₦airaland Forum

MrBrownJay1:
so long as that man can pay his rent, pay for his monthly food, pay the bills etc....and has small change at the end of the month, then he can consider dating, and possibly marriage...

what if there's an emergency(God forbid). what is he to do? come online to start a fund raiser

Marriage is not a joke or an idea that should be taken lightly. The idea that love is enough to see you through in marriage, is a lie from the pit of hell. The idea that you should marry simply because 'you're of age' or that 'all your mates are married' is totally lame and dumb.

When it comes to marriage, money is an important factor that should not be taken lightly. It's absence in sufficient amounts leads to so much trouble in the family. It is the leading cause of imbalance and unhappiness in marriage.

The man who seeks to get married should first do his calculations to know if he can comfortably take care of at least three persons (I.e. husband, wife and a child):minimum. The calculations should be based on present realities, not future plans of success. If he cannot, he must first raise himself to that capacity before attempting to ask for a woman's hand in marriage.

A substituting situation, though not ideal, would be if, in agreement with his intended bride, who also has a source of income, their combined earnings would be enough to take care of three persons comfortably, then he can take the chance.

The particular reference to 'three persons' is because the average young marriage in this clime usually translates from two persons (husband and wife) to three persons (husband, wife and a baby) in the space of a year and a lot of them end up overwhelmed by the new realities they're faced with, and totally unprepared for within that time. One of these realities is that though it is possible to manage and survive with just you and your new wife on your meager income (if she's the understanding type), in the first few months after your wedding, the baby (or babies, with the possibility of your first pregnancy being twins) that follow(s), right from the pregnancy stage, are not in any way understanding to your predicament. They're very demanding in their needs and their needs are many and cannot be explained away.

The particular amount required therefore, depends on the realities of the economy of our present day, in terms of cost of living, location, and the quality of life you plan on giving your young family, vis-à-vis your present income: e.g.

1.) Do you plan on living with your parents (not cool) or renting an apartment for just you and your family? If you'll be renting, will it be a single room in a face-me I face-you house or a one room, self-contained apartment? Or Would it be a Two bedroom or three bedroom apartment? Which of these would you be able to afford?

1b.) Would the woman you want to marry be comfortable living in that apartment with you and a child? If not, can your current income afford the type she would want?

2.) You have to factor, for the first year, the monthly costs of feeding two and eventually, three mouths (the third mouth, the baby, would definitely demand more); cost of transportation, electricity, clothing, all into your calculations, and how your present income can meet up to those demands without puting your new family into unnecessary hardship. If your present income cannot meet up, it therefore means that you have to re-strategize your sources of income. Build up yourself to meet up to those demands before attempting to ask for a woman's hand in marriage

All I'm trying to say in all this is that it would amount to wickedness if you marry someone's daughter out of your selfish reason of 'I'm of age' or because 'my mates are all married' or any other similar reason, without being financially capable to provide the basic needs for her and her child(ren), while expecting her to understand and bear with you.

Given the present economic situation in the country, getting married on a monthly income of N30,000 or 50,000 is totally unfair to any woman, no matter the location in Nigeria, and it would be suicidal for a marriage. You're literally setting up your marriage to struggle and most likely, to eventually fail.

A single guy living on an income of N30,000, in all major cities in the country today, would have to sacrifice a lot and deny himself many basic necessities just to get by, talk less of adding another person or two to it. Keep in mind that the upkeep requirements of a woman, is naturally more than that of a man, not to mention the inherent possibility of a child in less than a year into marriage.

You might achieve your goal of getting married, if you insist, but it usually turns out as a horrible experience for all parties directly involved.

