igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

Brother she told you this you went to pay the bride's price. So I don't see why you are acting surprised.
Again wisdom should have told you to fix the wedding immediately after or even during the traditional wedding.
In Igbo land it is allowed for the couple to do church wedding in the morning and use the traditional wedding ceremony as the reception that is after you might have paid the bride's price the day before.
I won't blame the girl because a friend of mine was totally destroyed emotionally and psychologically and she never really recovered from the shock until she died few years after. A man claimed to love her and she was head over heals in love. The man paid the bride's price, did every other thing that is traditionally required, but finally abandoned the girl two years after and got married to another lady. He said my friend was an ogbanje.
I have another girl who is like a daughter to me, pressure of life pushed her into early marriage that never lasted for 3 months with a baby to nurse plus a broken heart and almost a broken life. The man can as usual did all the traditional rites put her in the family way. Came up with all manner of stories and left her.
I don't blame this lady, respect her christian faith and church doctrine.
I didn't touch my wife until after our wedding night.. But I did everything within two months. I wanted to do everything withing a month but because the Bishop who would wed us have other engagements, it now took me 2 months and 2 weeks.

Don't break your marriage because of sex. It is too early for that. Don't make the lady detest sex forever. Don't make her see sex as only a man's need.
Give her space. Fix the wedding date and wed then joyfully enter into the world of sex with your wife. Don't give her reasons to doubt your love for her. Women are looking for tender care, understanding and practical love.

DON"T BREAK YOUR HOME NOW... IT IS TOO EARLY TO HAVE MARRIAGE PROBLEM

igwegeorgiano:
Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks

Take my advice, count your self blessed to have such a lady, fast forward your wedding and get it done. Sex is not the main thing in marriage but understanding. If you can understand her now then you will enjoy your marriage. Don't let anyone deceive you, please respect her wish.

obidark:


modern wedding....
since when your dickk need modern wedding....??

traditionaly the parents of the woman has to agree....you are joining 2 different families toghether....!!

why are you people cursin yourselves with senseless bullshitt....??

at least you can write, you try, now try more to read well so that you can be understanding and understandable. thank you for your co-operation to learn.

obidark:


i tell you....i woman that loves you will not wait....

a woman that truely loves you will wilfuly spread her legs like junction....
believe you me that....
you don't even need to ask her self....

Such situation happened to a friend.Her Bible was as big as anything.She robbed him with the no sex until white and with the virgin theory.

Yes he liked her and came for her not even minding the virgin stuffs at first ...but she lied and he hurriedly rushed things.

Trust men he wanted to taste.
went bank rupt just to please the liar.
the D -day it was an express way,she pleased and deep in her she told herself he can't divorce me.going around quoting[b] what God have join no one should separate.
Today they are no more & that's why my previous post said max of 5yrs the marriage will rip off.

I aren't exactly saying he shouldn't wait.But if that claim is false.Trust me heaven will fall.

Chigold101:

Brother she told you this you went to pay the bride's price. So I don't see why you are acting surprised.
Again wisdom should have told you to fix the wedding immediately after or even during the traditional wedding.
In Igbo land it is allowed for the couple to do church wedding in the morning and use the traditional wedding ceremony as the reception that is after you might have paid the bride's price the day before.
I won't blame the girl because a friend of mine was totally destroyed emotionally and psychologically and she never really recovered from the shock until she died few years after. A man claimed to love her and she was head over heals in love. The man paid the bride's price, did every other thing that is traditionally required, but finally abandoned the girl two years after and got married to another lady. He said my friend was an ogbanje.
I have another girl who is like a daughter to me, pressure of life pushed her into early marriage that never lasted for 3 months with a baby to nurse plus a broken heart and almost a broken life. The man can as usual did all the traditional rites put her in the family way. Came up with all manner of stories and left her.
I don't blame this lady, respect her christian faith and church doctrine.
I didn't touch my wife until after our wedding night.. But I did everything within two months. I wanted to do everything withing a month but because the Bishop who would wed us have other engagements, it now took me 2 months and 2 weeks.

Don't break your marriage because of sex. It is too early for that. Don't make the lady detest sex forever. Don't make her see sex as only a man's need.
Give her space. Fix the wedding date and wed then joyfully enter into the world of sex with your wife. Don't give her reasons to doubt your love for her. Women are looking for tender care, understanding and practical love.

