₦airaland Forum

Silvermoney:
How 'stable' is a stable income? What if you have a good job before marriage and then later lose the job in the next 7 to 10 years, by which time you already have three school aged kids? What would you do then, would you get divorce? Besides, in that situation, how are you better than someone who got married in the first place with no "stable income"?.. Life is too deep. Let's not over simplify it.

adedayoa2:
the fact remains he got married to the lady because she's working, guys like am plenty for Abuja here, whenever they ask me 'are you working', I tell them I'm a student and I stay with my aunt and that's the end o, they start avoiding you.

yettymuse:
Hahahhahahah nairaland boys when the statement is not massaging their ego. Una die here

Nigerian men would take the neck position when it comes to sharing bills.

.. Y'all shouldn't confuse the Op further!

Acidosis:
Why?

yettymuse:
awon mummy e lo n shoriburuku... Alaye baje.. When you have a woman, wait for her to feed you. Bastard son of a gun! Stupid boy!

Tehila07:
I had thought that love has bigger roles to play in marriage. I was wrong. I got married at 36 when I thought I had seen someone who loved me.

While dating, I was not spending money on her because she has a job and was not complaining. I ride okada for a living, hoping to go into a business soon. Before marriage, I used to have spare cash of about 10k always. Even if that 10k is spent on something, I would recover it within a week. She told me that if money she spends on feeding and what I spend on feeding are added together, we will feed ourselves, and save more. But since we got married, I labour hard to ensure she has whatever she needs. Now I'm stretched to the limit and can't cope anymore. She has money in her bank account, but said she's saving for raining days. Anytime she wants to perform online banking, I do it for her. Two days ago, I wanted to buy data, I transferred money from her account to the seller, brought out the money and told her seller accepts bank transfer and I don't want to go and queue in the bank for lodgement. I would have informed her first, but she was busy attending to visitors and her phone was with me. She was angry and said "I will change my password." I replied that the only favor she did me was saving my journey to the bank. She said if she has cash in hand, she would be tempted to spend it. So, it's me that should not have savings?

I don't feel like having sex again, because of the depression and she is now angry that I'm turning her down. Now I'm planning to leave home and return whenever my situation improves. She can cope because she has enough money.

Why the financial pressure on me is too much is that we are both 36 years old and friends keep trouping to our house to wish her well. As a man that manages resources, I entertained guests from my family once for the past two months we got married because it's not my town but hers. She keeps asking me for money to entertain guests. Some friends made it a habit of visiting twice weekly, while she keeps showing me off. When she asked for money for food yesterday and I told her I had no money, she has been moody since then, thinking that I'm hiding money from her.

This was a woman, that, last week, when I said I couldn't afford a particular asoebi that only concerns me because it's costly, went to the market, bought it, and took it to my tailor. Judging from her recent actions, I won't wear that cloth except I'm able to refund the money.

P.S: Love is just a rhetoric - humanity died long ago.

yettymuse:
OK, whilst you were dating her you weren't spending on her because............ She's miss independent huh Men like you make independent women carry calculator about... You married a woman because you want to be sharing bills? Really??

Ovoko!!!!!!!!!

Nothing wey person no go hear for this nairaland. You're depressed because you're performing your marital duties, top of which is taking the financial responsibilities of your home?
You've not even started, no kids yet and you're whining like this?

You married her because of her money.. You never chi chom chin!

Are you kidding me?
I weak abeg!...

Tehila07:
I had thought that love has bigger roles to play in marriage. I was wrong. I got married at 36 when I thought I had seen someone who loved me.

While dating, I was not spending money on her because she has a job and was not complaining. I ride okada for a living, hoping to go into a business soon. Before marriage, I used to have spare cash of about 10k always. Even if that 10k is spent on something, I would recover it within a week. She told me that if money she spends on feeding and what I spend on feeding are added together, we will feed ourselves, and save more. But since we got married, I labour hard to ensure she has whatever she needs. Now I'm stretched to the limit and can't cope anymore. She has money in her bank account, but said she's saving for raining days. Anytime she wants to perform online banking, I do it for her. Two days ago, I wanted to buy data, I transferred money from her account to the seller, brought out the money and told her seller accepts bank transfer and I don't want to go and queue in the bank for lodgement. I would have informed her first, but she was busy attending to visitors and her phone was with me. She was angry and said "I will change my password." I replied that the only favor she did me was saving my journey to the bank. She said if she has cash in hand, she would be tempted to spend it. So, it's me that should not have savings?

I don't feel like having sex again, because of the depression and she is now angry that I'm turning her down. Now I'm planning to leave home and return whenever my situation improves. She can cope because she has enough money.

