₦airaland Forum

morningstar55:
did he say he'll be needing sex after 3yrs into the relationship?...if yes,give him sex and unsink your sinking ship...but if NO,it's about time you seeketh a man whose word is yea and amen for it's the tongue that defines a man.

thanks a bunch

OneSentence:
I can't say categorically. a few do. only a few.

OK... thanks

Menal99:
He isn't idle right now... he is into something else which is quite time,effort,and financially consuming
He does want to come see my family soon but I don't know how soon.As for the motivation, I can say to an extend that us settling down is one of those things that keep him up. He was optimistic about things turning around before the end of this year so he can come see my parents and do all the necessities but here We are.
He used to be very very stable financially until to down turn of things. people who used to know him won't even believe if he tells them what he is going through now

If u can compromise give in to him but that wouldn't guarantee nothing tho... Three years & no sex still baffles me sha una done try

dairykidd:
If u can compromise give in to him but that wouldn't guarantee nothing tho... Three years & no sex still baffles me sha una done try

Thank you plentifully!!

Menal99:
This might be long, but please in the name of God, help post I need counsel.I can't talk to my mum, I don't have an elder sister and I don't trust my friends enough to relate this kind of issue with any of them. They say sex doesn't keep a man, but I guess it can help you lose one.... I've been in a r/ship with this amazing man, it will be three years next year. He is almost everything a woman desires.He is patient, kind, gentle, understanding and a lot more. This man motivates me, encourages me, scolds me, when am over at his place, he does my laundry along with his(he washes himself), he helps in the kitchen, he washes dishes while am cooking, he'll slice pepper for me because it hurts my hands when I do so and a whole more. When we started dating I told him we weren't going to have sex which he accepted because he knew I was a virgin. We were friends for almost a year before we starteddating. From the onset, he was always about"us,we"...He made it clear he wanted a future with me but I didn't take him serious I was being careful because I don't want the word marriage to sweep me off my feet and probably make me loose guard. As time went on, things had a downturn for him financially and he moved from the city I was to his hometown(within the same state). Before then, one thing led to another and he started having romance..i obliged because I felt it might help with his urge.He asked for sex several times and I declined that was why I succumbed to the romance. I liked it, I won't deny he did too but I don't think it matters that much to him. We are now in a distance r/ship. He invited me over to see his family but then, his sister whom am close to wasn't at home then and since I'm the shy type, I might not be comfortable and finances for the trip wasn't available as well. So we decided to postponeI suggested we postpone and he wasn't cool with it though he accepted. Some time ago, he kept on telling me he is having the urge for sex and he is starved. We talked a little about it and he asked if I was ready. I said no. I felt sad.The most hurtful part is that he wouldn't force me. He never does. Something brought the sex topic again few days ago and he asked again.. I told him the usual. He said I should never bother about it, that he'll handle it.I asked how, and he said I shouldn't worry. Then I asked if he'll cheat, he said he can't answer that. That scared me. I don't like to share and am scared that time will come soon. I want sex, but I don't need it. I would love to stay this way till we get married but then, here's the problem. I need advice. I don't want to lose him. Please, counsel me am confused

i know how these kinda stories end. You wld lose the guy and finally lose ur virginity to someone not worth it

Fyi0:
My two cents.

Don't mind the hypocrites on here telling you about keeping virginity and that the man should wait if he is worth it. That's total crap!

You think it is easy for a man to stay without sex for three years and going? And constantly resisting the urge? It is awe-inspiring indeed that he has not yet discarded you, cos I sure would have done that a long time if I were him.

So when you wait until the wedding night and you finally give it to him then what? What really is the gain other than the sense of pride that you are a virgin till your wedding night.

Don't get me wrong. Virginity till marriage is a noble thing. But if you love him as you claim here you should be able to compromise. Or is he the only one to compromise?

Since you are sure of his love for you and his intentions towards marrying you why then do you delay it? What difference does it make? Isn't it the same person?

This is my disinterested opinion.

Thank you.

Bia young man...that others opinion differs doesn't make them hypocrites.let me ask you,do you know why most marriages crash these days?...it's simply because of insincerity.

You will hear stuffs like I'll love you forever...i'll never cheat no matter what.truth is,they make these promises without thinking twice(what if...)

My story
When i met my ex,she was a virgin.i never knew cos I thought any girl above 20 must have eaten the forbidden fruit..but I careless cos i'm not a virgin freak and then she asked,can you date without sex?...i said NO

Even if i'm not a sex freak,a day will come when the urge will knock,and if I had answered in affirmative,what do you think will become of me?..a liar?...no way.for that reason,the young girl begged me to do it simply because I was sincere from the beginning.

