dacool1:
Most comments u see here are from unmarried folks. Don't take them serious. They believe it's nollywood. The truth is if u have apologized for over 4 months and she's yet to get over it let her be. She might be enjoying the attention or she's very vindictive. That's women for you they get u angry and expect u not to be angry and still pat them.
Over time she will get over it. We all make mistakes jare and people saying healing time, well na dem Sabi.
Don't even think of divorcing because u don't know how devilish the new wife will be. Marriage is always like that. So she's expecting you not to say your mind.

Don't invite a third party.


No marriage is without its challenges. Stop begging her. In short when you offend her next time don't apologize beyond once. Trust me. It will save you lots of stress in the future.

I like what you wrote here...the only thing I don't agree with is the not invii a third party .

Don't get me wrong. I don't mean one should invite a third party at every whimsy problem; but there are some very threatening and serious misunderstandings that both couple have to seek the advice of a matured and well experienced person who could proffer solutions to the marital predicament.

This trend of not inviting a third party have done more harm than good. Most coupled have gone neck deep into their arguments and discord by refusing to call for assistance thereby making a turn back/salvage attempt almost impossible by a mediator.

Let's stop that not inviting a third party advice it's not too proper. This is why we have marriage counselors and church elders.

missjo:
What is it with you really?

Even doctors can't figure it out.

Kingbarbie01:

so after she forgives, d next quarrel he says something worse, no matter what he should not have said such heart breaking statement to her cos he loves her. probably d guy is feeling trapped ND in d mist of d heat he spoke his mind, a man who truly loves his woman will Neva say such to her. d remorse is just an act from d conscience but I think she got d msg wen he said those awful things to her. she's got her own plan trust me.

Our greatest happiness is usually gained through pain. I didn't say she has no right to be angry, but this could be a turning point in that marriage.. continue with that act and live miserably in a marriage or use this as an opportunity to strengthen their union. Apparently, she's choosing the wrong option.

24kmagic:


I hope you're older than this guy you're insulting up and down? And nope, 31 years for a woman is not *only". I personally cannot go beyond 25. Old spinsters are a complete turn off.

See the foolish spinster you quoted up there rejoicing over downfall of a fellow human.
Very selfish and insensitive at core.
I Dont blame her. That's the nature of women. Very selfish. I had one last week mocking and blaming the slain xenophobia victims.
I had to rebuke her seriously. This is someone, a stranger, I housed for free, without strings.
Evil.

LilMissFavvy:
Only 31 smh...... I pray that lady heals. She married a man who does not value her.

Biologically, 31 isn't just "only" in a woman's life. I have nothing against females who are even 37 but 31 isn't just "only".

If such a woman balances it out by being homely and enterprising, many men might ignore her age. They might not broach the topic but it's still an issue. Besides, many women fake their age with affidavits and all as 'proofs'. The 25-year-old lady you are dating might just turn out to be 29.

cococandy:
You sound disgusting. No mature woman should want to be with you anyway.

Actually, reverse is the case. I wouldn't want to be with any old (mature) woman. I like them young. For goodness sake what will I be doing with a lady in her late twenties and thirties?

I won't be the one to pay for expired goods.

24kmagic:


I hope you're older than this guy you're insulting up and down? And nope, 31 years for a woman is not *only". I personally cannot go beyond 25. Old spinsters are a complete turn off.

They still don't get it - 31 isn't just "only". I'm guessing you are also in your 20's?

See below

women and age are like rat and cat. The best friend is Jesus. instead of asking for advise from nairalanders who will poison tour heart , run to Jesus, He will see you through. At 31,she isn't that old but ripe and matured than those under 20s chewing gum ladies you fantasize.

Charles1888:
I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person.

After saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back.

I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

Run from unforgivness. They are simply wicked and evil.
Op your situation is a lesson to other men.
Men should never marry old women.
That your woman is really a bad person, very vengeful and manipulative.
I am sure she has said worst things to you or any of her past boyfriends before ad even friends. Was she crucified for it? No.
An unforgiven person is worst than a witch. OP I pity you for falling victim to such vindictive person.

