₦airaland Forum

Enough said already. The headache men go through of recent just to date or marry a lady is worrisome and this calls for serious review. Things are seriously evolving as the number of cheating ladies/women has outweighed that of men.

Honestly, guys need to re-establish their value that chasing a woman should be the least in their agenda. God created us for the primary purpose of work . Look how things were perfect until eve came in and cheat on Adam with a useless snake. This trait is embedded in women no matter how a man tries to erase it.

A time is coming which I know will be soon when men would finally start boycotting ladies especially the Nigerian counterparts but then we still have the good ones around if one can patiently observe.

anigbajumo:
Pussy is still there and anytime he is banging her am sure the reflection of her bad action will keep comes to his mind nd u couldn't read the part where he said he contacted disease some days after she visited her boss,once a cheat will always be a cheat or u wanted him to do the needful after he contact HIV from her..

She contacted no diseases, he is just speculating on that aspect of the piece. Besides, there are drugs to treat most of the diseases. There is no point escalating the issues. If he wants to keep aside the ego, then the easiest route is forgiveness. He is not doing good financially, and he does not need more complications in life. As long as the woman is sincere and has regretted her actions, then the easiest route is always forgiveness.

I am not asking him to forgive her so he can be blessed by God, not at all. By forgiving, he is actually learning a vital lesson in life.

[quote author=ireneidiva post=68432806]Judge, if he was the one that cheated, will you give her this same advice? From the day Adam and Eve disobeyed God, a woman's will has been subjected to her husband. It's the men's world. if it was the man who cheated all she needs to do as a woman is to draw her husband close.

mamaring:
The fact that some women cheat does not mean that all women are the same. There are still some good women out there . When I met my hubby, he had no job we dated for years and along the line he got one which he still lost. I got married to my husband without him working, I mean he lost his job weeks before our wedding. We still went ahead though it wasn't easy cos I never had savings, sometimes I even had to beg friends and loan money cos I was the only one working a year later I lost my job, was even then pregnant, our baby came still no job for both of us, we needed to pay rent, feed, even me as a nursing mother needed to feed well. It got bad that I fed only once a day while breastfeeding for months. I dropped my certificate and did odd jobs so that we can eat. But in all these I held on to God believing that he would make a way. And here we are I am still not working but he hubby is. He loves me with all cos in all I never denied him his right, I never for once made my siblings no what I was passing through to avoid him been disrespected, neither did I make him feel less of a man. I am not talking of what happened 10years ago but 3years ago. NO MARRIED WOMAN IS JUSTIFIED TO CHEAT NO MATTER THE STORM.

You are virtuous women and I pray to God that I marry your type in the aspect of being contented and supportive.

Luciferan369:
If you also cheated on her during the course of the marriage then forgive her and continue with your marriage.

If you didn't cheat on her then still forgive her and cheat on her during the marriage.

The reason is because what you run away from is not the fact that she cheated. It is your ego.

As you make your bed, so will you lay on it. Your marriage is laden in crisis. I am afraid it is almost impossible to find a faithful woman in such moment in these days and times.

Besides, there is a greater positive reaction from the Spirit world for people who forgive after being hurt immensely. Forgiveness is your personal determinant of your sincerity in your spiritual growth. I often wonder why many call themselves strong religionists yet can not pass the basic temptation like unforgivenness of betrayal.

I recommend that you forgive. Forgiveness is divine.

Forgiveness is not the issue here but continuity.It is now ingrained in his mind now.The man will be more hurt by merely looking at the face of his ex wife if they stay together.High BP may develop or any unfortunate medical condition.

even my ancestors know I can forgive my wife and take her bbk if she err in any way!!!
But begone she will be if she MAKE HER PUS*Y A NATIONAL HERITAGE

Dmanky:
Forgiveness is not the issue here but continuity.It is now ingrained in his mind now.The man will be more hurt by merely looking at the face of his ex wife if they stay together.High BP may develop or any unfortunate medical condition.

Ofcourse you are correct, but then he must conquer his ego and the composite faculties of emotion. That is the chief reason a man must face betrayal until he accepts to forgive. You are to forgive 70 times 70, right ? I do not know how many times, but one must forgive until the ego complex is dismantled, after which one will not face such temptations again.

Too bad

henroe2k2:
My brother, if u can, forgive ur wife and continue with ur family.... Love conquereth it all... The opinion am lending might sound hilarious... But, it's easier to love than to hate ...

This is not entirely true. If it is easier to love, the world would be a better place by now.

Then, concerning the issue, forgiveness is not even the issue. The issue is the breakdown of trust. Trust takes long to build. How would the OP rebuild the trust? How would he forget?

