pappy2000:

now she is everything i dont like in a delay i am even thinking of commiitting sucide because she conplains that i am not a man . I just cry and cry all day , i have no tears left in my eyes. she is just irratioanl always asking me for money.. she is very unloving , i am planning to ivorce her as soon as i marry her.

Na so e dey happen my brother, few days to your marriage its going to be tough, especially when your papa no be Dangote or Adeleke.
On the part of the lady too she passing through the same situation only that she cannot handle the pressure well. Don't be surprised if you call her aunty and narrate to she will confess what you are complaining about.

I once intervene, when one of my lady-friend was about to get married, although she wasn't reacting to her hubby sha but to family members, but a week to the D-Day everything was fine with her.

Spent some time with her, taking together and Praying together you will see how thing will go smoothly thereafter

pappy2000:
I have already done court wedding with her and she kept complaining of things not done if i knew she is like this i will not marry her. I swear.

guy no body will force you to get married to someone. Why get married to someone and then divorce them afterwards. Marriage I really optional. If you are undecided then DONT go through with it. Let her remain only the mother of your child, period!!!!

Ti e ta
Lool
Na only prayers go fit help U o
No woman would stay with a struggling guy

pappy2000:
The truth is that we have already done the court wedding the traditional marriage is around next two weeks, her sister has spent like 900,k on the wedding. She is 34 years old

I think it's too late to go back.

You should have shared this story earlier.

SMH

I dont know much & i dont think i do advise people on marriage but i think begging is where you got it wrong.
Never you beg a woman unless you know you are truely at fault over something magnanimous

pappy2000:
I used to think marriage should be full of bliss. I have begged and begged her. but its all falling on deaf ears

Bros I sympathy with you but also this one side of the story there may be one thing you too are not getting right. More so what is the stand of your own parent in this situation?

pappy2000:




she is just not listening, each time i beg her that there is a better tomorrow. she just snubs me, she even told meshe wanted to abort the baby which is four month old when i threathen her that i am no longer interested

my life is not better than the life of my fathers

YOu better stop this now before you go into it,,,
NExt time she threatens you..tell her your mind ,,

But finally you need to be a man and take decisions like one...

pappy2000:




now she is everything i dont like in a delay i am even thinking of commiitting sucide because she conplains that i am not a man . I just cry and cry all day , i have no tears left in my eyes. she is just irratioanl always asking me for money.. she is very unloving , i am planning to ivorce her as soon as i marry her.

"Planning to divorce her as soon as you marry."

Sir, please read this again. Does it make sense?

Bro, I must say that you appear to be someone who's emotionally weak for a 40 year old man and your woman is seriously using this to feast on you. Your good mind and dreams about your marriage will be a mirage if you are not emotionally mature. Stop crying like a baby and start exuding the aura of a man. You know what you want, say it, stand on it. Lead from the front, not cry from the front. If she's not being reasonable with you, do something unreasonable too, just go dark completely for few days to regain your sanity and masculinity

pappy2000:



i mentioned this to her loving sister but she insist that the wedding should continue that things will get better.

bros u are collecting 100+ salary, in addition with supportive in-laws and your to be wife is still acting like this?

What if u were teacher collecting peatnuts salary what will happen to u?

Must u spend so much for marriage ceremony. Nawa!

pappy2000:
I need to start this write up that i met this lady early this year and i had another lady who from my analysis is not so much in love with me so when i finally met this lady, she was everything i desire in a woman, so we started dating and from dating i went to see her sister in Abuja then from Abuja i went to kogi to meet her parent.

I met her family late June 2019. So I work in a blue chip company with a salary of little more than 100k so but i realized the salary won't make me live my dream life so i took a loan from gtbank to buy a car and use for e hailing.

My fiancee was so much supportive that she on her own decided to add like 200k fund so i bought a toyota matix.

So when I gave out the car the people i gave it to were all misbehaving so i decided that i will drive the car, she was so cool and nice that she will do everything at my beck n call.

Now when i went to meet her sister in Abuja her sister insists that we should pick a date meanwhile in may when we were marking her birthday, she told me how sad she was due to the fact that she was marking her birthday and she is getting younger so i promise her then that we will marry this year. I told her in Novermber so we finally settle for a date and the sister spent her money.

Unfortunately for me things were not as i planned in the uber biz, i need a few repair here and then. Now we got days left to wedding and she has been very irrational. She is pregnant for me, each time she visits me, i will beg her, na the cry and cry. How I truly want a happy home.