Why the financial pressure on me is too much is that we are both 36 years old and friends keep trouping to our house to wish her well. As a man that manages resources, I entertained guests from my family once for the past two months we got married because it's not my town but hers. She keeps asking me for money to entertain guests. Some friends made it a habit of visiting twice weekly, while she keeps showing me off. When she asked for money for food yesterday and I told her I had no money, she has been moody since then, thinking that I'm hiding money from her.

This was a woman, that, last week, when I said I couldn't afford a particular asoebi that only concerns me because it's costly, went to the market, bought it, and took it to my tailor. Judging from her recent actions, I won't wear that cloth except I'm able to refund the money.

P.S: Love is just a rhetoric - humanity died long ago.

baddosky1:
Most of them are not asking if you work because they want to feed from you...they are asking because they want to know your self-worth! Nigerian men are wiser now. No man wants a woman who will still ask him for money for ordinary pad. (liability).

Stop this your childish thinking!

nahzyla:
Where is it written that only a woman must go to market and cook for the family? Yet you Nigeria men will never share kitchen work or house chores but you want a maga that will give you money.

Tehila07:
I had thought that love has bigger roles to play in marriage. I was wrong. I got married at 36 when I thought I had seen someone who loved me.

While dating, I was not spending money on her because she has a job and was not complaining. I ride okada for a living, hoping to go into a business soon. Before marriage, I used to have spare cash of about 10k always. Even if that 10k is spent on something, I would recover it within a week. She told me that if money she spends on feeding and what I spend on feeding are added together, we will feed ourselves, and save more. But since we got married, I labour hard to ensure she has whatever she needs. Now I'm stretched to the limit and can't cope anymore. She has money in her bank account, but said she's saving for raining days. Anytime she wants to perform online banking, I do it for her. Two days ago, I wanted to buy data, I transferred money from her account to the seller, brought out the money and told her seller accepts bank transfer and I don't want to go and queue in the bank for lodgement. I would have informed her first, but she was busy attending to visitors and her phone was with me. She was angry and said "I will change my password." I replied that the only favor she did me was saving my journey to the bank. She said if she has cash in hand, she would be tempted to spend it. So, it's me that should not have savings?

I don't feel like having sex again, because of the depression and she is now angry that I'm turning her down. Now I'm planning to leave home and return whenever my situation improves. She can cope because she has enough money.

Why the financial pressure on me is too much is that we are both 36 years old and friends keep trouping to our house to wish her well. As a man that manages resources, I entertained guests from my family once for the past two months we got married because it's not my town but hers. She keeps asking me for money to entertain guests. Some friends made it a habit of visiting twice weekly, while she keeps showing me off. When she asked for money for food yesterday and I told her I had no money, she has been moody since then, thinking that I'm hiding money from her.

This was a woman, that, last week, when I said I couldn't afford a particular asoebi that only concerns me because it's costly, went to the market, bought it, and took it to my tailor. Judging from her recent actions, I won't wear that cloth except I'm able to refund the money.

P.S: Love is just a rhetoric - humanity died long ago.

yettymuse:
OK, whilst you were dating her you weren't spending on her because............ She's miss independent huh Men like you make independent women carry calculator about... You married a woman because you want to be sharing bills? Really??

Ovoko!!!!!!!!!

Nothing wey person no go hear for this nairaland. You're depressed because you're performing your marital duties, top of which is taking the financial responsibilities of your home?
You've not even started, no kids yet and you're whining like this?

You married her because of her money.. You never chi chom chin!

Are you kidding me?
I weak abeg!...

flyca:
OP did you say you ride Okada for a living? Are you are graduate? I am very impressed with your writing prowess. Good punctions, correct use of tenses, almost zero grammatical errors. Wow.

Let me guess that you are from Southern Nigeria? Maybe South East? Look, a man that cannot write half as good as you do is the president of one nation lai dat. They say it's "quota system". Then he gets in and puts in all his brothers and sisters who hardly can spell their name correctly into juicy federal positions by appointment. And yet - here is one of us, struggling with 10K, 5K despite his educational background and strong resolve to earn a decent living. Pathetic!

Call me a tribalist na you sabi. My views about Nigeria has changed in the past few years. Sorry Nation.

edoman2016:
Why did you marry a 36 years old woman as your wife. Don't you know she has bad attitude? That's the reason she was married very late. You should have investigated thoroughly about her character before marrying her. Marrying any single ladies above 30 years is disaster. Because most of them are desperate and pretentious.

mankettle:
sit her down and have the talk bro.
you need to discuss finances upkeep etc. monthly and weekly allowances etc. and get ready to harden your heart bro.
don't worry Bro, it is a phase, after this another phase

yettymuse:
OK, whilst you were dating her you weren't spending on her because............ She's miss independent huh Men like you make independent women carry calculator about... You married a woman because you want to be sharing bills? Really??

Ovoko!!!!!!!!!

