midnighter:


This is a good point.

The question is, does OP see himself as a mumu collecting somebody's leftovers or a wife-snatcher who snagged his prize from a less worthy opponent....?

Plus there is the question of her loose behaviour which is part of what is bothering him even though he says she is working on it.

I had a girl in my department in school who multiple guys were hugging and rubbing up on even passing her in class, it's really uncomfortable to watch somebody act like that and be seen as an easy touch. I can only imagine if I were dating the person what it would feel like

Pafoma:
Guys! I need serious, real and honest contributions.. Thanks to all that will contribute.

I have a lady whom i am dating. I truly love and care about her but she has been with people that are in my circle and this disturbs me. She didnt used to be a straightforward and totally faithful person but i see that she is making efforts towards being completely honest and straightforward but still i dont have rest in my spirit about taking the decision to marry her.

I have observed she is soft with guys and is not firm, although i am aware it takes time for someone used to a particular pattern or lifestyle to adjus. I need help because breaking up with this lady will mean that i have to look for someone else to start the entire circle with again and who knows what if the new one also comes with even worse baggages.

My questions are these

1. What do you advice i do?
2. Who has been in similar situation where you fell in love with a lady your friends and circle have been with then married her? What was the experience like including things to look out for..
3. How can be sure i wont regret the decision to go forward?

Please feel free to ask me any question and i’ll answer if they are not sarcastic or jokes..

Thank you.

Pafoma:


And what will you do if you were me and you marry her, fast forward to the future... she gets into a secret relationship, rekindles an old flame especially from any of the guys or just throws all caution to the wind and becomes something else! Dont forget by then, you both will be married with children then...

Kindly share, what you will possibly do apart from divorce..

pocohantas:


Lol. I want to always love you, I need you to make it easier for me... Don't complicate it, don't take my peace

Pafoma:
Guys! I need serious, real and honest contributions.. Thanks to all that will contribute.

I have a lady whom i am dating. I truly love and care about her but she has been with people that are in my circle and this disturbs me. She didnt used to be a straightforward and totally faithful person but i see that she is making efforts towards being completely honest and straightforward but still i dont have rest in my spirit about taking the decision to marry her.

I have observed she is soft with guys and is not firm, although i am aware it takes time for someone used to a particular pattern or lifestyle to adjus. I need help because breaking up with this lady will mean that i have to look for someone else to start the entire circle with again and who knows what if the new one also comes with even worse baggages.

My questions are these

1. What do you advice i do?
2. Who has been in similar situation where you fell in love with a lady your friends and circle have been with then married her? What was the experience like including things to look out for..
3. How can be sure i wont regret the decision to go forward?

Please feel free to ask me any question and i’ll answer if they are not sarcastic or jokes..

Thank you.

crackhaus:

I can see you don't value your peace of mind
What in the tomfoolery kind of complicated-as-hell menstrual cycle of friends and acquaintances is this for heavens sake?

Are there no other girls?
Na wah o

It's an unwritten rule that a G must never get married to a woman who has been with any of his friends or acquaintances. It doesn't matter if he is still close to them or not. YOU JUST DON'T DO IT!
There are way too many single hunnies available for you to be playing Russian Roulette with one.

baby124:

He said she dated them. Not had casual sex with them. They may even be friends who don’t know each other like that, but OP knows all of them. Some people are popular and have many friends that they know all the people you have dated sef.

By the way, you can talk about trust to people like Prince Charles who was snatching Camila from her husbands bedroom and he will make her queen. That is why Queen Eliza does not want to die because Charles will literally give Camila the keys to the kingdom. Charles probably knows on a first name basis all the men Camila has dated and had casual sex with because they are in the same circle. He also frustrated his virgin wife for her!

Also, ask Simon Cowell where his child came from . Not all guys care about all these things you are saying. Some are very methodical and know what they want. Funny that those kind of guys are actually faithful to these women.

Like I said, this world being a global village now, you might end up with a guy that knows not less than 5 people you have dated and he will tag you a cheerful giver. Then, you can come back and tell us how you feel.

He never said she was loose. Or a cheat. He said she’s a cheerful giver because she has dated people he knows. Not like she cheated in the relationship o.

baby124:

He said she dated them. Not had casual sex with them. They may even be friends who don’t know each other like that, but OP knows all of them. Some people are popular and have many friends that they know all the people you have dated sef.

