₦airaland Forum

GAZZUZZ:
DIPO! DIPO o! Where is my remaining engine oil?

Dipo: Good morning sir, I don't understand. Uncle cuts in.

Uncle: there is nothing to understand, see my oil stick is not touching any oil at all..... You did not pour all the Americana oil into the engine.

Dipo: I did that personally sir.

Uncle: I do not agree, my engine does not short oil.

dipo: sir please send me your address so I can come Inspect the situation personally.

Uncle tells Readone35L to send sms to dipo with his own phone.

Dipo drives down to Uncles place in the company of His wife axamansard, they were all dressed for church.

Uncle : ah dipo that was fast, do you live nearby?

Dipo: no sir, but every Sunday I am on the mainland to attend church service.

Uncle: what's the name of your pastor

Dipo: MrPresident1

Uncle: ah is he not the one that predicted the world would end last year?

Dipo: yes sir.

Uncle: ok, please check my car.

Dipo inspects the oil and coolant and explains to Uncle that he poured the right amount of oil, but that in the interest of peace, he would give him a free 1 liter pack of both engine oil and coolant he had in his trunk.

As Dipo was pouring the oil, his wife was preaching to Uncle about the advantages of having comprehensive insurance.

captainking:
baba gazzuzz.. Pls reply dancock nah.. He is now humble.. He m said that white smoke comes out of his exhaust like a locomotive train when he accelerates...help your friend dancock..

Lush100:
please at the end, pls kindly let us know the moral of this "story" or "parable" in relation to car and or car maintenance.

thanks

at The end, I will ask every one what their thoughts are, and we will all chip in based on different experiences and knowledge Base, we will all agree to disagree then agree.... Providing content and proof to backup our different ideologies.

End is near

GAZZUZZ:
at The end, I will ask every one what their thoughts are, and we will all chip in based on different experiences and knowledge Base, we will all agree to disagree then agree.... Providing content and proof to backup our different ideologies.

End is near

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dancok:
pls sir, white smoke usually comes out of the tail now,especially if I accelerate, when am on main road, the smoke follows me like locomotive train. What can I do?

oblo:
Oga Gazuzz..... Oga Gazuzz... Oga GAZZUZZ

How many times I call you so where is my mention

GAZZUZZ:
Stay back o! I want to Jump!!!

Readone35L Brings out his Xiaomi Mi Max phone he bought from Princetom1

Uncle listens to to the voice well..... Ah ah ah is that not weyreypey the laundry Guy? Uncle enters the crowd shouting his name at the top of his voice, weyreypey e bole ni be yen! What is wrong with you?
Weyreypey sees His client and comes down quietly.

Uncle: what is wrong with you? You want to commit suicide?

Weyreypey: sah no o! Mofe trend sah!

Uncle: Will you just Get into the car Before you Get arrested for stupidity.

Weyreypey: ah thank you sir, you are a life saver, I almost jumped sef to make the video look real.

Uncle: enter enter before they associate both of us.

Their Journey continues, and they Drop the actor at 7up alakpere on dry land, Uncle advices him to come meet him in the House on sun evening for counseling.


Immediately they Leave the 7up, Uncle asks Readone35L, hope you recorded the whole thing, including when he came down from the car? I don't want him to go and act with the ceiling fan, and I am accused falsely. Nephew confirms he has it all recorded.

They Get under otedola Bridge and are stopped at a police checkpoint by officer ipfreely, a mobile police officer.


Uncle whispers to nephew Mogbe my papers have expired o!

GAZZUZZ:
you think?

GAZZUZZ:
oblo! Oblo! Where is this security guard when you need him?

Don't worry I will open the gate for you, thanks for coming, I will test the car very well today, I will be going to ijanikin, and back.

dipo: ok sir.

Uncle thank you o Madam axamansard, I will come to your office when I buy a new car you hear.

Axamansard: if you say so sir, but start with this one, you can even pay twice.

Uncle: ok o! Bye, as Dipo leaves the house.


uncle: Readone35L please remove those bags of water in the boot and take to the house, fill up the 4liter gallon and put in the trunk.


uncle starts the car and he notices blue white smoke from the exhaust.

uncle: shaking his head....... This is a Bad omen, why is my car smoking like a golf 4, he remembers what the Prophet Kamaru told him some days ago, and shakes his Head in disbelief.

he leaves the engine running and prepares for his trip to ijanikin.