The marriage can still work but, it is going to take a lot of effort. Trust is important in any relationship and when it breaks down, there would be heartaches. The OP will no longer trust his wife. He would lose his peace and may even dedicate his life to monitoring her. There is the possibility that he would use it against her should they quarrel.

Don't let the movies deceive you.

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
You know that's untrue. My mom stood by my dad through thick and thin until his very last breathe. So don't you generalize. Humans have been known for infidelity since inception so nothing is new. Just pray you Marry right.

tell d dumbass.they and the op use money to entice women in exchange for sex.take d money out of r/ship and u get this kind of situation.
no money no body

ladiesreject:
I really feel your pain sir.
But am so happy you've summoned courage to start all over again.

For better for worse is a myth, it doesn't exist anymore.

But Sir, how did the marriage certificate end up in her hand?

The court always handover the certificate to the woman after court wedding.

pocohantas:
OP is a storyteller, go through his posts
Be like time done reach to open multiple accounts to tell my own story of cheating, ungrateful...Nigerian husbands

I care less sef. My problem was the double standard exhibited by the guys here.

mimimile93:
Bro if I tell you how much I detest women mostly naija girls..
[/b]I poisoned one to death when I could no longer hold my anger.. [b]

Any girl born from the 80s is useless and written_off

You poisoned a girl to death! I had to go and read your other posts. You're a psycho. Her blood is haunting you. After confessing openly on an anonymous forum like this, you need to make your peace with your God. You should also seek out and apologize to the family you destroyed their daughter.
I think that's the way to regain your mental health.
I pray that you find peace, because you're mentally and spiritually troubled. Hooking up with a non Nigerian lady will not heal you. Confessing to God and man will.
May God deliver our daughters from your type

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
Bad marriages everywhere.

my sister it's not true.
We have more good marriages than the bad ones just that the good ones are not good for news so we go with the bad ones to generate traffic for our blogs and audience for our TVs and newspapers...

mamaring:
The fact that some women cheat does not mean that all women are the same. There are still some good women out there . When I met my hubby, he had no job we dated for years and along the line he got one which he still lost. I got married to my husband without him working, I mean he lost his job weeks before our wedding. We still went ahead though it wasn't easy cos I never had savings, sometimes I even had to beg friends and loan money cos I was the only one working a year later I lost my job, was even then pregnant, our baby came still no job for both of us, we needed to pay rent, feed, even me as a nursing mother needed to feed well. It got bad that I fed only once a day while breastfeeding for months. I dropped my certificate and did odd jobs so that we can eat. But in all these I held on to God believing that he would make a way. And here we are I am still not working but he hubby is. He loves me with all cos in all I never denied him his right, I never for once made my siblings no what I was passing through to avoid him been disrespected, neither did I make him feel less of a man. I am not talking of what happened 10years ago but 3years ago. NO MARRIED WOMAN IS JUSTIFIED TO CHEAT NO MATTER THE STORM.

The vicious cycle of poverty is real. I can never marry a man without a job.

infohenry:
The court always handover the certificate to the woman after court wedding.

even the Church too.

Obudupikin:
Guy! The thing fear me pass you o.

Una dey do fear fear competition

Fear women, who no fear woman them don buried the person long time ago way him no know.

He poisoned one to death in his wild wet dreams .

Does that mofo sound like someone a girl would get close enough to the point of getting poisoned by him? Unless he dropped it in a random strangers food or drink.

That’s a loser right there. He’s the type that takes a gun to shoot up his class because no girl wants to give him pucci.

salt1:
You poisoned a girl to death! I had to go and read your other posts. You're a psycho. Her blood is haunting you. After confessing openly on an anonymous forum like this, you need to make your peace with your God. You should also seek out and apologize to the family you destroyed their daughter.
I think that's the way to regain your mental health.
I pray that you find peace, because you're mentally and spiritually troubled. Hooking up with a non Nigerian lady will not heal you. Confessing to God and man will.
May God deliver our daughters from your type

wristbangle:
You are virtuous women and I pray to God that I marry your type.

Bullshiit! Those are the kind of things you lot applaud. Why would anyone marry without a job? What were they hoping on feeding on? From friends and family?

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
You know that's untrue. My mom stood by my dad through thick and thin until his very last breathe. So don't you generalize. Humans have been known for infidelity since inception so nothing is new. Just pray you Marry right.

