safarigirl:
from his narrative, she gives anyone who whistles at her a chance, so, this was never an option for her

@OP, if you are not at peace with marrying her, abeg leave her to find someone that is not within a circle she has been passdd around. Forget all this childish talk about who has changed, you can never tell if someone has truly changed or not, until they are faced with the same situation that constantly led them to falter.

Marriage is not a joke, it is not a chamber of torture that you should subject yourself to. The day you travel and she tells you one of your friends came to check on her, how will you feel? Where will your mind go?

Trust is more important than love in any union. Don't deceive yourself. You don't know if you will still find someone better after, but by that time, you will be stuck in a marriage with a woman that you can't trust

I’ve always love and admire you. How do you manage to talk so much sense?

The devil you know is better than the angel you know has been a common say
but the question is ,can she stand the bitter side of marriage without falling back into the hands of your friends to be consoled ?
After receiving all these advice, seek the face of God too.
He is the only one that sees the end from the beginning.

If i see you marry the girl, na me go call meeting of your village people for you

Pafoma:


Yes no longer friends with the guys but my concern regarding this is that i will from time2time see and meet at some of these guys at events, places or function due to mutual friends,family &circle that still exist. It steals my peace and maybe some-part of my confidence.

I am finding it difficult to let her go because i have genuine feelings for her. You and I know that not many guys are discreet and mature about this sex thing, they will spill and spill to boost their ego even about stuff they did not do. The most concern for me is just whether i wont regret the decision to carry on with her or whether she will not one day dissppoint me or herself to let her guards down or get involved with anyone at that.

Live to forget, life is too short to carry burden in your heart. It is a mind thing bro!

Gudlite:
[s]The devil you know is better than the angel you know has been a common say
but the question is ,can she stand the bitter side of marriage without falling back into the hands of your friends to be consoled ?
After receiving all these advice, seek the face of God too.
He is the only one that sees the end from the beginning.
[/s]

not when different sweet pricks ate involved

I see you are trying to hold back on some of the details. It shows you are a kind person, interested in protecting your woman.

It is a huge burden to tell you whether to continue with a relationship or break up. At the end of the day, it is your decision.

Behavioural patterns are emblematic in us and hardly change over time. They can be modified, adjusted, but the essential core ingredient remains. It is okay for her to have a past, but if that past has a potential of destroying your future, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship. A woman must learn to be firm to everyone, else the stories are unhealthy. It is not your job to mould her behaviour but it is your job to tolerate it. If you know you can't, my brother, you don't need our advise.

Pafoma:
What if i have detached from these circles even before i met her, we had met and started dating when i found out about them.

I mean, what will their respect do for me because we dont belong to the same circle any longer. If she can prove that i will not regret my decision then maybe i might be willing to risk it

The bold is really impractical as you are talking about the future, of which no one is 100% certain.

mysticgal:

I mean I wondered where the whole law comes from and it made me realize that it is a movie. A Nigerian movie that people has gunned to their subconscious, of all movies, Nigerian movie.

Why would I want to have sex with an ex I left. why is the word ex there for. These men on this forum are just....God

the law did not come from a movie, guys have been passing it around for years. The movie was just inspired by the belief.

Of course, it is not 100%, and not everybody has just one ex, but some have an ex they are emotionally attached to, and may lose their guard with.

You can only vouch for yourself, not for anyone else. If something was not happening, it would not be a thing.

queenitee:

I’ve always love and admire you. How do you manage to talk so much sense?

you wan use style get closer to her and toast her abi?forget it ko le werk, she is my babe

OP,

I don't buy all that mumbo jumbo of love being all forgiving and whatever. There are pasts one can't live or deal with. If you can't live with hers, feel free to pull the plug. I will do same if I were you.

If your girl has a problem saying NO and standing by it, then you have valid reasons to be very concerned. Let no one guilt trip you into thinking you are being immature.

As far as I am concerned, love and marriage na strategy. 30% emotions, 70% logic

Honestly I don't see any issue here. U surely have bleeped countless no of babes u ain't gonna marry. We all have made mistakes, we have our past. If she is ready to change and u love her, bro stay with her. If u leave her now, how sure u gonna get someone better?.

queenitee:

I’ve always love and admire you. How do you manage to talk so much sense?

thanks dear.