They are evening newspaper for a reason: their behaviours were bad and untolerable all their life , icluding their youth days.

I am sure God was warning you in your heart then about not marrying her, you think it was just a double mind. You ignored God notching you to desist from her then because you felt desperate to inherit abi acquire something with marriage certificate.

Now see your situation.

Tell that you wife to grow up and stop being a manipulative child. If she insists, leave her and marry whoever you wants.

Nonsense, weak men everywhere. None had wisdom at all.
How can a supposedly adult be under broad day light manipulation like this. Who no get hot temper on their own? Who no dey sensitive for this world?

Every day women think of ways of subjugation and manipulating their neighbour and partner. Their thoughts are evil continually. Don't listen to any female or unwise man here. Their advice will at the end make you feel more guilty and vulnerable to continue in that downward manipulated state.

Women will always support and conspire with any woman (albeit unconsciuosly) to cage men.

The only woman that can help and support you during manipulation is a man's mum. Ask only your mum for all your relationship advices .

Bros you messed up. Big time. Nobody will be happy to realize she got into a marriage by chance and not because of love, especially coming from someone they genuinely feel for. I will advise you involve a third party, someone she respects and keep apologizing, keep talking to her, write to her, cook for her at your leisure, try going funny attimes just so she can smile. In a nutshell, try every means possible cos am sure you don't want to keep living that way.

[quote author=izzou post=82219023][/quote]
Women say similar thing to men everyday and we get over it. A woman will insult you today, tell you hurtful things but after a while, you get a yes. Some even go to the extreme by giving you a thousand reasons they won't date you. We have seen women who told us they can never date us in this life but turned out as wives (some as one night stand).

Some women never thought they could date a short man but las las, they married short men. Your wife needs to come out of that euphoria and embrace the hard reality

Why did u stroke the bolded post made by Acidosis?
Everything stated there is nothing but the truth, unless u are just being delusional

Even your own parents or siblings will say more hurtful things to u, than what op said to his wife. The wife is just emotional, reason she is taking it to far.

Do u know what unemployed graduates are going through in the hands of their parents? Do u know the hurtful things being said to them? You think if they land a big job tomorrow they will forget their parents?

Women have said worse things to men, especially the excerpt bolded part from Acidosis post "A woman will insult you today, tell you hurtful things but after a while, you get a yes."

Just recently approaching women is becoming simple, couple of years back, a woman will insult the hell out of a man and make mockery of him before saying yes. Women are just too emotional, reason for all these.

Rubbiish:

Women say similar thing to men everyday and we get over it. A woman will insult you today, tell you hurtful things but after a while, you get a yes. Some even go to the extreme by giving you a thousand reasons they won't date you. We have seen women who told us they can never date us in this life but turned out as wives (some as one night stand).

Some women never thought they could date a short man but las las, they married short men. Your wife needs to come out of that euphoria and embrace the hard reality

Why did u stroke the bolded post made by Acidosis?
Everything stated there is nothing but the truth, unless u are just being delusional

Even your own parents or siblings will say more hurtful things to u, than what op said to his wife. The wife is just emotional, reason she is taking it to far.

Do u know what unemployed graduates are going through in the hands of their parents? Do u know the hurtful things being said to them? You think if they land a big job tomorrow they will forget their parents?

Women have said worse things to men, especially the excerpt bolded part from Acidosis post "A woman will insult you today, tell you hurtful things but after a while, you get a yes."

Just recently approaching women is becoming simple, couple of years back, a woman will insult the hell out of a man and mockery of him before saying yes. Women are just too emotional, reason for all these.

Bro women are not emotional. That's a cover up. They are simply too manipulative.

24kmagic:


Actually, reverse is the case. I wouldn't want to be with any old (mature) woman. I like them young. For goodness sake what will I be doing with a lady in her late twenties and thirties?

I won't be the one to pay for expired goods.

