lacapine:
. Thanks very much. I really appreciate your advice. I would rather help from far and yes even if she isn't in my house, my joy would be to give her an education at least till university. So help me God. If pregnancy falls on her, the blame won't be on me. My house would be open to her for visits whenever she wants but I won't be her sole guardian like before. Thanks

God please bless the op for me.She is a good woman.

Pregnancy is on the way coming you better send her back before she gets pregnant in your house and her mother will blame you for not taking good care of her daughter
If she refused to hear advice send her home because their type learns better after her first pregnancy.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

Rubbish reconsideration... Why would you send her back because she's keeping boy friends?.. Is she not human being that blood flows through her vains too... Better you just guild her and her boyfriend so she won't go astray. Teach her to keep just one boyfriend, you can't totally keep her away from boys, even your children self may do worse.

.

What are her parents view in all these. Are they also in the picture as nairalanders. I know of a similar case who only saw the reason after getting pregnant. You have tried your best keep trying on her.

Qokie:


How does this justify serial disobedience of the woman and her husband. People who clothe, feed and house her.

I am sure the OP knows the right thing to do but lack the courage to do it. Never tolerate disobedience and disrespect from people you pay for a service.

That part about being a member of the household does not hold water at all. So is that the way the OP will handle disobedience and wayward tendencies from her children?

I weak o. Parenting these days sef....

women are just too emotional to make a logical decision.

Exactly!!!! her people won't be happyTry more with prayers before you consider taking her back.




quote author=waleyp post=77274277]You have done your own part, you can’t kill yourself na, just leave her to do whatever as per say you don try your best, inform her parents, it will be bad if she gets pregnant under your watch...[/quote]

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

Interesting

My advice: do not cain her. Inform her parents or guardians with a warning in her presence. If the maid, continues, send her home to parents/guardians.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

just know if you keep her till SS3 she will be pregnant and pls don’t come here and start shouting or crying again ... Better you send her back to her people now before she put you in big trouble

Have you considered breaking her leg?

You have not done any wrong.don't spare the rod and spoil the child.








quote author=lacapine post=77288373]. Even my biological child, I flog. She doesn't see herself as an outsider and we have such a good relationship. If we didn't, she wouldn't have stayed 6 years and refusing to go. Mind you, she travels home.once in a while and comes back on her own accord. She understands the reason why she is being flogged and this morning, I sat her down and was talking to her again even though I was tired of talking. [/quote]

Donjcco:


Rubbish reconsideration... Why would you send her back because she's keeping boy friends?.. Is she not human being that blood flows through her vains too... Better you just guild her and her boyfriend so she won't go astray. Teach her to keep just one boyfriend, you can't totally keep her away from boys, even your children self may do worse.

Mr adviser continue advising him until she get pregnant and put the guy in trouble ooooo... Better she send her back to her people and be sponsoring her school at her peoples place girls of this days can put someone in trouble I da tell you

First, notify her parents and let the parents also advice her....watch and see if any change occurs. If no change occurs, send her back home. You could support her through school while she is with the parents. Your good intentions won't be remembered if she gets pregnant under your roof.

Hades2016:
Mr adviser continue advising him until she get pregnant and put the guy in trouble ooooo... Better she send her back to her people and be sponsoring her school at her peoples place girls of this days can put someone in trouble I da tell you

lacapine you coming to this forum to ask for advice is secondary, deep down in you, you know what to do, that girl has been living with you for a while now, you know her behavior more that any of us on this thread,

Am assuming she someone that is of good character OR ELSE SHE WOULD NOT HAVE STAYED WITH YOU TO THIS EXTENT, you know her very well, She is an adolescence now , this things a bound to happen, just guide her, you can't tell her to not have boyfriend, even do she does not want to have boyfriend , there are some that would come to still disturb her,

Try make connection with her, when you are together, tell her about you own past experience with boys when you were in you teenage years, how you able to deal with them

AS for talking to her parent that if she get pregnant, that you would send her back to her village, is the worst thing you can do, IF SHE GET PREGNANT WITHOUT YOU KNOWING AND SHE TRIES ABORTING IT AND COMPLICATION ARISES FROM IT WHICH LEAD TO DEATH, GOD FORBID THAT, NA SERIOUS WAHALA FOR YOUR HEAD, she is an adult, threatening her with that statement could very dangerous

TRY AND DEAL WITH THIS AS IF SHE WAS YOUR BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER,PRAY GOD WILL GUILD YOU

2T215:
First, notify her parents and let the parents also advice her....watch and see if any change occurs. If no change occurs, send her back home. You could support her through school while she is with the parents. Your good intentions won't be remembered if she gets pregnant under your roof.