DON"T BREAK YOUR HOME NOW... IT IS TOO EARLY TO HAVE MARRIAGE PROBLEM

well said ,well said.

Chigold101:

Brother she told you this you went to pay the bride's price. So I don't see why you are acting surprised.
Again wisdom should have told you to fix the wedding immediately after or even during the traditional wedding.
In Igbo land it is allowed for the couple to do church wedding in the morning and use the traditional wedding ceremony as the reception that is after you might have paid the bride's price the day before.
I won't blame the girl because a friend of mine was totally destroyed emotionally and psychologically and she never really recovered from the shock until she died few years after. A man claimed to love her and she was head over heals in love. The man paid the bride's price, did every other thing that is traditionally required, but finally abandoned the girl two years after and got married to another lady. He said my friend was an ogbanje.
I have another girl who is like a daughter to me, pressure of life pushed her into early marriage that never lasted for 3 months with a baby to nurse plus a broken heart and almost a broken life. The man can as usual did all the traditional rites put her in the family way. Came up with all manner of stories and left her.
I don't blame this lady, respect her christian faith and church doctrine.
I didn't touch my wife until after our wedding night.. But I did everything within two months. I wanted to do everything withing a month but because the Bishop who would wed us have other engagements, it now took me 2 months and 2 weeks.

Don't break your marriage because of sex. It is too early for that. Don't make the lady detest sex forever. Don't make her see sex as only a man's need.
Give her space. Fix the wedding date and wed then joyfully enter into the world of sex with your wife. Don't give her reasons to doubt your love for her. Women are looking for tender care, understanding and practical love.

DON"T BREAK YOUR HOME NOW... IT IS TOO EARLY TO HAVE MARRIAGE PROBLEM

You have summarized the matter.

cococandy:

Not for her.

She believes it’s on her white wedding day. As do many Nigerian women actually. The wedding is not fully official until the white wedding day. You all know this.

I may not necessarily agree with that but he knew what she stood for. She probably had a fantasy (as was taught to her by the pious society) of keeping her virginity until she wears the white wedding gown and then having sex for first time after saying I do with the ring and all that.

He agreed to that and now he’s complaining.

Sounds like a petulant child. He should gtfo

That lady is very childish.
Her problem is church service. She isn't bothered about compatibility in bed. What does she know.
All these Pentecostal churches have been breaking homes with their hypocritical and judgemental laws that they manufacture from the back of their brains.
And trust our women. We follow to the end.

Yet, its the same pastors that sleep with their female flocks.

That man said yes at the heat of the moment.
Hoping she will succumb after trado.
It's not really to fulfil her fantasy wish but to tell pastor that she did it on her wedding night. Pastor can use it to boast.
Wonder why husbands of these pious ladies are very promiscuous?

Why do we do church marriage?
Simply an avenue for the clergy to shine. Nothing more.
Also the gifts that follow.
Not because it's the purest form of marriage. U know, we know how to take advantage of things in this part of the world and these men of the pulpit are taken the advantage fully

AkhereOkaka:

A woman is legally your wife as soon as bride price is paid(traditional rite has been done), with or without church wedding, we must note that without payment of bride price the so called church wedding cannot hold, op when she told you no sex until wedding night did you ask her wether traditional or white wedding? God knows i can't subscribe to no sex relationship until after marriage, sexual compatibility is very important in marriage as well as other compatibility

Loud it to them...

Well, the truth is this.

Maybe for the bar, Op supposed to do white say max, a week after the trad. Money stops nonsense.
That way, his wife will not have any excuse. Those days,most of our parents did simple trad and matter close, white wedding is a white man's culture. Black man just adopted it,as Africans,after your traditional, the wife is 100%yours. No debate on this.Even the church knows this.

Secondly, I don't subscribe to virginity test, is a sheer waste of time, money and too add unnecessary thinking to you.If you do virginity test and she is not a virgin,so will you leave her for another person?Having come this far? Even some doctors can be bribed to say she is virgin, meanwhile na 'old borehole'. So it makes no sense.Shine your eyes.As for no sex till white wedding, the girl has no moral justifications to deny the husband sex.

