₦airaland Forum

sirdouglas:
In as much as you are trying to be mean. I understand your point. For the record, I am not a boy. I will appreciate if you address me with more respect.

Marrying her will not be such a bad idea but we may not enjoy the marriage. Especially her. She has said it over time that she knows that I don't love her. In as much as that is not entirely true, it is not far from it. She doesn't fit my profile for a wife and that is why I have been trying to end the relationship.

If this is coming from a woman I will understand but coming from a guy makes me want to ask you how old you are. Sorry but that's so insensitive of you and immature.

I never meant ill for her and I have been as reasonable and honest I can be with the situation. Judging me won't solve the problem.
What about a girl that a guy rejected for good three times and told her that he doesn't like her for marriage and she is still insisting and keep coming back? It's a two way thingb ro and I am expecting you to be more reasonable with your replies.

sirdouglas:
Bro, my experience with anambra women is personal and it's cost the life of someone dear to me. If I should tell you the whole story, you wouldn't be saying all this.

I NEVER ABANDONED HER. IT HAS NOT BEEN 3 MONTHS I LEFT OGA AND I HAVE BEEN COMMINICATING WITH HER. HOW ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO HANDLE THIS?? SHOULD I START BABYSITTING HER?? OR STOP BUILDING A FUTURE SO I CAN HELP HER AND THE KIDS??

AM I NOT TRYING? WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE THIS MEAN AND INCONSIDERATE?? AM I NOT HUMAN ?

nnamdiosu:
Before I even say anything, its amazing to see someone in this times and age, (a guy for that matter), with a strong conscience, sincerity and noble intentions. You really are the real MVP .

Now straight to the matter

1. Forget abt marriage. If you tow that line,it will transform you to a monster. You know why? the reaction of a sincere conscience would haunt you and make you take it out on her. You would loath her, you, and even the baby because you aren't sure its yours.

2. Don't try number 1, again I warn you.

Solution ?
1. When the baby is out , do a DNA test. That's the first thing first. Because in as much as you don't believe its yours, IT COULD STILL BE YOURS. ITS A 50-50. No one knows for sure yet.

2. If its yours, Set her up in a business if you can. Rent an accomdation too her them. Pregnancy doesn't mandate marriage ok?. Mandate her to save constantly because you won't always be available to dish out money that will set her on her toes. From time to time, check them out, get gifts ,ensure you stay in important times in the children's life. Bdays, first days at school etc.get photos and videos as evidences and proof (that's another story I don't want to get to). Pay kids bills or needs. Not necessary hers. You can pay directly into their school account etc. But ensure the mom pays some aspect. Don't foot all, I repeat don't foot all.

3. Set up an account where you pay in something no matter how small for them.
At an age you deem them matured, roll it over to them. In essence keep the kids in your life.


Now, if the kids aren't yours after testing,
1. Laugh out loud
2. Come and inform me here, quote this message and I promise to laugh on your behalf too.it's a promise

3. Give her some funds to set up a biz (optional, you're not mandatated too, but for Gods sake, and mercy for the kids. Cos in that house, they will kill her)

4. Rent a small apartment, even if its one room (optional as before)

5. Be careful.
6. Be careful.
7. Be careful again.

God help and bless you. Amen

AwkaetitiBabe:
That's good. If it's twins, try and marry her.

nuelyoyo:
there is no deception here! Did you read the part where the girl told the Op that his sperm wasn't working? It means she wanted to get pregnant, and tje Op alluded to that. The girl clearly has a dysfunctional home, she knows about the OP's business and plans to travel out, and clearly wanted to get pregnant for him. She probably was seeking succour in the OP.

Philpham:
OP you will rot in hell forever if you don't marry her. Wicked soul. Its men like you that are the problem of the society. Ewu. Community dick

SavageSavior:
Thunder fire your left yansh you they jonez? Nah by force to marry somebody?

daddytime:
Judging from your narrative, it is safe to say the young girl is a 'beauty without brains' whatever that means, and I'm sure her beauty was what got you hooked before you tasted the pie and subsequently realized she wasn't so smart.

Bro, I'm going to be straight up with you like I always do man...Selfish and self-centered is what you are (in bold).

You never hear say meat wey person no dey chop say him no suppose use teeth share am?

Oh because she was pretty, undemanding and mgbekeish, you decided to hold on to her, leading her on, and only started being honest to her about your plans when you had started making your travel plans and thus realized she'd be too local for your new status?

