freshkpomo:
your mum is not your wife and so she wont prevent you from caring for your wife,bt the fuse here is that some men completely forget about their famliy immediately after they get married all in the name of clinging to their wives..and lastly the care your mum gave to you is something you should pay for for the rest of your life.and as for your wife, she should also be taken care of as the mother of your kids but not you making her lord of your life...u go to houses you see the woman's family members living there...and yet the man's family rarely visit........women are smarter than men in marriage,they know family..unlike men!!!

my broda sense will not kill you. it happens most of the time. if you dare visit any of your brothers or uncles house ehh, the kain eye wey hin wife go take look you, you will need no one to tell you are not welcome but her own relatives are welcome to do as they please. all this is preparing for married life because i must break this circle of madness.

Cuteamigo1:
my broda sense will not kill you. it happens most of the time. if you dare visit any of your brothers or uncles house ehh, the kain eye wey hin wife go take look you, you will need no one to tell you are not welcome but her own relatives are welcome to do as they please. all this is preparing for married life because i must break this circle of madness.

many of those guy saying they will chose their wives over mother do not really know that the only woman you can win over completely is your mum...give a woman 10 yards she will take 100..if you allow your wife that space to treat your family like poo,she will endup doing the undo...IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW..wives are not devild but their hearts are fertile soils,whatever you sow in them grow,be it good or bad,never alloow your wife treat the smallest member of your family like a nobody,never!!!!

Augustap:
Why do people make things awkward for themselves? Why would you create a situation that would warrant such choices that'll sprout trouble

at some point in life, u'd be confronted with such situations. So it's better to get understanding now

freshkpomo:
your mum is not your wife and so she wont prevent you from caring for your wife,bt the fuse here is that some men completely forget about their famliy immediately after they get married all in the name of clinging to their wives..and lastly the care your mum gave to you is something you should pay for for the rest of your life.and as for your wife, she should also be taken care of as the mother of your kids but not you making her lord of your life...u go to houses you see the woman's family members living there...and yet the man's family rarely visit........women are smarter than men in marriage,they know family..unlike men!!!

It is not supposed to be that way. It doesn't mean abandoning your family. It means your wife and new family become your priority. Your mum will always be your mum. You should never abandon her.

But remember that she has her own husband and she is in his house.

Couples need to set a policy in their homes for inlaws. How long they are allowed to stay or if at all they should sleep over.

If only the wife's inlaws in the house, whose fault is that? Should the wife call the husband's family to come and visit or stay?

Marriage is one institution that has many detractors and physical principalities, not spiritual. Everyone will want to have a say. That is why it is always best to keep inlaws, families at bay to avoid someone feeling insulted.

[quote author=freshkpomo post=68562734][/quote]

If you are getting married woth divorce at the back of your mind, don't even bother wasting your time marrying. I see your reasons now.

pedrilo:
at some point in life, u'd be confronted with such situations. So it's better to get understanding now

Exactly
Whether you like it or not, you must face such challenge in marriage
So be prepared now

freshkpomo:
your mum is not your wife and so she wont prevent you from caring for your wife,bt the fuse here is that some men completely forget about their famliy immediately after they get married all in the name of clinging to their wives..and lastly the care your mum gave to you is something you should pay for for the rest of your life.and as for your wife, she should also be taken care of as the mother of your kids but not you making her lord of your life...u go to houses you see the woman's family members living there...and yet the man's family rarely visit........women are smarter than men in marriage,they know family..unlike men!!!

That's the problem i have with most wives
Is Ok for your families to visit, but otherwise for your husband's families
Almost a universal thing in the lives of my relatives
Men be WISE

Theophinio:

That's the problem i have with most wives
Is Ok for your families to visit, but otherwise for your husband's families
Almost a universal thing in the lives of my relatives
Men be WISE

no leave some guy to be here saying my wife this,my wife that,when reality dawn on them they will still come to romance land to create a thread...we are waiting for them.they think like is a fairy tale where everyone will live happily ever after..if you nor set boundary for your wife,oga you are on your own oh!!!! I once heared a girlpraying for the mother of her husband to be to die oh,cos she cannot stand her,thats to tell you how most of these girls thinks,they love the man but not his family who made him what he is today.... I love the reply my kid sist gave to her " i pray your son also get married to a woman that will pray for you to die too",you need to see how are face soured when she heared that.... Same thing goes for ladies saying their husband will live their family and cling unto them,nne na so your pikin wife go carry your pikin run from you too oh..NO HARD FEELINGS!