Uncle has a Habit of giving the engine a good Rev before leaving the house in the morning, So 30 mins later as he was about the head out, he steps on the Gas pedal with the car in park........

darmilolah who lives in the BQ is in his room about to leave for church when white smoke comes in thru the window........

darmilolah steps out of the room and walks up to yusuf.....

darmilolah: Oga Landlord, why is your car smoking like this

Yusuf: My dear, it is Readone35L my nephew o! He carried me to one English speaking mechanic, and ever since, my car has been misbehaving.

darmilolah: There is this Mechanic that works on my bosses car in ifako, he seems to know what he is doing, and my boss has a lot of cars and hardly complains about his service, let me share his number with you, I think you should take your vehicle there.

Yusuf: is he another English speaking mechanic?

darmilolah: Laughs and Brings out his phone.

Yusuf: Oya give me the number

Darmilolah: 28301933080, his name is ZZUZZAG

Yusuf: se omo Togo ni?

Darmilolah : actually the man confuses me when ever we go there... he speaks Hausa, Youruba and has an ipob name too.

Yusuf: ok, I will give him a call later in the evening, for now I have village me meeting in ijanikin, let me drop you off at the junction. Oblo! Oya open the gate I am going out.


Yusuf's Trip to ijanikin was smooth, the white smoke cleared out as he drove, on lagos badagry express, he turns on the radio and interestingly it is a radio talk show about vehicles... a caller asks sir what is the right engine oil for my Rangerover sports 2006, sooperrescue reply....

We have heard of how good engine oils produced by our local lubricants companies are and we are still wondering why are motorists going for foreign produced synthetic oils when there are good oils produced locally by our local manufacturers. Why is there no trust for these local oils, that we are even prepared to buy engine oils made by Turkish Companies than patronise the Mobil, Oando, Forte, Total, Conoil and MRS. Who certifies these brands in Nigeria?
According to ACEA, those oil labels claiming ACEA certification are self certified and that most oil label are unsuitable for some engines
High quality lubricants are necessary to ensure the reliability of modern high-tech engines.

In order for motor vehicles to function correctly they require high quality oils and lubricants. Differently performing oils are required in different circumstances and climatic conditions.

There are minimum standards for oils that are given in the ACEA European Oil Sequences.

The ACEA European Oil Sequences 2012 define the minimum quality level of service-fill oils that ACEA members demand for using these oils in their vehicles..............


Uncle: awon English speaking mechanics the have come again... switches the radio to CD player and listens to pasuma wonder......


Just then Pipedreams, in his g35x passes Uncle at 200km/hr...... wane01 follows up closely in his infinity fx48....ikhileomotayo follows in sequence wit his acura TL type-s. ......

Uncle: ahh see all these small bois racing without ambulance nearby, if not that I am not in top form and I am respecting my self, I would have joined them too...

cmoney22222 follows behind screaming wait for mee in his camry muscle 4cylinder


Uncle: see that small boi wants to knock his engine...

GAZZUZZ:
uncle: shaking his head....... This is a Bad omen, why is my car smoking like a golf 4, he remembers what the Prophet Kamaru told him some days ago, and shakes his Head in disbelief.

he leaves the engine running and prepares for his trip to ijanikin.

Uncle has a Habit of giving the engine a good Rev before leaving the house in the morning, So 30 mins later as he was about the head out, he steps on the Gas pedal with the car in park........

darmilolah who lives in the BQ is in his room about to leave for church when white smoke comes in thru the window........

darmilolah steps out of the room and walks up to yusuf.....

darmilolah: Oga Landlord, why is your car smoking like this

Yusuf: My dear, it is Readone35L my nephew o! He carried me to one English speaking mechanic, and ever since, my car has been misbehaving.

darmilolah: There is this Mechanic that works on my bosses car in ifako, he seems to know what he is doing, and my boss has a lot of cars and hardly complains about his service, let me share his number with you, I think you should take your vehicle there.

Yusuf: is he another English speaking mechanic?

darmilolah: Laughs and Brings out his phone.

Yusuf: Oya give me the number

Darmilolah: 28301933080, his name is ZZUZZAG

Yusuf: se omo Togo ni?

Darmilolah : actually the man confuses me when ever we go there... he speaks Hausa, Youruba and has an ipob name too.

Yusuf: ok, I will give him a call later in the evening, for now I have village me meeting in ijanikin, let me drop you off at the junction. Oblo! Oya open the gate I am going out.