Coming to the issue of sex before marriage, is a two ways thing. I have seen people that genuinely waited and the babe, I mean a very pretty lady was a confirmed virgin.She was 29plus, almost 30. Someone that attended one of ghe best University around,so is not a question of say, maybe is one local babe.In fact, the guy suffered before he could disvirgin the lady. The guy too is "whatsup" guy, he has had different girl friends, so is not like, he too have not been having sex.Now they have two children, that alone made her husband to love more, trust and worship her that at least,he was not deceived as some people were already telling the man that, guy you are not serious o, how on earth,could this beautiful babe be a virgin? But she was.Also, I have seen another scenario that the lady claimed to be a virgin, not even as pretty as the first lady I talked about, but her husband noticed that she was not, she now claimed that a family friend forced himself on her at age 9. Mind you,both of them were cases of no sex till wedding night.

However, no theory anyway, has it that virgins are the best wife material.Instead of concentrating on this virginity issue,her character,submissiveness,kindness,ability to cook well,interpersonal relationship, moral values, God fearing attributes,ability to manage your home and finance should be the issues on your front burner . Many virgins are bad cook,rude,and very difficult people.We have seen ladies pretending to be "virgin" ,and will even be crying when the man finally met them that the pain is too much, only for the man to later (maybe after few years) find out the the lady has a baby of about 10 years in their village,or she gave birth to the baby as a teenager and the baby is living with her sister or her brother or her mother somewhere. The heart of man is "desperately wicked"so says the holy book.Be wise and vigilant.

Then on the issue of Pastors preaching that she must wait till wedding night, some of these pastors impregnated their wife and later pay her dowry before becoming pastors.Some pastors sleep with church members, married women, teenagers in their church, spinster,choir members and they still preach, no sex till marriage to the same people.

Op,just look before you leap, minus the sex, is there other things she maybe hiding from you?

kunleweb you don run? Abi you thought i looked like those useless women in your family? This one that claims she is not legally married but willingly stay under the same roof with a man , i bet your sister are worse sef

stinflame:


Such situation happened to a friend.Her Bible was as big as anything.She robbed him with the no sex until white and with the virgin theory.

Yes he liked her and came for her not even minding the virgin stuffs at first ...but she lied and he hurriedly rushed things.

Trust men he wanted to taste.
went bank rupt just to please the liar.
the D -day it was an express way,she pleased and deep in her she told herself he can't divorce me.going around quoting[b] what God have join no one should separate.
Today they are no more & that's why my previous post said max of 5yrs the marriage will rip off.

I aren't exactly saying he shouldn't wait.But if that claim is false.Trust me heaven will fall.

it will not work if it starts like this....
a woman that truly loves you will marry you the moment she knows you....

women are just angry at the world entirely....
but when they like you,they will get you....quick....!!

you dont get them today,maybe in arab worlds,but women in nations that emulate western nations,get you....!!....not you them....yeah,mess around as you like,at the end they will still leave you and concentrate on only money they can still get from you....

Duggedised12:
kunleweb you don run? Abi you thought i looked like those useless women in your family? This one that claims she is not legally married but willingly stay under the same roof with a man , i bet your sister are worse sef

Busy with projects

I don't engage in such e-fights


But since you claim to be good, why is it then a problem when another woman claims to also be good oh ye hypocrite

[quote author=igwegeorgiano post=83593823]Friends on NL I greet you all. Trust your day is going well? It is with very heavy heart and confused state of mind I sent this post on this platform so you can advise me on what line of action I should take. Pastors and genuine men of God should also advise me on what to do as well.

There is this lady i have been dating for about a year and 6 months now. We love each other to the moon and most importantly we respect each other opinion and decisions. She is a born again christian who appreciates the things of God more than she appreciates me which of course I have no issues with.

When we agreed to start up a relationship after being friends for about 6 months, it was agreed that there will be no sex until the wedding night but at a point I asked her "what if we are done with traditional marriage rites are we still not gonna have sex? To my creates surprise she said we won't until church wedding is done. I did not actually took her serious.

Fast forward, on the 15th of July 2019 the traditional marriage was done in her father' compound in the east and all I was asked to pay and give was paid and given without any remainder . after the traditional marriage we went back to my house in abuja. Note that we were not staying together before now. I am base in abuja while she is in owerri. When we got home that night I told her we can now make love as husband and wife hence the traditional rites has been done and most importantly the bride price paid. To my amazement my wife bluntly refused. She told me she will never compromise her stand on pre marital sex

I have been very faithful to our agreement based on her claim that she is a virgin. But refusing me my right over her body after every thing including the bride price has been paid is something I can never subscribed to and to this end I have I have involved her parent and her pastor her decision however, still remain no sex till the wedding night. I am putting the wedding on hold for now until she willingly allow me make love to her and she seems not to be comfortable with my decision as well.