ImaIma1:


If you are getting married woth divorce at the back of your mind, don't even bother wasting your time marrying. I see your reasons now.

either you are not in Nigeria or you are not in Nigeria,either way you are still not in Nigeria.how can you say an average Nigerian man should not be scared of the unkown,with the way Nigerian ladies are these days,majority of them can never be seen talking about marriage,all you hear from them is wedding this,wedding that..its only the wedding thing they have in their head,the fantasy of putting on a white gown,and ring and the kissing thing..then honey moon haha..outside that most of them hardly prepare for the marriage life...i have seen several girls with that mindset to the extent that one proposed to me,nne i wont lie oh i ran for my dear life..the fact is most Nigerian ladies just want the marriage cos of the activities that go with the wedding,and you are telling me not to be observant and careful with such women??nne say something else... And let ,me not even go in details cos the rate at wish young women are digging gold these day,we might run out of gold in the future....the quest to get married to rich men is now another problem on its own,i pity those everage guy still hustling to get to the top..cos an average Nigerian lady sees marriage as a means of getting rich quickly,and you are here telling me not to be scared of the unknown abi Clap for ya self!

freshkpomo:
no leave some guy to be here saying my wife this,my wife that,when reality dawn on them they will still come to romance land to create a thread...we are waiting for them.they think like is a fairy tale where everyone will live happily ever after..if you nor set boundary for your wife,oga you are on your own oh!!!! I once heared a girlpraying for the mother of her husband to be to die oh,cos she cannot stand her,thats to tell you how most of these girls thinks,they love the man but not his family who made him what he is today.... I love the reply my kid sist gave to her " i pray your son also get married to a woman that will pray for you to die too",you need to see how are face soured when she heared that.... Same thing goes for ladies saying their husband will live their family and cling unto them,nne na so your pikin wife go carry your pikin run from you too oh..NO HARD FEELINGS!

Perfectly explained

ImaIma1:


It is not supposed to be that way. It doesn't mean abandoning your family. It means your wife and new family become your priority. Your mum will always be your mum. You should never abandon her.

But remember that she has her own husband and she is in his house.

Couples need to set a policy in their homes for inlaws. How long they are allowed to stay or if at all they should sleep over.

If only the wife's inlaws in the house, whose fault is that? Should the wife call the husband's family to come and visit or stay?

Marriage is one institution that has many detractors and physical principalities, not spiritual. Everyone will want to have a say. That is why it is always best to keep inlaws, families at bay to avoid someone feeling insulted.

nne quit the story thing... In my large extended family ,we have trained upto 50 inlaws(the ones i can count) for our various wives(my uncles).... Women always have their way....and you pushing family away from your family will cause more harm atime than good,if the man and the woman does not have a skeleton in their cupboard both families an always visit once in a while...i trust my family as they do not intrude into marriage related issues,dont know about other families though......woman are possessive in nature,and dont forget that them dey like compete with themselves die..hence its natural for many woman not to love their mother inlaws..them prefer their husband brothers to sisters and mother T or F??

freshkpomo:
either you are not in Nigeria or you are not in Nigeria,either way you are still not in Nigeria.how can you say an average Nigerian man should not be scared of the unkown,with the way Nigerian ladies are these days,majority of them can never be seen talking about marriage,all you hear from them is wedding this,wedding that..its only the wedding thing they have in their head,the fantasy of putting on a white gown,and ring and the kissing thing..then honey moon haha..outside that most of them hardly prepare for the marriage life...i have seen several girls with that mindset to the extent that one proposed to me,nne i wont lie oh i ran for my dear life..the fact is most Nigerian ladies just want the marriage cos of the activities that go with the wedding,and you are telling me not to be observant and careful with such women??nne say something else... And let ,me not even go in details cos the rate at wish young women are digging gold these day,we might run out of gold in the future....the quest to get married to rich men is now another problem on its own,i pity those everage guy still hustling to get to the top..cos an average Nigerian lady sees marriage as a means of getting rich quickly,and you are here telling me not to be scared of the unknown abi Clap for ya self!

Any lady going into marriage because of one day out of 70-80 years is delusional.

All i see here is "Nigerian ladies...Nigerian ladies".