It is good that you might have prospects and future ambitions to make it big in life, but you must first ensure that you start up your family well in the present cos starting a family in poverty only becomes a liability to your dreams in the long run and then you're most likely to end up with more children than you can cater for cos the only form of pleasure you can then afford to give to your wife would be sex, and given the depression that usually accompanies poverty, you yourself would find sex as the only source of relief or distraction you can get. The result would be more children in the midst of poverty. This explains why the poor, earning meager income and living in the worst conditions, pop up more children than their income can take care of. It's literally the Nigerian story.

You might come across the story of someone who got married penniless and ended up turning things around, and you become emboldened to go for it, with the hope of getting similar result. You'd be surprised to find out the hard way that successful turn around stories only happen in one 1 out of several unsuccessful cases..

In final summary, I would outline the following.

If you think you have come of age as a man and therefore, decide to get married, you can follow these steps:-

1. Calculate the monthly cost of providing for a family of three
2. Compare the results you get with your present income and see if you can afford to do so with what you currently earn. If yes, then you can proceed to consider your mental &spiritual preparedness for marriage, and eventually, start gathering money for the wedding requirements
3. If no, then you don't have to give up, rather you should immediately start working out ways to raise your monthly income to meet up. Why? Cos that's the first test of your preparedness for marriage.

You need to understand that a married man will always be faced with new levels of family demands as the size of the family grows. If you cannot raise your income to support three while you're still single, you have no business getting married, no matter your age. The first maturity that a man must prove to his intended bride is his capacity to provide

All the best

ibkayee:
Guy, are you in love with me already? At least give yourself a week before stalking me

hahaha! you say in love? when I'm yet to have a girlfriend for good 26yrs in the physical world, not to talk of an online entity. jeez, I'm ineffably perplexed at your narcissism. you see why i approach women with a long pole and, get misconstrued as a woman hater.WTF, aren't women just the most presumptive being on earth.

let me disabuse your egregious assumption; I'm only having a blithe moment with you, and if it makes you feel good with the thinking that I'm in love with you, then I'm madly in love with you. i go even fight Osama if em try nonsense with you. lol

Mizwisdom:
Same way most females want a handsome, young, educated and domesticated husband but sadly our desires are not always seen as important. Top on the list of many ladies desire in a spouse is one who can cook and help with domestic chores but who trains male kids for this? Africans even went further in being insensitive by trying to make females believe our place of primary importance remains in the kitchen. Patriarchy is a scam.

COme on babe, be realistic you cannot tell that to a man as in what you want in 9ja, however, a man can say this in 9ja if he in a position to chose,
tell me waht domestication you want ur husband to exhibit after leaving home 6am and back 7pm mon to friday?in the worse case if you are both very busy you employ a maid.
That Domesticated part is killing me lol chey the man fo wash kpata too

grossintel:
If you're not earning at least 150k - 200k and below 30, marriage shouldn't be in your list yet. You should be thinking of ways to earn more.

Ha uncle? When will you start birthing children?

Mizwisdom:
You know that's a lie

WOmen are the worse when it comes to laughing at poor people, chi, women get bad mouth God punish poverty

I was gisting with married male colleagues who wished they had taken the risk of getting married earlier (24-26) on their lower income than waiting to be comfortable but reckoned that the current state of the economy is not favourable to take such risk only if you marry your best friend and other factors.
I know a man that got married in his late 30s when he was VERY comfortable working in an IOC, moved to a bank and also worked in big4, life happened and he became less comfortable and is still working to train his kids in the university in his 60s and his friend that graduated from the university and married immediately after his NYSC finished training his 2 sons about 15 years ago and this man I mentioned earlier depends on him for support to run his home.
We don't know tomorrow, a man that is comfortable today may not be in couple of years to come regardless of the structures (investments) he has put in place only if he's certain of generational wealth that may never run out. There's no guarantee that he'll recover and do better when it happens. The Holy book says despise not the days of little beginning but it seems some of the men here don't believe in such. What if the man becomes incapacitated tomorrow after waiting to be comfortable to get married, the monies will then be used to fight to keep him alive when he could have started the marriage journey earlier with the passion to get better financially.

toluwa1:
I feel proper budget is needed irrespective of the basic salary

Oshogbo oroki'

Leonel55:
Marriage is not a joke or an idea that should be taken lightly. The idea that love is enough to see you through in marriage, is a lie from the pit of hell. The idea that you should marry simply because 'you're of age' or that 'all your mates are married' is totally lame and dumb.