Yusuf's Trip to ijanikin was smooth, the white smoke cleared out as he drove, on lagos badagry express, he turns on the radio and interestingly it is a radio talk show about vehicles... a caller asks sir what is the right engine oil for my Rangerover sports 2006, sooperrescue reply....

We have heard of how good engine oils produced by our local lubricants companies are and we are still wondering why are motorists going for foreign produced synthetic oils when there are good oils produced locally by our local manufacturers. Why is there no trust for these local oils, that we are even prepared to buy engine oils made by Turkish Companies than patronise the Mobil, Oando, Forte, Total, Conoil and MRS. Who certifies these brands in Nigeria?
According to ACEA, those oil labels claiming ACEA certification are self certified and that most oil label are unsuitable for some engines
High quality lubricants are necessary to ensure the reliability of modern high-tech engines.

In order for motor vehicles to function correctly they require high quality oils and lubricants. Differently performing oils are required in different circumstances and climatic conditions.

There are minimum standards for oils that are given in the ACEA European Oil Sequences.

The ACEA European Oil Sequences 2012 define the minimum quality level of service-fill oils that ACEA members demand for using these oils in their vehicles..............


Uncle: awon English speaking mechanics the have come again... switches the radio to CD player and listens to pasuma wonder......


Just then Pipedreams, in his g35x passes Uncle at 200km/hr...... wane01 follows up closely in his infinity fx48....ikhileomotayo follows in sequence wit his acura TL type-s. ......

Uncle: ahh see all these small bois racing without ambulance nearby, if not that I am not in top form and I am respecting my self, I would have joined them too...

cmoney22222 follows behind screaming wait for mee in his camry muscle 4cylinder


Uncle: see that small boi wants to knock his engine...

GAZZUZZ:
Uncle arrived the Village meeting and was impressed with the fuel economy of the car, the needle barely moved despite the over 100km distance...
.. He says to him self... seems this this English speaking Mech has some advantage after all..


Uncle arrives the village meeting, and parks at his usual spot under a mango tree..

He enters the meeting and his people hail him.......

In attendance are inception, nwizu042, MotorGuru, Demeanor, Gravatar, maryjenny, ampulki, debeo, Cosplay, kanuri, Alhaji1133, lilyfaith rotormast, LollyTgirl, tectonotimes, dominique puskin, kjsun15, badebillions, Iolo,, deedee44, protocol, nwaanambra1, osita123, Zee10, Enyinne, Alanzazani, pusiboty,, airex fasky, jum33, ajayiopy, Stylaay, Nutase, TSOM yomi007k(m), mafioso47 SalamRushdie, Trac, fuckboys, kniru, ChiefSweetus, JfYL4PB, Michaelonweluzo, ElSherriff, ahnie, kilode100 rianah, autolearner, aAK1 daemperor1 zsch, gloryhouse(m), isinite4me, Chuxxy4me(m), massimo101, SGCSolutions cocoduck, Toks2008.........

The rest are yet to arrive...


Meeting ends @ 4pm, Uncle starts his journey back home..

When in traffic he notices the engine oil pressure light flickering.....

he thinks Nothing of it....

He re-checks his temp gauge it is steady in the middle.

Uncle changes the CD, to ayinde wasiu...


Uncle notices a pattern, any time he is in idle the engine oil light flickers... but when moving it goes off.

he calls dipo... it is now 8pm and he is passing thru cele bustop. Phone rings but dipo does not take his calls.

Uncle gets to ikeja and notices the Temp above the half mark, he is tired and tipsy after a hard day of drinking, he turns off the A/C and decides to manage the car home that way since ogba was just a few minutes away.

he Barely gets home when the Temp needle gets to the Highest mark.

Uncle goes straight to bed.

GAZZUZZ:
Uncle arrived the Village meeting and was impressed with the fuel economy of the car, the needle barely moved despite the over 100km distance...
.. He says to him self... seems this this English speaking Mech has some advantage after all..


Uncle arrives the village meeting, and parks at his usual spot under a mango tree..

He enters the meeting and his people hail him.......