Oh!!you think Nigerian men are perfect. You hear a man talking about marriage and how his wife must wash his clothes, cook fresh meals daily, and everything fantasy he has in his head...and she must still work and bring in money and not be a liability.

Men beat their wives, bully them, talk about how their mums will be their number one and can even sleep with him and his wife on their bed.

Men cheat and bring in all kinds of STDs and pass it on to their wives. They want to have their cake and eat it. They push the upbringing of the children to their already working wives so that they can have some freedom.

But you don't see me generalizing and insulting all "Nigerian me" up and down. There are still fantastic Nigerian men.

Even if i had a few bad experiences with "Nigerian men", i still had a positive mindset that even if it is one good one left, i will have him. Maybe that is why i was able to meet a wonderful Nigerian man that gives me peace of mind.

Quit obsessing already. This Nigerian girl this and that is getting old.

ImaIma1:


It is not supposed to be that way. It doesn't mean abandoning your family. It means your wife and new family become your priority. Your mum will always be your mum. You should never abandon her.

But remember that she has her own husband and she is in his house.

Couples need to set a policy in their homes for inlaws. How long they are allowed to stay or if at all they should sleep over.

If only the wife's inlaws in the house, whose fault is that? Should the wife call the husband's family to come and visit or stay?

Marriage is one institution that has many detractors and physical principalities, not spiritual. Everyone will want to have a say. That is why it is always best to keep inlaws, families at bay to avoid someone feeling insulted.

See Ima, a cousin got married his wife insists that anytime his family members including his mum needs money or anything from him, they should first consult her or request through her. But when she earns her money she distributes to her mum and siblings without his knowledge or passing through him. Now tell me, is this the cleaving u preach??
Fear women!!

freshkpomo:
nne quit the story thing... In my large extended family ,we have trained upto 50 inlaws(the ones i can count) for our various wives(my uncles).... Women always have their way....and you pushing family away from your family will cause more harm atime than good,if the man and the woman does not have a skeleton in their cupboard both families an always visit once in a while...i trust my family as they do not intrude into marriage related issues,dont know about other families though......woman are possessive in nature,and dont forget that them dey like compete with themselves die..hence its natural for many woman not to love their mother inlaws..them prefer their husband brothers to sisters and mother T or F??

Guy!! You seem to see things from.only your POV.

If you cannot talk to your wife and agree on a thing, that is the fault of both of you for not being able to communicate.

I have inlaws from my sisters, brother and myself. My sis is even closer to her sisters inlaw than to us. Infact you won't know which is her inlaw or sister.

People make things difficult for others intentionally. You say women prefer the male inlaws to females. Most ladies try to mark territory and frustrate the wife..seeing her as an outsider coming to snatch their brother or son.

I don't hate my MIL but she made me understand that i shouldn't see her as my mum. So i keep a safe distance. I just set a reminder to call her and ask how she is doing. Just basic duties of a DIL. No extra.

nezer83:


See Ima, a cousin got married his wife insists that anytime his family members including his mum needs money or anything from him, they should first consult her or request through her. But when she earns her money she distributes to her mum and siblings without his knowledge or passing through him. Now tell me, is this the cleaving u preach??
Fear women!!

Do not use one or a few people to qualify all.

Even if i am not in love with my MIL especially how she treated me when she came when i put to bed, i ask my husband if he has sent her money in case it skipped his mind.

A lot of times some guys put themselves into problems when they use girlfriend to do wife and wife to do girlfriend.

I met a guy recently who told me of how him and wife discussed not allowing inlaws come over. His family side was secured but not his wife's side. He said as he was speaking to me his wife's sister has been there for almost a year and his MIL over 2months

The wifes sister came to the house with pregnancy and gave birth there and the mum came. Him and his wife have problems because of this. But he told me something. He said he is a reserved person and he wanted to marry someone that was outspoken and more vocal.

He said he was warned about his wife but he went ahead because she had a dominant character. He said he was not expecting someone that will say 100 before he even says one. Now regrets his choice and he just manages the situation.

There are bad women but it doesn't cross out the fact that there are many good ones. Focus on the good ones you know.

ImaIma1:


Do not use one or a few people to qualify all.

Even if i am not in love with my MIL especially how she treated me when she came when i put to bed, i ask my husband if he has sent her money in case it skipped his mind.

A lot of times some guys put themselves into problems when they use girlfriend to do wife and wife to do girlfriend.