D bolded part got me

Op sorry to say but u av made d same grave mistake as my senior broda but urs is still better cos u can still cancel the wedding.
Y my brother's own is good because he is still way younger.

My Advice:
Cancel dat emotional blackmail u call a wedding nd move on. She has ur baby nd dat is a plus for u because u can decide nt to marry again nd focus on ur child.

Dey blackmailed u into getting married cos their sister is approaching menopause, such marriage does nt work.

The truth is, she is just being a woman. How you take whatever she does is what makes you a man. Calm down man.

pappy2000:
I am i40 ears old and i have heard enough people telling me to go n marry now i am not finding any fulfillment in this union, she is asking for multiple things at a time and i cant go in the life of crime. I have pleaded with her for a better tomorrow what can i really do.. i AM THINKING OF DIVORCE AFTER THE WEDDING.

You sound like an idiot

Why build a house then proceed to demolish it?

Don't start what you want to finish.

pappy2000:




now she is everything i dont like in a delay i am even thinking of commiitting sucide because she conplains that i am not a man . I just cry and cry all day , i have no tears left in my eyes. she is just irratioanl always asking me for money.. she is very unloving , i am planning to ivorce her as soon as i marry her.

You need to go home to ur mom and let her help u set ur priorities right. You want to get married and upon that u are crying. You're plain confused. Why do u want to get married? Probably because the woman u think was everything u needed said she's not getting younger and boom its marriage. Now she gave u her 200k and u couldn't make better use of it. Count urself lucky man and think. The most I've received from women is 3 undersized low quality singlets. She's not wrong to ask u for money always u most likely cleared out her savings by taking delivery of 200k. Do not marry and divorce her that's childish and stupid. Pls be a man, learn how to be a man.

24kmagic:
Are we talking about Kogi state girl here or someone whose parents just live in Kogi?

Cos if that girl is from Kogi state, just back off! I'm yet to see one good girl from Kogi state and I've seen many. Only go ahead with this wedding if you're also from Kogi state, if not....

Kogi state? God forbid

you and your generations (born and yet to be born),are YOU better than people from kogi state?

This is the time you need God's direction. Maybe God is passing a message to you. Go to a quiet place over the weekend and wait on God. Wait until He speaks to you or give you a leading. Go to a place where you can spend quality time without distraction for 24 hours and beyond. Take what you receive as you final decision.

I know someone who was lead to someone, but because he didn't see so much love and acceptance from this lady from the beginning, he asked God for another person. The second person arrived and it was all fun and sex. She took in and marriage happened in less than 4 months. His wife fought his siblings on the same day they wedded. He went broke and both of them started suffering. Her family couldn't even support. They termed the guy lazy and mean.

He's tried divorcing her but she'll always emotionally hold him down. They have 3 kids so it's even more difficult. She brings him problems every now and then. They don't have peace. Most importantly, she doesn't love God like him.

Good things most times don't seem like it from the beginning. Someone can be nice to you to get you. Most ladies who don't seem to fall at your feet from the get go a great women. They'll spend the rest of their lives proving that to you. Secondly, what gives us peace and blessings don't usually look attractive.

Getting a divorce isn't straight forward when kids are involved. Stop everything now. Better loose your job and disappear for a while than go through with it. You are not very young to be experimenting marriage. Save up the 200k and return it back to her. They can keep whatever they have bought and use it when she finds another man.

A stitch in time saves nine

Obedience is better than sacrifice

You can't give peace in the midst of war

You can't give peace if you lack peace

alizma:

The fact is she loves you are want a marriage with you. You mentioned that she is pregnant, her recent behavior may be as a result of her being pregnant. Notwithstanding that, one need to be very mature to be a husband. One key thing that had help me is that even before I married my wife, I told myself I was going to consider my wife as my first daughter therefore I need to do everything possible to raise my first daughter properly with care, love and tolerance, not leaving behind constructive corrections when necessary.
Finally, in my own dictionary, acceptance precede love when it come to marriage. I wish you success

Thank you. The woman is emotionally unstable. Don't be surprised after birth, she will deny all allegations.
Her sister is supportive in all because she sees you as a good person.
On the hand, If she still insists on abortion, tell her to go ahead that it's her body. You can start all over again with another woman. That woman is an emotional wreck.

pappy2000:
I used to think marriage should be full of bliss. I have begged and begged her. but its all falling on deaf ears

I am guessing that you are Igbo?

pappy2000:
The truth is that we have already done the court wedding the traditional marriage is around next two weeks, her sister has spent like 900,k on the wedding. She is 34 years old

You're 40 and She's 34.