This is the dilemma I have found myself please I need your wise counsels on this. Thanks and remain bless. Moderators kindly push this post to the front page so it can have adequate views it deserves thanks.. Is obvious u don't deserve that girl, a godly wife is scarce in today's world, now u got someone with godly principles, u are complaining.. even if she is not a virgin as she claimed but now she is born again . Meaning she had forsaken her previous ungodly ways, so u trying to bring her back to her ungodly past is been resisted, also she trying to built a strong bond of trust in the marriage, which u should be grateful for.. Am married now for 8 years, I know what am talking about.. But if u are pissed, call off the wedding and go get for yourself a prostitute , that will be able to give u sex even without a formal marriage proposal... Goodluck

NoToPile:


But they had an agreement

And since they plan to have a church wedding then he should just wait abi isnt the OP a christain?

read my statement again..
what do you mean by him being a Christian

White wedding is also a traditional marriage of the whites. The Christian obligation is to obey Ceasar according to Romans 13:1.
And what does Ceasar require - simply put, register your marriage at government approved marriage registry. Church wedding is not found any where in the bible, instead the Jewish people practiced traditional marriage.
All these borrow borrow culture has not helped Africa yet we can't learn because we don't read Bible.

Check out my signature for original Exide Inverter Batteries.

midnighter:
But you're still going to marry her in the church so what actually is the problem?

Somebody told you something ahead of time, you say you did not take her serious. now the thing is coming to pass and you're complaining. Nawa

Church wedding is important to some people because of the spiritual implications, why did you go ahead with a born-again if you can't even respect a basic decision like this

And on top of it you put the wedding on hold so you can force her to compromise on her principles Wow

Shouldn't you be happy that you married somebody who actually stands on their word and does as they say? Is this not a good quality to look for in a spouse?

Thank you o... You have spoken my heart. Why the rush when you are going to have her for the rest of your life and "do it" however you like it, whenever you want it with restraint. Young man... Have you ever of the term LOVE IS PATIENT?

Chigold101:

Brother she told you this you went to pay the bride's price. So I don't see why you are acting surprised.
Again wisdom should have told you to fix the wedding immediately after or even during the traditional wedding.
In Igbo land it is allowed for the couple to do church wedding in the morning and use the traditional wedding ceremony as the reception that is after you might have paid the bride's price the day before.
I won't blame the girl because a friend of mine was totally destroyed emotionally and psychologically and she never really recovered from the shock until she died few years after. A man claimed to love her and she was head over heals in love. The man paid the bride's price, did every other thing that is traditionally required, but finally abandoned the girl two years after and got married to another lady. He said my friend was an ogbanje.
I have another girl who is like a daughter to me, pressure of life pushed her into early marriage that never lasted for 3 months with a baby to nurse plus a broken heart and almost a broken life. The man can as usual did all the traditional rites put her in the family way. Came up with all manner of stories and left her.
I don't blame this lady, respect her christian faith and church doctrine.
I didn't touch my wife until after our wedding night.. But I did everything within two months. I wanted to do everything withing a month but because the Bishop who would wed us have other engagements, it now took me 2 months and 2 weeks.

Don't break your marriage because of sex. It is too early for that. Don't make the lady detest sex forever. Don't make her see sex as only a man's need.
Give her space. Fix the wedding date and wed then joyfully enter into the world of sex with your wife. Don't give her reasons to doubt your love for her. Women are looking for tender care, understanding and practical love.

DON"T BREAK YOUR HOME NOW... IT IS TOO EARLY TO HAVE MARRIAGE PROBLEM

let me ask you this question ..
if a white wedding have been conducted will it stop the men from dumping those women

Oga you don buy the market. Just do an ultra low key wedding. After all, all her family and fellowship don know wetin dey on ground.

Ucheamani:
White wedding is also a traditional marriage of the whites. The Christian obligation is to obey Ceasar according to Romans 13:1.
And what does Ceasar require - simply put, register your marriage at government approved marriage registry. Church wedding is not found any where in the bible, instead the Jewish people practiced traditional marriage.
All these borrow borrow culture has not helped Africa yet we can't learn because we don't read Bible.