I met a guy recently who told me of how him and wife discussed not allowing inlaws come over. His family side was secured but not his wife's side. He said as he was speaking to me his wife's sister has been there for almost a year and his MIL over 2months

The wifes sister came to the house with pregnancy and gave birth there and the mum came. Him and his wife have problems because of this. But he told me something. He said he is a reserved person and he wanted to marry someone that was outspoken and more vocal.

He said he was warned about his wife but he went ahead because she had a dominant character. He said he was not expecting someone that will say 100 before he even says one. Now regrets his choice and he just manages the situation.

There are bad women but it doesn't cross out the fact that there are many good ones. Focus on the good ones you know.

Ima I agree with you that few should not be used to qualify all, but then 90% crop of modern ladies have that domineering tendency especially in the early days of marriage, they want to make the rules and dictate who comes and who gets what, most times against the man's family, all in the name of protecting her family.
I once had a gf who wanted to try that rubbish with me 3x, it was enough to tell me the kind of wife she will be. When I changed my attitude and gave it back to her nobody told her to park well and stay away.
Men should take charge of their marriage especially at the early stage, never give unnecessary room.
Let every member of the family know their place including the inlaws.

nezer83:


Ima I agree with you that few should not be used to qualify all, but then 90% crop of modern ladies have that domineering tendency especially in the early days of marriage, they want to make the rules and dictate who comes and who gets what, most times against the man's family, all in the name of protecting her family.
I once had a gf who wanted to try that rubbish with me 3x, it was enough to tell me the kind of wife she will be. When I changed my attitude and gave it back to her nobody told her to park well and stay away.
Men should take charge of their marriage especially at the early stage, never give unnecessary room.
Let every member of the family know their place including the inlaws.

90% is gotten from which census? I disagree. I even see many good wives with inlaws trying to frustrate them.

Infact, one that i know is pregnant. Her sisters inlaw are just a product of bad upbringing. I saw the chat of ine of them and i had to beg my pregnant friend to just be calm. Meanwhile she herself is a superb inlaw and helped her brother's wife when she put to bed. She planned a surprise birthday party for her other brother's wife.

She keeps asking why she had to have bad inlaws.

Some people are just mean..wives..inlaws...siblings but it will still be unfair to generalize for the sake of the good ones that always strive to be good and accommodating.

None.
God owns him

Chi59:
None. God owns him

your case different lol

ImaIma1 sorry to say this...all yourpoints have been directed towards defending the woman folks which is kinda biased...let me ask you,if it was your mother acting all those drama towards you,will you despise her like you are doing to your mother inlaw right now Secondly,you are a woman ,your son(s) will get married then you will understand this better...mother inlaws dont hate their daughter inlaws,most cases i have seenhave been caused by either the wife's altitude towards things or trying to control the man,or maybe the family never wanted their son to wife her in the first place..though some families can hate you for no reason loool...but daughter inlaws are still to be blamed cos they wont treat they are becoming one with a man and yet the can't take his family as their,even after adopting the family name.... Well i will end this debate here as i feel we have kinda deviate from the original thread...nne put your house in order,you are lucky to have a good man....don't joke with husband's family oh,they can ruin your marriage,try to stay close to the,no matter what!!

I am but a child and I can say I have learnt a lot from the thread. Thumbs up @mynd44, freshkpomo, ImaIma1 for ur lovely different views.
As a lady sha... In my humble opinion I would never want my sons even my daughters to neglect me @ my old age but that wouldn't now make me interfere with their marriages.
In life we have to be balanced, take good care of both parties. And you guys and men should look for good wives, there a number of women who take better care of their in-laws than their husband. They are not rare, lets say its just that we are not shining our eyes.
Men should also not neglect their responsibilities as husbands, show your wife, love, care. I know many men feel that ur wife is replaceable. I think I could count two or three at the beginning of this thread. But also remember that your mother also has other children, relatives around her to help her(except you are the only child and everyone she knows hates her enough not to help her). Your wife only has you and your children. It would seem weird if your wife's cousins and brothers are the one doing your duties in the house but it wouldn't seem abnormal if even people Mama helped before give her gifts and money or show her care while you do so alongside. Never ever neglect your mom.
There are some things that bond your family, like joint decision making, good communication and trust, encouraging your wife to visit and relate with your family. Let her visit your family on her own and get to know them even before you guys wed.
Ladies shine your eyes before you marry, if you discover that your in laws don't like you without reason, call your fiance aside, ask him to get to the root, if it is something that can be solved then solve it and be best friends with your inlaws if not don't enter no matter the love oh.
And guys I want to give you a scenario and I want a honest reply.
You love your mother right, she struggled to birth you, feed you, clothe you, even to send you to school and mould you to who you became.
If peradventure, you meet a lady, nice, highly compatible, pretty, independent and she is all you are after and you guys agree to tie the knot and then you take her to see Mama and Mama says No, and she gives reasons based on tribe or past traumatic experiences. Would you go ahead or would let the woman go? What if Mama insists despite your trying to convince her?
P.S- if you let her go, realise that they are other women, but you may never see the same kind of person again.