It's obvious both of you aren't financial literate. Get these books:
1) The Richest Man in Babylon By George Samuel Clason
2) CASHFLOW Quadrant by Robert Kiyosaki
3) The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas Stanley and William D. Danko
4) Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki

Both of you should read the above books.


You as a man isn't emotionally stable. She on the other hand is just after what people will say, what was she doing during her early twenties. What baffles me is how someone of her age will be thinking like a 17 years old girl. I think she still carry her 17 years old wedding fantasy at 34 which is not cool.

I don't really see much reason a man like you should cry on this issue, hence I am concern what you wrote up there isn't a big deal. Take control over your family.


You must understand that pregnant women are the most funny humans. Don't mind all those stuffs she says, you will later find out that after giving birth, you will return back to factory settings.

Before you even engage her, you should have talked about the kind of wedding you want. If you want to do all or just do traditional and registry (court) wedding. All these must be sorted out on time, if after reasoning with her she doesn't agree with you, then you take a bow, so bad it's too late to take a bow because she's pregnant for you.

For you to have done registry wedding means you are legally married.

Get someone she respect do much to talk to her. The person will make her see reasons. See if after wedding you go broke, you're on your own. You guys should be thinking on how to do low key wedding and save money for the unborn child. Hehehe, you will spend lots of money as soon as she puts to bed, don't think it's easy.


The worst thing you will ever do is to marry to divorce, that will be the begining of your problems.


Never forget to be romantic. Show her love, your love will melt her heart and she will reason with you.

In the begining it wasn't so, now everything has changed. Sit her down, take a journey down the memory line, how sweet it use to be, talk about it. In the process of talking about it, you will discover some things you were doing then you aren't doing now. After talking about it, both of you should ask each other questions in a lovely tune. What really change? In this heart to heart discussion you will find out where water entered the pumpkin.
Tip: Cuddle her when discussing this with her.

I wish you success bro.


Addition: Perform DNA test after the child is born.

pappy2000:
I really dont want to brak her sister heart because she has spent her money n energy to make this realtionship work but now my wife is just irrational. I told her its a step at a time but she insisit i should do all, she is asking for phone i must her a new set of chair and do proper wedding all at once, she even suggested i should sell my car n buy okada

Lool.. dat girl must be a lunatic!

How old is she pls


Modified: jst saw her age on the post above me. No wonder dey av bin putting a whole lot of pressure on u

I agree with you sir. the relationship was faulty from beginning, and my advice is the guy should not go any further on any ceremony, he is even married already, so he should just ask God for mercy and make amends on his relationship with God. Also, he should ask for a meeting with lady and her family and also his own family to discuss the matter

Beatswim:
bros as a counsellor.. I married without a job for 5 years before God openwd a big way for me this year.. I married a nurse... So respectful... Highly tolerant and very understanding lady.. The question i need to ask u is dis... Are u a Christian? If yes then i dont feel u know about seeking God's face before u choose a woman... From inception this marriage is quite faulty.. U are going to this marriage because shes pregnant... That a bad foundation..that lady will frustrate you..beta accept her child and seek God's face for a life partner

pappy2000:




now she is everything i dont like in a delay i am even thinking of commiitting sucide because she conplains that i am not a man . I just cry and cry all day , i have no tears left in my eyes. she is just irratioanl always asking me for money.. she is very unloving , i am planning to ivorce her as soon as i marry her.

Na wa ooo u are already having *DIVORCE* in mind even before getting married? I just wonder how and why people see divorce as nothing in this generation. Well, who I'm i to judge. May you be guided

Bro please go ahead with the wedding things will be alright.... She really do love you but she's not her self for now because of the situation of things.... I am married with 3 beautiful girls and still expecting another one soon... Am talking from experience. My wife said so many things to me as well when things are not going well in the beginning of our marriage after I quit my job then.... She asked me to quit the job ooo.. But when the suffer start she just dey talk all sorts of rubbish even her mother then self... But as a man I understand she is just paind...I am a better person now because of her...We are not begging for food or kids school fees now and we are not Okay as the same time... Is just God bro... God will lead you and bless your marriage... Just rugged do am anyhow on low key as bar no dey.

pappy2000:
The truth is that we have already done the court wedding the traditional marriage is around next two weeks, her sister has spent like 900,k on the wedding. She is 34 years old

Nonsense, because of show. Why not give you guys the money to sort things out?
Traditional or white wedding could be done when the extra cash starts coming.
The sister wants to celebrate her 34yr old sis who finally found a man to hold down.

So, to the big sis, Its worth celebrating.. What a dream come true to her.