You can't compare those days of our parent and the present day. Women don't just know what they want today.

angelboy01:
Read your comment and you are so on point bro. For those saying that I should forgive her yes I have forgiven her but to take her back is a no no. Most people don't even know what cheating means, a cheat will always be a cheat. And if I take her back do you think I can take my mind off the fact that she cheated? Some guys thinks it's easy to take a cheat back and that's total crap, you are digging your own grave. I even had a dream that she strangled me. Shortly after she came back from her boss meeting I contracted a PID disease from her which I used about 11k to treat myself. Yeah I can forgive but can't forget, I am a kind of guy that once the trust is lost its gone for good. There are many women in the world and why would I take her back. I am even glad that am free, I am focusing more on my life and my daughter. I only wrote this so that guys should learn from me, Never rush into marriage and make sure you read the signs before engaging. I didn't write all of this to ask guys on whether I should take her back or not. I have realised my mistakes and God help us all. Guys once again don't rush into marriage and read the signs like I said.

I respect your decision, and I have learnt a lot. From my previous relationship that didn't end well,i really kind of scared going to relationship coz I trust and lovr much. I also cannot stand a cheating girl or wife to be. They always give excuse to cheat if things not working well. Yes I can forgive and still love but I cannot forget.

Daboomb:
I am not interested in your emotions but in how you can resolve your problem so, l may not be nice to you or write necessities.

1.) You can still get a divorce, despite her holding unto the marriage Certificate. Lie .someone said, you can get a copy or a certified true copy from the registry. If everything fails, go and swear an affidavit that you cant find yours as it was stolen with your bag at Oshodi or Up Iweka (First report your bag stolen and mention it as some of the thing sin the bag. Use the police report on that to swear the affidavit, a week later.)

2.) Divorce proceedings will not cost you that much. Maximum is 150K and that is for a pricey Lawyer. Whoever told you 650K is trying to discourage you. be wary of discussing your plans with such person in future, even if they were you Daddy.

2b) People will take sides, so be prepared and be wary of who you discuss with. Better to isolate yourself a bit and dont suffer running mouth. Nobody will pity you so dont expect sympathy, except from snitches who will go behind to divulge your secrets to your ex-wife.

3.) That daughter belongs to both of you. If you want custody of her, then you must be in position (in the eyes of the law) to take care of her, more than your wife. Do a DNA test ASAP, so oyu are sure you are not even fighting over OBJ's daughter.

4.) Whoever has the child(ren) will be the one receiving money from the other (reason women like to hold on to the children in a divorce even though most of them have no clue nor the means to take care of the children they are holding unto).

5.) To have the child, you must demonstrate to the court that her mother is not a 'fit and proper' person for her to live and grow with.
To do that, you have to show the court that she is not financially competent to take care of her, does not have the proper accommodation for the child, is a bad moral influence on the child as she brings men home, ...while showing proof that you have all the above.

6.) Your Mum is not your daughter's mother so it is a No-No to tell the court you cant take care of her but your Mum will!
Why do you want to have her, when you cant take care of her nor have the time to do so?
having her right now will only slow you down for now, except you want to remarry quickly, but even at that, it is still a drawback (I know you love her but what l think you should ensure is that you both have SHARED CUSTODY....so you can see her when you want.
She can live with your ex-wife as a primary Guardian while she comes to spend her vacation holidays with you. The court will document this and if she fails to release her for you then you go back to court with EVIDENCE and the court will then remove her from the Mum's custody and ask her to come live with you while she gets visiting time. But this is up to you to decide eventually.

7.) Gather all the evidence you can, while you can (download that evidence on her phone and keep it or just impound the phone and clone the data on it for safe keeping. The Court is not where you go to argue! Evidence is what wins a case in court. prepare your evidence if you are serious about the divorce. Audio/Videe Phone records are key. Get a picture of the Boyfriend and as much ifo about him as possible.
Adultery though, is not a ground for Divorce under Nigerian law.
All you need to say is that the marriage has broken down irreconialably, while citing adultery, nagging, threat to life, e.t.c as the secondary reasons.

8.) Ask that her Boss directly, why he thinks it is proper to sleep with your wife, let him deny, steer the conversation properly but record the conversation. it will come in handy.

9.) Dont be stupid enough to leave your property for her right now. the time to share things will come later, by a court order.
Dont try to be nice or gentlemanly at this time, women dont respect that and the law does not take it into consideration.

10) Divorce battles are the most deadly l have witnessed on several occasions, be prepared because everything will be thrown at you, including lies.

11.) You should send her out of your home right now, let her go and live with the Boss that is fucking her. .
You CANT seek divorce when you are still living together, the Judge will see the relationship as still amenable and wont grant a divorce.

11b.) Hold onto your daughter and file for divorce immediately, at the nearest Customary Court. Make sure you have/know a place that they would post her Court summons to, for her to receive it (like her parents address).

