Naijadrillz:
Idiots like this are the reason why i dont like coming on nairaland
You are doing more harm to the marriage than good.
I can bet you dont have a man in your life.

Acidosis:
Nairalanders have eventually destroyed your home. They failed to look at the bigger picture even though a few contributions warned against the mindless and shallow thoughts. They took side and warned your wife against shifting grounds. I hope they're now ready to accommodate her and the kids.

The same people will come around later to preach how 1+1 = 1, how marriage means the coming together of a man and a woman to become one. Lol

What is more shocking is how they advised a married woman to use a mere property to spite a hard working man (not a jobless man o). People were more concerned about the property, not the issues that provoked the statement "get out of the house"? So a responsible married man will just wake up and tell the wife "get out of the house"? From page 1 to about 4, no one care to ask what transpired between her and her husband, na so so property we carry for head.

It is well.

ExtraExtra:
Women are the backbone of the family, they make or mar the home, since they help bring life to the world suffice it to say they sum up what we call family, 99% of successful, longlasting home or family is the ability of the woman to hold the "forte".

My attention was drawn to this forum and this topic https://www.nairaland.com/4617351/husbands-pride-wants-ruin-home#69371294 and it is sad that most people drew conclusion on a one sided story though i wouldnt blame those involved because they judged based on what was said and the individual involved needed public validation for her wrong doing, a public display i dont approve of but since external persons and relations are already involved i'd like to clear some details.

"Dee" comes from a very well to do family while i dont so when we got married, i made her feel we are in this together, not one above the other but as partners in EVERYTHING. To be fair to her she brought up the business idea we did years ago, in other to put forth money to start up, i made sure i had equal money as her for it, goal was to own a property, build et al. Unfortunately my dad's ailing health deteriorated to the extent that he had to be flown out, when the profit came, i told her and she agreed, she decided we split it into two so she use hers for the initial plan. As the first born i went with my dad, back here she got the property and started building, when i came back the remaining money with me was used to complete it, what was left was used for my parents house. Being a trust worthy person i feel she is, i didnt bother to check documents cos i felt she would do the right thing by putting both our names which she kept in a bank.

Now, i work and own other businesses so i'm always in contact with alot of people from both genders so to her she feels i may have lost guard by cheating which is not true: i dont have password on my phones, i always make and receive calls right in front of her but she still think i'm hiding something and that was the genesis of the problem weeks ago, i rebuked her to cut it out immediately but she was out for blood, she insulted me like never before, when i didnt give her face, she extended her TOXIC words to my parents, my family, my background and my personality, that was when i lost it, if not for my cousin that was there i would have hit her, out of anger i told her to get the hell out of the house which of course i didnt mean, then she shocked me saying the house is ONLY in her name, i was numb and speechless, in other for me not to react in a brutal way i left the house, told her i would never step there again if she doesnt change it to my name ONLY. My cousin who was there when it happened told my people, they called me so i had to explain things, right now her family knows what happened and none is supporting her.

YES i said she should put my name only cos she belittled and betrayed me which tells me if it was in both our names she will raise shoulder and feel above me.YES i requested for transfer and i will go through with it, i cannot be away from my kids and still be in the same state, it doesnt make, when it is sucessful, i will get a place conducive amd comfortable for my kids, they will be with me. I told her recently not to bother with the name change anymore, she can have the house all to herself for all i care.

I wont divorce her because i dont believe in that, once i move with the kids she can come along if she wants but right now we are seperated. I wanted a partner, she displayed stupidity not smartness, what the future holds i dont know, she made her bed she should lay on it.

Acidosis:


The marriage was built on a faulty foundation: The idea of my money, your money, I will spend my money on this, you will spend your own on that . weakened the marriage. No love relationship can function on that platform. It is a mere partnership, and partnerships are bound to break someday.

For some selfish reasons (not love), a lot of couples have embraced this system. This is not entirely bad as far as OP and his spouse share the same ideology about marriage and properties.

As far as marriage is concerned in my own school of thought, all receipts must be in the name Mr. & Mrs (except those gotten before marriage). It doesn't matter who bought them or who paid the children's school fees, it doesn't matter whether you married a sit at home wife or a career woman.

If my wife decides to embrace some selfish interests or make plans for my demise, then she's merely wasting her time. In my lineage, only my grandfather died "prematurely" at age 96. The house he left behind is currently wasting away cos grandmom at age 95+ don't need it anymore. All she does now is sleep and eat. The only way a selfishly acquired property would meet the intended purpose is when a spouse die prematurely (- now this is the message we preach).

@OP, whether in her name or not, if you both see yourselves together in year 2070, there wouldn't be a fight in the first place. However to avoid issues of any form, buy everything in the name - Mr & Mrs and save your marriage.