When it comes to marriage, money is an important factor that should not be taken lightly. It's absence in sufficient amounts leads to so much trouble in the family. It is the leading cause of imbalance and unhappiness in marriage.

The man who seeks to get married should first do his calculations to know if he can comfortably take care of at least three persons (I.e. husband, wife and a child):minimum. The calculations should be based on present realities, not future plans of success. If he cannot, he must first raise himself to that capacity before attempting to ask for a woman's hand in marriage.

A substituting situation, though not ideal, would be if, in agreement with his intended bride, who also has a source of income, their combined earnings would be enough to take care of three persons comfortably, then he can take the chance.

The particular reference to 'three persons' is because the average young marriage in this clime usually translates from two persons (husband and wife) to three persons (husband, wife and a baby) in the space of a year and a lot of them end up overwhelmed by the new realities they're faced with, and totally unprepared for within that time. One of these realities is that though it is possible to manage and survive with just you and your new wife on your meager income (if she's the understanding type), in the first few months after your wedding, the baby (or babies, with the possibility of your first pregnancy being twins) that follow(s), right from the pregnancy stage, are not in any way understanding to your predicament. They're very demanding in their needs and their needs are many and cannot be explained away.

The particular amount required therefore, depends on the realities of the economy of our present day, in terms of cost of living, location, and the quality of life you plan on giving your young family, vis-à-vis your present income: e.g.

1.) Do you plan on living with your parents (not cool) or renting an apartment for just you and your family? If you'll be renting, will it be a single room in a face-me I face-you house or a one room, self-contained apartment? Or Would it be a Two bedroom or three bedroom apartment? Which of these would you be able to afford?

1b.) Would the woman you want to marry be comfortable living in that apartment with you and a child? If not, can your current income afford the type she would want?

2.) You have to factor, for the first year, the monthly costs of feeding two and eventually, three mouths (the third mouth, the baby, would definitely demand more); cost of transportation, electricity, clothing, all into your calculations, and how your present income can meet up to those demands without puting your new family into unnecessary hardship. If your present income cannot meet up, it therefore means that you have to re-strategize your sources of income. Build up yourself to meet up to those demands before attempting to ask for a woman's hand in marriage

All I'm trying to say in all this is that it would amount to wickedness if you marry someone's daughter out of your selfish reason of 'I'm of age' or because 'my mates are all married' or any other similar reason, without being financially capable to provide the basic needs for her and her child(ren), while expecting her to understand and bear with you.

Given the present economic situation in the country, getting married on a monthly income of N30,000 or 50,000 is totally unfair to any woman, no matter the location in Nigeria, and it would be suicidal for a marriage. You're literally setting up your marriage to struggle and most likely, to eventually fail.

A single guy living on an income of N30,000, in all major cities in the country today, would have to sacrifice a lot and deny himself many basic necessities just to get by, talk less of adding another person or two to it. Keep in mind that the upkeep requirements of a woman, is naturally more than that of a man, not to mention the inherent possibility of a child in less than a year into marriage.

You might achieve your goal of getting married, if you insist, but it usually turns out as a horrible experience for all parties directly involved.

It is good that you might have prospects and future ambitions to make it big in life, but you must first ensure that you start up your family well in the present cos starting a family in poverty only becomes a liability to your dreams in the long run and then you're most likely to end up with more children than you can cater for cos the only form of pleasure you can then afford to give to your wife would be sex, and given the depression that usually accompanies poverty, you yourself would find sex as the only source of relief or distraction you can get. The result would be more children in the midst of poverty. This explains why the poor, earning meager income and living in the worst conditions, pop up more children than their income can take care of. It's literally the Nigerian story.

