Pafoma:
Guys! I need serious, real and honest contributions.. Thanks to all that will contribute.

I have a lady whom i am dating. I truly love and care about her but she has been with people that are in my circle and this disturbs me. She didnt used to be a straightforward and totally faithful person but i see that she is making efforts towards being completely honest and straightforward but still i dont have rest in my spirit about taking the decision to marry her.

I have observed she is soft with guys and is not firm, although i am aware it takes time for someone used to a particular pattern or lifestyle to adjus. I need help because breaking up with this lady will mean that i have to look for someone else to start the entire circle with again and who knows what if the new one also comes with even worse baggages.

My questions are these

1. What do you advice i do?
2. Who has been in similar situation where you fell in love with a lady your friends and circle have been with then married her? What was the experience like including things to look out for..
3. How can be sure i wont regret the decision to go forward?

Please feel free to ask me any question and i’ll answer if they are not sarcastic or jokes..

Thank you.

izzou:


What do you mean by friends and circle being with her?

Like they've had sex with her?

obi4eze:
If you have no rest in your spirit about her then something is wrong. There is something you're yet to find out about her.

Skyfornia:
Huh...my brother I'll advice you as a fellow brother, leave that lady and preserve your respect. I can't even date any lady I know her ex boyfriend not to talk of dating or marrying one that have dated someone in my circle. Those men will never respect you and your woman...

tojahh:
Every time you have sex with her... You will always think of how others on your circle have had sex with her and wondered if this is how she screams and moan the whole bedroom while doing it.


In fact it causes low libido. Just take your share and let her go.

Pafoma:


Easier said, feelings are now involved for me! Sigh!

Pafoma:
Guys! I need serious, real and honest contributions.. Thanks to all that will contribute.

I have a lady whom i am dating. I truly love and care about her but she has been with people that are in my circle and this disturbs me. She didnt used to be a straightforward and totally faithful person but i see that she is making efforts towards being completely honest and straightforward but still i dont have rest in my spirit about taking the decision to marry her.

I have observed she is soft with guys and is not firm, although i am aware it takes time for someone used to a particular pattern or lifestyle to adjus. I need help because breaking up with this lady will mean that i have to look for someone else to start the entire circle with again and who knows what if the new one also comes with even worse baggages.

My questions are these

1. What do you advice i do?
2. Who has been in similar situation where you fell in love with a lady your friends and circle have been with then married her? What was the experience like including things to look out for..
3. How can be sure i wont regret the decision to go forward?

Please feel free to ask me any question and i’ll answer if they are not sarcastic or jokes..

Thank you.

bukatyne:


When you say circle, are you talking of acquaintances you can subtly part ways with or friends like business partners etc. you can't do without?

Are you also talking of dating one person, did not work out thingy or casual sex with a number of them?

If it is ex, I believe the person should be mature enough to move on and treat you both with respect: if it is causal sex with multiple people in one circle then you might want to move on.

Also, you say she is trying to be straightforward: in sexual matters, you are either straightforward aka faithful or not. If she was used to having causal sex in the past and she wanted to change, she knows the situations she should not get into.

You might also want to know why she wants to change: her biological clock is ticking and she wants to settle down? She has seen the error of her ways and truly repenting? She wasn't wise enough to discern when she was in a relationship with herself and had sex too soon? She had psychological issues and used sex to fill that need?

In summary, if your spirit does not have peace with this lady, move on.

While I understand the sentiment behind not wanting to start afresh, a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.

Pafoma:


Yes, acquitances and friends i used to be close too. A few of the friends, we just greet but no close bonds any longer although not because of her but i just moved on from an unfocused & unserious lifestyle.

Yes, i am talking about both dated and just a few times together..
Straight like she has realised her former lifestyle was foolish. Not exactly having casual sex but but guys that persuade/pester her that they like her or they dated briefly, she had something with them.

She realised she was just being used and non of the guys that assured her of their faithfulness were true, they all just did her and moved on.. i am sure you get!

Pafoma:


Yes, acquitances and friends i used to be close too. A few of the friends, we just greet but no close bonds any longer although not because of her but i just moved on from an unfocused & unserious lifestyle.