freshkpomo:
ImaIma1 sorry to say this...all yourpoints have been directed towards defending the woman folks which is kinda biased...let me ask you,if it was your mother acting all those drama towards you,will you despise her like you are doing to your mother inlaw right now Secondly,you are a woman ,your son(s) will get married then you will understand this better...mother inlaws dont hate their daughter inlaws,most cases i have seenhave been caused by either the wife's altitude towards things or trying to control the man,or maybe the family never wanted their son to wife her in the first place..though some families can hate you for no reason loool...but daughter inlaws are still to be blamed cos they wont treat they are becoming one with a man and yet the can't take his family as their,even after adopting the family name.... Well i will end this debate here as i feel we have kinda deviate from the original thread...nne put your house in order,you are lucky to have a good man....don't joke with husband's family oh,they can ruin your marriage,try to stay close to the,no matter what!!

My house is in order. My MIL doesn't live with me. My mum wouldn't have allowed me go to the market constantly and spending so much time standing in the kitchen cooking two weeks after a ceasarian operation.

That is why i said she showed me that she is not my mother so i can't treat her like a mum. I think the fact that i don't share their faith plays a role. We are both Christians though.

I will not interfere in my son's marriage and i will take my DILs like my daughters knowing what it means. My mum hardly ever visited my brothers or sister for that matter. I have learnt from her.

I call my inlaws even more than my husband calls them. No issues there.

Jadedgrace98:
I am but a child and I can say I have learnt a lot from the thread. Thumbs up @ mynd44, freshkpomo, ImaIma1 for ur lovely different views.
As a lady sha... In my humble opinion I would never want my sons even my daughters to neglect me @ my old age but that wouldn't now make me interfere with their marriages.
In life we have to be balanced, take good care of both parties. And you guys and men should look for good wives, there a number of women who take better care of their in-laws than their husband. They are not rare, lets say its just that we are not shining our eyes.
Men should also not neglect their responsibilities as husbands, show your wife, love, care. I know many men feel that ur wife is replaceable. I think I could count two or three at the beginning of this thread. But also remember that your mother also has other children, relatives around her to help her(except you are the only child and everyone she knows hates her enough not to help her). Your wife only has you and your children. It would seem weird if your wife's cousins and brothers are the one doing your duties in the house but it wouldn't seem abnormal if even people Mama helped before give her gifts and money or show her care while you do so alongside. Never ever neglect your mom.
There are some things that bond your family, like joint decision making, good communication and trust, encouraging your wife to visit and relate with your family. Let her visit your family on her own and get to know them even before you guys wed.
Ladies shine your eyes before you marry, if you discover that your in laws don't like you without reason, call your fiance aside, ask him to get to the root, if it is something that can be solved then solve it and be best friends with your inlaws if not don't enter no matter the love oh.
And guys I want to give you a scenario and I want a honest reply.
You love your mother right, she struggled to birth you, feed you, clothe you, even to send you to school and mould you to who you became.
If peradventure, you meet a lady, nice, highly compatible, pretty, independent and she is all you are after and you guys agree to tie the knot and then you take her to see Mama and Mama says No, and she gives reasons based on tribe or past traumatic experiences. Would you go ahead or would let the woman go? What if Mama insists despite your trying to convince her?
P.S- if you let her go, realise that they are other women, but you may never see the same kind of person again.

you have put the icing on the cake...thanks for your contribution sweetie,we all learn everyday!

ImaIma1:


My house is in order. My MIL doesn't live with me. My mum wouldn't have allowed me go to the market constantly and spending so much time standing in the kitchen cooking two weeks after a ceasarian operation.