In attendance are inception, nwizu042, MotorGuru, Demeanor, Gravatar, maryjenny, ampulki, debeo, Cosplay, kanuri, Alhaji1133, lilyfaith rotormast, LollyTgirl, tectonotimes, dominique puskin, kjsun15, badebillions, Iolo,, deedee44, protocol, nwaanambra1, osita123, Zee10, Enyinne, Alanzazani, pusiboty,, airex fasky, jum33, ajayiopy, Stylaay, Nutase, TSOM yomi007k(m), mafioso47 SalamRushdie, Trac, fuckboys, kniru, ChiefSweetus, JfYL4PB, Michaelonweluzo, ElSherriff, ahnie, kilode100 rianah, autolearner, aAK1 daemperor1 zsch, gloryhouse(m), isinite4me, Chuxxy4me(m), massimo101, SGCSolutions cocoduck, Toks2008.........

The rest are yet to arrive...


Meeting ends @ 4pm, Uncle starts his journey back home..

When in traffic he notices the engine oil pressure light flickering.....

he thinks Nothing of it....

He re-checks his temp gauge it is steady in the middle.

Uncle changes the CD, to ayinde wasiu...


Uncle notices a pattern, any time he is in idle the engine oil light flickers... but when moving it goes off.

he calls dipo... it is now 8pm and he is passing thru cele bustop. Phone rings but dipo does not take his calls.

Uncle gets to ikeja and notices the Temp above the half mark, he is tired and tipsy after a hard day of drinking, he turns off the A/C and decides to manage the car home that way since ogba was just a few minutes away.

he Barely gets home when the Temp needle gets to the Highest mark.

Uncle goes straight to bed.


Oga gazzuz. I feel you sir. Abeg. I want to activate the beep function on my 2007 corolla S when locking and unlocking the doors with the remote. Is this possible?. Thanks

dancok:
pls sir, white smoke usually comes out of the tail now,especially if I accelerate, when am on main road, the smoke follows me like locomotive train. What can I do?

obekediamondfuto:
papilo, how u dey na........ white smoke like props in Gazuzz play set?

Gazuzz u have to add this episode oh, white smoke that blinds ur rear view in a golf 4 that uncle didn't see dipo driving and hit him from behind.

GAZZUZZ:
DIPO! DIPO o! Where is my remaining engine oil?

Dipo: Good morning sir, I don't understand. Uncle cuts in.

Uncle: there is nothing to understand, see my oil stick is not touching any oil at all..... You did not pour all the Americana oil into the engine.

Dipo: I did that personally sir.

Uncle: I do not agree, my engine does not short oil.

dipo: sir please send me your address so I can come Inspect the situation personally.

Uncle tells Readone35L to send sms to dipo with his own phone.

Dipo drives down to Uncles place in the company of His wife axamansard, they were all dressed for church.

Uncle : ah dipo that was fast, do you live nearby?

Dipo: no sir, but every Sunday I am on the mainland to attend church service.

Uncle: what's the name of your pastor

Dipo: MrPresident1

Uncle: ah is he not the one that predicted the world would end last year?

Dipo: yes sir.

Uncle: ok, please check my car.

Dipo inspects the oil and coolant and explains to Uncle that he poured the right amount of oil, but that in the interest of peace, he would give him a free 1 liter pack of both engine oil and coolant he had in his trunk.

As Dipo was pouring the oil, his wife was preaching to Uncle about the advantages of having comprehensive insurance.

charlesadeoye:
Oga gazzuz. I feel you sir. Abeg. I want to activate the beep function on my 2007 corolla S when locking and unlocking the doors with the remote. Is this possible?. Thanks

charlesadeoye:
Oga gazzuz. I feel you sir. Abeg. I want to activate the beep function on my 2007 corolla S when locking and unlocking the doors with the remote. Is this possible?. Thanks

GAZZUZZ:
Uncle places a call to his buddy cosplay.

uncle: ore mi, ah I need your help. He narrates his ordeal to his friend.

Cosplay: Hand over the phone to the most senior officer at the place and let me speak to them.

Uncle: ok ore mi, thank you.


Cosplay and ipfreely talk for about 5min, and after a while ipfreely starts laughing and cracking jokes over the phone

Uncle is now thinking of his 500 naira card but there's nothing he can do. They continue Their Gist until credit runs out, mopol signals Banky3w to let them go with a warning, while he Flags down another Vehicle, a green Volvo without Number plates driven by valarinz. Banky3w smiles mopol smiles as Uncle takes off.

The drive Home was uneventful, and They Get home really exhausted.

Madam Uzuz brings in dinner while they all eat while narrating the events of the day.

