Elder001:



Acidosis of all people I expect much from you.

You're not a small boy.
Read the statement you just made.
It's no doubt that you're a traditional man judging from what you posted on that thread where a misogynist told his wife to pack her things and leave the house which was built by the woman.

There are independent women everywhere. It still amazes me how many of you still think men are sole providers in most homes.

This is why I'll always people to marry others who share the same ideology.

The earlier you realize that there are two types of men in this world.

The alpha males and the beta males.

You can't force some men to be alpha males because it's okay to you.


A woman who doesn't want to provide shouldn't think about marriage.

While I agree with some of the points raised, I don't subscribe to the last idea.

Provide (as in provision) can be anything but money. A woman that provides food, home care, peace of mind and sound health has not provided less than one who provides nothing but cash.

Failure (of men) to recognize the role of women in the home today is one of the reasons women are beginning to embrace the "independent" concept. This raises a lot of problem because a lot of men (conservative or liberal) today still hold the traditional values on marriage and at the same time (out of either laziness, gold-digging or failing economic realities) desire the independent concept.

What this means is that we want our wives to cook, clean and take care of the kids and, at the same time, expect her to work in a corporate "8am-5pm" setting in order to contribute financially to the needs of the family.

By the way, I don't believe in alpha male--beta male dichotomy. A man is a man; though may defer in terms of physical strength, all men have similar innate capacities to care for themselves as well as others (family). There are no alpha or beta males, what we have include; rich men, poor men, introverts, extroverts, gentlemen and arrogant men.

Acidosis:


While I agree with some of the points raised, I don't subscribe to the last idea.

Provide (as in provision) can be anything but money. A woman that provides food, home care, peace of mind and sound health has not provided less than one who provides nothing but cash.

Failure (of men) to recognize the role of women in the home today is one of the reasons women are beginning to embrace the "independent" concept. This raises a lot of problem because a lot of men (conservative or liberal) today still hold the traditional values on marriage and at the same time (out of either laziness, gold-digging or failing economic realities) desire the independent concept.

What this means is that we want our wives to cook, clean and take care of the kids and, at the same time, expect her to work in a corporate "8am-5pm" setting in order to contribute financially to the needs of the family.

By the way, I don't believe in alpha male--beta male dichotomy. A man is a man; though may defer in terms of physical strength, all men have similar innate capacities to care for themselves as well as others.

Alpha males are men who don't share bills with their wives. They don't cook or do any house chores and they're predominantly found in Africa and some parts of Asia.

Beta males are men who share bills with their wives. They view their wives as co-heads/equals ,they cook and do all other chores. They're predominantly found in America, Europe, Australia and some parts of Asia & Africa.



Like I said earlier, you can't force all men to be alpha males.

If a woman can't part with her money she should shouldn't get married to a beta male.

The lady agreed to support the op, knowing well that two heads are better than one. but sadly she isn't doing her part of the deal after marrying. That's deceit on her part.


People need to be understanding, you know your man is struggling and still u invite guests every week?

HRHQueenPhil:
u married ur age mate? all the best sir

Is that the only sensible thing you could comprehend from his write up.

it is d foundation of solving d issue

Pricelessangel0:

Is that the only sensible thing you could comprehend from his write up.

HRHQueenPhil:
it is d foundation of solving d issue

As den dey talk "age is just a number"

Bros talk to your wife and forget about running away from home. She is insensitive, because if she knew what she had caused you emotionally, she wouldn't feel bad when you refused her sexual advances. It's her town and her people are coming to visit, tell her to think about reducing her availability or she should foot the bills for entertainment.

No gender should lack the emotional intelligence required to understand one's spouse. The man is trying his best and she is better off, why is she still reeling in the excitement of 'I just got married', marriage is not an achievement. It is maintaining your home that is worth celebrating.