The young woman will never grow again abi?
What will you do when she is in her thirties?
Divorce and move on to the next one.

omotola224:
[s]A woman loves unconditionally but when you cross boundaries she can decide to unlove you with the same energy[/s].
Men can often be insensitive through their actions but when you say it to their face then it's a confirmation of what you have been thinking. Never get to this point with a woman who genuinely loves you. That being said
You have to keep trying...
When she leaves you alone in the sitting room go and meet her. Gist with her.
Take her out on dates
Surprise her
You have to do things like you are just asking her out all over again.
Over one of your dates tell her you are sorry and would love to be the love of her life once again. Pls let it show that you are truly remorseful.

She will forgive you only you might have to reassure her over and over again.

Note: watch what you say henceforth .

Goodluck!

Stop posting nonsense
How many women love unconditionally?
Apart from mothers, every other woman in a man's life is there for something

BetWinners:
Nigerian men have got to stop placing so much value on women.
@OP You told your wife the blunt truth.Women are waaay harsher with the truth when they direct it at men.Countless women have told their husbands the exact same thing you told your wife (their husbands not being their first choice) & the men moved on.
Tell your wife if she can't act right & put that poo behind her,then both of you should split cos you can't continue stepping on eggshells in your own house.
Simple stuff

You've obviously never been in a serious relationship, much more one which is leading or led to marriage. All those assumptions go out the window. A woman can 'blackmail' you into feeling sorry and being remorseful without saying much. "Okay', "I'm fine", "Go ahead, don't worry about me"... Ever heard those words?

While the world sees your woman as beautiful and confident, only you realize she constantly seeks validation from you. She wants reassurance that even the faint spot on the underside of her breast is fine by you. There are things you never say. Sometimes lie to her for her own sake. You won't die.

Rubbiish:

Stop posting nonsense
How many women love unconditionally?
Apart from mothers, every other woman in a man's life is there for something

What of mothers that abandon their kids?

Newbreed2018:
You only wish! Yimu.
Apologies, but no man will marry a crass woman like you.
No be only my husband...

Stop giving yourselves too much credit. Men have married undercover oloshos, they have married women that kill them...they have married serial cheats.

So shut the fck up.

Men will keep marrying the best pretender.

Deal wirrit

Tela101:


What of mothers that abandon their kids?

Plus shes not even his mother.

You married her cos she was the only one available. And in the heat of anger, you told her the raw truth.
You deserve what you're getting.

You need to ignite that aspect of your lives by doing things that you both love. Your shared interests. Take her out, blah blah blah. Sneak behind her and lift her off her feet. Hug her while she's cooking and tell her you wouldn't leave until she feeds you with her mouth
So many things bro. You are welcome

You looked her in the face and told her she was a mistake and u were merely managing her. Dude you broke her heart. Broken hearts are not easy to mend, make her fall inlove with you all over again. How u do that, only u can say cuz u know the lady u married better.

usernamepass:
Bla bla bla..
Op shut da Vuck UP and hold your mount pim..
You are simply not man enough to discuss marrage talkless of getting married.
Real men dont talk too much..
I bet your mouth will leak again and you will repeat the same okpata yaRn again..
You have succeeded in keeling the woman in your wife and now that shes gone..
Bear your cross and dont you ever... I repeat dont you ever come on here to disturb our peace again.
Abi SA Xenophobia never do??
SHOOO

Guy take it easy on him, dude is really broken

Spoken Like a true child

24kmagic:


Actually, reverse is the case. I wouldn't want to be with any old (mature) woman. I like them young. For goodness sake what will I be doing with a lady in her late twenties and thirties?

I won't be the one to pay for expired goods.

That one is a slow poke: don’t bother with him

Tela101:


The young woman will never grow again abi?
What will you do when she is in her thirties?
Divorce and more on to the next one.

GrabHisBalls:
There's nothing anyone on Nairalander could help you with. You were actually not ready for marriage before you delved into it. If you've ever attended marriage seminars/relationship talk shows, you would have known that words are very powerful. No matter the provocation, there are things you don't utter. People forgive, but those words live with them. Most times, not consciously 'cause even subconscious keeps to information. There are certain "truth" you don't say if it's going to cause emotional damages even if it's the truth. I laugh when people blab things to hurt people, then tag it "the truth". You're simply being insensitive. It' s not every truth you should say in the open. Maturity has taught me to keep quiet when provoked.