Processor01:
1. Your wife brought the business idea - check
2. You both executed the business - check
3. You split the money equally - error
4. Unfortunately, your dad was ill and you used your own portion - check
5. You used the remaining portion to build a house for your parents - check
6. Your wife decided to use hers to build a house for the family - check
7. You supported the project and even contributed the little portion that was left of your money - check
8. Your wife puts the property in her name alone - error
9. You both get into an argument or as you said, she was verbally abusive on a particular day - error
10. Rather than pick your keys and step out or go cool off, you ask her to "get out of your house" - error
11. In her anger, she let's you know it's in her name - error
12. You get upset and move out of the house, abandoning her and your kids - error
13. To ease the tension, she offers to correct her error by putting both your names but you insist it must be your name alone - error
14. You initiate a transfer at your office to another state, without any second thoughts for your kids, at least - error
15. You are willing to let this relationship burn if she doesn't bow down and worship you - error


Oga, YOU ARE A WICKED MAN!!!


You start your write up with that nonsense to put the burden of keeping the marriage on the woman.
No Sir! You are the man, the head and the captain of that ship! If it goes down because of what you have presented here, then it is because of your pride and lack of wisdom.

MarieSucre:
You keep talking about demise when both the man and woman did not make any mention of it in their post. Its obvious you have an agenda.

Eketem:
Hmmm, while I understand your choice to break the marriage I don't understand wanting to be away from your kids because they didn't offend you. Yes you say you will ask them to come over when you move but how will they keep moving back and forth seperate towns because their parents cannot be adults about a bad situation.

They have school and probably family, you can be seperated and share custody without necessarily moving.

As for your story with your wife, you should not have told her to get out of a house you both built, you could have driven out spent a few days away if you were upset as you should be with a nagging wife cursing your parents but not to tell her to get out of a house she contributed to build.


You are both adults I wish you the best apart, my only concern is you taking an extreme position of leaving town that may affect the kids, you can stay in the same town and be seperated so the kids can enjoy having you both in their lives.

You both need to provide for them and ensure they do not suffer discomfort because two of you cannot live together, they didn't ask to be born but they need both parents even if seperated


Edit :

I just read the manipulative part of the post where you want her to choose between the house and her kids, you want bad person abeg. I blame her for wanting to hang on with this rudeness

sisisioge:


You will have to pardon me because you just wrote what I wrote in other words. I kinda follow the wife's thought line too, especially now that he's demanding to have his name alone on the title. Remember, the wife offered to put both their names on it now but oga sir refused! Again, you're gonna have to pardon me.

tabithababy:


Hope she has changed the name to yours now

Mtcheeeeew

The greatest mistake she made is that she supposed to have used her own part of the money to take care or build house for her parent as well

GreatEngineer:

In your judgement I am blind.

Let me tell you if you don't know, that woman is selfish from the beginning, what stop her from putting Mr. And Mrs ABC on the property documents when she was building the house. If she wanted the house all by herself, why didn't she tell the husband when he was contributing to build the house no matter how small the contribution was.

I am building a house right now and I put Mr And Mrs, even though am the only one Building it. So will you say I have no sense in doing this.

You will say he used his own share to treat his father, so he should be allowed the poor man that cater for him to die.
He build house for the parents with the remaining balance, what is wrong with that.
Does that justify why the wife should put the property on her name alone?

Selfishness is what is destroying this country.

tartarus:
And some nairaland males will hop on this thread and support this "husband" cos they see every marital issue as males vs females SMH.

Please guys say the truth and shame the devil! Women are human beings for crying out loud!

ayaomen:
Oga firstly, I need you to know that kind business wey fit build house, and all you listed.
Secondly, if I were your wife I would have built that house in my child's name. I'm sorry o, that house is not yours put yourself in her shoes assuming she used her profit to do all you did for herself and her family, I know that house would be in your name. Forgive her, both of you can sort this out without NL. Some of us get very little experience for marriage while some no get at all, save your marriage oga.

Robynwelo1:


Your brain is under your feet. Blaming the woman only, when the man is to blame. A sensible man will not even split the money in half. The wife's share is what she used to build HER OWN HOUSE. I see that you can kiss gutter trash when you're jobless. The woman even brought the idea of doing the business, maybe you should ask her instead.

appsdope:

Yes I did. They did biz and split the proceeds.

CaptainCodes:


Hey, sisisoge...

It's understandable there are some ego issues. But did you also realise there was trust issue before ego issues.

Trust me, if madam had kept "Mr and Mrs Smith" on the title... He has no right to send her out.

If madam has kept, "Mr Smith" on the title... He still has no right to send her out.

Its agreed, on no account should you have issues to do it. He messed up there. Most times, you sleep over some issues.


But, she could have told him from the start.. why hide it all the way?.. Don't you see some faults there?. Haba' it's a marriage. Haba!.. not just a casual relationship.

It's okay to venge anger, but I think he should either agree that thier names are on it, or thier kids names, or they stay around the city in a newer house.

It's not about the house, sisisioge, (what if she inherited a house from her rich Dad, does that mean the man won't stay there if there are still struggling a bit, with plans to build another).. it's about trust.


Finally, I quoted you for to stop being irrational in your messages... Yours inst the worst, but of course.. I have come to realize your monicker for that. Not all things are jokes. You joke a lot.