I feel for you, because you guys are supposed to be drawing closer to yourselves, yet you are growing apart.

adedayoa2:
the issue is, he wouldn't have married her if she didn't have a job. And there's everything wrong with that.

will you marry a man without a job too?

seems you are the type that believes that marriage is a poverty alleviation programme. Having a job or a steady source of income is the basic requirement for marriage for man n woman. I won't marry a woman without a job or source of income BC I am gainfully employed and hate liability disguised as wife.

adedayoa2:
the fact remains he got married to the lady because she's working, guys like am plenty for Abuja here, whenever they ask me 'are you working', I tell them I'm a student and I stay with my aunt and that's the end o, they start avoiding you.

who doesnt a women works ?

unless if your a multi millionaire even though still you watch your spending otherwise you would be broke

Tehila07:
I had thought that love has bigger roles to play in marriage. I was wrong. I got married at 36 when I thought I had seen someone who loved me.

yes it has.. it normally helps people cope better as they have another foundation to fall back on, if/when their union go through rough patches.

While dating, I was not spending money on her because she has a job and was not complaining. I ride okada for a living, hoping to go into a business soon. Before marriage, I used to have spare cash of about 10k always. Even if that 10k is spent on something, I would recover it within a week.

any smart person knows that as soon as you marry someone, you will have to spend a little bit more money as a couple than when you were dating....whether you both are working or not. if you actually thought that you would still have extra cash in marriage, then you are the one who was fooling yourself and that should be your 1st ISSUE

She told me that if money she spends on feeding and what I spend on feeding are added together, we will feed ourselves, and save more.

ISSUE #2
fair enough, thats the time you should have sat down and figure out how much each of you are spending on food, and have a food budget (as long as other budget) in place for marriage life.... also, you guys should have remembered that, with marriage often comes kids, and then feeding money skyrocket.

But since we got married, I labour hard to ensure she has whatever she needs.

like what exactly?! what more do you spend on today that you didnt spend on before marriage?! be specific

Now I'm stretched to the limit and can't cope anymore. She has money in her bank account, but said she's saving for raining days.

ISSUE #3
you need to sit her down and communicate with her about A) your failure to cope and B) her refusal to help financially in order to save money....UNLESS your failure to cope has nothing to do with her saving money for rainy days (aka she is sharing the family financial duties as she always did) and therefore you need to be honest with her about your problems in raising money. but either way, she SHOULD help.

Anytime she wants to perform online banking, I do it for her. Two days ago, I wanted to buy data, I transferred money from her account to the seller, brought out the money and told her seller accepts bank transfer and I don't want to go and queue in the bank for lodgement. I would have informed her first, but she was busy attending to visitors and her phone was with me. She was angry and said "I will change my password." I replied that the only favor she did me was saving my journey to the bank. She said if she has cash in hand, she would be tempted to spend it. So, it's me that should not have savings?

ISSUE #4
you are dealing with an inconsiderate woman who now has issues with money/you.... the minute this happened you should have ssat her down and gone to the bottom of this. never walk away from such big changes in a partner.

I don't feel like having sex again, because of the depression and she is now angry that I'm turning her down. Now I'm planning to leave home and return whenever my situation improves. She can cope because she has enough money.

ISSUE #5
running away from your problem NEVER solves them, in the contrary, it creates a BIGGER problem. you guys are a couple and should deal with whatever is happening TOGETHER. sit your wife down and COMMUNICATE with her honestly about what is going on because i am not even sure she has any clue. here is my question to you: WHAT IS REALLY THE PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE?

Why the financial pressure on me is too much is that we are both 36 years old and friends keep trouping to our house to wish her well. As a man that manages resources, I entertained guests from my family once for the past two months we got married because it's not my town but hers. She keeps asking me for money to entertain guests. Some friends made it a habit of visiting twice weekly, while she keeps showing me off. When she asked for money for food yesterday and I told her I had no money, she has been moody since then, thinking that I'm hiding money from her.

ISSUE #6
... and you couldnt tell her exactly that?! what about telling her that there is NO money for friends any longer OR that the family budget does NOT permit such frivolous spending OR BETTER YET that she should spend HER money on HER visiting friends?! if that is such a difficult thing to do between you guys, then i suggest you stop this marriage thingy right now, because married life is WAY TOUGHER than that.

This was a woman, that, last week, when I said I couldn't afford a particular asoebi that only concerns me because it's costly, went to the market, bought it, and took it to my tailor. Judging from her recent actions, I won't wear that cloth except I'm able to refund the money.

