Freedem:


You had an house maid since 12 , you people should be ashamed of yourselves, literally enslaving your own people in the name of providing jobs.

Where in Europe will you see a 12 year old maid.

Wicked animals

I guess the part she said they made her family and send her to school is lost on you. You also didn't see where she wrote about their intentions to send her to the university. I wonder how many slaves get to enjoy such things

How's she your maid if she doesn't respect and obey your instructions...and your kids will somehow start looking up to her. Better send her back before you open another thread on "pregnant maid".

ireneidiva:

Stop flogging someone's child. If you can no longer handle her, send her back to her parents. Beating her is just wicked. Injure her and it becomes a police case.

Who told u beating someone with love is an act of wickedness. Even your own children need beating once in a while .

When you viciously discourage a 17 yr old not to have a boyfriend is like burning a fire next to Petrol...Eventually the Petrol will catch fire..

The more you discourage her the more she craves to have more boyfriends...

Solution:
Encourage her to have a boyfriend, but also advise her to be careful...and allow every other thing to fall in place....That is the best you can do..

Wherever there is a hard Dicckk, there will always be a wet pussssy.
Don’t kill yourself, just relax and let the girl figure it out on her own.

Most of our parents did not know that we had girlfriends / boyfriends during our time..we also did a lot shlt that we can’t even bring up on this forum, but yet we managed to make it.

She will be fine...

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

It seems she is adamant on her way of life. Leave her alone. She is already too old for beating and even all these your counseling, She'll most likely not take it and do what she wants. Leave her to her choices, let her be responsible for her actions. If she get belle, it's her choice, if she enter uni, its her choice, in any case u won't get any credit. And no one will discredit the amount of commitment you made to her future, especially since you put her through the educational process. So, leave her, let her be cuz as far she is concerned at the moment, you are her biggest problem, hindrance to her free living end enjoyment of everything her friends are enjoying, you are doing more harm than good.


What you can do tho is monitor her, Carry out periodic pregnancy tests for her(since you have already given her sex education this shouldn't be a problem) cuz she might get pregnant and want to abort it without your knowing and who knows what will happen. Just drop your advice(simple short advice, not sit-down counselling, a word is enough for the wise, plus all these have psychological effect) and go, continue to provide all her verifiable needs, notify her parents/relation of her new choice of living, and let life take it's course on her.

There are many spoilt girls back then that are MDs of multinationals today, its not always the case that a spoilt child becomes useless. So, whatever direction her life will go, you cannot alter it, just continue to offer support. Daz all.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

Please if you wanna be a good person to her, send her home at this early stage and then train her from her parents house if you really wanna help her life, because it's just gonna keep getting worse.. except if you are ready for whatever may come later.. she might not be active now, buh she's definitely planning so hard to be, reason.. she listens to her peer group, instead of respecting you her guardian.. so please take her home for things not to go beyond your controls..

Wish you all the best

lacapine:
I would rather send her home. She has been begging that she doesn't want to go. Still watching.

It's better you send her home now before she get pregnant or elope with one of the boys and you will be left with struggling to explain where a child under your care disappear to.

Do the needful now before its too late

Send her back, you can complete her training to Ss3 while she is in her fathers house that's the least you can do for her to get her waec!she cant b controlled again

Most.of these kids are like that. We have had couples of kids like this. They need help. I always tell my wife that those kids are in their TURBULENT PERIOD! Just like the plane, plane enters turbulent period in the air and after a while it goes away. Meanwhile in that state of turbulency, Passengers are always afraid. It takes the grace of God for such a child to retrace her steps. It's hardwork and prayer from your part. You can inform her parents to come and talk some sense into her. Why she needs to cool down and listen to the advice being given.
Also let her do away with her friends! With my experience as an educationist, PEER PRESSURE is number one thing affecting our teenagers negatively. You tell her, NO FRIENDS! And let her see alternatives. That is if you send her away, you can get somebody better than her that will be assisting you. As said earlier, go to God for her. Talk to God about her. It is well. All the best.