This is my point...before you answer any question from your parner(or to be),you must think twice(what if...).so in a nutshell the man should have asked himself...how long can I wait?..before giving the Op an answer.

My half cent

Menal99:
Thanks for your contribution I really appreciate

Pls kindly ignore this advise if you haven't abided by it.

OneSentence:
menal99 don't let him pressurise you into sex but give him the undoubted assurance that you are his. don't fight him over it but always calmly reassure him to wait. don't listen to those aggressive voices here cos that's how u will lose him and won't find another like him then your story will be like theirs...all men are scum...
don't give in but assure him that he'll have all of u at the right time. the danger of giving in is this...after waiting for so long if he has it he will think to himself that is this what he has been begging for all the while? make sure you are useful too to him in ways he can't do without u. that way even without sex he'll have reason to love u as u have loved him without money. all the best dear
things will def get better

Kindly listen to this advise.

Menal99:
I really appreciate your contribution... all you've mentioned above, I have done it. I know he loves me. I'm really sure about that.
I remember when we started, he once mentioned he doesn't care if a woman is a virgin or not as there are many other important things that make a good woman and yet, being a virgin is a thing of pride.
This period we've been together without sex has been wonderful.
Now, situation has made us find ourself in a distant relationship and that's y I'm more scared. I am beginning to feel insecure which isn't good for a relationship. He is this kind of man that ladies like people like easily:both male and female.
He tells me all about it. once, he told me about a lady who's wooing him and how he is trying his best to avoid her his reason being that he might fall because he hasn't had sex in ages

It's seems that you have made up mind to fall for this gimmicks because CHANGE IS CONSTANT, He can change.
Telling you that he has a lot of woman trying to get his attention is fallacy because it's very normal for any guy who is good both in physiques OR in characters.

Long distance relationship is for mature minds ,for people who really knows what they want from each , their plans for future and the bonds that's exist between them , such as care, trust , faith , love and intimacy which you have given him EXCEPT SEX .


I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCES BECAUSE I'M IN LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP DIFFERENTS COUNTRIES
I HAVEN'T NOT FOR ONCE COMPRISED MYSELF EVEN WHEN MY FRIENDS ARE MAKING FUNS OF ME EVEN WHEN LADIES BOTH MARRIED AND UNMARRIED ARE MAKING THEIR INTENTIONS KNOWN TO ME.
IT'S NOT ONLY BY PHYSIQUES BUT PERSONALITIES SUCH AS CHARACTERS ETC BECAUSE BACK IN NIGERIA I HAVE DATED AT LEAST TWO LADIES WHOM APPROACHED ME FIRST AND NO BI SAY I FINE OOO OR SAY I TALL OOO & THEIR FAMILIES ARE VERY WELL LOADED SERIOUSLY LIKE ×10 OF MY FAMILY NA ISSUES OF MARRIAGE MAKE ME RUN LEAVE THEM OOO AND THEY ARE VERY YOUNG AVERAGELY BETWEEN 22 AND 24YRS
LDR, IT'S CHALLENGING BUT IT WORTH IT IF YOU ARE WITH THE RIGHT PERSON WHO YOU SHARES THE SAME GOALS AND FUTURE.
IT'S HAS A LOT OF UPS AND DOWN OF IT , IT CAN'T BE ALL ROSY BUT IT'S ALL ABOUT THE PEOPLE INVOLVED.

YOU GIVING HIM WHAT HE WANT IS STILL 50/50 CHANCE
OF HIM STAYING BECAUSE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP INVOLVED NOW AND BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE CAN HANDLE IT.


P.S
I'm very much okay and normal it's a decision I have made for years and I believed that I and my girl shares the same view about our future because I believed that she possessed all I want in woman In as much I can be able to manage her FLAWS because theirs nothing like perfection it's all about fatansy we created.

So my points is if he really sees you as woman he want to spend his entire life with he will surely respect your decision , treasure you and do the needful because marriage planned between this and next year is still the same, it's just differents if months.

dairykidd:
Waiting for things to change before making the move is time wasting & wasting time might cost u guys a lot... Seeing ur parents doesn't have to be a money draining. He should make do with what is available... I'm just saying

God bless you for this wonderful advise BTW op where are you from because this advise is applicable to Igbo people talk more of If you are Yoruba lady because their marriages requirements is very affordable at some point.
Having a high class wedding is good but never translate to happy and successful home .