ISSUE #7
wait a minute, so you mean to say that you said you had no money for the asoebi, and she went to buy it for you?!?!? and now you are biatching about spending on some snacks for her friends?! it seems to me you are being cheap now. marriage life is all about sharing, but you certainly shouldnt expect HER to foot all the bills, do you? since she paid your asoebi, then you certainly should have some spare money for her friends snack, dont you? or better yet, why dont you TELL her where you actually spend your money (if you have any)?
so here is my question to you: ARE YOU TRYING TO RUN AWAY BECAUSE YOU JUST REALIZE THAT YOU AINT GOT MONEY TO COPE WITH MARRIAGE LIFE?

P.S: Love is just a rhetoric - humanity died long ago.

what has love got to do with anything here?! you didnt ONCE said anything caring about the woman that you supposedly want to spend the rest of your life with... you didnt ONCE talk about anything but money issues, yet want to turn around and mix love to this issue... you didnt ONCE accept responsibility for what is happening by removing the huge misplaced ego that is in the way of your common sense here.
LOVE ko, BOXING GLOVE ni!

yettymuse:
OK, whilst you were dating her you weren't spending on her because............ She's miss independent huh Men like you make independent women carry calculator about... You married a woman because you want to be sharing bills? Really??

Ovoko!!!!!!!!!

Nothing wey person no go hear for this nairaland. You're depressed because you're performing your marital duties, top of which is taking the financial responsibilities of your home?
You've not even started, no kids yet and you're whining like this?

You married her because of her money.. You never chi chom chin!

Are you kidding me?
I weak abeg!...

I was as dazed as you

School fees money is there
School uniform Money is there
Text book money
Pta levy
Socks and lunch package money for the kids is there
House rent
Dstv money and yet ranting about irrelevances

This is just beyond me?

Op if you know you weren't ready to be married why did you allow yourself to fall for the go and marry chorus society sings everyday.

You don't know 70/80 percent of marriage activities is paying bills and investing all your life on the welfare of kids and keeping the home functioning

You remind me of the dude I advised to hold on and get a job that will make him financially sustainable but just like Nigerians obsessed with marriage, he jumped into the marriage bandwagon. This was a guy that even his money from his kerosene buisness was barely enough to cater for his bills,he go marry wife wey expect the husband to pay for her aso ebi Ankara and tailor every Saturday

You are 36 and not 16,if as an adult you cannot make informed decision for what is best for your life at every point in time with wisdom and rationality, then carry your burden or divorce and shut the fok up

flyca:
OP did you say you ride Okada for a living? Are you are graduate? I am very impressed with your writing prowess. Good punctions, correct use of tenses, almost zero grammatical errors. Wow.

Let me guess that you are from Southern Nigeria? Maybe South East? Look, a man that cannot write half as good as you do is the president of one nation lai dat. They say it's "quota system". Then he gets in and puts in all his brothers and sisters who hardly can spell their name correctly into juicy federal positions by appointment. And yet - here is one of us, struggling with 10K, 5K despite his educational background and strong resolve to earn a decent living. Pathetic!

Call me a tribalist na you sabi. My views about Nigeria has changed in the past few years. Sorry Nation.

It's not just Nigeria it's almost the whole continent. Incompetent nincompoops and morons in leadership positions.

divinelove:


will you marry a man without a job too?

seems you are the type that believes that marriage is a poverty alleviation programme. Having a job or a steady source of income is the basic requirement for marriage for man n woman. I won't marry a woman without a job or source of income BC I am gainfully employed and hate liability disguised as wife.

if i haven't done it I won't be here saying it, I started dating my husband when he didn't have a job, it was not like there were no working suitors but he was just the one I wanted so don't come and be telling me what you're writing. You don't know anything about me

adedayoa2:
if i haven't done it I won't be here saying it, I started dating my husband when he didn't have a job, it was not like there were no working suitors but he was just the one I wanted so don't come and be telling me what you're writing. You don't know anything about me

dated him when he didn't have a job is different from married him when he didn't have a job.

did u marry him jobless? the answer is no. you dated him jobless and he eventually got a job b4 you married him if not u would have dumped his broke ass

flyca:
OP did you say you ride Okada for a living? Are you are graduate? I am very impressed with your writing prowess. Good punctions, correct use of tenses, almost zero grammatical errors. Wow.

Let me guess that you are from Southern Nigeria? Maybe South East? Look, a man that cannot write half as good as you do is the president of one nation lai dat. They say it's "quota system". Then he gets in and puts in all his brothers and sisters who hardly can spell their name correctly into juicy federal positions by appointment. And yet - here is one of us, struggling with 10K, 5K despite his educational background and strong resolve to earn a decent living. Pathetic!

