₦airaland Forum

cynthie140
I normally shy off commenting on some topics but here is my input..
You noticed this earlier than now so what kept you from breaking up then?
Now you done with master's you are evaluating you standards right?
Why are you ashamed of telling your friends about your guy because you feel he isnt your standard any more right?
Those girls their guys are doing stuffs for do you know what they go through in that relationship?
You are sure of your guys love are they sure of thier bf love?
My dear you see in this deceitful life only the lucky ones find true love others just live on pretence.
The truth lies in between you never loved this said guy or you've fell out of love with him, which is understandable. His desires for sucess my dear cant be measured with what you've said so far because an average nigeria man who suffers to work is naturally triggered to succeed more just that some like myself hate saying or discussing my desires and plans..
My suggestion is open up to him one on one if you cant continue with him discuss all that with him, it might hurt him now but he will be grateful in due time.

Women and unhealthy comparisons.

Shii




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Op you are not ambitious yourself, cause if your guy knew he was dating an ambitious lady he will feel threatened insecure and challenged to grow bigger he won't be comfortable at where he is right now, first show him how ambitious you are ,

Paxie55:
Never trust the love of a broke man.

This dude's are making me laugh. People carrying burdens they know they won't like from the start of a relationship, na so plenty go try try till they crash in between. My rule stands, if one were serious about marriage one would have been working hard at these things before the time marriage draws closer. Not attaining them isn't the problem, but a lack of drive. Many people carry burdens they weren't supposed to along the way their motivation dissapears next thing bitter divorce..

Paxie55:
Never trust the love of a broke man.

let me quickly say this that from most girls point of view AMBITION = MONEY,so if you have not made enough money in life you are not ambitious enough lol. If you are telling her not to ever trust the love of a broke man, then I guess you are telling her it is only the rich that are entitled to love, meaning real love = enough money. Let me quickly point this out op you can never get 100% from any man, go get yourself a rich dude and you be fool to think you are the only one he is fuvking, and you cry foul when he denies you of the attention and affection u currently getting fpr free ,no rich dude is vacant, yes you heard me right NO rich dude is vacant except you are satisfied being a side chic cos he has money cos from your write up that's your definition of being ambitious... Is your lots that pushes guyz to cyber crime and likes just cos he wants to make you feel good about him.

Op thinks he is doing the guy a favour by dating him, I hate that with pasion, just hate when guyz worship women it irritates me, wealth is built and doesn't fall on you overnight and what do you know u r just 23 and you've not seen life dear, I pray you don't learn the hard way in the hands of your so called " ambitious " guyz , op seriously you don't love him you are only drawn to him cos of the attention & affection he showers on you..plz and plz let that guy go you don't deserve he's undying love..some girl somewhere will treat him right. This is why I have always told those so called nice guyz that babes don't like niceness they want hardness from guyz but they won't listen.

Op check it, from your write up, especially in the area of not calling him for almost a week and other stuff u wrote there I smell pride..I am not saying you shd get married now cos I think u definitely young cos to me from 26 years downwards are babies and can't reason real life reasoning tell you guy to get himself a more advanced mature woman ( master degree not withstanding).


@paxie be careful with life cos when the chips are down it will be a different ball game altogether, am talking from depth of knowledge, understanding and experience.

cynthie140:


Hi I am a young girl of 23. Done with my masters and currently dating a guy...he is nice and all, puts up with all my bullshit (i could just stay and not pick his calls for a week, i don't show enthusiasm to visit or see him, keep him waiting for hours etc) and he still loves me. We don't even have sex sef. He's basically perfect except for one detail. He is not ambitious. He doesn't have money and is just satisfied with recieving not up to 100k everyend of the month. Doesn't strive for better or anything. And he wants to get married. 


Sometimes i think of things like the wedding. Who will pay for it?  And other things. He doesn't even give me money. Not that i feel entitled or anything. But like 6k in like 3 months, even when i was a student. Thats bad abeg. I'm currently not working but soon will as a lecturer. And I'm usually mostly broke for now cos i just defended my thesis. Sometimes I'm ashamed to tell my friends i have a boyfriend cos of all the things their boyfriends do for them and all he doesn't do for me. He is starting to pressure me for marriage and to be honest, im not ready for all that right now. I don't want to get married to someone that has no ambition. Just merely wishful thinking. I'm more of books and not exactly business minded so i should get married to someone who is. I don't want to suffer in anyones house tbvh. There are somethings he does that i think about and know that he actually loves me. But on my own i dont miss him or think of him or anything whatsoever. As he's pressuring me now, if i decide to break up on the basis that I'm not ready, he will be very ready to wait till whenever. I don't know what to do. I dont want to string him along. If i see someone right now that is ambitious and generous and all the good qualites i need, i wont even think twice bout leaving him. I feel bad that it will really hurt him cos he's a good person. He will make a good husband if he was comfortable at least and very smart and ambitious.  He's just there. I tire o. What should i do?

