Pafoma:
Guys! I need serious, real and honest contributions.. Thanks to all that will contribute.

I have a lady whom i am dating. I truly love and care about her but she has been with people that are in my circle and this disturbs me. She didnt used to be a straightforward and totally faithful person but i see that she is making efforts towards being completely honest and straightforward but still i dont have rest in my spirit about taking the decision to marry her.

I have observed she is soft with guys and is not firm, although i am aware it takes time for someone used to a particular pattern or lifestyle to adjus. I need help because breaking up with this lady will mean that i have to look for someone else to start the entire circle with again and who knows what if the new one also comes with even worse baggages.

My questions are these

1. What do you advice i do?
2. Who has been in similar situation where you fell in love with a lady your friends and circle have been with then married her? What was the experience like including things to look out for..
3. How can be sure i wont regret the decision to go forward?

Please feel free to ask me any question and i’ll answer if they are not sarcastic or jokes..

Thank you.

bukatyne:


When you say circle, are you talking of acquaintances you can subtly part ways with or friends like business partners etc. you can't do without?

Are you also talking of dating one person, did not work out thingy or casual sex with a number of them?

If it is ex, I believe the person should be mature enough to move on and treat you both with respect: if it is causal sex with multiple people in one circle then you might want to move on.

Also, you say she is trying to be straightforward: in sexual matters, you are either straightforward aka faithful or not. If she was used to having causal sex in the past and she wanted to change, she knows the situations she should not get into.

You might also want to know why she wants to change: her biological clock is ticking and she wants to settle down? She has seen the error of her ways and truly repenting? She wasn't wise enough to discern when she was in a relationship with herself and had sex too soon? She had psychological issues and used sex to fill that need?

In summary, if your spirit does not have peace with this lady, move on.

While I understand the sentiment behind not wanting to start afresh, a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.

Fountainofyouth:
That lady is shameless and has esteem issues for her to have something to do with you and your former clique...

You lack high standard, moral decency, and also esteem issues for you to go for someone who has been passed around by your friends, you lack class,

Your faults,
Were you blind or deaf that you didn't know all these revelations before starting the relationship with her and falling in love?
How come it is now that you want to dump her you remember that she was once a free sample?
You are now having second thoughts but you don't want your conscience to judge you that's why you came here to rant so you won't feel and be perceived as a terrible person for wasting her time all this while abi?
And then you remembered a tale that was long forgotten cos you are tired and bored of her and need a stupid ass reason to break up with her right?

Clap for yourself mister man, we will tell you what you want to hear, break up with her and let her be, but know this, I assure you that the next woman you meet will have evil, deadly baggages as high as Mount Everest that you will never know till you are both married, and I pray by that time, it will too late for you, I so pray it will really be too late, nonsense.

Vyolet:
You alone can have your woman's back, you alone can give her respect and have others respect her.
The most important thing is if she is truly changed and remorseful, is she also ready to be loyal?
There are men that married retired sex workers and things work Perfectly, Marriage is like a black-market, you never know what you will meet until you get in there.
Since those people are no longer in your circle even long before you met your fiance, then you may go ahead with her, In the end though, follow whatever your heart tells you.

babyfaceafrica:
men are comfortable with not knowing the number of people you have slept with,the problem with OP is that he knows the number and they are people he knows...this is an issue!!..It is not easy to forget

safarigirl:
thank you o

Some people have allowed telemundo destroy their thought process. Life is not Paloma and Diego, nothing like all forgiving love, and certainly not on a continent that is so misogynistic and pro-men.

A woman's sins will be counted against her till she dies. Till today, Sophie Alakija that is married with two kids, is still being called Wizkid's ex. This society does not forgive women's pasts.

pocohantas:


The most retardèd law on the face of the earth. Nigerian exes that act like enemies are th same ones that have sex with each other. Enough to form one dumb law.

Only two people who haven't truly moved on would do that shii.

Naija guys think too highly of themselves and their sexual skills... but na them swallow tramadol and monkey tail pass

crackhaus:

Feelings

Baba no do oo. You are not a rehabilitation center.
Enough said.

queenitee:

I’m a lady

safarigirl:
the law did not come from a movie, guys have been passing it around for years. The movie was just inspired by the belief.

Of course, it is not 100%, and not everybody has just one ex, but some have an ex they are emotionally attached to, and may lose their guard with.

You can only vouch for yourself, not for anyone else. If something was not happening, it would not be a thing.

Pafoma:


Yes, acquitances and friends i used to be close too. A few of the friends, we just greet but no close bonds any longer although not because of her but i just moved on from an unfocused & unserious lifestyle.

Yes, i am talking about both dated and just a few times together..
Straight like she has realised her former lifestyle was foolish. Not exactly having casual sex but but guys that persuade/pester her that they like her or they dated briefly, she had something with them.

She realised she was just being used and non of the guys that assured her of their faithfulness were true, they all just did her and moved on.. i am sure you get!

mysticgal:


Too highly I ask myself, who exactly they are?

mysticgal:


Too highly I ask myself, who exactly they are?

Pafoma:
Guys! I need serious, real and honest contributions.. Thanks to all that will contribute.