Yes, i am talking about both dated and just a few times together..
Straight like she has realised her former lifestyle was foolish. Not exactly having casual sex but but guys that persuade/pester her that they like her or they dated briefly, she had something with them.

She realised she was just being used and non of the guys that assured her of their faithfulness were true, they all just did her and moved on.. i am sure you get!

Pafoma:

Dated and had sex with her during the period, yes.

Vyolet:
You alone can have your woman's back, you alone can give her respect and have others respect her.
The most important thing is if she is truly changed and remorseful, is she also ready to be loyal?
There are men that married retired sex workers and things work Perfectly, Marriage is like a black-market, you never know what you will meet until you get in there.
Since those people are no longer in your circle even long before you met your fiance, then you may go ahead with her, In the end though, follow whatever your heart tells you.

crackhaus:

I can see you don't value your peace of mind
What in the tomfoolery kind of complicated-as-hell menstrual cycle of friends and acquaintances is this for heavens sake?

Are there no other girls?
Na wah o

It's an unwritten rule that a G must never get married to a woman who has been with any of his friends or acquaintances. It doesn't matter if he is still close to them or not. YOU JUST DON'T DO IT!
There are way too many single hunnies available for you to be playing Russian Roulette with one.

Ogbunigwe2018:
The devil you know is better than the angel you don't.
I see you as a very complicated human being, if not you won't be entangled in this hullabaloo.

My advice is to proceed with the marriage, cos if you had the balls to date her in the first instance, then what's the worst that can happen

izzou:


Everyone has a past bro

If you had dated and had sex with her friends, I'm sure you would want her to still stick with you.

But then, it's your call. If you know your emotions won't be able to stand this heat, take it outta the kitchen.

She may have genuinely changed, but your friends haven't

baby124:
Then why did you chase her and maintain a relationship with her if you knew these things were important to you? If she did not give you a chance now, you will claim that women don’t like good guys. You think you are doing her a favor by dating her? When you are just occupying space in her life. You are still a small boy.

Please and please tell her you cannot date someone you know the men she has been with. Then kindly let her go abeg. I am sure a man that loves her has been trying to get her attention, but you are just there blocking it. I also hope for her sake that she has options, so that it will do you like film trick when she marries and you go on and start a #new# relationship. .

Never take decisions based on friends. I know a lot of people that have regretted this! Friendships mostly do not last and the person they will influence you to marry, you may just detest the person. Always go with your own choice.

Pafoma:


This is my fear, my friends have not changed. Only her and myself so dont want to be dealing with unnecessary stuff after marriage and my story being discussed jokingly over some bottles of beer amongst alcoholics.

mysticgal:
It saddens me that some people are condemning this lady. Okay, if this was the reverse case I.e a man, would you all allow the lady to marry the man? SMH.

From all the op said, it wasn’t casual sex, she at one point ‘Dated’ them but it was foolery so exactly how is this a problem? Besides, he says that the guys and himself are no longer friends.
Okay let’s imagine if he doesn’t marry her and he marries someone else, how are you sure op, that people who know the girl wouldn’t talk about you and your spouse over drinks, except she’s a FARGIN .

The only problem with I am having with this whole talk is you being restless. If you are, please forget it and let her go too. find someone else.

And anybody who is said to be matured ,who has sex with someone wouldn’t talk about shit because that’s what maturity is all about.

Pafoma:


I agree with you but feelings are involved. Believe me, there are way too many ladies i agree but how many are marriage material? We the bachelors know what attains in the market!!

baby124:
Then why did you chase her and maintain a relationship with her if you knew these things were important to you? If she did not give you a chance now, you will claim that women don’t like good guys. You think you are doing her a favor by dating her? When you are just occupying space in her life. You are still a small boy.

Please and please tell her you cannot date someone you know the men she has been with. Then kindly let her go abeg. I am sure a man that loves her has been trying to get her attention, but you are just there blocking it. I also hope for her sake that she has options, so that it will do you like film trick when she marries and you go on and start a #new# relationship. .

Never take decisions based on friends. I know a lot of people that have regretted this! Friendships mostly do not last and the person they will influence you to marry, you may just detest the person. Always go with your own choice.