3rd party interference in marriages?

I simply pointed out your tendency to denigrate the institution of marriage because of your own unpalatable experience

timilehin007:


Bros I swear to almighty God. This your comment points all fingers to me. She had been using my weak point which used to be the kids. I just did exactly what u said here...and guess what?; it happened just 2days ago..I dumped her sorry ass for good . I considered that if I die the children would survive so now my well-being comes first o...I was too soft bro if I narrate my own story from the kind of torture I got from her and her mother ehnnn even the OP will shiver. .his own case is very small compared to mine..

my brother if I tell you mine you go tire. The biggest mistake any woman can make is letting her family run her home. You will only drive the man away. And next thing they would say men are scum

WhoBeThisMan:
my brother if I tell you mine you go tire. The biggest mistake any woman can make is letting her family run her home. You will only drive the man away. And next thing they would say men are scum

Honestly my brother I feel so much better these days. Is she go dey faulty na me go still dey beg her mama make her mama help me beg her o..just cause she knw how much I no fit do without my daughter. Dey go seize my daughter and go her mother side...dey still dey surprise say i fit just move on..her mama now dey use scope beg me...I just let her know she no offend me but I no fit continue with her daughter again. The torture too much for me

I won't be the one to initiate a separation. Somehow I feel history is repeating itself.

My parents separated when I was in ss1 that was in 1992 my dad sent my mom packing and in less than a year he married another woman and left us to fend for ourselves.

We fell from a subject of admiration and envy (for my dad was not poor) to an object of pity then mockery. I and my siblings suddenly found ourselves on the street wandering from one relative to the other begging for what will keep us alive. I'm the eldest and the youngest was just five years old then.

If you've never been there you can't ever understand. It was hell as in HELL. Till this day I still wonder how the five of us survived that dark period.

By God's grace my children will not suffer what I did when I lived like an orphan.

Suddenly, today, I work for a firm, earn a salary, my kids attend good schools and people are like, your family is cute. My children are living in the same world I did before my parents separated.

Here lies my problem, the thought of my past repeating itself in the lives of my children scares me silly.

It seems my wife and her family has noticed my determination to keep my home intact for the sake of my children. They think I will continue to endure no matter what. A big surprise is coming their way.