Make I pitch my tent here dey observe things... As someone who might get married in the next 5-years, I think you should listen to your mum with out sentiments. Listen to reasons why you shouldn't marry her; i.e will they affect your marriage in the long run? etc

By the way her mother's behaviour is not enough not to marry her. Well, unless her mother is mad, which sometimes may be hereditary. My 2 cents

Tallesty1:
No experience so I will be sharing my senior brother's experience.


Dude came home one day with one tall bae like that from Anambra.


He called the fam together and introduced her as the girl she will marry, Oh Boy.... My old man no even let him finish before he provoke. Your story is interesting


He said it ain't happening, that all his kids will marry from my state.

Mumsy calmed him but she sef no support the thing.

Later than night(after the girl don go) he(dad) called us together and started giving reason why we should not marry from another state.

My bro told him that he and the girl do tey so he no fit leave am like that.

I told them to let him marry whoever he likes after all nah he go live with am.


But the reason I supported him be say me sef dey date one girl from Anambra that time.

Mumsy later gree but palee refused so with mom's support, we do strong head go marry her.


To cut the story short, the lady is my dad's favorite daughter in law till today and they're happily married with 4 kids.

2 boys and 2 girls.

Your story is interesting

frankman365:
You don't need any experience to know that you shouldn't marry without their consent - my humble opinion.

After God, next is your parents!

You are wrong..not in most cases.i will marry if my parent's disapprove my partner for no reason.

olumyde:
Before creating this topic, I tried to search nairaland to see if there's something like this but I couldn't find. The closest I saw were advices on how to go about things when your parents object to your marital decision.

I am currently at a crossroad in my marital decision. My mother does not want me to marry my fiance because of her mother's behaviour.

This is not a unique issue and I know many people have faced something like that in the past.

I know all the advices but what I want to know experience of people who have gone ahead despite their parents' disapproval.

If you have gotten married without your parents' consent, what was your experience? Can you kindly share, so everyone can learn?

I understand a little bit about being at a cross road. I have never been married I am single but I have been around people who got married without their parents consent , some were lucky the parents later forgave their son and accepted the girl , some it turned bad.. It caused enemity between the man and his parents and that is bad ... This story is about a Bros I know, his parent were against him marrying a girl because of their blood group AS and AS but the guy went ahead... On the wedding day no body from the groom side came to the wedding after so many years of begging for his parents forgiveness they forgave him and things are okay now. But it is risky. I don't know the reason your mum gave. You should have friends you trust their judgement or elderly ones not necessarily family tell them the full story hear what they have to say ( before going to anyone for advice make sure you look at their life and make sure they are living a life worth emulating, don't go people that have a messed up life , what do you expect from people like that) sometimes love blinds our sense of reasoning. I would have loved you to share in details what attitude your mum saw that made her say No to your fiancé..... Our parents are the only people that loves us unconditionally so when they No to something they are probably seeing a danger.... But sometimes they might be wrong in their judgement of things....

olumyde:


I know that is one of the popular advice on will get. But what if it is even because of God that you are making your decision. Then you will have to decide if God is first or your parents.

Anyways, this thread is for people to share experience. There are other threads full of different advices.

Advice is cheap! Talk is cheap! Don't we usually say, experience is the best teacher.

I know a frnd who married without his parents consent tho I’m not sure if the father gave his approval bt I know the mother didn’t accept to it bt he discussed the issue with his pastor and after trying and seeing the mom wudnt come arrnd their pastor approved their marriage. The Mom was still adamant until they had their 1st kid I think and then she soften up. Now they are all happy.


The question is u need to know, examine and clarify ur moms reasons with others u trust and are more experienced and ur pastor if u have a good one, just to be sure there’s nothing ur missing out that’s she probably sees. It’s very important u clear that up.

You better stop that marriage if you wants to enjoy your marriage and live long. What an elder can see why sitting down a child cannot see it even if the child climbs the highest mountains.

Married against my mother's wish. She never liked my wife when she was babe then in school, simply because she says I give her attention too much more than i give to her.