It is from many years of observing human interactions and studying the human mind.

enemachris:
The problem with our generation os that, we still look for answers when our instinct has already given us an answer to our problems. Its a folly unto man to ask for that which he can achieve for himself. If you can't do this, don't come begging for us to advise you on how to go for your divorce.

Brother, I am as amazed as u are

Pafoma:


Yes no longer friends with the guys but my concern regarding this is that i will from time2time see and meet at some of these guys at events, places or function due to mutual friends,family &circle that still exist. It steals my peace and maybe some-part of my confidence.

I am finding it difficult to let her go because i have genuine feelings for her. You and I know that not many guys are discreet and mature about this sex thing, they will spill and spill to boost their ego even about stuff they did not do. The most concern for me is just whether i wont regret the decision to carry on with her or whether she will not one day dissppoint me or herself to let her guards down or get involved with anyone at that.

Relocate na if you love her that much.

Just ask God for more direction..

pocohantas:
OP,

I don't buy all that mumbo jumbo of love being all forgiving and whatever. There are pasts one can't live or deal with. If you can't live with hes, feel free to pull the plug. I will do same if I were you.


As far as I am concerned, love and marriage na strategy. 30% emotions, 70% logic

thank you o

Some people have allowed telemundo destroy their thought process. Life is not Paloma and Diego, nothing like all forgiving love, and certainly not on a continent that is so misogynistic and pro-men.

A woman's sins will be counted against her till she dies. Till today, Sophie Alakija that is married with two kids, is still being called Wizkid's ex. This society does not forgive women's pasts.

Fountainofyouth:
That lady is shameless and has esteem issues for her to have something to do with you and your former clique...

You lack high standard, moral decency, and also esteem issues for you to go for someone who has been passed around by your friends, you lack class,

Your faults,
Were you blind or deaf that you didn't know all these revelations before starting the relationship with her and falling in love?
How come it is now that you want to dump her you remember that she was once a free sample?
You are now having second thoughts but you don't want your conscience to judge you that's why you came here to rant so you won't feel and be perceived as a terrible person for wasting her time all this while abi?
And then you remembered a tale that was long forgotten cos you are tired and bored of her and need a stupid ass reason to break up with her right?

Clap for yourself mister man, we will tell you what you want to hear, break up with her and let her be, but know this, I assure you that the next woman you meet will have evil, deadly baggages as high as Mount Everest that you will never know till you are both married, and I pray by that time, it will too late for you, I so pray it will really be too late, nonsense.

Why are you so pained

Akhazeme:



Dear Sir,

I think I was in a similar situation when I wanted to marry my wife but mine is that she has dated my friend before and was even the person that deflowered her. Try to talk to her about it and let her know you ain't comfortable with the whole thing and let her give you her word of total change.
If you love her please you guys should talk and make it work...

and you think her word is enough?

pocohantas:


The most retardèd law on the face of the earth. Nigerian exes that act like enemies are th same ones that have sex with each other. Enough to form one dumb law.

Only two people who haven't truly moved on would do that shii.

Naija guys think too highly of themselves and their sexual skills... but na them swallow tramadol and monkey tail pass

Too highly I ask myself, who exactly they are?

Oga if you love the girl, and you truely know she loves u

Go ahead and marry her.

Forget the stupid advise these beasts here will give you.

Thank God you said it was in the past!

Is she still fucking around presently and has she changed?? This should be your observation.

Mean while will you get married to her and still stay in that your circle??


Guys take note, in as much as no be you disvirgin woman it means more than 5 to 10 guys don chop before you.

So why u want kill ya self over who don chop?

You never chop like 8 girls before her, including olosho them

Pls if she's good and loves you marry her and both of you leave your circle for good

If you don't have inner peace, Please move on my dear.

Don't even contemplate marriage with her because it wont work !

iwaeda:


Live to forget, life is too short to carry burden in your heart. It is a mind thing bro!

easier said than done

userplainly:

My brother ignore all these people telling u to leave her.. u feel that way cos u knew her before yet still loved her.. many girls u don’t know have done worst! Runs girls get marrieg faster than decent girls these days hope u know .. n they make excellent wives... the celebrities ur guys in nairaland lust about have all done worst compare to ur girl... Bro whe. U meet the right one u forget all her past! They r her past! Just give her boundaries about how she relate with guys now .. Marry her n u won’t regret it

This is a lame excuse, the only reason the first bolded is half true is because they pretend, they run to place of worship and act like angel and before you know it, an innocent guy fall for it. And for the second, there is no such thing as excellent wives, its not complicated, a woman that loves sleeping around will never be satisfied with one man!