You might come across the story of someone who got married penniless and ended up turning things around, and you become emboldened to go for it, with the hope of getting similar result. You'd be surprised to find out the hard way that successful turn around stories only happen in one 1 out of several unsuccessful cases..

In final summary, I would outline the following.

If you think you have come of age as a man and therefore, decide to get married, you can follow these steps:-

1. Calculate the monthly cost of providing for a family of three
2. Compare the results you get with your present income and see if you can afford to do so with what you currently earn. If yes, then you can proceed to consider your mental &spiritual preparedness for marriage, and eventually, start gathering money for the wedding requirements
3. If no, then you don't have to give up, rather you should immediately start working out ways to raise your monthly income to meet up. Why? Cos that's the first test of your preparedness for marriage.

You need to understand that a married man will always be faced with new levels of family demands as the size of the family grows. If you cannot raise your income to support three while you're still single, you have no business getting married, no matter your age. The first maturity that a man must prove to his intended bride is his capacity to provide

All the best

Well said sir. That's the simple truth

Preshy561:
Deep!!!
Train your girl child as if nothing like a man exist, that way, she will be able to stand on her own. If man comes, fine, if man doesn't come, still fine.
That last thing i'd tell them is about marriage, it brings so much pressure to your girl child and mothers/society should stop this act.

lol...the internet always makes the crazy ones look like experts in a field..smh

Preshy561:
What can a man offer a woman with her own money? Absolutely nothing.
The world is changing my dear.
Mothers should stop coarsing their girl child into believing that her life without a man is nothing.

if you have a good man In your life you will not sound like this. Can you imagine a mother with a loving husband and happy family following your recommendations?

Phenomenal16:
No matter how much a guy is earning ..if u as a wife can't manage it effectively then it won't be enough.... No amount is too little or big...u r his manager...

By d way how much are u making as a lady....u think all d responsibilities shld fall on him uh?

U shld check how hard working d guy is....what's his long term goals?....wen u miss a man wit a vision u will one day watch him in ur television... Don't go n marry moni miss road because of moni

U don't judge a book by d cover

good talk, lady with moni

Mizwisdom:
Bro, in a perfect world and a perfect family yep child care for the baby should be like 70% mum and 30% dad because most kids that age just need to eat and sleep but take note, it changes as the kids grow beyond only needing food and sleep and it will work if the man agrees to fully take care of all finances needed by the family without grudge. But we know that in many homes, there's nothing like this. More than 80% of nursing mothers still have to work, they still have to contribute financially. If a woman decides to take a year's break from work she would usually be viewed as being lazy. So the dynamics has to change. There's nothing wrong with buying washing machine but why can't you be the one putting the clothes inside and getting the job done especially when your wife is also a contributor to the financial upkeep of the home

why must you do competition in your family? Treat your man well and he will gladly do alot of things without fuss ..but kontinue to share work like an idiot because you think your financial contribution makes you the head of the family.... useless generation of girls

erico2k2:
Seriously? so you are wiser than all these mega-rich women who still seek marriage and are married right?Talk is cheap,
I just realised here that the vast majority of you engaging me in these arguments are Not even married
This really speaks volumes.
Na so one Aunty on the Internet dey advise girls same same, she come see the future say age nor dey her side she sharply Born for married man come dey apologies online ahah Nowadays she, nor dey promote this line you dey aspire to promote so she respects herself since.

don't mind them...lol...bitter girls

Mizwisdom:
I know you won't see anything wrong in it as you've been programmed this way. A man, over 50 won't be condemned for being single but a woman same age or younger will become the joke of all and there's absolutely nothing wrong with this, it's perfect to you. First off, is the issue of discrimination against single females, i think it's something we should start getting uncomfortable with, not accepting it outrightly, this is the reason why you'll see a woman close her mouth even when she knows her daughters are being sexually abused by their father because she doesn't want to become single, you might not know it but fear of discrimination leads to multiple problems.