yes I said it already they should send her back to her parents and continue paying or sponsoring her school... And I still insist if they don’t send her to her parents now trust me she will get pregnant and put them in trouble, little girls of this days don’t have sense believe me bro all they know is men and sex

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

Op you better send that maid away immediately to aviod future problems. Fly wey no dey hear, dey follow deadbody enter grave. Be wise!!!! If that girl gets pregnant, her Parents will not be happy qith and will blame you and your husband or even accused your husband of being the one responsible. She may get pregnant and try to abort it eeeeeeehn... Send her packing and ensure you drop her at her parents place or where you picked her from personally cos her type fit to leave with her bf if you give transport back home

I will not insult you madam holding brief for her when comments of sending her home arises but I will open your eyes small. What if she gets pregnant and you then decide to send a pregnant girl back to her parents against unpregnant daughter they gave you and when she gets home and tell her parents that you and your husband were using her for sex trade occasionally without condoms which resulted to her state. How would you convince a judge that you and your husband did not trade her for money.
You better refuse your village people from dragging your name in the mud cos your story will come to this same nairaliand and the peeps here will call your side of story a cheap lie from pit of hell.
Be warned!

legendarygeo:
You have played a very good part,you have flogged her where she needs flogging, you have advised her where she needs correction, you have prayed for her but it is like those demons don't want to leave her.The age we are now is an "idiotic era" if she gets pregnant! trust me she might successfully abort the first but she would be forced to keep the child of a street guy.
In this situation, you don't do your best and leave the rest for God.
You must do all it takes to get her out of your house since she can no longer abide by your rules and regulations, in 2014,my dad asked me to go to the saloon and cut my hair;and I told him the hair belongs to me and I was not ready to cut it and he said if I could not cut it I have to leave his house,back then I was only 17,I finished secondary school a year before.
There are lot of people out there who are looking for jobs,they don't Even mind if you don't pay them,all they need is clothing, shelter and food.
The faster you act,the better to avoid getting yourself into unwanted trouble.
After sending her back to where she came from,you can still send her monthly allowances if you have and if peradventure she gains admission,don't forget to render a helping hand. She's like your blood.
For now, she doesn't know your value.
To everything under the sun, there is a season.
Her time is up!
Thanks.

too much wisdom from a 23 year old..I like your advice.

just try to have another heart to heart discussion again and try to involve her parents and even your pastor if you're christians and above all pray about no mountain is unsurmountable with God..I believe she will change if you apply the above measure.. good luck dear

Handle her like you would your daughter. Its a life training you're undergoing now don't fail.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

Op jejely send her back home, before one becomes two.

But some guys sha

I have a neighbor, she's a pensioned widower ,all her kids resides abroad, married. she brought a househelp from Cotonou When the girl was just 8Years. She stayed till 18 years, she learnt how to fix hair alongside then Later another male neighbor from the same street came to meet the madam and said he wishes to marry her. The madam made more enquires about the neighbor and realised the man is OK, from a good family with a good job. The widower gave her blessings, told the girl family and they came to Lagos, They are married and sometimes she comes over to help the madam in house Chores when she's chanced. Shes now madam in her hairdressing shop which the husband opened for her

So all these boyfriends deceiving your househelp and collecting their share, should have conscience for God sakes!

Biko send her to family.

ireneidiva:

Stop flogging someone's child. If you can no longer handle her, send her back to her parents. Beating her is just wicked. Injure her and it becomes a police case.

Really?

give her one week ultimatum if she doesn't change her way send her back immediately

bukatyne:

Really?

Emmmm, injure her and get a pat on the back?

justli:


Who told u beating someone with love is an act of wickedness. Even your own children need beating once in a while .

Discipline her with other ways. You don't flog someone's child.

samydo:


Idiot did she say she floged her?

Kindly read the story again.

1Sharon:


Is there anything wrong in a teenager having a boyfriend? What were you doing at 18? Her behaviour is perfectly normal. Girls like boys and vice versa.
Hypocrite

Are you the maid....take it or leave it at 18 one is still under the authority of their parents/guardians. So if the guardian says other wise the maid has to obey.

In addition, when sending her home make sure you or someone takes her by hand to her parents.

She's over grown and you may end up in regrets.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

Beating her was very wrong. She is 18 for God sake. No matter how hard you try, biology will happen. I bet you weren't different at that age. The only thing you can give her is advise. If really she has become family, then be her friend and let her tell you all she has to..once you put fear in her mind, you will always be lied to. She has come of age. Handle with care.

Discuss with her parent about it Incase of tomorrow.

Also what are the services you will miss if you send her packing?

Is she a nice girl?

isan:
give her one week ultimatum if she doesn't change her way send her back immediately

what if she does the do within that period and get pregnant?

the girl remind me of Nigeria as a country, her leaders and her problems.