The past define the person you will be in the future, when push comes to shove what do you think will happen, everyone always return to the basics, the fundamentals! Make no mistake everyone has a past but what past can you live with? As hard as it might sound to him, leaving her might just be the only option, its bad enough she sleeps around, its another thing that you know those that used her and there is a very big possibility that she will continue to have them as friends especially if she the jovial type. (When you eventually marry her, she will turn feminist and tell you, you can't dictate who she talk to, or her circle of friends).

Enemyofpeace:
you wan use style get closer to her and toast her abi?forget it ko le werk, she is my babe

I’m a lady

safarigirl:
thanks dear.

It is from many years of observing human interactions and studying the human mind.

You are wonderful

safarigirl:
the law did not come from a movie, guys have been passing it around for years. The movie was just inspired by the belief.

Of course, it is not 100%, and not everybody has just one ex, but some have an ex they are emotionally attached to, and may lose their guard with.

You can only vouch for yourself, not for anyone else. If something was not happening, it would not be a thing.

I never knew it was a thing till I heard of the movie and sincerely, this law or label or whatever, isn’t valid to say the least

Marry her if u want but stay away from immature friends. They won't taunt u that they have banged your wife at any argument

Pafoma:

Dated and had sex with her during the period, yes.

My brother, leave the girl alone. She will never ever ever ever change. There are a lot of cool good girls out there you can settle down with as wife material. Don't waste precious time hoping she'll change please. She won't

NaijaOlosho:
Oga if you love the girl, and you truely know she loves u

Go ahead and marry her.

Forget the stupid advise these beasts here will give you.

Thank God you said it was in the past!

Is she still fucking around presently and has she changed?? This should be your observation.

Mean while will you get married to her and still stay in that your circle??


Guys take note, in as much as no be you disvirgin woman it means more than 5 to 10 guys don chop before you.

So why u want kill ya self over who don chop?

You never chop like 8 girls before her, including olosho them

Pls if she's good and loves you marry her and both of you leave your circle for good

men are comfortable with not knowing the number of people you have slept with,the problem with OP is that he knows the number and they are people he knows...this is an issue!!..It is not easy to forget

All these ones forming "leave her", "hoe" etc.

If your wives told you the truth about all the sex they had before they met you, you wouldn't have married them.

If you know you cant cope with it then break up with her amicably

The interactions you are describing here are too awkward and she hasnt completely dropped her habits

Some people can forget about it and still remain but you clearly cant and its making you uncomfortable... it would be worse if you got married and you began to accuse her out of a restless mind

Pafoma:


Hmm! Mind sheding more light please

Young man,

someone already commented that you made up your mind already. I agree with it. let me echo it again: stop this pointless validation you are seeking here. You know deep in your mind you are set on marrying this girl.

However, I will still tell you: it is a bad idea! A VERY BAD IDEA. Why you ask? You said it yourself: you don't have peace. That is your internal alarm system telling you to stop. That is God warning you. God speaks, even to those who are not saved or living in sin.

I know a case like yours. The relationship broke because the guy couldn't get over the fact that his woman slept with one of his friends more than seven years past while they were in school. Just one friend.

God will not come down and make your marriage heaven on earth for you. It takes hard work. You must be wise. The same reason a woman shouldn't marry a man who beat up all his ex or slept around is the same reason you shouldn't marry her.

There is someone for this lady. But it isn't you. You can't handle it. You think you can but you can't . And what you call love and feelings that is so strong you can let go is a veil that will fall from your eyes once you tie the knot.

Even for people who married chaste spouses doubts arise sometimes. Your girlfriend needs to work on herself and overcome some measure of her weaknesses before entering into marriage. Sexual temptation from an ex for someone like her may be too much to bear.

That sinking feeling in your chest and gut is right. That woman is not for you.

Marriage is A VERY SERIOUS THING. I know, I am married. Love is not enough sometimes. Trust me. Those deep feelings you think you cant let go will become ashes in your mouth if you make a mistake. Nothing on this earth is like a peaceful, blissful marriage. You dont want to start yours with a broken foot.

A word is enough for the wise.