Be more friendly to her and let her see the disadvantages of getting involved in relationship at this stage of her life.

gwinaB:


I guess the part she said they made her family and send her to school is lost on you. You also didn't see where she wrote about their intentions to send her to the university. I wonder how many slaves get to enjoy such things

European idiot

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

you can't defy science, it's in our DNA to be hyper active both sexually and emotionally in our teens, she's an atomic bomb in a size of a rice grain, imagine doctors have revealed that the energy possessed by a 2 -3 months old unborn can power a rocket to space, she needs guidance, not beating our mothers didn't understand the human psychology that's why they beat us but at present we have realised these things come naturally, as they have learnt to socialise so has the issue of boyfriend being a hazard, allow her see the dangers and pleasures, and how it can ruin her life if care not given, let her open her heart and pour out her secrets, only then will u see her next move if it's dangerous or safe, some girls can't just have sex and not tell their mum even at 30, she should show u the boy and if anything goes wrong u should come for his peepee

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

Punish, yes. Flog, no. Always carry her parents and suretees along. Tell them about the issues and the measures you have taken to correct her. If she's too stubborn for you to handle, send her back.

Let her parents know what she's been doing.

UjuJoan2:
I don't subscribe to flogging an 18 year old. If you can no longer control her then send her home.

For me just one thing is important here? Is she still useful to you? Does she still render required services? If yes, then just ignore her. Stop paying too much attention to her social life. But don't miss any opportunity to define to her that if she gets pregnant she will be sent back to her parents ASAP. Just so she is sure of the implications of her actions.

Then you need to inform her parents of what she is doing and the efforts you have made to stop her, and her continuous flouting of rules. Also let them know that you have decided to stop talking about her waywardness since they keep falling on deaf ears, and lastly let them know your plan of returning her if she gets pregnant.. Just so they can start preparing their minds.

Don't give yourself high BP. The fact that you are not her mother already makes you the enemy. She will not believe you mean well for her, rather her adventurous mind will interprete your concerns as a way of preventing her from having fun. At this point, there is not much you can do to change that. She will come to the realization on her own when she is ready

Just let her be!

I disagree with your point of "letting the maid know that she will be sent back home immediately she is pregnant. These are the kind of things that leads to abortion and death.
It simply means that whatsoever could make her keep boyfriend(s) and still has the guts to admit it and go as head to disregard warning to that effect. Again she becomed disrespectful, means that euphoria is very very strong that she would not want to stop even though she "would not want to stop school and be sent back".
So whenever this 2 points are in one's mind, then know she would want to eat her cake and still have it.
Shebwill want to keep having boyfriend and ofcourse having sex which I suspect she has started having already, and if she's pregnant, for the fear of leaving school, she will be ill-advised by her friends or the boyfriend to go abort it. This is where you kneel down snd start Praying right away

The same scenario happened to the house girl my parents brought to the house when I was still a child but my mom and dad tried by marrying her off to the car mechanic guy she was secretly visiting. Just marry her off

It can be frustrating helping a lady or girl that has been sweet-talked by men or boys!

You need extra care and prayers not to regret your good intentions. Home trouble can also be a factor.

Many don't want any good for their citizens outside their village. Is she from a polygamous family? Find out.

Talk to her mother

1Sharon:


Who are you to the young girl? Why do you know she had her first period? That should be woman to woman

Lord knows...you probably watched her take a shower under the guise of making sure she washes well

Jeez, WTF!

When you think towards such, you dont even say it. i guess not everyone has that common sense.

To put you out of your misery, I was married with a kid and live in my own home different from my parents at the time.

Let me oblige you more info. Funny as it sounds, it was my father who discovered her pregnancy (now you will say my father was peeping at her shower time). Out of the blues, when the girl served my parents food, my dad told my mum "Sandra looks pregnant, investigate her". My mum thought it was ridiculous, but mum gave her a container to pee in the next day. The PT test was carried and it was positive.

Now, it was my sister who lived in the same room with her that said this girl only started menstruation just a month ago because she saw blood stained pieces of cloth in her closet.

Our own testimony added to the mystery. Whenever, my 1 yr old son spends the weekend at my parents house, we noticed a behaviour in him that embarassed us severally. My wife was convinced that my boy has been watching people having sex. She swore to find out who but didn't suspect this girl as she clearly wasnt matured for it. We have my sister and 2 female cousins in the house too. When the pregnancy broke out, it did solved the puzzle for us as to who was having sex in front of our boy. S+e was the one always backing him and playing with him. Testimonies have it that she always took him to our neighbors house and the boy who got her pregnant lives there.

lacapine:
. Noted. Only that she doesn't want to go back. I still dey watch.

Change her environment, let her go home. She can still write NECO at the Village.