Check out my signature for original Exide Inverter Batteries.

haha....
register my black foot....

scaramucci:
So instead of you to fast track the wedding to the next available Saturday in order to get to shift her pant you decided to put it on hold, right?

Abii oo

kunleweb:



Busy with projects

I don't engage in such e-fights


But since you claim to be good, why is it then a problem when another woman claims to also be good oh ye hypocrite

you dont engage in e- fights but you can start one you mannerless oaf . Next time dont start what you cannot finish. If of all the people on this thread you choose to have a problem with my comment fine but when you decide to be uncouth like a typical cretin littering this forum then you are asking for it, go learn manners since you cant fight so you can know how to be civil cos you are nothing but a rude rat@rded mor0n.

Duggedised12:
you dont engage in e- fights but you can start one you mannerless oaf . Next time dont start what you cannot finish. If of all the people on this thread you choose to have a problem with my comment fine but when you decide to be uncouth like a typical cretin littering this forum then you are asking for it, go learn manners since you cant fight so you can know how to be civil cos you are nothing but a rude rat@rded mor0n.

K. Says the one that says she's classy and decent using gutter words finding it hateful when her fellow woman says she doesn't want sex till after marriage. Like you're good enough competition for the decent Op's lady, slut

1kinggy:
Oga you don buy the market. Just do an ultra low key wedding. After all, all her family and fellowship don know wetin dey on ground.

tahh...her family is already thinkin he is nakkin her and he is busy here on nairaland complainin....

thunda....!!

tomdon:





A good thing my black ass. Then she's a scam and a witch cos something she did and lied about, she refused to oblige her betrothed in order to hoodwink him

You dey mind am. Godly wish wey dey cohabit with man.

perryy:


Which kind yeye born again? Born again or slave mentality? Is white wedding in the Bible ? Who recommended church wedding ? Christ or prophets? The marriage jesus attended where he turned water to wine , was it done in the church or the bride's parent's home? What is the spiritual implication of English traditional wedding ? The Jews took Christianity to the Europeans but they never added thier culture but when the Europeans came to Africa , they infused their culture innto the religion they gave us and and used it to enslave us. But unfortunately years after we were said to be free, we refused to free ourselves from mental slavery.

Youve totally missed the point. Why didnt he remember that its mental slavery all this while? Why do you go ahead and marry somebody with a slave mentality if you know you dont like it?

walahi if i catch this guy,i will strangle him back to his senses....

look how this guy dey let wet toto dry....!!??

....

Bros, once the pride price has been paid, she becomes your wife legally. White wedding na just to show off!! Don't support what's not reasonable

id2019:
What's stopping you from fixing date for the white wedding. She told u all this before the relationship started.

Babinski:


Most people want spouses they can trust and who above all has the fear of God. Yet when they see the fear of God in action against their selfish desires they start having issues and complaining. Trust is based on integrity. People who don't stand by their words are not trustworthy. It is that simple.

Trust me, his spouse is a lady that will stand her ground and wouldn't listen to anyone if she feels she is doing the right thing but the problem is what if she is doing something wrong? Na this kind wife they put man for trouble. Good character and submissiveness is what men need. Those God fearing women that takes their pastor words over her husband's, no thank you.

chaii....miserable somebody....

Dear future Hubby!
Please don't come and complain here in future. NO SEX UNTIL WEDDING NIGHT I won't see you and alter my principles.
Thank you

LadyHeaven:


So standing on a principle she told the OP of before hand makes her headstrong? What do African men really want? You stay true to your words you are stubborn, you give in easily you are a cheap farm tool, she should stand her ground, I personally don't believe in sex before marriage and if its a convenant she has with God then op is free to take a walk someone else who better understands her resolutional belief would come along.

Once the you paid a woman's bride price she becomes your wife legally, that's the most important . church, court and tradition is just a type marriage.

LadyHeaven:


So standing on a principle she told the OP of before hand makes her headstrong? What do African men really want? You stay true to your words you are stubborn, you give in easily you are a cheap farm tool, she should stand her ground, I personally don't believe in sex before marriage and if its a convenant she has with God then op is free to take a walk someone else who better understands her resolutional belief would come along.

Oil on your head abeg