mysticgal:
It saddens me that some people are condemning this lady. Okay, if this was the reverse case I.e a man, would you all allow the lady to marry the man? SMH.

From all the op said, it wasn’t casual sex, she at one point ‘Dated’ them but it was foolery so exactly how is this a problem? Besides, he says that the guys and himself are no longer friends.
Okay let’s imagine if he doesn’t marry her and he marries someone else, how are you sure op, that people who know the girl wouldn’t talk about you and your spouse over drinks, except she’s a FARGIN .

The only problem with I am having with this whole talk is you being restless. If you are, please forget it and let her go too. find someone else.

And anybody who is said to be matured ,who has sex with someone wouldn’t talk about shit because that’s what maturity is all about.

crackhaus:

Feelings

Baba no do oo. You are not a rehabilitation center.
Enough said.

crackhaus:

Although he stated that he didn't know about it when they first started dating, but even if he knew, nothing wrong with collecting his own share.
But on marriage? Bad idea.

I don't know the kind of relationships you've been forming all your life for you to boldly claim that friendships mostly do no last.
Perhaps this is true with ladies, no surprise there...but definitely not with men.

Pafoma:


If she can prove that i will not regret my decision then maybe i might be willing to risk it

Pafoma:


Yes, the possible talks of ‘na because of woman you ditch you guy and blah blah talk.. because we just grew apart but no fights, beef or arguments with them. Sigh!!!!!!

crackhaus:

Wait, please give us the details:

How did you find out about her history with your friends?
How many of these friends has she been with exactly?

crackhaus:

Although he stated that he didn't know about it when they first started dating, but even if he knew, nothing wrong with collecting his own share.
But on marriage? Bad idea.

I don't know the kind of relationships you've been forming all your life for you to boldly claim that friendships mostly do no last.
Perhaps this is true with ladies, no surprise there...but definitely not with men.

Yinibixema:
[s][/s]
Ever heard of okafor’s law?

mysticgal:

That’s the most stupid law that has existed in humanity. A lot of you Nigerians are so good at generalizations it has killed you people, have you met a hundred people who has ever had sex with their ex’s while in a relationship or not? I mean met not I heard. Well, I have met 20 who would never go back or have sex with their ex’s even with guns to their heads...21 if I include myself so drop that stupid law and face reality. Okafors law lo, okorie’s rule ni.

When I get to a hundred I would quote this thread.

Pafoma:


Yes no longer friends with the guys but my concern regarding this is that i will from time2time see and meet at some of these guys at events, places or function due to mutual friends,family &circle that still exist. It steals my peace and maybe some-part of my confidence.

I am finding it difficult to let her go because i have genuine feelings for her. You and I know that not many guys are discreet and mature about this sex thing, they will spill and spill to boost their ego even about stuff they did not do. The most concern for me is just whether i wont regret the decision to carry on with her or whether she will not one day dissppoint me or herself to let her guards down or get involved with anyone at that.

mysticgal:

That’s the most stupid law that has existed in humanity. A lot of you Nigerians are so good at generalizations it has killed you people, have you met a hundred people who has ever had sex with their ex’s while in a relationship or not? I mean met not I heard. Well, I have met 20 who would never go back or have sex with their ex’s even with guns to their heads...21 if I include myself so drop that stupid law and face reality. Okafors law lo, okorie’s rule ni.

When I get to a hundred I would quote this thread.

baby124:

Don’t mind them. Very stupid. They say it with all authority because they are rapists. No normal person will have the guts to beat their chest that they can manipulate or forcefully have sex with an ex. That means they have not moved on and are still obsessed with these girls. Forming all sorts of tactics to sleep with them. Jobless and immature twa*ts.

Pafoma:


Hmm! Had any similar experience?

mysticgal:

I mean I wondered where the whole law comes from and it made me realize that it is a movie. A Nigerian movie that people has gunned to their subconscious, of all movies, Nigerian movie.

Why would I want to have sex with an ex I left. why is the word ex there for. These men on this forum are just....God

Yinibixema:

So you expect those people to tell you that they will go back to their ex? It’s just like when men say they will never cheat on their wives no matter what but end up cheating. Talk is cheap

It’s one thing to say sonething and do another thing

baby124:

This shows you how shallow in thought they are and how much generalization goes into it. Also why you should not take such labels seriously.

mysticgal:

Sorry, I don’t get this please?

baby124:

Labels like Okafor’s law and other crazy generalizations.

mysticgal:


That is where you are wrong. You’ve already had a concept in your mind and you are acting it out. You already believe that all men cheat so why not, it normal to cheat. Quit the excuses and be a person, normal one for that matter.