Lemme continue from here.
Banky3w asks valarinz for vehicle papers and driver's licence. Valarinz provided the licence and told Banky3w that the car has no plates so there is no paper. Banky3w starts counting offence....
Banky3w: offence no 1, driving an unregistered vehicle
Valarinz : it was just imported and it is on transit to dealer stand.
Banky3w : offence no 2, telling a sergeant he does not know what he's saying.
Valarinz : Ha.....
Banky3w : offence no 3, not believing an officer. Valarinz : .............
Banky3w : offence no 4, driving a green Volvo. Don't you know Volvo is not widely used in nigeria? You want to be giving our kazeems headache.
Banky3w : offence no 5, the colour is green.
Banky3w : offence no 6, looking at an officer with contempt.
Banky3w : offence no 7, staying with an officer at a checkpoint.
Banky3w : offence no 8, being clueless and not doing the needful.
Valarinz : Oga please make i see you......
They moves aside,
Valarinz : Oga please take 5k and drop these offences, it won't happen again.
Banky3w : offence no 9, attempting to bribe an officer of the law.
Oya move this car to this place, you're obstructing traffic. Valarinz moves car.....
Banky3w : offence no 10, malicious obedience. Your car has been seized and will be impounded. Leave these checkpoint at once or we will be forced to shoot you.
Valarinz : (walks off while saying....) See you in court.
Banky3w : offence no 11, threatening an officer of the law.
Banky3w calls a tow truck to move the Green Volvo to the impound lot.

banky3w:
Lemme continue from here.
Banky3w asks valarinz for vehicle papers and driver's licence. Valarinz provided the licence and told Banky3w that the car has no plates so there is no paper. Banky3w starts counting offence....
Banky3w: offence no 1, driving an unregistered vehicle
Valarinz : it was just imported and it is on transit to dealer stand.
Banky3w : offence no 2, telling a sergeant he does not know what he's saying.
Valarinz : Ha.....
Banky3w : offence no 3, not believing an officer. Valarinz : .............
Banky3w : offence no 4, driving a green Volvo. Don't you know Volvo is not widely used in nigeria? You want to be giving our kazeems headache.
Banky3w : offence no 5, the colour is green.
Banky3w : offence no 6, looking at an officer with contempt.
Banky3w : offence no 7, staying with an officer at a checkpoint.
Banky3w : offence no 8, being clueless and not doing the needful.
Valarinz : Oga please make i see you......
They moves aside,
Valarinz : Oga please take 5k and drop these offences, it won't happen again.
Banky3w : offence no 9, attempting to bribe an officer of the law.
Oya move this car to this place, you're obstructing traffic. Valarinz moves car.....
Banky3w : offence no 10, malicious obedience. Your car has been seized and will be impounded. Leave these checkpoint at once or we will be forced to shoot you.
Valarinz : (walks off while saying....) See you in court.
Banky3w : offence no 11, threatening an officer of the law.
Banky3w calls a tow truck to move the Green Volvo to the impound lot.

and I thought I was funny

banky3w:
Lemme continue from here.
Banky3w asks valarinz for vehicle papers and driver's licence. Valarinz provided the licence and told Banky3w that the car has no plates so there is no paper. Banky3w starts counting offence....
Banky3w: offence no 1, driving an unregistered vehicle
Valarinz : it was just imported and it is on transit to dealer stand.
Banky3w : offence no 2, telling a sergeant he does not know what he's saying.
Valarinz : Ha.....
Banky3w : offence no 3, not believing an officer. Valarinz : .............
Banky3w : offence no 4, driving a green Volvo. Don't you know Volvo is not widely used in nigeria? You want to be giving our kazeems headache.
Banky3w : offence no 5, the colour is green.
Banky3w : offence no 6, looking at an officer with contempt.
Banky3w : offence no 7, staying with an officer at a checkpoint.
Banky3w : offence no 8, being clueless and not doing the needful.
Valarinz : Oga please make i see you......
They moves aside,
Valarinz : Oga please take 5k and drop these offences, it won't happen again.
Banky3w : offence no 9, attempting to bribe an officer of the law.
Oya move this car to this place, you're obstructing traffic. Valarinz moves car.....
Banky3w : offence no 10, malicious obedience. Your car has been seized and will be impounded. Leave these checkpoint at once or we will be forced to shoot you.
Valarinz : (walks off while saying....) See you in court.
Banky3w : offence no 11, threatening an officer of the law.
Banky3w calls a tow truck to move the Green Volvo to the impound lot.