why must you tie your self to Western culture? Why should it be your standard? The west have now accepted gays and I am sure you have also adjusted your stands on that too. You have a culture and you have to respect it. The issue of sexual abuse is a different topic so don't use that to drive your feminist agenda

Lol well enough to have a roof above your head

cyprus000:
what if there's an emergency(God forbid). what is he to do? come online to start a fund raiser

even those that earn 1 million can have emergency that they cannot fund. So what do you want them to do?

When he can pay the bills, afford to take care of 3 persons and has a realistic plan to earning more in the nearest future

UyaiIncomparabl:
Like 500K is ideal. Last last 300K. I did not come to this life to suffer.

When is my Ned Nwoko arriving naw?

watching You In 3D Glasses

Hmmm....

Some Nigerian men will say 10 naira is enough so long as there's understanding... Yuck

loswhite:
why must you tie your self to Western culture? Why should it be your standard? The west have now accepted gays and I am sure you have also adjusted your stands on that too. You have a culture and you have to respect it. The issue of sexual abuse is a different topic so don't use that to drive your feminist agenda

You only remember western culture when it's time to say rubbish...

YET
How many of your biggest religions are African?

The clothes you put on are hugely influenced by western culture.

Technology nkor?

Abegiiii

breakerofchains:
You only remember western culture when it's time to say rubbish...

YET
How many of your biggest religions are African?

The clothes you put on are hugely influenced by western culture.

Technology nkor?

Abegiiii

Vast majority of ladies talking on here are single and I dare them to tell their bf to wash plates cos they are tired, we know what will happen next

erico2k2:
Vast majority of ladies talking on here are single and I dare them to tell their bf to wash plates cos they are tired, we know what will happen next

Nonsense.

The worst that will happen is break up . Period.

Everybody should date their type because I'm tired of these third world problems

" should my bf wash plate?"
" should I eat meat in my in-laws house?"
" shullai mop my boyfriend's mother's house and wash all her clothes?"

Tufiakwa

breakerofchains:
Nonsense.

The worst that will happen is break up . Period.

Everybody should date their type because I'm tired of these third world problems

" should my bf wash plate?"
" should I eat meat in my in-laws house?"
" shullai mop my boyfriend's mother's house and wash all her clothes?"

Tufiakwa

Rubbish as a gf, you have no business in ur bf mother's house let alone mop her floor.
2nd I said U specific cannot ask him if you have one to wash plate in his own house. Yes ofcos U won't return to that house again you already know this why argue.Even the so-called western women you would be surprised they are becoming more domesticated and envious of our culture cos they got none.

erico2k2:
Rubbish as a gf, you have no business in ur bf mother's house let alone mop her floor.
2nd I said U specific cannot ask him if you have one to wash plate in his own house. Yes ofcos U won't return to that house again you already know this why argue.Even the so-called western women you would be surprised they are becoming more domesticated and envious of our culture cos they got none.

Yawns.

May everybody do their own.

Go for your type make everybody rest abeg.

breakerofchains:
Yawns.

May everybody do their own.

Go for your type make everybody rest abeg.

nah lie we will not take this, nah so one AUnty carry this female emancipation for head last last she go quietly born give married man theys days she dey Loyal with her Blog. Where u not alive when she was preaching the gospel of Superwoman

erico2k2:
nah lie we will not take this, nah so one AUnty carry this female emancipation for head last last she go quietly born give married man theys days she dey Loyal with her Blog. Where u not alive when she was preaching the gospel of Superwoman

" we will not take this"

Who is we?

Wetin concern me with what you will take or not take?

Please ehn,

Odabo.

breakerofchains:
" we will not take this"

Who is we?

Wetin concern me with what you will take or not take?

Please ehn,

Odabo.