Call me a tribalist na you sabi. My views about Nigeria has changed in the past few years. Sorry Nation.

I have a Bachelor of Technology. What seems as ill-luck is my being born as a Nigerian.

I taught students Maths and Physics during my NYSC days, and my fame spread like wild fire in the small town. The town's king wanted me to be sneaked into Ondo State Teaching Service Commission, but found out I'm not a "qualified teacher" because of the technology thing, and not "edu". In Craig David's voice, " I'm walking away oh to find a better day."

Elder001:


Marriage is sweet oh my brother if you get married to the right person.

One cannot over emphasize the joy in my heart when I cook for my wife everyday.

You cook for your wife everyday?

Acidosis:


You cook for your wife everyday?

I know where you want to drive at by this question yet I'll answer you.

Yes, I do.

One cannot over emphasize the happiness and fulfilment I derive from it.

SAMBARRY:
I was as dazed as you

School fees money is there
School uniform Money is there
Text book money
Pta levy
Socks and lunch package money for the kids is there
House rent
Dstv money and yet ranting about irrelevances

This is just beyond me?

Op if you know you weren't ready to be married why did you allow yourself to fall for the go and marry chorus society sings everyday.

You don't know 70/80 percent of marriage activities is paying bills and investing all your life on the welfare of kids and keeping the home functioning

You remind me of the dude I advised to hold on and get a job that will make him financially sustainable but just like Nigerians obsessed with marriage, he jumped into the marriage bandwagon. This was a guy that even his money from his kerosene buisness was barely enough to cater for his bills,he go marry wife wey expect the husband to pay for her aso ebi Ankara and tailor every Saturday

[s]You are 36 and not 16,if as an adult you cannot make informed decision for what is best for your life at every point in time with wisdom and rationality, then carry your burden or divorce and shut the fok up[/s]

You're not wise. Why should a woman get married if she doesn't want to part with her money?

Do you guys think marriage is child's play that you'll turn into a parasite for someone?


I repeat, you're not wise.

If you don't have sense to advice don't tell him to shut up.

MrBrownJay1:


yes it has.. it normally helps people cope better as they have another foundation to fall back on, if/when their union go through rough patches.



any smart person knows that as soon as you marry someone, you will have to spend a little bit more money as a couple than when you were dating....whether you both are working or not. if you actually thought that you would still have extra cash in marriage, then you are the one who was fooling yourself and that should be your 1st ISSUE



ISSUE #2
fair enough, thats the time you should have sat down and figure out how much each of you are spending on food, and have a food budget (as long as other budget) in place for marriage life.... also, you guys should have remembered that, with marriage often comes kids, and then feeding money skyrocket.




like what exactly?! what more do you spend on today that you didnt spend on before marriage?! be specific



ISSUE #3
you need to sit her down and communicate with her about A) your failure to cope and B) her refusal to help financially in order to save money....UNLESS your failure to cope has nothing to do with her saving money for rainy days (aka she is sharing the family financial duties as she always did) and therefore you need to be honest with her about your problems in raising money. but either way, she SHOULD help.



ISSUE #4
you are dealing with an inconsiderate woman who now has issues with money/you.... the minute this happened you should have ssat her down and gone to the bottom of this. never walk away from such big changes in a partner.



ISSUE #5
running away from your problem NEVER solves them, in the contrary, it creates a BIGGER problem. you guys are a couple and should deal with whatever is happening TOGETHER. sit your wife down and COMMUNICATE with her honestly about what is going on because i am not even sure she has any clue. here is my question to you: WHAT IS REALLY THE PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE?



ISSUE #6
... and you couldnt tell her exactly that?! what about telling her that there is NO money for friends any longer OR that the family budget does NOT permit such frivolous spending OR BETTER YET that she should spend HER money on HER visiting friends?! if that is such a difficult thing to do between you guys, then i suggest you stop this marriage thingy right now, because married life is WAY TOUGHER than that.