That is why i said she showed me that she is not my mother so i can't treat her like a mum. I think the fact that i don't share their faith plays a role. We are both Christians though.

I will not interfere in my son's marriage and i will take my DILs like my daughters knowing what it means. My mum hardly ever visited my brothers or sister for that matter. I have learnt from her.

I call my inlaws even more than my husband calls them. No issues there.

you saw these things before u entered right

freshkpomo:
firstly I will begin by saying a man is not a commodity,with that said I would like to give my own opinion due to what I saw some guys like iamj and others saying.a friend once said he will save his wife over his mother in a sinking ship ,I stopped talking to him before he will influence me with stupidity.
to me ,my mum is up there and no woman can take her place no matter how good in bed she is,cos that's the reason many guys would take their wife over their mother..for the fact that your mum have lived her life does not mean she is now useless.. I just got one question for you and I am done: IF YOUR MUM DID NOT BUILD YOU UP TO THE MAN YOU ARE TODAY,would that woman you call a wife have looked at your face twice??
any man that picks his wife over his mum is an ingrate and ungrateful....
than you...
creative criticism always welcomed.

It's a pity many of your likes are yet to grow up - or shall i say your moms have succeeded in inculcating the wrong family values into you guys.
How can you even place Mama and Wify on same scale? They play different roles in your life - Just like the roles they play, the place (seat) they occupy also differ.
Family comes first - Husband, Wife and Children. Next to this is extended family where your mum belongs.
Agreed, Mama must have toiled to make you a desirable person, so has your wife's Mama toiled to make a wife for you. Your Mama had only played her role to prepare you for that woman you are to marry just like your grandma prepared your Dad for your Mum to enjoy - it's a continuum, a balance.
Your role is to make sure, infact insist, that your wife recognise and respect the role and place of your mum in your life but not placing your mum above your wife.
Let's look at it in another way, how would you have felt that an 'old school and probably non schooled' (not meant to insult) grandma is the one telling your Dad what to do or not in his home while your mum just sits there as a baby producer? How will you feel?
The Books and society from time of old placed the wife and husband above their parents so the new couple can apply all they have learnt while growing up to build a new family devoid of telecontrol from parents.

freshkpomo:
you saw these things before u entered right

What things? The different faith?

My husband and I share the same faith.

Or is it the fact that she would let me stress myself after delivery? No i didn't see that.

The good thing is that her daughter is pregnant and she will go take care of her. I can bet that even if her daughter has a normal delivery, she won't lift a pin .

ImaIma1:


What things? The different faith?

My husband and I share the same faith.

Or is it the fact that she would let me stress myself after delivery? No i didn't see that.

The good thing is that her daughter is pregnant and she will go take care of her. I can bet that even if her daughter has a normal delivery, she won't lift a pin .

this is not her fault its the chauvinist settings in Africa.... To here you are a slave to every member of your husbands family loool... Is there tribal differences?

BabbanBura:


It's a pity many of your likes are yet to grow up - or shall i say your moms have succeeded in inculcating the wrong family values into you guys.
How can you even place Mama and Wify on same scale? They play different roles in your life - Just like the roles they play, the place (seat) they occupy also differ.
Family comes first - Husband, Wife and Children. Next to this is extended family where your mum belongs.
Agreed, Mama must have toiled to make you a desirable person, so has your wife's Mama toiled to make a wife for you. Your Mama had only played her role to prepare you for that woman you are to marry just like your grandma prepared your Dad for your Mum to enjoy - it's a continuum, a balance.
Your role is to make sure, infact insist, that your wife recognise and respect the role and place of your mum in your life but not placing your mum above your wife.
Let's look at it in another way, how would you have felt that an 'old school and probably non schooled' (not meant to insult) grandma is the one telling your Dad what to do or not in his home while your mum just sits there as a baby producer? How will you feel?
The Books and society from time of old placed the wife and husband above their parents so the new couple can apply all they have learnt while growing up to build a new family devoid of telecontrol from parents.

nna i have just one word for you " BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER".....do you know why you are saying this,cos i dont think you have met a lady from a rich home and she happen to marry a guy that is not so rich,thats when you will know that guys not so smart as they claim to be... You will see the lady putting her family first before her husband,all orders will come from her family, and you are here talking my wife this,my wife that..do you think the female fols think same way too??bros trust me if you a female becomes a bread winner the way a male is,nna you go see how her priority go be her family,her husband will be the last thing on her mind,its only she,her children and her family that she will always think of nothing else... Only a few women can love you uncondictionally like your mum and you are here talking of priority..this is not suppose to be an arguement at all cos i have seen this over the years,and men have not been too smart with such issues!!