bonu080@gmail.com

cynthie140:
e be like say you think i dont have sense. i can't be saying stuff without reasonable basis. i have asked actually. A lot of times. he says he wants to work in an oil company. really. thats his ambition in life. and its not even as if he's making any effort to apply or anything. as if the job will just fall from heaven. i even tried to send him links and all that.

And also, I'd have liked to leave him. Even tried to sef. but he doesn't even want to let me be.

bonu080@gmail.com

osato45:
does he have some savings he has made to cater for the wedding cost ask him how much he has to that effect?

as a contract staff he may be fortunate that his employers may make his stay a permanent job, does his bank give opportunities for contract staffs to apply and change their employement status through tests and interview?

you hope to get a job as a lecturer, if that sails through don't you feel your income and his can build a home together?

it seems being the academic type you would love to get married to someone in the academia say a lecturer or someone in the medical field

also your post shows you don't love him now and may not have in the past, please kindly have a heart to heart talk based on your post and it must cover all issues including this comment. it may seem tough but you have to do it

its unfortunate he is not seeing the handwriting on the wall that you are not into him as much as he is to you. for a relationship to succeed both parties must be on same page

She needs an entrepreneur

cynthie140:
you don't even understand. what does he want to build? hes 33. works as a contract staff in a bank. no time for anything. Just goes to work from 7 to 6 everyday. works on Saturdays and sundays too. i feel they are just using him.

Your type will fail students and frustrate them. I pray you are given job elsewhere not school. So because he is 33 means he is a failure. If you know how this country is, u'll appreciate the young man. Anyway, at 23 you dont know anything in life except your books. sha i know its msc degree that is in ur head. when i had mine it felt like nothing because Nigeria needs no degree but smart work. I feel insulted for saying this to the guy. Do you know the people he meets on daily basis, as to make him have assurance of working in an oil company? No. Madam, see MSc is nothing. Don't let it enter your head o.

You have a guy who loves and care for you and probably you are the only one he is dating, he even earns 100k and yet you are calling him unambitious. You believe you can still get someone better,
I know you're acting this way because you believe you are still very young and don't seem to know what others are going through, I believe you have another 'ambitious' guy somewhere already asking your hand in marriage.
By the way, how much do you think lecturers earn?? A 300k?

You opened a thread in 2018 and asked this question
''I'm a young girl in Calabar. Everybody getting married these days mostly marry guys from outside the country. biko where do they meet them?''

Its very obvious you are a gold digger ryt from time maybe you didn't know, any guy who marries you may eventually want a divorce when the pressure and your expectations is too much on him. Leave the innocent guy for someone that deserves true love while you wait on God for your already made ''oyibo guy''

cynthie140:


Hi I am a young girl of 23. Done with my masters and currently dating a guy...he is nice and all, puts up with all my bullshit (i could just stay and not pick his calls for a week, i don't show enthusiasm to visit or see him, keep him waiting for hours etc) and he still loves me. We don't even have sex sef. He's basically perfect except for one detail. He is not ambitious. He doesn't have money and is just satisfied with recieving not up to 100k everyend of the month. Doesn't strive for better or anything. And he wants to get married. 


Sometimes i think of things like the wedding. Who will pay for it?  And other things. He doesn't even give me money. Not that i feel entitled or anything. But like 6k in like 3 months, even when i was a student. Thats bad abeg. I'm currently not working but soon will as a lecturer. And I'm usually mostly broke for now cos i just defended my thesis. Sometimes I'm ashamed to tell my friends i have a boyfriend cos of all the things their boyfriends do for them and all he doesn't do for me. He is starting to pressure me for marriage and to be honest, im not ready for all that right now. I don't want to get married to someone that has no ambition. Just merely wishful thinking. I'm more of books and not exactly business minded so i should get married to someone who is. I don't want to suffer in anyones house tbvh. There are somethings he does that i think about and know that he actually loves me. But on my own i dont miss him or think of him or anything whatsoever. As he's pressuring me now, if i decide to break up on the basis that I'm not ready, he will be very ready to wait till whenever. I don't know what to do. I dont want to string him along. If i see someone right now that is ambitious and generous and all the good qualites i need, i wont even think twice bout leaving him. I feel bad that it will really hurt him cos he's a good person. He will make a good husband if he was comfortable at least and very smart and ambitious.  He's just there. I tire o. What should i do?

you are very stupid...

