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You don't need to put off your phone. Teach that your brother in law a lesson. Anytime he calls, press the answer key, but don't talk to him. By doing this his credit will be wasted. By the time you do this to him 2 times he will stop calling you completely. If he use another number, repeat the process, he will never call you again.

Resist their demand but don't divorce your wife pls. You relocating to Abuja to avoid further trouble shows that you are doing everything possible to salvage the situation. keep trying your best to take them off your back and Keep your wife. All the best!

This is one of the problems most married men make in their early marriages. Trying to please ur in-laws at all times will only make them see you as a sissy.My in-laws tried that rubbish I walked them out of my house and even banned them from coming unless its something official or a get together like thanksgiving or child dedication. I don't visit them but I call them once in a while just to know how they are faring. My wife is not happy about that but just to let her understand my kind of person I equally asked my people not to visit my home except on special occasions too. Since your wife is supporting them,do not even think of divorcing her,stay put in Abuja,don't even bother contacting her but send money for upkeeps to her account directly and keep the evidence. If her brain didn't reset,forget about her she will be the one that will divorce you and by doing such,she will fall into her own trap. Do not abandon ur kids,always provide for them but I repeat don't you ever visit her or call any of her relatives on phone. They will look for u for peace. Its not going to be easy but be a man. If she is truly ur wife,she will come for you.

Its time to use the nuclear option - a change in her family's attitude or divorce. Warn her about this beforehand and if nothing changes, divorce her.

You came into this world on your own, and you're responsible for your own peace of mind. If you didn't have a well paying job, I doubt she'll be here with you.

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

Op when u marry a woman u associate to an extent with her family. U can only hope she has responsibile family members however if thats not the case then from the onset u let them Know ur principles and guidelines, u can't separate ur wife from her family bt teach her how to set boundaries like how they vist and if they plan to stay how long it can be wen not pre informed like unexpected issues etc. when my sis got married she was the one saying we all abandoned her in her hubbys house and don't come visiting. In ur case its the reverse.

Ure not responsible for any grown up or adult claiming inlaw, u can only help wen u can afford 2. Ur father inlaw shud respect ur home, he can't impose anything on u that u don't want. Explain all this to ur wife even tho it will be hard for her because she can't deny her family bt she shud correct them on their wrong approach.

I don't think its ideal to say ur inlaws must not come to ur house unannounced if they live arrnd cos they are like family bt in special or problematic cases u may have to do that.

The guy travelling several miles without informing any of u or making his own arrangements only to call u to come and pick him up is a joker. He shud not step a foot in ur house let him go back to where he's coming from or go stay in a hotel.

Radiant1020:
If you marry Na wahala, if you no marry na wahala
Which kind wahala be this

No be small wahala o.

See the way the men are out with their fangs spitting venom and all

...call her to order
.... what nonsense



At least you now understand how terrible family interference is in marriage. If it's a woman that comes with this same complaint of their poknosing and that her inlaw arrived in the city and she was not informed before, the same set of people would switch sides and tell her she doesn't want to see her husband's family.

Nothing destroys a home faster than inlaws interference.


On a more serious note Ignore them but this one your wife is joint them to abuse you is one kain. Work her transfer to Abuja and tell them PLAINLY not to interfere in your home again. Be polite, don't sound condescending or disrespectful to them but tell them clearly and sternly so they will get the message. Shikena

The rate at which people are shouting divorce these days baffle me, on top this matter?

What are you still waiting for? Send her packing and go start a new relationship this time with your eyes well opened

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

From all indications, you did not study the family you married into. I had the same fate sometimes back but had to stand adamantly and make it know to my wife's family that they cannot dictate how i live my life. So you have to make it known.

Pcstradamus:
I feel your pain brother. from all indication, i can see your the hope of your wife's family.
An adage says 'whatever you cant finish, don't even start'. Your the man and you should be firm with your decision and not switching your phone off. The best you would have done was to receive him that night and ask him to leave the next day that is if he has nothing serious to do in Abuja.
Below is my advice for you;
1.Whoever wants to pay you a visit must give you at least a week notice. Including your own siblings and parents
2.If your buoyant enough, see how you can set up something for your wife's siblings or if your connected, you can help them get a job.
3. Don't stay away from your wife and children. Let me join you in Abuja. Find time to have a deep conversation with your wife and pour out your grievance. Talk it over na over with her.
4. Talk to your Father in heaven about it and let him help you manage the situation.
5. Divorce is never an option. Am sure you saw all the signs before you married her but you felt you were in love and ready to face whatever comes out of it.
If you need one to counsel you, i can recommend someone. clarencedey@yahoomail.com

Set up something for his wife's siblings? How is that his responsibility? He has no obligation to do that.