i am from the south,and there is a quote in my place when a child is brn,that "male children are born for their wive,and they are the property of women,but female children are for us,as they are the one that will never forget their parents"...this may sound dumb considering the fact that its the female that actually get married away and adopt a new name...but our elders can never be wrong you know,a female will always remember her parents and miss them from time to time,she takes from the husband just to make sure that her mum,dad and siblings are well taken care of,but the male folk,just like many i have seen in this thread will say "my neclear family first oooh"..and meanwhile the women are taking good care of their own family with his own money #smh.... If you dont care for your parents when they aare alive,is it when they die you will now say thankyou to them?
NB: i am not saying you should neglect your wife,but don't abandone your family either like some men do,i have seen alot of guy who elpot with their wives,or chamge altitude just after they get marrid,and i pity women who are comfortable with that kinda habit cos when things go turn against you hmm hmmm hmmm,you will know the power of families in a marriage... They can break and make it!!!

freshkpomo:
this is not her fault its the chauvinist settings in Africa.... To here you are a slave to every member of your husbands family loool... Is there tribal differences?

No...the same state.

So you see...before you get bias and conclude that a wife is more disposed to her family, you should find out things first. You can imagine my MIL coming with her two daughters below 18yrs and i was still slaving like that for almost 3months. Still when they were leaving, i gave them many things...phone...clothes...handbags.

So if i relocate abroad and i have another baby and i send for my sister instead, won't i be termed as a bad inlaw, forgetting the seed that was sown. But that is what i will do and i will tell my mil politely and with all sincerity that i need someone to look after me as well as the baby and she didn't do that.

Cos i have told my hubby that next time i would prefer my family member that i can quarrel with and send around without them feeling insulted. And he agreed cos i was the one that insisted on his mum in the first place since mine is late.

MILs are cool but most of them have the interest of their son and grandchild more than their DIL.

ImaIma1:


No...the same state.

So you see...before you get bias and conclude that a wife is more disposed to her family, you should find out things first. You can imagine my MIL coming with her two daughters below 18yrs and i was still slaving like that for almost 3months. Still when they were leaving, i gave them many things...phone...clothes...handbags.

So if i relocate abroad and i have another baby and i send for my sister instead, won't i be termed as a bad inlaw, forgetting the seed that was sown. But that is what i will do and i will tell my mil politely and with all sincerity that i need someone to look after me as well as the baby and she didn't do that.

Cos i have told my hubby that next time i would prefer my family member that i can quarrel with and send around without them feeling insulted. And he agreed cos i was the one that insisted on his mum in the first place since mine is late.

MILs are cool but most of them have the interest of their son and grandchild more than their DIL.

hahaahahaha true... Grandchild over everything...... You see family bond And amazingly your husband was aware of all that happened but he could do little or nothing to salvage things, men will choose family over anything...and for your case,i wont advice a MIL to push a DIL that way oh,though DIL need some pushing so they wont be too comfortable,and be up and doing,but pushing too much can lead to bad blood oh,like the one u already have,though you are trying to control it or should i say pretending lol

freshkpomo:
hahaahahaha true... Grandchild over everything...... You see family bond And amazingly your husband was aware of all that happened but he could do little or nothing to salvage things, men will choose family over anything...and for your case,i wont advice a MIL to push a DIL that way oh,though DIL need some pushing so they wont be too comfortable,and be up and doing,but pushing too much can lead to bad blood oh,like the one u already have,though you are trying to control it or should i say pretending lol

Why shouldn't i be comfortable in my own house? My husband is a very very wise man...he didn't take sides. He is the most impartial person i know.He gave me tips on how to handle the situation till they go.

He told his mum she had spoilt his sisters (especially the last)and he hopes they won't be a burden to her later.

But see...when next they come, i won't be that nice...not rude but they will help themselves. And i won't go out of my way to give them anything. Even with the phone, biggest Ghana must go bag filled with clothes, bags, they still went and said funny things.

That is my own experience. I have met MILs that are completely like a mum without any prejudice. That os how i want to be. Not to treat the DIL like an outsider.