LilMissFavvy:
I would not advice you to leave him, honestly. You are very young, stay with him and build things up, atleast he earns something at month end. You said you wonder how the wedding will be financed, ask him like you have said if he can foot a wedding, if not, encourage him to save. Stand by him. Am only saying this, cuz I think he loves you. Then when have a job, you also share responsibilities.

you have a good heart... People like you are too too few n it hurts.

You haven't married, you've started to cope. Inhibitions formed by fear of the unknown. My people stop staying in people's lives when you don't love them enough to leave with the conditions you observe around/with them

millionboi2:
She needs an entrepreneur

She needs an entrepreneur a go getter simple. She's better with an entrepreneur than starts at 60k per month salary than an unambitious person who earns 200k per month

UniQue84:
let me quickly say this that from most girls point of view AMBITION = MONEY,so if you have not made enough money in life you are not ambitious enough lol. If you are telling her not to ever trust the love of a broke man, then I guess you are telling her it is only the rich that are entitled to love, meaning real love = enough money. Let me quickly point this out op you can never get 100% from any man, go get yourself a rich dude and you be fool to think you are the only one he is fuvking, and you cry foul when he denies you of the attention and affection u currently getting fpr free ,no rich dude is vacant, yes you heard me right NO rich dude is vacant except you are satisfied being a side chic cos he has money cos from your write up that's your definition of being ambitious... Is your lots that pushes guyz to cyber crime and likes just cos he wants to make you feel good about him.

Op thinks he is doing the guy a favour by dating him, I hate that with pasion, just hate when guyz worship women it irritates me, wealth is built and doesn't fall on you overnight and what do you know u r just 23 and you've not seen life dear, I pray you don't learn the hard way in the hands of your so called " ambitious " guyz , op seriously you don't love him you are only drawn to him cos of the attention & affection he showers on you..plz and plz let that guy go you don't deserve he's undying love..some girl somewhere will treat him right. This is why I have always told those so called nice guyz that babes don't like niceness they want hardness from guyz but they won't listen.

Op check it, from your write up, especially in the area of not calling him for almost a week and other stuff u wrote there I smell pride..I am not saying you shd get married now cos I think u definitely young cos to me from 26 years downwards are babies and can't reason real life reasoning tell you guy to get himself a more advanced mature woman ( master degree not withstanding).


@paxie be careful with life cos when the chips are down it will be a different ball game altogether, am talking from depth of knowledge, understanding and experience.

You multiply ords sir but without wisdom. Its a lie that women see money as ambitious. Ambitious is attitude sir. I. E. You work day in day out morning to nirmte, can't you setup something extra asides salary or make your weekend to productive use. She can help build him up but lack the skills, if not she can say honey let's set this biz up so while you work part-time it generates mobey6.


Let's stop judging people's positions from our own preconceived notions and prejudices and stop telling people to cope with what would make them unhappy on the long run.


I repeat money isn't ambition, attitude is ambition

Leave the guy alone. You don't love him. You two are not compatible. He doesn't meet your standard. Stop letting him think that he has a girlfriend when he doesn't

Yoshy:
Unambitious is bad, here is the thing, with the amount of love he has for you, it's easy to influence him to make a conscious effort to change and be more ambitious, you will be even surprised.

When a man truly loves a woman, especially a quality woman, he will put enough effort to change his life, if you let him with a little push.

Being unambitious is a learned lifestyle due to disappointments in life, it takes the right amount of friends, books and exposure to reset that.

This reminds me of 2017, during my service year, I was head over heels with my friend, but was nothing financially, didn't even have a direction, only HOPE, well, I was ambitious but not loud about it, but you couldn't think I was due to my circumstances.

She left and married a gentleman, right now, I am not the same again, my silent ambition is bringing in tangible results that even the girl is surprised how I was able to do it.

Take time to understand the guy first, you can't make tangible conclusions from afar.