ISSUE #7
wait a minute, so you mean to say that you said you had no money for the asoebi, and she went to buy it for you?!?!? and now you are biatching about spending on some snacks for her friends?! it seems to me you are being cheap now. marriage life is all about sharing, but you certainly shouldnt expect HER to foot all the bills, do you? since she paid your asoebi, then you certainly should have some spare money for her friends snack, dont you? or better yet, why dont you TELL her where you actually spend your money (if you have any)?
so here is my question to you: ARE YOU TRYING TO RUN AWAY BECAUSE YOU JUST REALIZE THAT YOU AINT GOT MONEY TO COPE WITH MARRIAGE LIFE?



what has love got to do with anything here?! you didnt ONCE said anything caring about the woman that you supposedly want to spend the rest of your life with... you didnt ONCE talk about anything but money issues, yet want to turn around and mix love to this issue... you didnt ONCE accept responsibility for what is happening by removing the huge misplaced ego that is in the way of your common sense here.
LOVE ko, BOXING GLOVE ni!

My brother there's nothing like help.

Financial provision is the responsibility of both partners so she's not helping anybody.

divinelove:


dated him when he didn't have a job is different from married him when he didn't have a job.

did u marry him jobless? the answer is no. you dated him jobless and he eventually got a job b4 you married him if not u would have dumbed his broke ass

how many women can date a jobless man?

Marriage is tough I swear!
Both 36 years old and can’t work as a team?
What a pity!

I thought I was reading about 25 year-olds. Kai!!!!!

Elder001:


I know where you want to drive at by this question yet I'll answer you.

Yes, I do.

One cannot over emphasize the happiness and fulfilment I derive from it.

Why?

yettymuse:
OK, whilst you were dating her you weren't spending on her because............ She's miss independent huh Men like you make independent women carry calculator about... You married a woman because you want to be sharing bills? Really??

Ovoko!!!!!!!!!

Nothing wey person no go hear for this nairaland. You're depressed because you're performing your marital duties, top of which is taking the financial responsibilities of your home?
You've not even started, no kids yet and you're whining like this?

You married her because of her money.. You never chi chom chin!

Are you kidding me?
I weak abeg!...

jus keep kwayet there!!!!!!

The guy rides okada for a living and his wife knows, so why force too much expenses on him? Marriage is not a one sided thing, if she can't support then divorce her so dat menopause can marry her simple.

Acidosis:


Why?

Because I feel happy doing so.

I can do all that so there's no need stressing my wife ,I only want her to enjoy the meals and be appreciative.

adedayoa2:
how many women can date a jobless man?

If not for ego no man will be dating a jobless woman.

Elder001:


Because I feel happy doing so.

I can do all that so there's no need stressing my wife ,I only want her to enjoy the meals and be appreciative.

Alright, good to know

Elder001:


My brother there's nothing like help.

Financial provision is the responsibility of both partners so she's not helping anybody.

if two people are sharing the family duties, and one cannot pull their fair share (for whatever reason), then YES the other would be "helping" him/her while they can get their act together... the catch here is that, unless that man grows ball and start communicating with his wife about his financial issues, then nothing will be resolved here.

Elder001:


You're not wise. Why should a woman get married if she doesn't want to part with her money?

Do you guys think marriage is child's play that you'll turn into a parasite for someone?


I repeat, you're not wise.

If you don't have sense to advice don't tell him to shut up.

who is this one suffering from dementia that just badged into my mention like an animal without a leech?

Everyone sha wants to be noticed on nl sha. Oponu. You won't be wise. If it's swear back to senderElder Rada Rada. Useless, classless, uncouth and unfortunate elder. Elder oshi. You're not supposed to be calling yourself elder, you ought to call yourself agbaya oshi or agbaya tioletole

SAMBARRY:
who is this one suffering from dementia that just badged into my mention like an animal without a leech?

Everyone sha wants to be noticed on nl sha. Oponu. You won't be wise. If it's swear back to senderElder Rada Rada. Useless, classless, uncouth and unfortunate elder. Elder oshi. You're not supposed to be calling yourself elder, you ought to call yourself agbaya oshi or agbaya tioletole

Why you dey reply this one mention.. This one is unfortunate na

yettymuse:
Why you dey reply this one mention.. This one is unfortunate na

obviously

Go here for http://courtshipandmarriage.com[url][/url] and all your tears will be wiped off.

yettymuse:

You married her because of her money.. You never chi chom chin!

Sorry please, what does chi chom chin mean?