OneSentence:
if I'm gonna be blunt with u, more often than not ladies like u end up heartbroken so be prepared for that possibility. he could already be cheating. your is to try ur best to keep him but don't let him cut you. he'll come back after he plays around and realises there's none like you. it might hurt but if it happens and u can forgive him then fine. this might not happen but I'm preparing you for the worst as well as being realistic. There's no fairy tale love anywhere anymore

Seriously the possibility of him cheating on her for the past 3yrs is very HIGH BUT has been cleaning mouth without been caught.
Funny thing is now that he's threatened her with cheating on her lol. Na how many man weh no dhey cheat on his woman before.

JONNYSPUTE:
If he truly love you as he claimed or as you believed,why are you two still dating and not married? 3yrs,hmmm. Be careful, some guys can have all the patience in this world just to get at a particular pussy. If he loves you he should do the needful. Don't give in to his request,build your self esteem and confidence.

That's the points.

Don't give in to his request because CHANGE is constant that MR perfect for now might turn to a beast tomorrow.
I wish he understands that your type are very rare to find this time around that immoralities are the order of the day.
You haven't nothing to lose , I just pity him because if he truly want the marriage he will wait after all he has been waiting for the 3yrs so is it less than 12 months before you guys settle down will kill him..
Using cheating on you to threatened you is absorb , how sure he's hasn't be doing it for the past 3 yes .

MPESA:
Seriously the possibility of him cheating on her for the past 3yrs is very HIGH BUT has been cleaning mouth without been caught.
Funny thing is now that he's threatened her with cheating on her lol. Na how many man weh no dhey cheat on his woman before.

yes I believe so. the man is just playing smart

OneSentence:
yes I believe so. the man is just playing smart

Funny thing now is that this girl is just trying to justify his reason the guy reasons and give in to the guy request.
No bi say he wan marry before, make him marry fast and put am for house and dhey chop am any how he want am .

Thou at some points I understand the guy frustration but he has to hold himself to avoid making unnecessarily mistakes.

all I can say is... men can be whatever they want. we can wait wait 10years just for sex... waiting 3years is nothing. you won't believe if u give in after 5years his attitude towards will change. I'm not Trying to say he has been pretending to love u but I want u to know men are unpredictable. he might be having outside self but deserve to have with u. he is trying to use u. he is trying to control ur emotions by giving himself time and u as well to be thinking all this u r thinking and passing through.
A man who loves will wait... sex is just hyped and full of shit. although being a virgin means nothing but self dignity and avoided to be played guys.

God be with u guys

Most of us don't wait till we tie the nuptial knot but it's worth waiting. If he's serious with you, he'll wait. Don't compromise your stand.

Looks to me like you've already decide to give in, it's your life sweetheart. The problem I see here is that you've got the wrong reason for keeping yourself, I'm guessing you are in your twenties. If I can control myself for a decade despite all the shits going on in this world then the word 'compromise' is gibberish to me. Is he the only one with urges? You wish to screw his brains out just as much! Abegi, he's no victim.

AryEmber:
Looks to me like you've already decide to give in, it's your life sweetheart. The problem I see here is that you've got the wrong reason for keeping yourself, I'm guessing you are in your twenties. If I can control myself for a decade despite all the shits going on in this world then the word 'compromise' is gibberish to me. Is he the only one with urges? You wish to screw his brains out just as much! Abegi, he's no victim.

Thanks for your contribution. I haven't made a decision yet

MPESA:
Funny thing now is that this girl is just trying to justify his reason the guy reasons and give in to the guy request.
No bi say he wan marry before, make him marry fast and put am for house and dhey chop am any how he want am .

Thou at some points I understand the guy frustration but he has to hold himself to avoid making unnecessarily mistakes.

He never pushes about it. The reason it seemed like I justify his reason is because I don't want to make known just my own side of the story but rather the both. That way, one can sink in both shoes and draw a good conclusion .
Thanks for your advice. I appreciate

MPESA:
Don't give in to his request because CHANGE is constant that MR perfect for now might turn to a beast tomorrow.
I wish he understands that your type are very rare to find this time around that immoralities are the order of the day.
You haven't nothing to lose , I just pity him because if he truly want the marriage he will wait after all he has been waiting for the 3yrs so is it less than 12 months before you guys settle down will kill him..
Using cheating on you to threatened you is absorb , how sure he's hasn't be doing it for the past 3 yes .

Thanks for taking out time. I appreciate

MPESA:
God bless you for this wonderful advise BTW op where are you from because this advise is applicable to Igbo people talk more of If you are Yoruba lady because their marriages requirements is very affordable at some point.
Having a high class wedding is good but never translate to happy and successful home .