12.) If she refuses to accept the Divorce summons (some women think they can decide whether to grant a divorce to their husband or not ), your Lawyer will ask the court for permission, with the Bailiff, to go paste it on her parents Door or the door of wherever she is and take pictures to show "proof of Service", which will be taken and presented in court.
The Divorce will go on with or without her and that one na im dey sweet pass.

12.) Part for your "prayers" will be to have full custody (not likely you will get that but you may) but let the Defendants (your wife's Lawyer) negotiate for Joint custody as an alternative, which is really your intent.

13.) Tidy-up your finances, dont put all your money in one bank account as you would be required to bring your bank statement to court. Whoever has the higher money, maybe asked to pay some money to the other. keep your money safe somewhere safe, in cash. Ti sis not the time to show-off or be acquiring properties that can be traced. Pretend you are living just above the poverty line, dont let any woman take you to the cleaners.
Every other thing yo mentioned bother on emotions, that you can deal with, by yourself.

Good luck and stay very strong, mentally and psychologically.
Go out, socialise, exercise more, dont drink or smoke weed, to indulge in tramadol, Codein or that weed you took the other tim (all these things will reduce your 'quality', affect your lifestyle and even prevent you from living a better life that will make your ex-wife regret her wayward actions.
Dont go down-hill,like most men in your situation do.

Your greatest punishment for her is for her to see you in a far better position than when you both split, at all times.

Insightful points here sir.
However i have the following questions with respect to marriages done in court registry:
1.What if landed properties acquired by the man during the marriage was bought in his father's name after he has realized that divorce might be inevitable in the long run(e.g he bought the properties in 2014 when the marriage was beginning to shake, so he decided to by it in his father's name... and filed for divorce in 2020) can this also be contested?
2. He bought landed property during the marriage in his name , and later transferred? ownership to his father 5 years before he filed for divorce

Obudupikin:
Guy! The thing fear me pass you o.

Una d talk fear I no think say I go enter that lane. I love my heart.

angelboy01:
I Am not really good at writing a composition but the whole thing started around last year November when I lost my job at a reputable company, things became really hard that my ex wife started with her attitude, someone I helped through her schooling, even opened a shop for her after our wedding.

She started losing interest in me because I was broke and there was no more love because I couldn't meet up to her demands. She became the bread winner around that time, things didn't go as expected for me, I needed to do a lot of things even pay for the rented apartment we were in and the landlord came with the eviction letter.

Things became really tough that she wasn't sleeping at home anymore, she would leave home for days and come back home and give me some little change and leave again, she started to live with her aunt and I became so lonely and useless in her eyes.

Eventually when I came up with the apartment money and we paid I decided I wasn't going to stay with her for a while and go out and look for a job, so as to avoid fight and arguments. She later called me that her boss from the USA was back and she was to go and meet him because they had a meeting to do so I said OK since I usually speak and text with his boss so I allowed her to go. So after I left home I got a job and I frequented coming home to see her and my baby. I later found out she began to lock her phone and I asked her for the password she wouldn't give it to me so I began to suspect her.

One day I eventually found the password and I unlocked it while she was asleep. I found out through a chat she had with her friend that she had sex with her said boss and she even bought a land without telling me all through the years we were together. I felt so betrayed and angry. I woke her up and asked her about it and she started crying and begging me.

I left home angrily and jilted. I was so devastated that I smoked a lot of weed that day and drank so much beer. I called my mom explained to her and later told her mom too. The next day her mom called me that she wanted to poison herself because of what she did. I sent her boss a message on WhatsApp and that one didn't even answer me because he knew what he did with my ex wife.

It's been months now since this happened and her mom calls me almost everyday begging me to forgive and forget but how do I forget, it's not easy for me because I can be having sex with her and be seeing her boss face.

I blocked her on Facebook and whatsapp but didn't block her calls or text message because of my baby when I need to send upkeep money. She calls me but I don't pick up. I know that I can't be with her anymore but she has the wedding certificate we got at the court wedding. I told her to give the photocopy of the certificate to my mom but she wouldn't do it.

Guys the reason why I wrote this is who has an idea on how to go about a divorce without the certificate because someone told me the certificate is important for the divorce. I don't know anything about it and my uncle even said the divorce will cost me a lot of money about 650k. I don't know it that's true too. Lol.

Please guys help out here. I have the proof of the chat and the audio conversation of the sex escapade with her boss so that will help in the court. My lovely daughter is 2 years now. How do I even collect my daughter from her. I have left all my property's for her because of my daughter and am starting my life afresh. Will the court be able to grant me my daughters custody although am not ready to train her myself but I have my mom who can do that for me.