And no, I don’t expect them to tell me they went back to their ex’s but then these people have standards which a lot of you lack and that’s why you can scream okafors law everywhere.
People are called ex’s for a reason, they’ve exited the relationship, the romance, the sex. Just because a few people you heard did it doesn’t mean everyone does. Quit the whole excuses mahn.

baby124:

[s]Lol. Friendships don’t last. Male or female. You base your decisions on friends then you are not ready for a serious commitment. Like him, you shouldn’t get into such relationships in the first place. Even if you didn’t know. Once you are aware then you call it quits immediately. Not pretend to the girl and come on NL forming most valuable when she would rather not deal with such immaturity. You are immature.

Let me tell you! Many men have married their so called best friends ex! When you see a girl that you want, that you truly love, all these petty and what will the world say trash will not matter.[/s]

Pafoma:


I found out about the guys when i found out she was speaking to one guy that they were involved but hiding it from me after we started dating. The rest of the guys, she told me herself.

About 7 guys i know but not all of them i was close to but some are friends of friends.

Pafoma:


I found out about the guys when i found out she was speaking to one guy that they were involved but hiding it from me after we started dating. The rest of the guys, she told me herself.

About 7 guys i know but not all of them i was close to but some are friends of friends.

crackhaus:

Story story, normal emotional banter without substance.
Leave the immaturity for those of us that don't want nothing to do with a friend's ex. Na your immaturity?

I can tell you for a fact that male friendships last because I have those kind of friendships with married and unmarried alike. Speak only about your own reality which is filled with broken friendships here and there, not about anyone else.
Keeping friendships does not mean you will see everyday or hangout every weekend - it simply means keeping in touch such that whenever you meet, it always feels like you never stopped seeing the person. You won't understand what you don't experience anyway.

Pafoma:


Thanks for your contribution, these were my exact thoughts when I decided to continue with the relationship especially as i started seeing changes in her but my mind but despite the changes and improvement my mind does not just still have peace no matter how much i try to make it have peace. I have tried many different ways of sparking up the relationship but something just keeps putting doubt and worry on my mind..

The guys are no longer in my circle but i still see them and it will always be like that because we have alot of mutual friends and interwoven circles. I totally get your point but for lack of peace that i have to take that step with her.

baby124:

If all you do is hang out at beer parlour with men that are consumed with sex and reminiscing over sexual encounters then you need another job or a hobby. It’s actually disgusting to think of. Let me tell you, guys have snatched me from their friends before right from secondary school when we were not giving sex sef. Guys actually don’t care and they are very selfish, much more than girls once they find a girl they like. In fact they can compete and cut off the world to have that girl. Which is really how nature works! .

Let me confess here sef, I was kind of snatched as a wife and hubby has changed his circle the moment I agreed. . I am a hot cake if I must confess. . The toaster who was toasting was feeling like a G and even introduced me to my guy. Before he knew what happened, we don move .

baby124:

Your wife is probably being paraded by one idiot right now, who she knows she can’t marry. And is using him to pass time.

crackhaus:

As a matter of fact I have two personal ones.

First one, I was in your position.
I dated a chic whom my closest buddy from secondary school used to sleep with, he even introduced us because he wanted me to employ her to work with my organization back then. By the time we started dating, I deliberately informed my old buddy and he told me about their sexual past (he initially claimed they were only friends but finally opened up, and she confirmed it).
Well I immediately knew it wasn't a relationship that would lead anywhere and it didn't. The chic even had a bad habit of keeping in touch with exes and I value my peace of mind.
Besides, woman cannot make me and my boy create distance from ourselves.


Second one, I was in the position of the friend.
A chic I used to have a fling with is now married to another friend. Actually all three of us know each other from secondary school (same secondary school with my closest body from the first story). All of us have managed to maintain contact all these years, these are people I have known since 1998.
Well, this two got married and I know about ever fight and argument they have because she tells me and always threatens her husband with divorce. Meanwhile, her husband (like you) is never at peace anytime he hears her talking to me over the phone or texting me. She actually told me that he constantly suspects her and uses every little opportunity to bring up my name in their conversation during an argument - this is my guy who knew about my history with her before he married her oo, yet he is not at peace.
I even had to tell him straight up to stop having crazy ideas, because she and I are done for ever and ever, amen.
Sometimes she even deliberately mentions me just to manipulate the guy into doing things her way because she knows of his insecurity - they are a funny couple.


See dude, like I said in my first comment, it's all about peace of mind. If you value it, you will avoid complicated stuff like this.
But if you feel you can handle it, go ahead.

baby124:

Lol. Friendships don’t last. Male or female. You base your decisions on friends then you are not ready for a serious commitment. Like him, you shouldn’t get into such relationships in the first place. Even if you didn’t know. Once you are aware then you call it quits immediately. Not pretend to the girl and come on NL forming most valuable when she would rather not deal with such immaturity. You are immature.

Let me tell you! Many men have married their so called best friends ex! When you see a girl that you want, that you truly love, all these petty and what will the world say trash will not matter.

Savvywriteprene:


Thank you!
When you truly love someone, their past or mistakes wouldn't matter to you.
Oga, if you love this woman, then proceed with your plans with her and turn dear ears to whatever is been said about her.