I'm not Ibo nor Yoruba. Sincerely, I don't know the requirements for a marriage in my tribe but I do know the bride price is very little but the list of things to get is. He has actually asked Me severally about the requirements but I was only able to get little information. I'm the first daughter of my family

MPESA:
It's seems that you have made up mind to fall for this gimmicks because CHANGE IS CONSTANT, He can change.
Telling you that he has a lot of woman trying to get his attention is fallacy because it's very normal for any guy who is good both in physiques OR in characters.

Long distance relationship is for mature minds ,for people who really knows what they want from each , their plans for future and the bonds that's exist between them , such as care, trust , faith , love and intimacy which you have given him EXCEPT SEX .


I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCES BECAUSE I'M IN LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP DIFFERENTS COUNTRIES
I HAVEN'T NOT FOR ONCE COMPRISED MYSELF EVEN WHEN MY FRIENDS ARE MAKING FUNS OF ME EVEN WHEN LADIES BOTH MARRIED AND UNMARRIED ARE MAKING THEIR INTENTIONS KNOWN TO ME.
IT'S NOT ONLY BY PHYSIQUES BUT PERSONALITIES SUCH AS CHARACTERS ETC BECAUSE BACK IN NIGERIA I HAVE DATED AT LEAST TWO LADIES WHOM APPROACHED ME FIRST AND NO BI SAY I FINE OOO OR SAY I TALL OOO & THEIR FAMILIES ARE VERY WELL LOADED SERIOUSLY LIKE ×10 OF MY FAMILY NA ISSUES OF MARRIAGE MAKE ME RUN LEAVE THEM OOO AND THEY ARE VERY YOUNG AVERAGELY BETWEEN 22 AND 24YRS
LDR, IT'S CHALLENGING BUT IT WORTH IT IF YOU ARE WITH THE RIGHT PERSON WHO YOU SHARES THE SAME GOALS AND FUTURE.
IT'S HAS A LOT OF UPS AND DOWN OF IT , IT CAN'T BE ALL ROSY BUT IT'S ALL ABOUT THE PEOPLE INVOLVED.

YOU GIVING HIM WHAT HE WANT IS STILL 50/50 CHANCE
OF HIM STAYING BECAUSE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP INVOLVED NOW AND BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE CAN HANDLE IT.


P.S
I'm very much okay and normal it's a decision I have made for years and I believed that I and my girl shares the same view about our future because I believed that she possessed all I want in woman In as much I can be able to manage her FLAWS because theirs nothing like perfection it's all about fatansy we created.

So my points is if he really sees you as woman he want to spend his entire life with he will surely respect your decision , treasure you and do the needful because marriage planned between this and next year is still the same, it's just differents if months.

one thing I can say about the period we've found ourselves in a LDR is the fact that we haven't lost the bond. Apart from being lovers, I cab categorically say we've been good friends even when the 'I miss you're begins to sound tiring to the ears sometimes

morningstar55:
Bia young man...that others opinion differs doesn't make them hypocrites.let me ask you,do you know why most marriages crash these days?...it's simply because of insincerity.

You will hear stuffs like I'll love you forever...i'll never cheat no matter what.truth is,they make these promises without thinking twice(what if...)

My story
When i met my ex,she was a virgin.i never knew cos I thought any girl above 20 must have eaten the forbidden fruit..but I careless cos i'm not a virgin freak and then she asked,can you date without sex?...i said NO

Even if i'm not a sex freak,a day will come when the urge will knock,and if I had answered in affirmative,what do you think will become of me?..a liar?...no way.for that reason,the young girl begged me to do it simply because I was sincere from the beginning.

This is my point...before you answer any question from your parner(or to be),you must think twice(what if...).so in a nutshell the man should have asked himself...how long can I wait?..before giving the Op an answer.

My half cent

I believe we would have settled down before now sha.But it's the downturn of his financial life that must have affected the plans. His account was frozen,his investments went down the drain and a lot more.
In the first months of our relationship he did say he was going to settle down with me. All I did then was laugh, in my head I said to myself " let's see how long you can even stay with me without sex".
I was never in a rush for marriage, and presently I'm not as well.
This was the same reason I pushed all his marriage talks aside because I wanted to be sure he wanted marriage because am the kind of woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with and not because he wants to have sex with me.