In addition to all of this guy's if your girl or woman passwords her phone and doesn't show you her password be very careful she might be cheating because not only did I find out she had sex with her boss I also found out she was also on some random social media nonsense talking to some random guys and all that and that she also bought a land without telling me for 3 years we were together.

Thanks for learning from my story and God bless you guys.

Sorry bro for your predicament.
I had they same issue after I lost my job with a reputable firm my ex wife left me alone I went with my parents to her house to plead her to return she refused, went with an uncle she refused, went alone she refused to the point that I have no money to renew house rent and I park out if the house.
A month after I got a good job.she n her family are begging me to allow her back nag God go punished them all.
But in my own case I have a copy of the cert and I am enjoying my life with another lady I knew during the trying period that she left me.
Good luck bro

stillseth:
To marry dey fear me

Nigga you funny die

kimbraa:
Bullshiit! Those are the kind of things you lot applaud. Why would anyone marry without a job? What were they hoping on feeding on? From friends and family?

And that gives u excuse to potentially cheat right?

Gossh this our generation eh. We are in for it

kimbraa:
The vicious cycle of poverty is real. I can never marry a man without a job.

[color=#006600][/color] looking for a ready made is the problem.and that is why issues like this comes up. I married my husband cos first I was convinced he was my missing rib..2 he's got potentials mind you he is working now really do well and has refused me working cos he provides all that is needed. He does joke with me cos I stood the test of time with him. He might not be rich like dangote but I tell he is provides all that I need. He is still going higher cos my prayers are working

naijacentric:
okay but sometimes test of life comes in such form u just have to forgivr n move on like God forgives us too such is life we are not perfect some men in naija know their wives are cheating on dem but dey kept quiet especially the so called big women in naija its funny how d powerful men will disgrace u again upon wat dey v done its a terrible situation one should just face God n ur kids plus ur life dan lettin one yeye woman push to hellfire because of her sins

There is no hell fire risk in doing away with an adulterous woman!

HARDDON:
SENSE PILL

1. In relationship, one source of income might just be enough. However, never buy that idea in marriage.... Invest long term.
* it is better to starve when rich through investment than to eat and be merry with an unplanned wealth.
* a man with only one source of income is a very poor man. Second only to a rich man who only cares about his immediate fam

2. man know thy girlfriend before you walk her down the aisle . Spring crazy, unanimous tests if you have to. tow the lane: only the rich can afford to be poor if necessary. Never marry a stranger with huge b00bs and slay b00ties

3. Take at least 6 months to one year to court. Courtship is no time for s3x, fun and more s3x. It is a sober reflection time. A due diligence time.

4. A lady's true colour is in her unspoken/body language and it is your duty to read those words she emits in silence.

5. Boss and Hubby to a beau are two opposite sides of the coin. the tides are quickly flipped. Protect your investment always.

6. Only a fool bond blindly.

7. Dead is the man who does not lay down core rules before embarking on the marriage ship. You cant learn core things on the job

The great harddon, you're sighted o

safarigirl:
same way men of nowadays are only after sex and satisfying the flesh

You get what you ask for. When people exchange money for sex, the highest bidder gets the pusssy.

It is only when you all realise that there is more to a relationship than those two things, that is when you will find loyal partners that value you. Till then......na heartbreak stories everybody go dey share.

i understand u perfectly,ds y i said tru love died during our fore fathers days, its a vice versa issue,nt applicable to women only

angelboy01:
Read your comment and you are so on point bro. For those saying that I should forgive her yes I have forgiven her but to take her back is a no no. Most people don't even know what cheating means, a cheat will always be a cheat. And if I take her back do you think I can take my mind off the fact that she cheated? Some guys thinks it's easy to take a cheat back and that's total crap, you are digging your own grave. I even had a dream that she strangled me. Shortly after she came back from her boss meeting I contracted a PID disease from her which I used about 11k to treat myself. Yeah I can forgive but can't forget, I am a kind of guy that once the trust is lost its gone for good. There are many women in the world and why would I take her back. I am even glad that am free, I am focusing more on my life and my daughter. I only wrote this so that guys should learn from me, Never rush into marriage and make sure you read the signs before engaging. I didn't write all of this to ask guys on whether I should take her back or not. I have realised my mistakes and God help us all. Guys once again don't rush into marriage and read the signs like I said.

I won't lie to you I'm really scared of getting married, I have also had previous bad experiences which I won't like to share here.
if things continue like this, it will reach a point when men will see marriage as obsolete.