Please let's no put men under pressure, making them responsible for our siblings. It is not their job AT ALL!!

Please do not give such advice

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

you have the best move for yourself and your life. File for the divorce and stop all forms of communication with that evil family

File a divorce immediately before u die b4 ur time...get rid of such woman and her family in order to save ur head.

donstan18:
Mr man, you are the one troubling and driving yourself crazy for not being able to know where your problem is coming from.

First; Your wife didn't do anything to warrant a divorce, she didn't cheat, disrespect or commit any abomination. We should sometime view things from different angles before taking actions, you know how difficult it is for a woman to stop her family members from coming close to her husband, she MIGHT not be happy with what they are doing, but in a bid to stop them will have it look like she's pushing them away from you and might create problems. So I ask "HAVE YOU DISCUSSED THIS ISSUE WITH YOUR WIFE?"

The rate of entitlement mentality from wives and their families is something else in Nigeria. Reason why we should be wise and careful before getting married.

Stop running around, discuss this issue with your wife, if she's a good woman, she'll understand you and do whatever it'll take to keep you happy and relaxed by sketching a strategy with you, but if she tries to give attitude about your complaint, then you'll have to go rude and aggressive to let her know what is as stake(Divorce, for her to marry her family members so that you'll have peace).


Discuss with her first.

My friend did you read where the Op said he saw three insultive text from his wife and from his write up he has warned her severally to no avail. When adults say experience is the best teacher please listen to them. Even though divorce is not good it has a big negative impact in most children. I can feel the emotional pain the op is going through and the kind of frustration he is facing. If opting out will save him his mental stability i think its the best if the wife has refused to grow up because as it is she is definetly a party to it. If not her family members wont have such amount of freedom to bruise her husbands Ego and pride in the manner the Op narrated it. From experience emotional pain is the worst thing a man can get from a woman

OP you are a real no nonsense niggah. No time. Tell this to those sharwama men let them better learn

happney65:
Am newly married and my wife cannot tell me nonsense..She just can't. .I still wonder where Nigerian Ladies get this attitude of getting married and expecting the Husband to pull you out of poverty. .urself and your family..As in are you people stupid or something?

I told my wife my responsibility is to you and my Kids alone..If tomorrow you decided to change i won't hesitate to give you a divorce..I don't care and I don't give a damm..Nobody fit kill me..

Luckily for her you are married into a liberal family where my family won't disturb you so why should urs disturb me?Why?

The OP is a mumu and has been taking responsibility for the lady and her family even before they got married..Am sure of that..I see no reason why that should be..

My Father in law Sef I don't have his number..The highest number I gave him till date is 5000naira..

You should be happy I am marrying your daughter Naa and taking bills off ur neck..Some wives will even do it to the extent whereby you won't give ur family anything again just cos you are married to them..

I wonder where you people see these girls.I just wonder where

Although having divorce at the back of your mind when getting into marriage is a wrong approach, bit i am sure yoir wife gets the point.

donstan18:
Mr man, you are the one troubling and driving yourself crazy for not being able to know where your problem is coming from.

First; Your wife didn't do anything to warrant a divorce, she didn't cheat, disrespect or commit any abomination. We should sometime view things from different angles before taking actions, you know how difficult it is for a woman to stop her family members from coming close to her husband, she MIGHT not be happy with what they are doing, but in a bid to stop them will have it look like she's pushing them away from you and might create problems. So I ask "HAVE YOU DISCUSSED THIS ISSUE WITH YOUR WIFE?"

The rate of entitlement mentality from wives and their families is something else in Nigeria. Reason why we should be wise and careful before getting married.

Stop running around, discuss this issue with your wife, if she's a good woman, she'll understand you and do whatever it'll take to keep you happy and relaxed by sketching a strategy with you, but if she tries to give attitude about your complaint, then you'll have to go rude and aggressive to let her know what is as stake(Divorce, for her to marry her family members so that you'll have peace).


Discuss with her first.

Donstan's account has been hacked

ImaIma1:
Although having divorce at the back of your mind when getting into marriage is a wrong approach, bit i am sure yoir wife gets the point.