Menal99:
I'm not Ibo nor Yoruba. Sincerely, I don't know the requirements for a marriage in my tribe but I do know the bride price is very little but the list of things to get is. He has actually asked Me severally about the requirements but I was only able to get little information. I'm the first daughter of my family

My sister I don't think you are the person who is to get the list .
I'm from Igbo by tribe Anambra State to be precise but grew and bred in Yoruba land. But to be candid with he's the one that will come with one or two people to collect the MARRIAGE LIST from.your family not by sending you .BTW he can do a low key event just like me low key event has always be my desires of which I have discussed with my girl and she's fine with it EXCEPT you or him want to do something big .

P.s
Low key events has not to do with financial status of the people involves but by choice and circumstances.

[quote author=Menal99 post=72644548]one thing I can say about the period we've found ourselves in a LDR is the fact that we haven't lost the bond. Apart from being lovers, I cab categorically say we've been good friends even when the 'I miss you're begins to sound tiring to the ears sometimes

I MISS YOU BEGINS TO SOUND TIRING TO THE EAR SOMETIMES. here got laughing

that's how it use to be sometimes but don't give up if I tell you my experience with my girl eeh .. Mmm .

Just always remind him of the future, profess and express your love for him and always ask God for Divine Directions.

Menal99:
I believe we would have settled down before now sha.But it's the downturn of his financial life that must have affected the plans. His account was frozen,his investments went down the drain and a lot more.
In the first months of our relationship he did say he was going to settle down with me. All I did then was laugh, in my head I said to myself " let's see how long you can even stay with me without sex".
I was never in a rush for marriage, and presently I'm not as well.
This was the same reason I pushed all his marriage talks aside because I wanted to be sure he wanted marriage because am the kind of woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with and not because he wants to have sex with me.

young lady...my comment above was targeted at your man,not you.

From your last line...you said you don't wanna lose him...init?.here are the options

1.give him sex in order to keep him

2.if you are not cool with the above,you guys can go for introduction(both families shud meet for formalities) so you can move in with him.

3.allow him to help himself(which ever way he deem fit) so you guys can get married whenever he is financially buoyant.

There is one thing you must understand...In life,doing the right thing requires sacrifice.you must part with one to get another.you must step on toes to get the right thing done.

My half kobo

MPESA:
[/quote]it's the gospel truth o...Am glad you are experienced in this field [quote author=MPESA post=72645383]

it's the gospel truth o...Am glad you are experienced in this field.ylu understand what am talking about. it's been God, else we for Don separate tey tey

morningstar55:
young lady...my comment above was targeted at your man,not you.

From your last line...you said you don't wanna lose him...init?.here are the options

1.give him sex in order to keep him

2.if you are not cool with the above,you guys can go for introduction(both families shud meet for formalities) so you can move in with him.

3.allow him to help himself(which ever way he deem fit) so you guys can get married whenever he is financially buoyant.

There is one thing you must understand...In life,doing the right thing requires sacrifice.you must part with one to get another.you must step on toes to get the right thing done.

My half kobo

Thanks for all the kobos. God bless you

MPESA:
My sister I don't think you are the person who is to get the list .
I'm from Igbo by tribe Anambra State to be precise but grew and bred in Yoruba land. But to be candid with he's the one that will come with one or two people to collect the MARRIAGE LIST from.your family not by sending you .BTW he can do a low key event just like me low key event has always be my desires of which I have discussed with my girl and she's fine with it EXCEPT you or him want to do something big .

P.s
Low key events has not to do with financial status of the people involves but by choice and circumstances.

Thank you plentifully

morningstar55:
Bia young man...that others opinion differs doesn't make them hypocrites.let me ask you,do you know why most marriages crash these days?...it's simply because of insincerity.

You will hear stuffs like I'll love you forever...i'll never cheat no matter what.truth is,they make these promises without thinking twice(what if...)

My story
When i met my ex,she was a virgin.i never knew cos I thought any girl above 20 must have eaten the forbidden fruit..but I careless cos i'm not a virgin freak and then she asked,can you date without sex?...i said NO

Even if i'm not a sex freak,a day will come when the urge will knock,and if I had answered in affirmative,what do you think will become of me?..a liar?...no way.for that reason,the young girl begged me to do it simply because I was sincere from the beginning.

This is my point...before you answer any question from your parner(or to be),you must think twice(what if...).so in a nutshell the man should have asked himself...how long can I wait?..before giving the Op an answer.

My half cent

Nwanne mmadu
I might have slightly exaggerated by using ty word hypocrite, though I am sure I am not very far from the truth.

What do you mean by sincerity. Have you fulfilled all your vows. Haven't you vowed to do something and later changed your mind due to certain circumstances?

Mek una free d guy joor. I am being a realist here. The guy loves the girl and is willing to marry her. Is it such a big deal if she compromises for the love they share?