By the way, you can talk about trust to people like Prince Charles who was snatching Camila from her husbands bedroom and he will make her queen. That is why Queen Eliza does not want to die because Charles will literally give Camila the keys to the kingdom. Charles probably knows on a first name basis all the men Camila has dated and had casual sex with because they are in the same circle. He also frustrated his virgin wife for her!

Also, ask Simon Cowell where his child came from . Not all guys care about all these things you are saying. Some are very methodical and know what they want. Funny that those kind of guys are actually faithful to these women.

Like I said, this world being a global village now, you might end up with a guy that knows not less than 5 people you have dated and he will tag you a cheerful giver. Then, you can come back and tell us how you feel.

He never said she was loose. Or a cheat. He said she’s a cheerful giver because she has dated people he knows. Not like she cheated in the relationship o.

safarigirl:

Prince Charles and Camilla is one out of how many? Not even in Nigeria, abroad people. Why don't you bring your examples down to something OP can relate with, instead of spreading net to societies that do not have the level of misogynists we have in Nigeria, a society that practices actual gender equality.

Dating anybody that toasts you, is still a sign of being a free giver, and you must not sleep with people because you are dating with them. If today's generation had any sense of respect for their bodies, people would not have to look over their shoulders for signs of an ex.

Everything you have said here has not addressed the reality of things in Nigeria. You cannot be talking of a situation in Nigeria, and bringing in references from the UK, there is no correlation.

ModelX:

Don't be unfortunate you this wicked soon-to-be-divorced feminazi. Boasting in public fora that you have always been passed from friend to friend even up until your husband. At least have some respect for the man. But that's his business, we here ain't having none o that.
1. Prince Charles is an ediot.
2. In any case, Camilla is royalty. A respectable lady. Always has been, nothing like you.

BRATISLAVA:
speak for yourself.Youre all over the place to keep trying to make him settle down with someone overused. He's not comfy. Let him dump her. Not everyone will betray their friends for a woman. When she was hopping from bed to bed, thinking it doesn't matter, she should've considered the rarity of a prostitute finding true love in Nigeria

baby124:

I miss the part where he said she was being passed around actively amongst this group of friends. Maybe I did not see it.

What makes her lose exactly? Because she dated these guys Did she date all of them at the same time?

crackhaus:

Leave baby124, I didn't want to respond to that comment with exactly what was on my mind.
It seemed too much like she was taking about herself and not someone else whom she has absolutely no knowledge of - trying to force her own reality down everyone's throat.

First it was friendships don't last, then next was that wives-to-be are usually gbenshing five other men and one uncle because women are cats.
What in da' hellish kind of thinking...

izzou:


Everyone has a past bro

If you had dated and had sex with her friends, I'm sure you would want her to still stick with you.

But then, it's your call. If you know your emotions won't be able to stand this heat, take it outta the kitchen.

She may have genuinely changed, but your friends haven't

baby124:

There are countless in Nigeria that I know. Both on the male and female side. Not everyone tells you how they met. By the way, you can decide not to date someone because they know your ex who has long moved on. That will be your choice and your problem. Keeping track with who your exes are and giving them such a big place in your life to impact your future happiness. Goodluck. By the way, are you a Virgin? If not, then I wish you the best

Pafoma:


Yes, acquitances and friends i used to be close too. A few of the friends, we just greet but no close bonds any longer although not because of her but i just moved on from an unfocused & unserious lifestyle.

Yes, i am talking about both dated and just a few times together..
Straight like she has realised her former lifestyle was foolish. Not exactly having casual sex but but guys that persuade/pester her that they like her or they dated briefly, she had something with them.

She realised she was just being used and non of the guys that assured her of their faithfulness were true, they all just did her and moved on.. i am sure you get!

baby124:

You can speak what is on your mind my dear. Don’t be a coward. I will speak my own opinion without fear because it is my own. Not everyone restricts themselves to what the world will think o. You still have time to mature.

crackhaus:

Lol

And it's always the questionable types who go around talking about how 'we all have a past'.

crackhaus:

Leave baby124, I didn't want to respond to that comment with exactly what was on my mind.
It seemed too much like she was taking about herself and not someone else whom she has absolutely no knowledge of - trying to force her own reality down everyone's throat.