Fast forward to after 8years of dating her, mum complained about how can i be stuck with one girl when guys where frolicking about.

After Nysc i started planning marriage, mum actually arranged her friends daughter for me, she was hot, but me i overlooked her because I was hell bent on been opposite of what my father was.

3 years ago i married my wife, mum only came for the traditional. She gave me plenty condition for my white and i was like why will my own mum want to sabotage my life simply bcoz of jealosy. Because of her I didn't do white wedding. I went to the registry and married my wife.

Today I have 2 kids and my wife is my back bone, mum still detest her and is pretending, I have made it clear to her you can't love me, love the kids she gave you and dislike her.

Recently she went as far as smearing my wife's image To my younger brothers who are not in Nigeria, I wonder what she wants to gain. So am paying her back with no access to me at all. Until she retraces her step.

If u notice I didn't talk about my dad, he is alive, his an old arse hole for university of Ibadan females both students and hostel female staff, he can gift u a car just to lay u.

Mum is just a control freak. She has lived her marital life yet wants to live another through me, but kole work ooo

Oh shut up with this "if you later have problems who will you run to" crap! Adults still tied to parents apron strings and behaving like babies. This is why our society is non functional cos we have adults that can't take responsibility for themselves. Some people's parents are dead, how do they cope? Are parents the only repertoire of knowledge and marriage experience?

NaijaRoyalty:


And if you later have problem that only them got solutions to, will you run back to them for help?

HisMajesty1:
No worry, Nairalanders go share experiences today so tey you go confuse.

HisMajesty1:
No worry, Nairalanders go share experiences today so tey you go confuse.

I don laugh tire

olumyde:
Before creating this topic, I tried to search nairaland to see if there's something like this but I couldn't find. The closest I saw were advices on how to go about things when your parents object to your marital decision.

I am currently at a crossroad in my marital decision. My mother does not want me to marry my fiance because of her mother's behaviour.

This is not a unique issue and I know many people have faced something like that in the past.

I know all the advices but what I want to know experience of people who have gone ahead despite their parents' disapproval.

If you have gotten married without your parents' consent, what was your experience? Can you kindly share, so everyone can learn?

What is the the bad behavior her mother showed that made your mother disapprove of your woman? we need to know before we can say if your mother is right or wrong..then if your mother is wrong you go ahead and marry her.

In most cases ! Most parents based there judgements on what people have said about a tribe ! Or how a particular tribe had betrayed them .... when our parents don’t want us to get married to certain person there excuses are always lame !

Valerie47:
Yeah, a child that love her parents.

Control has nothing to do with love.

frankman365:

After God, next is your parents!

You sound like my daddy.

currently dating a girl my both parents don't like.
I don't care. I'd marry her.
Used my alternate account because she follows me on my main account.... Make I no give am reason to start to misbehave

Okay.

Lemme me here from people

olumyde:
Before creating this topic, I tried to search nairaland to see if there's something like this but I couldn't find. The closest I saw were advices on how to go about things when your parents object to your marital decision.

I am currently at a crossroad in my marital decision. My mother does not want me to marry my fiance because of her mother's behaviour.

This is not a unique issue and I know many people have faced something like that in the past.

I know all the advices but what I want to know experience of people who have gone ahead despite their parents' disapproval.

If you have gotten married without your parents' consent, what was your experience? Can you kindly share, so everyone can learn?

Did you try to find out the aspect of the behavior that made your mother disapprove your marrying the girl you love? What's your Dad's stand about this? I wouldn't advise you to ignore your parents and proceed with marriage but instead if you are convinced that all is well with said lady, then you should continue to persuade her to see reasons in accepting her.

I tried that and it was my very first approach but my parents outrightly rejected. It was a serious battle that involved closed friends and all but yet still, position never changed. I was adviced to ignored them and continue with my plans which i accepted. But as God would have it, it never worked because of so many red flags and i am glad for the outcome.

If faced with that situation tomorrow, will i ignore them and proceed to marry behind their back? My answer will be NO because even though not in all cases, most times what they see, you as a child may not see this.