Nah we, the Real men in NL, nah big name kill Dog, say E name nah Lion

cyprus000:
what if there's an emergency(God forbid). what is he to do? come online to start a fund raiser

This is silly a kind of answer that would come from a teenager, so there can only be an emergency when one gets married? what if she has an emergency when she was single? or if he has an emergency if he was single?

UyaiIncomparabl:
Thanks for this, my dear. Don't mind these sexists men. After we still split bills with them, they won't be responsible with sharing the house chores. Later later, they'll still cheat last last, so what's the point? Let's drink garri in a mansion than eat fried rice in one room at obalende.

In the end, they'll still call us prostitutes. Let me suffer with my Ned Nwoko in peace.

You can't determine who you marry rather who you date, that is as far as the power God gave you in relationship.
So, if you are not in a rich societal class yourself, there is high possibility you will still end up at that obalende you are running away from.
You think guys don't want to date a woman of substance?
A lady you can boast of outside?
You must be joking.
My cousin married a lady from ijebu ode, an average family doing well.
Due to him marrying there daughter, they used there connection to get him a job at university of teaching, ijebu ode as a lecturer.
When the father in-law died 3 years ago, jeeps and a house for them.
When they gave birth to there first baby, all the clothes the baby will use for 5 years were sent from in-laws in abroad (US and Canada)
And they even processed there visa to come for family vacation in US which they did last year.
So tell me, don't you think i will be crazy, stupid to ignore such a lady and pick the so called dirty, useless, uncultured mobile walking liabilities abound now?
God no go even gree, i dey craze?

emmaodet:
You can't determine who you marry rather who you date, that is as far as the power God gave you in relationship.
So, if you are not in a rich societal class yourself, there is high possibility you will still end up at that obalende you are running away from.
You think guys don't want to date a woman of substance?
A lady you can boast of outside?
You must be joking.
My cousin married a lady from ijebu ode, an average family doing well.
Due to him marrying there daughter, they used there connection to get him a job at university of teaching, ijebu ode as a lecturer.
When the father in-law died 3 years ago, jeeps and a house for them.
When they gave birth to there first baby, all the clothes the baby will use for 5 years were sent from in-laws in abroad (US and Canada)
And they even processed there visa to come for family vacation in US which they did last year.
So tell me, don't you think i will be crazy, stupid to ignore such a lady and pick the so called dirty, useless, uncultured mobile walking liabilities abound now?
God no go even gree, i dey craze?

.

emmaodet:
You can't determine who you marry rather who you date, that is as far as the power God gave you in relationship.
So, if you are not in a rich societal class yourself, there is high possibility you will still end up at that obalende you are running away from.
You think guys don't want to date a woman of substance?
A lady you can boast of outside?
You must be joking.
My cousin married a lady from ijebu ode, an average family doing well.
Due to him marrying there daughter, they used there connection to get him a job at university of teaching, ijebu ode as a lecturer.
When the father in-law died 3 years ago, jeeps and a house for them.
When they gave birth to there first baby, all the clothes the baby will use for 5 years were sent from in-laws in abroad (US and Canada)
And they even processed there visa to come for family vacation in US which they did last year.
So tell me, don't you think i will be crazy, stupid to ignore such a lady and pick the so called dirty, useless, uncultured mobile walking liabilities abound now?
God no go even gree, i dey craze?

YAWNS! I do not know about the ladies around you, but I am a woman of substance. One anyone can boast of anywhere! I do not belong to the rich societal class like you mentioned, and that is why I intend not to settle for someone below my class or even my class. Na disaster be that o! Well, it is only God who blesses, but until when? Call it Gold digging or anything, I care less. Forget all I typed there. Money is not the fore factor for me, but that does not mean I will settle for less. I could flip the narrative and say your cousin also never settled for less. His wife is supposedly richer and that is okay. If your cousin can, I can too. YOU should rest well.