My bro, if that girl were my sister, and you had the effrontery to come to my house to spill what you just did here, you wouldn't have been able to use that visa of yours, and I'd have personally aborted the pregnancy with my bare hands. What insult.

If she's not good enough for you to wife, she shouldn't have been good enough for you to dickk and of course mother your baby(s).

This is even worse than a baby mama thingy, this is a baby factory one.

All the story about you making it clear to her that you won't be marrying her are just some cunning silly afterthoughts of a chronic user who had a game plan from the get-go.

There's something I'll tell you now if you like take am if you no like leave am.

I just hope and pray you won't come back looking for and begging this lady in the future and by what time it'd have been late already because you'd pay for your bid to selfishly destroy this young girl's life and dump her. For whom I ask after one o'clock?

Look around you and you'd find examples of cases like this where the man would come begging after years when his recompense would have been served steamy hot.

You no see GEJ and PEJ? How you see dem upon say PEJ dey break bottle with English?

You had better retraced your step, my friend, learn to love that babe, marry her and start a family with her or else you go regret am o.

Forget all these your later later excuses abeg

Chi59:
She's just 19. He should have known better. She's not good for marriage, but he kept nacking without protection. What was he expecting?
If she was your sister, will you type this sh¡t?

SavageSavior:
She's not my sister so i don't care.

happney65:
"I ended the relationship when it was clear to me that I can't live with her. I am an ambitious young man and I am not there yet. I want a woman who will be more than a sex mate. I want someone who can confidently handle my business and manage my home when I am not there. She is to naive to my liking. I am tired trying to build her into the kind of woman I want"

For this alone,DO NOT MARRY HER..Marriage is more than sex o..and you need a smart and intelligent woman who can turn 100naira into 1000 and not waiting till you give her 1million before she can do something..You need a sensible woman..

sirdouglas:
Now before you judge me, I beg you to hear my side of the story.
I said my side of the story cos if she is here, she may not agree with everything I have to say.
This is a lengthy one but I will try to make it as short as possible.
I it is important to note that I am not writing this to be judged or ridiculed. I want matured and reasonable people to help out.

I met this girl in 2017. Can't really remember the month but it should be getting to 2years now. We started dating. As at the time I met her I wasn't struggling, I have my own business and apartment so I wouldn't say she met me when I had nothing. I was a big boy then if I can use that word.
She was just 19 or so then. I am this kind of guy that really really take relationship serious and always looking out to see if things can work out. I don't spend on her, I don't do much for her then. I wanted to see the kind of person she is. She doesn't care or even ask of anything. She might ask for something once in a while but I will pretend I didn't hearw her and to my amazement, she will never talk about it again.
With time I started noticing something about her that I don't like. First is she is really not smart and educated. I noticed that she doesn't have her own say. She listens to gossip and always bore me with what this person said or that person. I really hate that shit.
She is a mama's girl too. Sometimes I wonder if she gives her mom details of our sex life.
She won't sweep the house or do anything for me even while the relationship progressed. I started taking care of her and helping out with her needs. I constantly keep wondering if I can settle down with her but I am always stuck with that question.

I ended the relationship when it was clear to me that I can't live with her. I am an ambitious young man and I am not there yet. I want a woman who will be more than a sex mate. I want someone who can confidently handle my business and manage my home when I am not there. She is to naive to my liking. I am tired trying to build her into the kind of woman I want.

There is only one main reason why I wasn't really hard on her. She was one girl who accepted me from her heart and I know it and I respected that too. I suck when it comes to women and I respect women a lot. You know what they say about guys that respect women. They are mostly single �
She came back few months later. She wasn't ready to let go. Being that I am a loner. My defence wasn't strong enough. We started dating. I got hold of myself and ask her to go again because I couldn't see a future with her and I can't bring myself to be wasting her time.

She wanted to stay, I told her in plain words that I don't want to marry her and that's why I am setting her free.

She left and came back the third time. We had sex and all that but this time I was determined to let her go. I went to a lab for a test with to make sure I didn't infect her with anything because I treated staph before I met her and I was afraid it may still be there or something. To my utmost surprise, she was the one who infected me with gonorrhea. I treated mine and hers and ask her to go.

I noticed that she haven't seen her period and asked her and she confirmed it. She left and came back few weeks later that she is pregnant. She insisted that she wanted to have an abortion but I wasn't interested. I told her to keep the child. Besides, she has been the one telling me that my sperm us not working. I laughed over it. I became afraid that she will try something stupid so I took her to a pharmacist friend of mine to discourage her.