I have a lady whom i am dating. I truly love and care about her but she has been with people that are in my circle and this disturbs me. She didnt used to be a straightforward and totally faithful person but i see that she is making efforts towards being completely honest and straightforward but still i dont have rest in my spirit about taking the decision to marry her.

I have observed she is soft with guys and is not firm, although i am aware it takes time for someone used to a particular pattern or lifestyle to adjus. I need help because breaking up with this lady will mean that i have to look for someone else to start the entire circle with again and who knows what if the new one also comes with even worse baggages.

My questions are these

1. What do you advice i do?
2. Who has been in similar situation where you fell in love with a lady your friends and circle have been with then married her? What was the experience like including things to look out for..
3. How can be sure i wont regret the decision to go forward?

Please feel free to ask me any question and i’ll answer if they are not sarcastic or jokes..

Thank you.

baby124:



Let me tell you! Many men have married their so called best friends ex! When you see a girl that you want, that you truly love, all these petty and what will the world say trash will not matter.

Fashdeejay:
I would say this to you, it's not what you want to read, but the reason she is soft with guys is because ur girl has got low self esteem, so she feels she has to give it up free, don't be surprised if she is still giving it up because certain people take advantage of her weakness.... You need to help her... Stop seeing her as just ur girlfriend or fiancée, see her as ur friend, sit her down and talk to her, make her understand what u are both doing, how it benefits her to be firm and more decisive in her actions.... Ask her, she may have been raped as when she was younger... Be gentle with her but be firm.... She needs you to be her strength

pocohantas:


If he didn't know, it will be easier. I honestly wouldn't want to know all the women my man has fcked or have them within my circle.

The main problem is her inability to be hard on guys. People should forget telenovas and what guys say o. They will always complain of snobbish girls, but let their gfs be the opposite and you see them creating thread like OP:

lexy2014:


Up till now, has ur question not been answered? Have u had interactions with all d men from other countries in d world?

Pafoma:
Guys! I need serious, real and honest contributions.. Thanks to all that will contribute.

I have a lady whom i am dating. I truly love and care about her but she has been with people that are in my circle and this disturbs me. She didnt used to be a straightforward and totally faithful person but i see that she is making efforts towards being completely honest and straightforward but still i dont have rest in my spirit about taking the decision to marry her.

I have observed she is soft with guys and is not firm, although i am aware it takes time for someone used to a particular pattern or lifestyle to adjus. I need help because breaking up with this lady will mean that i have to look for someone else to start the entire circle with again and who knows what if the new one also comes with even worse baggages.

My questions are these

1. What do you advice i do?
2. Who has been in similar situation where you fell in love with a lady your friends and circle have been with then married her? What was the experience like including things to look out for..
3. How can be sure i wont regret the decision to go forward?

Please feel free to ask me any question and i’ll answer if they are not sarcastic or jokes..

Thank you.

Pafoma:


What if i have detached from these circles even before i met her, we had met and started dating when i found out about them.

I mean, what will their respect do for me because we dont belong to the same circle any longer. If she can prove that i will not regret my decision then maybe i might be willing to risk it

pocohantas:


People wey no well . Anyone they manage fck, they will be acting like it is a trophy. Sex matter is always so serious to them. That is why most of these laws is always from them and for them.

NaijaOlosho:
Oga if you love the girl, and you truely know she loves u

Go ahead and marry her.

Forget the stupid advise these beasts here will give you.

Thank God you said it was in the past!

Is she still fucking around presently and has she changed?? This should be your observation.

Mean while will you get married to her and still stay in that your circle??


Guys take note, in as much as no be you disvirgin woman it means more than 5 to 10 guys don chop before you.

So why u want kill ya self over who don chop?

You never chop like 8 girls before her, including olosho them

Pls if she's good and loves you marry her and both of you leave your circle for good

Pafoma:
Guys! I need serious, real and honest contributions.. Thanks to all that will contribute.

I have a lady whom i am dating. I truly love and care about her but she has been with people that are in my circle and this disturbs me. She didnt used to be a straightforward and totally faithful person but i see that she is making efforts towards being completely honest and straightforward but still i dont have rest in my spirit about taking the decision to marry her.

I have observed she is soft with guys and is not firm, although i am aware it takes time for someone used to a particular pattern or lifestyle to adjus. I need help because breaking up with this lady will mean that i have to look for someone else to start the entire circle with again and who knows what if the new one also comes with even worse baggages.

My questions are these

1. What do you advice i do?
2. Who has been in similar situation where you fell in love with a lady your friends and circle have been with then married her? What was the experience like including things to look out for..
3. How can be sure i wont regret the decision to go forward?

Please feel free to ask me any question and i’ll answer if they are not sarcastic or jokes..

Thank you.

Pafoma:


This is my fear, my friends have not changed. Only her and myself so dont want to be dealing with unnecessary stuff after marriage and my story being discussed jokingly over some bottles of beer amongst alcoholics.

safarigirl:
the insecurities that come with such knowledge alone is massive, for any gender.

Girls can't even stand their man having platonic female friends, imagine you know a girl he dated and you see her on occasion, the torture!