First it was friendships don't last, then next was that wives-to-be are usually gbenshing five other men and one uncle because women are cats.
What in da' hellish kind of thinking...

midnighter:


He is trying to keep it vague and not go into too much detail but the impression I get is that she finds it difficult to drive men away or turn down their advances in a firm way that will let them get the message.

You know some guys will keep hanging around you unless you just say it plainly or you're so so rude to them. I don't think really has the heart to do that so she still has males flocking around her even though she's in a series relationship.

So he's worried she might not be able to resist if any of them make a move.

The other thing is that she dated a lot of his acquaintances in the past and he doesn't want to be the subject of their idle gossip and suffer undue embarrassment over her past. Especially in naija where even chaste women get minimal respect and can be the subject of vicious rumours

Not at the same time but she has a high body count and he is likely to keep running into her ex-partners. Not to mention who she may be keeping in touch with on facebook, whatsapp etc.

Pafoma:


Yes, acquitances and friends i used to be close too. A few of the friends, we just greet but no close bonds any longer although not because of her but i just moved on from an unfocused & unserious lifestyle.

Yes, i am talking about both dated and just a few times together..
Straight like she has realised her former lifestyle was foolish. Not exactly having casual sex but but guys that persuade/pester her that they like her or they dated briefly, she had something with them.

She realised she was just being used and non of the guys that assured her of their faithfulness were true, they all just did her and moved on.. i am sure you get!

Dizzyrascal:
I salute your brutal honesty

safarigirl:


Yes, I am. Thanks for wishing me the best, no need to ask if you're one, because your comments say it all.

OP is obviously keeping track of all the exes on behalf of his babe, and if he was cool with it, we would not be seeing it on social media.

For anyone to bring this sort of thing to SM, it makes them uncomfortable with the fact. Babe is probably sleeping somewhere, thinking all is well, not knowing her man stays up at night, thinking of all the men she has, in your words, 'gbenshed'

When people like me respect ourselves, it is so that our partners will not come on social media one day, and write something so disrespectful, that strangers will call us names.

Respect is earned, and OP's babe does not have his respect.

BRATISLAVA:
how do you know they are going strong? Have you lived with them, or do you only see what they want you to? They're struggling to prove a point to all of you who know their past. Doesn't mean it's real

ModelX:

Once a girl gives me that line, whether the scenario, she's out! She is a hellish cat. How can someone be forcing her wasted reality on people's consciousness?

ModelX:

Don't be unfortunate you this wicked soon-to-be-divorced feminazi. Boasting in public fora that you have always been passed from friend to friend even up until your husband. At least have some respect for the man. But that's his business, we here ain't having none o that.

safarigirl:

Yes, I am. Thanks for wishing me the best, no need to ask if you're one, because your comments say it all.

baby124:

Lol. So you have absolutely no experience in what you are talking about. Please abeg, don’t bother quoting me. Thanks.

ModelX:

Once a girl gives me that line, whether the scenario, she's out! She is a hellish cat. How can someone be forcing her wasted reality on people's consciousness?

baby124:

See this his post above. Just as I thought! He knows all these people and they are not necessarily all friends. He may be the common denominator here. She DATED them. Imagine having more than 7 exes and your boyfriend happens to know all of them . Even if they don’t all know each other. It can happen you know?

safarigirl:


I have enough experience, I just have the smarts to not use myself as a labrat, when there are many other girls that will happily present themselves for experiments.

When they say "experience is the best teacher" they don't mean personal experience. If Nkechi has sex and gets pregnant, Lola ought to know that having sex will make her pregnant, she does not have to get pregnant to have knowledge.

Only a fool uses herself for negative experiences. I hope this is understood by you.

mysticgal:

I mean I wondered where the whole law comes from and it made me realize that it is a movie. A Nigerian movie that people has gunned to their subconscious, of all movies, Nigerian movie.

Why would I want to have sex with an ex I left. why is the word ex there for. These men on this forum are just....God

midnighter:


Well his worry is the embarrassment and her "lifestyle" before, and whether she could really change.

She didn't exactly date them but the interaction was not totally casual either. It just sounds like she was irresponsible with her actions with more than a few people who were not serious about her

To be honest OP sounds like a senior office worker or banker who is worried about running into people at those corporate "gala nights" where everybody gossips and eyes each other a lot.

Networking is important with those kinds of people and after a while it can start to wear on your nerves if people keep staring at you and you're wondering if it's for you or your wife