So i will advise you thread carefully.

alfaman3:


Mine were stupid.

why if i may ask?

My mum was against me marrying my sweetest
.. I went ahead...we did our court wedding... We are still together... This month will make us one year ... We are still strongly in love...

..

It depends on the kind of person you are.

If you are a mummy's boy, e don be for you be that.

My own parents can never object to any marriage proposal of mine because they know that getting them involved is just a formality.
I will go ahead and do what's on my mind like I have always done since childhood.


If it backfires, well, we learn everyday.

I wonder how in- laws feel when their own children are rejected, if they get to know about it.

Especially when most of the time, the rejecting party don't even have much in the first place.

Insulting.

I deeply regretted my decision. That's why I am a divorcee now. My Dad is late but my mum saw through my ex-wife's pretenses, but i was too much in love to listen to her warnings. My ex was from a broken home and I married her as an Unemployed person.

I started seeing the things I didn't even notice during courtship just one month into our marriage. Maybe because we had a long-distance courtship. She was very egoistic, full of malice and never listens to any kind of good advice. We both had strong personalities and I couldn't bear to report her to anybody for the shame of being reminded that I was warned before I married her.

The final straw was when I discovered all the lies and contact she still having with an ex she knew before she met me. She was visiting him behind my back and even collected money from her when she needed some balance to buy a car after I had already given her some money. She lied that it was her brother that gave her the money. The truth came out when her brother came back from the U.K and unknowingly revealed the truth. I got to find out they've had romantic outings together whenever I was out to work.

A quick advise to younger guys: LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHERS. THEY SEE BEHIND THE 'CURTAINS' WHEN IT COMES TO FELLOW WOMEN.

@Olumyde. This topic will always be a controversial one. I strongly believe in parental blessing. However, not all parents mean well for their children, vice versa, otherwise parents wouldn't sell their kids for money or children use their parents for rituals. Some people are damn wicked even to their family members. In such a case, should the lady/guy wait for ever?

I will tell you two true life stories. Firstly, my parents, and then a close family friend's parents.

My grandparents didn't want my mom to marry my dad for reasons best known to them. My mom went ahead without their blessing of any member of her family. She knew she loved the man and that was enough. They tried everything humanly possible to separate them to no avail, they even cursed/abused her (note that they are from same tribe, different village). For over 5 to 10 years, my dad did not step into his in laws house. I wouldn't want to go into so much details. That union is blessed with 3 men and 1 woman, we are all above 30 years and prospering to the glory of God. My dad became the best in law of my maternal grandparents before their demise and the whole family is together and prospering. My mom still says her life would have been miserable if she didn't marry my dad. I wouldn't be typing this today if she wasn't strong willed. They later accepted the bride price several years after they married officially (not cohabiting).

Second story is even more interesting.

alfaman3:


Mine were stupid.

you sound bittered.... My opinion is you should forgive them and let it go.... Don't talk about it except when important because the more you talk about the more it hurts you .... Have a good evening.

olumyde:
Before creating this topic, I tried to search nairaland to see if there's something like this but I couldn't find. The closest I saw were advices on how to go about things when your parents object to your marital decision.


If you have gotten married without your parents' consent, what was your experience? Can you kindly share, so everyone can learn?

SECOND TRUE LIFE STORY.

Let me first state that the success of every marriage or home has nothing to do with parental consent. It strictly depends on both couple. Otherwise we wouldn't have high rates of divorce today. If a marriage won't last or if there would be an adverse event, it would happen anyway, whether there is parental blessing or not. I can prove it. Again, if it is possible to get the blessings of your parents, please do as this will promote family bonding and unity. However, if it is not possible and you are convinced, damn the consequences (which is largely social) and marry the person you love. Your parents have lived 2/3 of their lives, you are perhaps close to 1/3.