LyfeJennings:
Ti e ta
Lool
Na only prayers go fit help U o
No woman would stay with a struggling guy

False! Except the lady is not your class or mate, infact There are many cases I have seen where women stayed with struggling men

idesylvester:
Go and see a counselor with ur spouse

Gbam.
Gbam.

pappy2000:
I need to start this write up that i met this lady early this year and i had another lady who from my analysis is not so much in love with me so when i finally met this lady, she was everything i desire in a woman, so we started dating and from dating i went to see her sister in Abuja then from Abuja i went to kogi to meet her parent.

I met her family late June 2019. So I work in a blue chip company with a salary of little more than 100k so but i realized the salary won't make me live my dream life so i took a loan from gtbank to buy a car and use for e hailing.

My fiancee was so much supportive that she on her own decided to add like 200k fund so i bought a toyota matix.

So when I gave out the car the people i gave it to were all misbehaving so i decided that i will drive the car, she was so cool and nice that she will do everything at my beck n call.

Now when i went to meet her sister in Abuja her sister insists that we should pick a date meanwhile in may when we were marking her birthday, she told me how sad she was due to the fact that she was marking her birthday and she is getting younger so i promise her then that we will marry this year. I told her in Novermber so we finally settle for a date and the sister spent her money.

Unfortunately for me things were not as i planned in the uber biz, i need a few repair here and then. Now we got days left to wedding and she has been very irrational. She is pregnant for me, each time she visits me, i will beg her, na the cry and cry. How I truly want a happy home.

That is what you get when you think with your penis.

All these small children relationship you adult of 30 and 40 are still having is so annoying and doesn't usually end well as its the case with you now.

Now, you see a lady who says no sex, and tye next thing is she doesn't love you and you move to another one who will jump on your bed and you feel ah... This one loves me and you begin to formicate back to back and doing what is only meant for legally married people and relegating the one who instituted marriage (God) thinking you're smart but God is always smarter cos you must face it later as you're doing now.

If you didn't put the cart before the horse now by getting her pregnant, you'll have been able to back out of this situation easily but now you can't and you want commit suicide. Is God not smarter las las?

Say no to premarital sex. It doesn't mean or bring true love but only a momentary feeling that fades away.

Date a lady purely and prayerfully, and if it doesn't work out, no be sin.

A pastor once came for me. And in the process of courting I discovered he's very stingy plus I dont have feelings for him. And he's very rich o. So, I told him oga look forward and he told the senior pastors I called it off and everybody left peacefully.
In all seek Gods face.
Its better to live as a single than to live with an annoying partner.

pappy2000:




God bless you this is what I really need right now, I think I am getting too emotionally attached to her

I will advise you to suspend the wedding for now....
tell the families that you and your partner need time to sort out some things....

and while the period...take time to do what he advised.... concentrate on your work and side business and see how things goes...if she still didn't change... let her go.


if she insist on terminating the pregnancy...let her know she will endanger her life and her chances of having kids in the future if she goes ahead....

she is not matured at all....

Beatswim:
bros as a counsellor.. I married without a job for 5 years before God openwd a big way for me this year.. I married a nurse... So respectful... Highly tolerant and very understanding lady.. The question i need to ask u is dis... Are u a Christian? If yes then i dont feel u know about seeking God's face before u choose a woman... From inception this marriage is quite faulty.. U are going to this marriage because shes pregnant... That a bad foundation..that lady will frustrate you..beta accept her child and seek God's face for a life partner

Bros lemme ask u my own too.

How do men get married without a job
How did u finance ur wedding
How did u finance family expenses
How do u cope knwing fully well u av a big task to take care of and u dnt av moni
Which house did u live in Who paid the rent??

Beatswim:
bros as a counsellor.. I married without a job for 5 years before God openwd a big way for me this year.. I married a nurse... So respectful... Highly tolerant and very understanding lady.. The question i need to ask u is dis... Are u a Christian? If yes then i dont feel u know about seeking God's face before u choose a woman... From inception this marriage is quite faulty.. U are going to this marriage because shes pregnant... That a bad foundation..that lady will frustrate you..beta accept her child and seek God's face for a life partner

....


You just said it all. The foundation of every relationship or marriage should be built on the fear of God else this is what will sterm up.

pappy2000:
I really dont want to brak her sister heart because she has spent her money n energy to make this realtionship work but now my wife is just irrational. I told her its a step at a time but she insisit i should do all, she is asking for phone i must her a new set of chair and do proper wedding all at once, she even suggested i should sell my car n buy okada

chai, Ok, alright, continue...