Yeah she gets the point.She does a 100%..I am not threatening her with divorce.But i told her before we got married if she changes from the girl i knew..From the girl i decided to marry into something else and decides to give me unnecessary wahala and pressure i wont hesitate to divorce her..

In as much as i still remain the boy you also married,I dont see why she should also change from the Lady i married...

mimimile93:
Let divorce be your best friend.










It is advisible for one to marry an orphan...

orphan woman, na best for marriage o

maybe op have a gentle look,

[quote author=joa2013 post=69679914][/quote]Your earlier posts suggest this happened since Oct 2017. What is the update? Where did he stay? Have you settled in enough to take concrete steps to bring your wife and son?

This story seems cooked up. But if it's true dat means u caused it from de beginning, in psquares voice ' no start waiting u no fit finish'. u gave them the impression from de beginning dats y.
I heard dat once an Anambara man got marry to an imo lady he will give them one conditions which is' nobody is invited to my house only when invite'. cus he paid dearly for her bride price

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

Taaaaa Wife person or people pester my life.... They have not yet been born.

Tell your wife you didn't marry her to run a foundation from your home for her people even if they are IDPs and mean it. They must never visit without your consent and the day they do will be the day you call of the entire nonsense.


Be a man ooo. This thing is between just two persons. You and the woman.

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

I don't pity people like at all,stay put in ur mess,before u married this particular wife of urs someone somewhere warned u not to,but u vehemently insisted on having her,so oga enjoy ur mess.

I just went through the OP's previous threads and my conclusion is that he definitely has some kind of rare mental illness

I'm speechless......... I know u will be among "I can't spend a dime on my girl friend" not knowing dat u are saving it for your wife relatives in double fold. Meanwhile, You need to Japa as soon as possible because with this to make it in life will be very difficult for u, God forbid. Na their life u come. Dat is arrant nonsense. its uncalled for.

vickydevoka:
This story seems cooked up. But if it's true dat means u caused it from de beginning, in psquares voice ' no start waiting u no fit finish'. u gave them the impression from de beginning dats y.
I heard dat once an Anambara man got marry to an imo lady he will give them one conditions which is' nobody is invited to my house only when invite'. cus he paid dearly for her bride price

Thank you. I am from Anambra state and married to an Imo beautiful woman but you see if you don't lah the ground rules this people will relocate to your home and make life unbearable. My wife knows that no mortal changes my order..... Not even my parents.


The day the father gave her instructions to be in their village, I just called him and told him she won't be there... He said he is asking her to come and I told him, air,she is my wife and I have told her she can't do such...she only cried and resumed her life.



Whenever they call her that this one is coming and she informs me, I simply ask her the month we are in.... If she says July, I says, it doesn't look holiday period here does it

'Their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please."

With this statement above, I will only ask you, are you mad?

Bro you have the money and you should call the shots. They should be the one trying to please you and not otherwise.

Take control man. Be mean. Don't switch your phones for them. Pick their calls. Anyone that calls you, tell him or her that he or she should go and die. Be rude men. You have to survive.

While at that, make sure you don't pick up that guy. Don't bother about him. Let him sleep wherever they want to.

Also for now, don't think of divorce and don't invite any of them to Abuja yet. So they won't know where you live.

Menn, you have to survive for yourself first before anyone. Change it for them. Start being verbally rude to all of them. With that they will know you are not in this world to play. Be a man. Stand your ground.

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

Bros, forget your pastor mata o... forget that bullshit peace move... file for the divorce and move on... it is evident your wife was not ready for marriage and her family is useless... as for what you did to her brother, nwokem... You are indeed a true son of you father... You acted like a man... call their bluff and tell her father to go to hell...

Those in-laws must be Igbo. na their way.

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

this is the trend now.
Everybody should be wise.
I created a thread last week concerning this same issue.
https://www.nairaland.com/4631683/bringing-family-financial-burden-bf

TELL HER DAD TO F*CK OFF. LETS SEE IF HE WILL REMOVE HIS DAUGHTER FROM UR HOUSE.
U GOT NOTHING TO LOSE.AFTERALL, U WERE ALREADY CONSIDERING DIVORCE. IF ANYTHING, TELLING HIM TO F*CK OFF WILL EITHER RESOLVE UR PROBLEM OR HE WILL HELP U REMOVE THE GOLDDIGGING FAMILY FROM UR LIFE. STAND UR GROUND.