Now to the real life event.....
My friend's parents married without parental consent and they are doing extremely well, one of the most successful families I know. The major issue was tribal. The man was Yoruba while the woman Igbo. The man's parents refused stating all sort of reasons, they first attributed it to God, then they said they visited some prophets and then later said the marriage will not be blessed with children. The guy insisted, and married the girl. The girl's parents also didn't agree. They said she was their only daughter and they wouldn't want her to go into a family that don't appreciate her. Her father was very bitter. They both sat down and decided to go ahead almost with no consent from both sides (little support from the woman's side). When the man's parents found out, they disowned him (maybe not officially, they said they don't want to ever see him again). A lot happened within the period.

The man is a top engineer, the woman a big business woman, they are both close to 70 years and their children are doing well (some are abroad as doctors, engineers and lawyer). Both families eventually reconciled and are in good terms till date. When the man's father was sick, it was my friend's mother that took care of him till he passed on. She became his favourite and he was always praying for her and her children.



My dearest friends, look before you leap. If there is an obvious reason, for instance you went to school up to PhD and you bring home a school cert, your parents may not agree based on that, or perhaps you bring home a known criminal that will endanger you your life, if I were your parent, I won't support it. In the absence of any genuine reason, forget the talk about "what I am seeing". Nobody can see for you, only God can. Pray to him and let him direct your steps. If you are good and meet a good partner, your marriage will blossom with prosperity.

Inasmuch as I'm a man, and I have got a certain level of independence, I could never get married without my parent's consent. If they don't like her, I will do all within my powers to at least bring love between both parties. I won't anyone advise anyone to try it.

alfaman3:
Parents are overated.

dumbest comments so far on NL......

Moneystopnonsen:
Married against my mother's wish. She never liked my wife when she was babe then in school, simply because she says I give her attention too much more than i give to her.

Fast forward to after 8years of dating her, mum complained about how can i be stuck with one girl when guys where frolicking about.

After Nysc i started planning marriage, mum actually arranged her friends daughter for me, she was hot, but me i overlooked her because I was hell bent on been opposite of what my father was.

3 years ago i married my wife, mum only came for the traditional. She gave me plenty condition for my white and i was like why will my own mum want to sabotage my life simply bcoz of jealosy. Because of her I didn't do white wedding. I went to the registry and married my wife.

Today I have 2 kids and my wife is my back bone, mum still detest her and is pretending, I have made it clear to her you can't love me, love the kids she gave you and dislike her.

Recently she went as far as smearing my wife's image To my younger brothers who are not in Nigeria, I wonder what she wants to gain. So am paying her back with no access to me at all. Until she retraces her step.

If u notice I didn't talk about my dad, he is alive, his an old arse hole for university of Ibadan females both students and hostel female staff, he can gift u a car just to lay u.

Mum is just a control freak. She has lived her marital life yet wants to live another through me, but kole work ooo

You are a strong man unlike weaklings who easily succumb to blackmail.

agaliboy:
I deeply regretted my decision. That's why I am a divorcee now. My Dad is late but my mum saw through my ex-wife's pretenses, but i was too much in love to listen to her warnings. My ex was from a broken home and I married her as an Unemployed person.

I started seeing the things I didn't even notice during courtship just one month into our marriage. Maybe because we had a long-distance courtship. She was very egoistic, full of malice and never listens to any kind of good advice. We both had strong personalities and I couldn't bear to report her to anybody for the shame of being reminded that I was warned before I married her.

The final straw was when I discovered all the lies and contact she still having with an ex she knew before she met me. She was visiting him behind my back and even collected money from her when she needed some balance to buy a car after I had already given her some money. She lied that it was her brother that gave her the money. The truth came out when her brother came back from the U.K and unknowingly revealed the truth. I got to find out they've had romantic outings together whenever I was out to work.

A quick advise to younger guys: LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHERS. THEY SEE BEHIND THE 'CURTAINS' WHEN IT COMES TO FELLOW WOMEN.

Your experience has nothing to do with parental consent.
You married an unfaithful and incompatible person. Period.

frankman365:
You don't need any experience to know that you shouldn't marry without their consent - my humble opinion.

After God, next is your parents!

What of the parents are die hard Ogboni that you know have no positive plans for your future.