A lot of people we write off, maybe silent but doesn't mean they are empty.

silent ambitions make sense in your 20's. not in your 30's

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Space booked.

and its not about money. its about drive. passion to do something or want to attain something. not a passive life. you will know in the way a person talks if he has big dreams. a smart person with plan A and plan B. not someone who is satisfied with management. he's a really good person and i really like him. but i dont admire him

cynthie140:
and its not about money. its about drive. passion to do something or want to attain something. not a passive life. you will know in the way a person talks if he has big dreams. a smart person with plan A and plan B. not someone who is satisfied with management. he's a really good person and i really like him. but i dont admire him

u don't love him but u like him qed

get da fuk atahere ediot
go and break up with day fool of a man deceiving himself.

u are ashamed of telling ur friends u have a boo because you think ur msc makes him below ur standard and u say u love him.
will u pig fucking get outta here.
gold digger everywhere

cynthie140:


Hi I am a young girl of 23. Done with my masters and currently dating a guy...he is nice and all, puts up with all my bullshit (i could just stay and not pick his calls for a week, i don't show enthusiasm to visit or see him, keep him waiting for hours etc) and he still loves me. We don't even have sex sef. He's basically perfect except for one detail. He is not ambitious. He doesn't have money and is just satisfied with recieving not up to 100k everyend of the month. Doesn't strive for better or anything. And he wants to get married. 


Sometimes i think of things like the wedding. Who will pay for it?  And other things. He doesn't even give me money. Not that i feel entitled or anything. But like 6k in like 3 months, even when i was a student. Thats bad abeg. I'm currently not working but soon will as a lecturer. And I'm usually mostly broke for now cos i just defended my thesis. Sometimes I'm ashamed to tell my friends i have a boyfriend cos of all the things their boyfriends do for them and all he doesn't do for me. He is starting to pressure me for marriage and to be honest, im not ready for all that right now. I don't want to get married to someone that has no ambition. Just merely wishful thinking. I'm more of books and not exactly business minded so i should get married to someone who is. I don't want to suffer in anyones house tbvh. There are somethings he does that i think about and know that he actually loves me. But on my own i dont miss him or think of him or anything whatsoever. As he's pressuring me now, if i decide to break up on the basis that I'm not ready, he will be very ready to wait till whenever. I don't know what to do. I dont want to string him along. If i see someone right now that is ambitious and generous and all the good qualites i need, i wont even think twice bout leaving him. I feel bad that it will really hurt him cos he's a good person. He will make a good husband if he was comfortable at least and very smart and ambitious.  He's just there. I tire o. What should i do?

from this your write up, you don’t even love him, so why are you still with him? What makes you think he is not ambitious? Because he earns less than 100k and you feel he is not striving for better things? My sister i earn less than 50k. We strive for better things everyday but even the country no dey make am look as if we strive. My sister forget this ur excuse of him not being ambitious, you don’t love the guy. Leave him for people that would love him.
P.s : he is not your dad so he isn’t entitled to give you anything, coupled with the fact that he hasn’t even had sex with you. If na me , that 6k in 3 months is too much for who I haven’t had sex with

MajorJeffery:
He can't be having such ambition without having the necessary qualification and applying for related jobs. From your narrative, you are on a fast pace and he is on a slow one so you guys can't be compatible. You are already regretting having him as a boyfriend so the regret will continue and even get worse in marriage. Leave him Madam educationist and let him work his life at his own pace so he doesn't get pushed into mistakes. I know a Nigerian dude that behaves exactly like I have described above and today, I got a call from a Lieutenant in US Navy that an applicant uses my name as a reference and that I should attest to his abilities before they call him in for further processing and she was talking about him. You can imagine my shock and joy. This is a young guy I have been pushing since my Lieutenant days almost 6years ago but he is waking up just now. Some men are slow doesn't mean they are retards.

Please can you arrest buhari for us anytime he visits US. Thank you

cynthie140:
and its not about money. its about drive. passion to do something or want to attain something. not a passive life. you will know in the way a person talks if he has big dreams. a smart person with plan A and plan B. not someone who is satisfied with management. he's a really good person and i really like him. but i dont admire him

You are not even talking like someone that has big dreams rather you are talking from your friends perspective.

You are a destiny destroyer

MajorJeffery:
Have you asked him what his plans are in terms of new job, future endeavors etc? [b]ust because a man wakes up and goes to a peanut job everyday doesn't make him dreamless[/b]You need to get into the inner mind of a man to know where he's going. Well at 23, what do you know about men and their endeavors. I suggest you get married to your books and leave that innocent man alone.

the bold part said it all

Achieverzy:
You opened a thread in 2018 and asked this question
''I'm a young girl in Calabar. Everybody getting married these days mostly marry guys from outside the country. biko where do they meet them?''