Your wife may have forgiven, but those words can never be erased even though she desires to.

Excellent

franchasng:
hahahahahaha



This is one thing people don't understand, women hardly forgive men that make jest of their physical looks, age and child bearing issue. These 3 things hurt women more than anything else.

The wife may have forgiven him oh, but she will find it hard to forget, and deep down her heart she is angry with life, with her destiny, and maybe blaming her maker for not making her fortunate enough to have married at young age.

And I am sure again why this is paining the lady is maybe because she has been finding it difficult in getting pregnant and now the man that was supposed to be there assuring her not to worry stupidly told her that she married at old age.

The op should go to the mountain now and start a special prayer that his wife should deliver in peace and not have any birth complications or miscarriage cos that woman is emotionally traumatized right now.


Don't ever tell your girlfriend or wife that she is ugly!

That she is old!

Don't ever mock her inability to conceive!

Don't ever tell her that she doesn't know how to cook! You can use diplomatic words like honey it seems you were watching that movie again today oh, because today food is not sweet oh, you need to improve things for your baby na, and she will get the message with joy.

You can use diplomatic words to convey your message to her if you must.


Words like this:

Sweetheart, you are adding weight oh, especially around your tummy, u need to watch it, maybe its this your late night eating or something. You have conveyed your message, she will start to work on it, just watch.

Don't say:

You look fat, that was why I wanted to marry very slim girl. In fact go and prepare your own burial because she fit poison you in future oh lol.

Imagine if your wife told you that she regretted marrying you, that you were too broke, she would have married one guy that had money and she just made the miskake of accepting you. How many men can forgive this Or your wife telling you that all your friends are better than you, that its because of your laziness and dullness that you are not rich like other men, lol, how would you take it


One problem with all these guys that crave for small girls is, even if they marry a mature lady that is as hot as Kim Kardashian, they will keep running after teenage girls to fulfill their stupid fantasies, its a yoke.

They can go to the extent of molesting young girls if they can't get them to date outside their marriage. Any lady married to a guy obsessed with young girls is in for a big mess cos the man will forever remain a cheat till he dies like Mugabe

I wonder what they see in all these small girls that don't know their left from right, who lack respect or understanding of what a healthy relationship or marriage entails.

Honestly I don't pity any guy married to a young girl and passing through hell. You are 35yrs old and you want to marry a girl of 22yrs as your first wife, are you not mad You are 40yrs old man and looking for girls of 24yrs below to marry as your first wife and first marriage, you get sense so

Marry within your age range and you will have peace of mind.

You can date those age for fun but don't expect more than sex, partying, money demanding and shopping requests from them.

If you want a symbiotic relationship, go for mature ladies who have developed sense, not girls still living fantasy life

Wow, nothing more to add to your write up cos it's just the plain truth.

Do not underestimate the power of sex.
Please continue doing it. Little by little, things will calm down.

Constantly apologizing is a fail, so I'll ask you to stop that strategy.
It's not like that will be the last quarrel you'll have. Is that how every single one of them will be? You must disagree to agree sometimes.

Just take it in stride and move on. There's more to achieve in the marriage.

One thing I will commend you for is that you didn't mention the evil things she said to you. If she didn't say that, then bro you have to work seriously to revive her attention. But if she did and you decided it's not worth public knowledge, then you are on the right track. Carry on.

Well it will take time but she will eventually come around.... show remorse n commitment to her it will take time

It is a cross you will carry for as long as she won't let go.
U marry a vindictive person. And your life will not be safe with a woman you don't know her innermost thoughts..
Look for a separate place physically as you are indeed alone in this marriage.
It is who she is, your statement just brings out who she is actually,just like her own action simply brings out your reservation about her age.
Reframe the narrative, . Stop the begging. It is meant to make you into a perpetually guilty person who will have to beg her for a lifetime for forgiveness.
Now adopt the " and so what " attitude letting her know, if what she want is the end of the marriage, the marriage can freely end.
Every hubby must have a rod and a stick, to comfort the wife and to discipline the wife.

the best way to resolve marital issues is to remain silent and d matter dies on its own, its ma method and it works perfectly well. Dnt knw about urz