Her mother got to know and ask her to call me. I went with a friend and told her mother everything. I started suspecting that the child might not be mine because I treated her of an infection she possibly contacted from another person. In fact, I was shocked when she confessed about the infection. She said it is the toilet they use at home but I never believed her.

I told her mother that I am not sure about the paternity but however, I will take care of her. I told her family that I don't want to marry her and I have told her that severely.

We had a long discussion that day and I left. I started taking care if her the more. I made sure that I made my stand clear on the matter. I don't want to be a murderer so I got to do what is necessary. She started complaining about abuse from her siblings and war started. They beat her almost all the time and I wanted to take it personal. Shit do happen at times but that is not enough reason to kill their sister.

When all this is happening, I was processing my papers. In fact, I started processing my papers before she got pregnant and she is full aware of that. I took another group of friends to their home to help beg the brothers to stop beating her so they don't kill her and the child.

My visa took time so she was almost due for delivery before I left. I sent money to her account and bought some things I felt she would need even the unnecessary ones and left.

My problem now is that she contacted me few days ago to tell me that the scan said she is having twins now not a boy. I can't explain in details because I don't know but the bottom line is that she is now having a twins. I feel for her like I always do.

I don't want to marry out of pity. I don't want to live a promiscuous life. I don't want to marry this girl honestly and having a twins for me just complicated the matter the more.

She said the doctor said she will be delivering this month. I am thinking of sending my uncle and younger brother to her family house to do the iku aka or whatever that is called so I can lay claims to my kids.

Her family is so messed up that I will never want to do anything with them on a normal day. They are from onitsha in anambra and I swore never to marry from that state. That's one of the reason I kept chasing her away. When I say messed up, I am really not that good with English to find the right word to define how disorganized it is.

I am feeling like a monster already. I need all the help that I can get. I never expected this to happen. I never wanted to complicate her life but here I am in the middle of all this.

Should I marry her out of pity and save her the embarrassment or give her money and make sure she comfortable and go ahead with my life. Honestly I don't know what to do.

sirdouglas:
Bro, my experience with anambra women is personal and it's cost the life of someone dear to me. If I should tell you the whole story, you wouldn't be saying all this.

I NEVER ABANDONED HER. IT HAS NOT BEEN 3 MONTHS I LEFT OGA AND I HAVE BEEN COMMINICATING WITH HER. HOW ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO HANDLE THIS?? SHOULD I START BABYSITTING HER?? OR STOP BUILDING A FUTURE SO I CAN HELP HER AND THE KIDS??

AM I NOT TRYING? WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE THIS MEAN AND INCONSIDERATE?? AM I NOT HUMAN ?

sirdouglas:
You can see how people with perfect lives are condemning me already. I doubt if some of them read all that I said.

The thing is this, I will be spending at least 5 years abroad. I am sure I am spending five years there because I decided it and I am not living illegally so I will only leave when I want to. She knows that too. I said at least because I don't know what tomorrow holds and I really don't want to be in Nigeria anytime soon and I just left. Barely three months now.

I can't keep her waiting and the two kids is going to make it really difficult. It would have been easier if it is one.

What I am asking is, I don't know anambra traditions very well but there are parts that won't let you go with the child if you didn't pay the bride price or iku aka I really don't know how the whole thing is done and whoever that marries the girl goes with the child. I really want her to get married and I am really sorry this is happening but I wouldn't want to lose my claim on my kids if finally they are mine to anyone or situation.

sirdouglas:
In as much as you are trying to be mean. I understand your point. For the record, I am not a boy. I will appreciate if you address me with more respect.

Marrying her will not be such a bad idea but we may not enjoy the marriage. Especially her. She has said it over time that she knows that I don't love her. In as much as that is not entirely true, it is not far from it. She doesn't fit my profile for a wife and that is why I have been trying to end the relationship.

If this is coming from a woman I will understand but coming from a guy makes me want to ask you how old you are. Sorry but that's so insensitive of you and immature.

I never meant ill for her and I have been as reasonable and honest I can be with the situation. Judging me won't solve the problem.
What about a girl that a guy rejected for good three times and told her that he doesn't like her for marriage and she is still insisting and keep coming back? It's a two way thingb ro and I am expecting you to be more reasonable with your replies.

Starke:
Why do Nigerians feel the need to render insults and dispense judgment when the op asked for advice? What sort of people are in this dumb Country?
How many persons here can comfortably and truthfully say they have never slept with someone they weren't in love with?
Am tired of this place. I despise this place and it's people.