Its very obvious you are a gold digger ryt from time maybe you didn't know, any guy who marries you may eventually want a divorce when the pressure and your expectations is too much on him. Leave the innocent guy for someone that deserves true love while you wait on God for your already made ''oyibo guy''

oooooo I remember that thread.so na she be this. Now it’s clear. Please leave that innocent man alone. Go and find oyinbo husband

Paxie55:
Op, biko don't let all these guys guilt trip you into marrying someone below your level and standard, especially someone that's just okay with a peanut he receives without making further steps to earn more.

He just loves you cos you are ambitious, intelligent and has a better future than him.
Had it been reverse is the case, he would have dumped you to marry someone better.
My advise is that you should leave him asap, don't pity him.
I hate people that are too comfortable with whatever that's coming their way.

You have a right to a better life and an ambitious man.

Don't keep him waiting, just break up with him asap.

Who told you he is okay with what he earns ?
Did an opportunity cmes his way and he blew it?
Trust me ,he wants a better life for himself.
So many people out there that dsn't evn earn upto half his earnings ,should they kill theirselves they ain't where they suppose to be ?
Do you know all sort of things disturbing his mind right now ? Must have been thinking about this too and dude dnt just want to loose the girl so he thought of getting married to her first den face hustle.
A lot is going on most dudes out there mind,frustration is creeping in cos we believe we shouldn't be where we are bro, so many sacrifices made buh nothing seems forthcoming.
I pray the lady dump d guy and I pray he gets his dream job that exact month. She is a bad energy jur

cynthie140:
silent ambitions make sense in your 20's. not in your 30's

Godspeed, coming online is just to validate your preconceptions.

All the same, I prefer to use my head in marriage than heart or emotions.

cynthie140:


Hi I am a young girl of 23. Done with my masters and currently dating a guy...he is nice and all, puts up with all my bullshit (i could just stay and not pick his calls for a week, i don't show enthusiasm to visit or see him, keep him waiting for hours etc) and he still loves me. We don't even have sex sef. He's basically perfect except for one detail. He is not ambitious. He doesn't have money and is just satisfied with recieving not up to 100k everyend of the month. Doesn't strive for better or anything. And he wants to get married. 


Sometimes i think of things like the wedding. Who will pay for it?  And other things. He doesn't even give me money. Not that i feel entitled or anything. But like 6k in like 3 months, even when i was a student. Thats bad abeg. I'm currently not working but soon will as a lecturer. And I'm usually mostly broke for now cos i just defended my thesis. Sometimes I'm ashamed to tell my friends i have a boyfriend cos of all the things their boyfriends do for them and all he doesn't do for me. He is starting to pressure me for marriage and to be honest, im not ready for all that right now. I don't want to get married to someone that has no ambition. Just merely wishful thinking. I'm more of books and not exactly business minded so i should get married to someone who is. I don't want to suffer in anyones house tbvh. There are somethings he does that i think about and know that he actually loves me. But on my own i dont miss him or think of him or anything whatsoever. As he's pressuring me now, if i decide to break up on the basis that I'm not ready, he will be very ready to wait till whenever. I don't know what to do. I dont want to string him along. If i see someone right now that is ambitious and generous and all the good qualites i need, i wont even think twice bout leaving him. I feel bad that it will really hurt him cos he's a good person. He will make a good husband if he was comfortable at least and very smart and ambitious.  He's just there. I tire o. What should i do?

You are a good person - thinking of how your actions will affect the people around you.

You are ambitious- not quite a crime. You also want to see the ambition in your partner.

You want a comfortable life- who doesn't?

You have to chin up and tell him how you feel; do t lead him on and do t make him wait. It's gonna hurt him but it's going to make him stronger. Such marriage will lead to resentment in no time so its best to move on at this point

cynthie140:
you don't even understand. what does he want to build? hes 33. works as a contract staff in a bank. no time for anything. Just goes to work from 7 to 6 everyday. works on Saturdays and sundays too. i feel they are just using him.

Babe, I understand the way you feel but life is funny oh.....Trust me he is ambitious...Is it not Zenithbank contract staff?....The work gives him no joy believe me but what can he do rather than settle for what life has got to offer at the moment... I've a Friend that was in similar situation and on the same Job and the babe left and after 10months he got another with CBN last year...so follow your heart at time so of you ladies action propels God to pick call quick

Connoisseur:
You are a good person - thinking of how your actions will affect the people around you.

You are ambitious- not quite a crime. You also want to see the ambition in your partner.

You want a comfortable life- who doesn't?

You have to chin up and tell him how you feel; do t lead him on and do t make him wait. It's gonna hurt him but it's going to make him stronger. Such marriage will lead to resentment in no time so its best to move on at this point

Apt. More oil Sir.