Rajosh:
This is why it's never good to judge before hearing from both parties involved. when I read her story, told my brother that she's written it out how it'll favor her. She never made mention of how you used the remaining money with you to contribute to the house, she never mentioned your dad's health issues. Any sane child will use whatever money he's earmarked for any project to treat his sick father.
I'm not hear to side any of you but whatever decision you take, remember the kids. I know of a girl whose parents divorced when she was a kid. She was so lively as a kid but after the divorce, she grew up to be so withdrawn and antisocial. School performances dropped.
for the sake of your kids, you both should compromise and shift grounds.

elektra:

I don't know why you are referring your version as the true story, this is the exact story your wife told us.

Now let's be honest with each other, I know you know that the document should not be changed to your name ONLY.
She put in 100% of her part of the profit into that house. You split yours into three, contributed a lot less than she did. Why do you feel you deserve to have your name ONLY on the document? Why aren't you asking for both your names on the document?

You are planning to take away something very precious to your wife (her kids) because you want to cheat her out of the house.
You know your wife will probably choose her kids over the house, aren't you being wicked?
So this is how your wife will entirely lose out of that business that she worked so hard for?
Once she changes the document to your name, you will own both your parent's house and the house your wife built. And she will have nothing to show for her sweat

You claim you did not mean it when you asked her to leave the house. I don't believe it, because if you can cheat her entirely out of her efforts like this then you likely meant what you said

appsdope:
Oh extra extra so she just started insulting you. She said the same thing as you. You both had an argument and you asked her to leave. although she didn't go into details. Bad mouth is the nearest synonym to women and I knew from the onset that she said a lot of nasty things. My ex girlfriend insulted me to the extent that she told me that my father was born out of wedlock. I never told her that o and I didnt know but Somehow she knew.
By the way since when did get the hell out of my house become a joke? How will we know if you meant it? She bought the land and started the project so how on earth are you supposed to own the property? The house shouldn't be in your name in the first place. The property is hers. Rent an apartment and move your family that's if you still want the marriage. As for the house, it belongs to her. Go and build your own. As for me, I cant stay in a house where a woman bought even the spoon. Because when you use that spoon to eat and there is an issue, she will tell you how that spoon she bought has been saving your life forgetting that you bought every other thing.

freshvine:


he had lived with the wife under the same roof for years but never enquire ownership cos he completely love and trust the wife. infact he believe in marriage.

asking the wife to change the document was a psychological response to the shock he got and if the wife was smart enough to have obliged, he could've got relaxed and reassured of her committment to marriage but rather she contested it that reinforce the fact that she's self centred.

the man tested the love with what she "prized" most and she failed!

JoannaSedley:
This is exactly what she wrote. There is no true story here.

Your ego has destroyed your home oga.

I wish she would woman up and divorce your sorry as.as.

TonyeBarcanista:
Did she inform him from the onset that she bought the property in her name? She fraudulently concealed it and rubbed it on his face years after.

PS: He said she should keep the apartment, I'm sure he'll get a place for the family...

Amumaigwe:
You came from a broken or at best a loveless and dysfunctional home. Your first statement gave you away. Just make sure the baggages your mother's attitude has successfully hung around your neck do not pull your own marriage down.

Reading comments from some folks here, I now appreciate the extent of healing the family system needs. Where is love, submission, sacrifice, tolerance etc that used to be the hallmark of marriages. Why wouldn't the type of families we have these days be the breeding place of criminals that are now everywhere defrauding people and doing all kinds of money rituals.

appsdope:
Oh extra extra so she just started insulting you. She said the same thing as you. You both had an argument and you asked her to leave. although she didn't go into details. Bad mouth is the nearest synonym to women and I knew from the onset that she said a lot of nasty things. My ex girlfriend insulted me to the extent that she told me that my father was born out of wedlock. I never told her that o and I didnt know but Somehow she knew.
By the way since when did get the hell out of my house become a joke? How will we know if you meant it? She bought the land and started the project so how on earth are you supposed to own the property? The house shouldn't be in your name in the first place. The property is hers. Rent an apartment and move your family that's if you still want the marriage. As for the house, it belongs to her. Go and build your own. As for me, I cant stay in a house where a woman bought even the spoon. Because when you use that spoon to eat and there is an issue, she will tell you how that spoon she bought has been saving your life forgetting that you bought every other thing.

Eketem:
Hmmm, while I understand your choice to break the marriage I don't understand wanting to be away from your kids because they didn't offend you. Yes you say you will ask them to come over when you move but how will they keep moving back and forth seperate towns because their parents cannot be adults about a bad situation.

They have school and probably family, you can be seperated and share custody without necessarily moving.

As for your story with your wife, you should not have told her to get out of a house you both built, you could have driven out spent a few days away if you were upset as you should be with a nagging wife cursing your parents but not to tell her to get out of a house she contributed to build.


You are both adults I wish you the best apart, my only concern is you taking an extreme position of leaving town that may affect the kids, you can stay in the same town and be seperated so the kids can enjoy having you both in their lives.

You both need to provide for them and ensure they do not suffer discomfort because two of you cannot live together, they didn't ask to be born but they need both parents even if seperated


Edit :

I just read the manipulative part of the post where you want her to choose between the house and her kids, you want bad person abeg. I blame her for wanting to hang on with this rudeness