She needs change of friends/environment

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

Well, I think we are negating biological instincts. Our society has succeeded in re-prioritising education as the first order of individual success. Our cities are littered with people who put emotional and physical nurture to the side to attend university; today they roam the streets with no jobs and they are unable to regain what they lost in emotional development. Do not be afraid of a girl or boy playing out their emotional instincts. Support her, don't punish her for having interest in boys.

u teach her sex educationand u expect her not to try it? u think this is canada?

You brought her in as a maid at the age of 12? When is this "culture" of taking advantage of the situation of underprivileged and underage children stop in this backward country?

If you wanna help train a child or feed a poor child, then do it without having to use them as slaves ("whom u treat as family" ).

I actually thought there are laws which protect children from all these. Enticing kids with city life and taking them away from home as early as 10, 11, 12.... to use them as maids.TRAGIC!

I think it's high time poor parents start getting punishments for being unable to take care of their offsprings, and selling them into slavery in the disguise of giving them a "better life". There's free education in the village!

This is so rampant among the south-easterners, it's disgusting and needs to stop.

UjuJoan2:
I don't subscribe to flogging an 18 year old. If you can no longer control her then send her home.

For me just one thing is important here? Is she still useful to you? Does she still render required services? If yes, then just ignore her. Stop paying too much attention to her social life. But don't miss any opportunity to define to her that if she gets pregnant she will be sent back to her parents ASAP. Just so she is sure of the implications of her actions.

Then you need to inform her parents of what she is doing and the efforts you have made to stop her, and her continuous flouting of rules. Also let them know that you have decided to stop talking about her waywardness since they keep falling on deaf ears, and lastly let them know your plan of returning her if she gets pregnant.. Just so they can start preparing their minds.

Don't give yourself high BP. The fact that you are not her mother already makes you the enemy. She will not believe you mean well for her, rather her adventurous mind will interprete your concerns as a way of preventing her from having fun. At this point, there is not much you can do to change that. She will come to the realization on her own when she is ready

Just let her be!

This is exactly what you should do. Don't stress yourself unnecessarily. You're a good woman. May God bless you.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

OP, first of all that is child labour to employ a child of 12. No matter how kind you are to help her since then.

You also have no right to flog a child that is not your relation. Correct me if she is blood relation.

While you have helped to raise her well, she now puts her boyfriend ahead of you.

Bad mistake to broach sending her back by end of term as some suggest here. She might get desperate to remain to keep seeing boys in the hood. Who's to say one of them cannot become a kidnapper? You have kids I presume.

If she keeps defying you, endure until end of term. Then suddenly bundle her and send back to her parents.

Family ko, brethren ni.

In this time of money ritual and yahoo plus you cannot allow another person's child under your care to waka waka any how. What if she goes to secretly do abortion and something goes wrong? Do kids ever admit being sexually active?

It is then you will know she's not part of your family.

lacapine:
okay. Been doing that. This evening hubby came back late and sent her and Hubby's nephew staying with us to buy something. She branched to her friend's place and when Hubby's nephew was telling her that they should hurry back, she was reluctant and he just came home my himself. The effrontery!

Send her back nau.... Simple. As she never do am reach your husband body now so. Send her back to her parents, let her continue there. You have tried.. Biko.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

I sincerely appreciate your efforts so far and your initial resolution to train her to the University level. being able to tell you why she keep those friends shows how close and free she is in your house, just like your daughter.
I am of the view that you shouldn't send her back yet. make out time to show her the two side of life, one being that of someone who was patient enough to let go of premature desires of flesh and the other being that of someone who gave in to the desires and lost it all. before the above, sit her down to know what her dreams are. a girl who wants to be a lawyer or a doctor will likely understand that she still has a long way to go than a girl who want to learn tailoring and settle down after her o level. also try to call in her parents to advise her and if after all these, she doesn't changed, you can send her back.
I want you to do a little more, not because you have not done enough but because you are on the path to changing a family's history. moreover, girls of her age exhibit similar trait. they want to confirm everything and the society is not helping.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

You have advised, she is not listening........ Send her back to her parents.........

lacapine:
okay. Been doing that. This evening hubby came back late and sent her and Hubby's nephew staying with us to buy something. She branched to her friend's place and when Hubby's nephew was telling her that they should hurry back, she was reluctant and he just came home my himself. The effrontery!

You are part of her game (indirectly)..... Your actions are encouraging her........

Pls send her back if she cant listen to you when she is 17 turning 18years when she enters uni the thing go worst sincerely speaking

That girl should not be impregnated while staying with you. It is a failing on your part. Do whatever you have to do now.