Nothing wey person no go hear for this nairaland. You're depressed because you're performing your marital duties, top of which is taking the financial responsibilities of your home?
You've not even started, no kids yet and you're whining like this?

You married her because of her money.. You never chi chom chin!

Are you kidding me?
I weak abeg!...

HRHQueenPhil:
u married ur age mate? all the best sir

romenna:
ozuor

pesinfada:
what OP needs is money or does money grow dia?

MrBrownJay1:
yes it has.. it normally helps people cope better as they have another foundation to fall back on, if/when their union go through rough patches.



any smart person knows that as soon as you marry someone, you will have to spend a little bit more money as a couple than when you were dating....whether you both are working or not. if you actually thought that you would still have extra cash in marriage, then you are the one who was fooling yourself and that should be your 1st ISSUE



ISSUE #2
fair enough, thats the time you should have sat down and figure out how much each of you are spending on food, and have a food budget (as long as other budget) in place for marriage life.... also, you guys should have remembered that, with marriage often comes kids, and then feeding money skyrocket.




like what exactly?! what more do you spend on today that you didnt spend on before marriage?! be specific



ISSUE #3
you need to sit her down and communicate with her about A) your failure to cope and B) her refusal to help financially in order to save money....UNLESS your failure to cope has nothing to do with her saving money for rainy days (aka she is sharing the family financial duties as she always did) and therefore you need to be honest with her about your problems in raising money. but either way, she SHOULD help.



ISSUE #4
you are dealing with an inconsiderate woman who now has issues with money/you.... the minute this happened you should have ssat her down and gone to the bottom of this. never walk away from such big changes in a partner.



ISSUE #5
running away from your problem NEVER solves them, in the contrary, it creates a BIGGER problem. you guys are a couple and should deal with whatever is happening TOGETHER. sit your wife down and COMMUNICATE with her honestly about what is going on because i am not even sure she has any clue. here is my question to you: WHAT IS REALLY THE PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE?



ISSUE #6
... and you couldnt tell her exactly that?! what about telling her that there is NO money for friends any longer OR that the family budget does NOT permit such frivolous spending OR BETTER YET that she should spend HER money on HER visiting friends?! if that is such a difficult thing to do between you guys, then i suggest you stop this marriage thingy right now, because married life is WAY TOUGHER than that.



ISSUE #7
wait a minute, so you mean to say that you said you had no money for the asoebi, and she went to buy it for you?!?!? and now you are biatching about spending on some snacks for her friends?! it seems to me you are being cheap now. marriage life is all about sharing, but you certainly shouldnt expect HER to foot all the bills, do you? since she paid your asoebi, then you certainly should have some spare money for her friends snack, dont you? or better yet, why dont you TELL her where you actually spend your money (if you have any)?
so here is my question to you: ARE YOU TRYING TO RUN AWAY BECAUSE YOU JUST REALIZE THAT YOU AINT GOT MONEY TO COPE WITH MARRIAGE LIFE?



what has love got to do with anything here?! you didnt ONCE said anything caring about the woman that you supposedly want to spend the rest of your life with... you didnt ONCE talk about anything but money issues, yet want to turn around and mix love to this issue... you didnt ONCE accept responsibility for what is happening by removing the huge misplaced ego that is in the way of your common sense here.
LOVE ko, BOXING GLOVE ni!

yettymuse:
OK, whilst you were dating her you weren't spending on her because............ She's miss independent huh Men like you make independent women carry calculator about... You married a woman because you want to be sharing bills? Really??

Ovoko!!!!!!!!!

Nothing wey person no go hear for this nairaland. You're depressed because you're performing your marital duties, top of which is taking the financial responsibilities of your home?
You've not even started, no kids yet and you're whining like this?

You married her because of her money.. You never chi chom chin!

Are you kidding me?
I weak abeg!...

condomuser:
Only in Nigeria is where you find just the woman doing the cooking, in countries where things work both parties share the responsibilities and there is absolutely nothing wrong about that. This is the reason why life expectancy of Nigerian men is 53 yers old while life expectancy of men in developed countries is 83 yers old.

yettymuse:
OK, whilst you were dating her you weren't spending on her because............ She's miss independent huh Men like you make independent women carry calculator about... You married a woman because you want to be sharing bills? Really??

Ovoko!!!!!!!!!

Nothing wey person no go hear for this nairaland. You're depressed because you're performing your marital duties, top of which is taking the financial responsibilities of your home?
You've not even started, no kids yet and you're whining like this?

You married her because of her money.. You never chi chom chin!

Are you kidding me?
I weak abeg!...

Babyforever:
Oga don't bother yourself with that young man he's currently squatting in the house of his sugar mummy's an old cargo in delta state she's the daughter of a ppa to the governor of delta State..... he's currently jobless as I'm speaking to you right now she gives him pocket money monthly I'm not making this up ask him he knows what I'm talking about......

Elder01