baba marry that babe o....the grass is never greener on the other side oh

Guy, let that lady go her way. These are the signs that you must never ignore in a relationship ''trust'' is the string that binds everything in marriage. If you go ahead this same issue of trust will still arise many years from now that will destroy everything( your children and the marriage). Find your way she does not deserve you. Be well guided.

Women keep your mouth shut. She had no reason to give you details, after all I am sure you were not celebrate during the separation, the only difference is that you can't get pregnant.

See brother, see brother, brother Wei...

I was once in ur shoes brother.
She could have told you the truth from scratch but she lied.
From experience I can boldly tell you The truth is not completely out yet. U go still hear another one with time. That's her type. They commit, lie about it to keep you and still comeback to play the sincerely card before they are caught. And worst is they make u look horrible after hurting u cos people will see you as the bad person for leaving her after she confessed.
Am not saying you must leave but if u pray for rain, be ready to deal with the mud.

adanny01:


Clearly you didn't think this through.

You want a woman to tell a guy that she cannot be in a no sex relationship? Do you know what that means to a woman.

Its like directly asking the guy for sex. A woman who does that will definitely send the wrong signals to the guy.

Almost every girl at the beginning of a relationship tells you she wants a no sex relationship but they are all lying and trying to give a good impression that would not last.

If op meets a new babe today and starts a no sex relationship, the babe will date him thinking he was only joking. When weeks turn to months and before a year, 99% of the babes will break up with no reason just like it has happened.

It is op's ignorance that has caused this. There is no point having a relationship tagged "no sex relationship". Every opposite sex relationship where love or physical attraction is present has sex behind it. The sex is either before marriage or after marriage but sex must be part of it.

Any person who wants a no sex relationship must put a marriage proposal to it to make it workable which the op failed at first and corrected the second time.

I thought it through my friend. Not all women are like what you described. There are women who will tell you they cannot date someone who isn't good in bed, there are women who insist they must taste what they're buying. It's better they communicate rather than keeping it to themselves, or assume their partner isn't serious about his or her stance.
It saves everybody stress, there's no need pretending. Pretence could be what lead to the OP's case. This issue has lead serious problems in relationships, as partners even go behind and engage in sex, even while in a relationship. I'll prefer you tell me in the beginning to avoid stories later. I won't judge you for it. I'll understand that we're just two different people.
And no, he wasn't the cause. There is no need pining your ideology of 'sex and relationship' on him.

coolguy4christ:


I did not sleep with another girl whilst we were apart, in fact since we got back, I have not slept with her. It's a no-sex relationship.

No wonder you are so sanctimonious. If you love her you will forgive.

Anfieldboss:


I disagree with you on this. Postinor is a contraceptive, it prevents pregnancy. If you say Postinor is abortion, then all other family planning methods are also abortion.

Sir, what is the meaning of “deforestation” (where humans are the agent of deforestation)? Is it when the big trees are felled or when the soil is poisoned so that trees wouldn’t grow?

I wonder how you guys go so close to proposing marriage to known hoes. My brother she has lots of lie she has hidden from you. A thousands of guys have slept with her when both of u were apart and damn she never used protection. Remember there is no meter to measure how many men went there. Use ur head and stop trusting women just enjoy her kpekus

Starz825:

The guy na Christian na..pls learn to respect people's way of life na

oh the na pagan. Boda wey mumu op

BRATISLAVA:
next time she will do it again and come and tell him the truth. But has that stopped the problem? No

Lol i used to manipulate my parents that way whem i was very young.
I would steal stuff and readily confess n then remind them they said we should be honest, pls dont punish me for being honest
Big teary innocent eyes

coolguy4christ:


Thank you for your advice. But she is not promiscuous, I'm almost certain of that.

And the first instance she lied, did not involve sex.

Brother, since your fiancee walked up to you and confessed willingly, she's indeed remorseful, trust me only few women out there will make such confession to their partners.

You should be happy that she opened up to you rather than Judge her for her actions, draw her closer to you and remind of the need to always be truthful in her dealings with you, also reassure her of your total support because most people lie out of fear of rejection. I can assure you that your woman is not a chronic liar.

coolguy4christ:
My girlfriend and I had issues sometime last year which eventually led to a break up. Early this year, we made up. I initiated the make up because I still loved her even though, it was she who ended the relationship.

When we started again, I told her I wanted a fresh start and that she should come out clean with me of whatever I need to know when we were apart. She knows how much I emphasize sincerity as I hate lies. She confided in me, that she had sex with a guy whom she dated briefly when we were apart but that she used protection. I believed her and didn't really bother myself because we were not together when it happened.

Few months later, I proposed to her and she accepted my marriage proposal. Since then, the relationship has been beautiful and we have become better as we were previously before the break up. We are actually planning our wedding in a few months.

Yesterday, she confessed to me that she had an abortion while we were apart. That she lied about using protection and that she got pregnant and aborted the baby.

Since then, I have mixed feelings for her:

Firstly, I am strongly against abortion and she knows that. Secondly, She lied to me!

The second reason is actually why I am more angry with her. She has lied to me previously and I don't know if I can believe and trust her again.

She has been very remorseful and she told me she came out clean because she wants to set everything right before we get married.

The issue here is that I don't know how can I trust her again?

At the bolded parts are exactly where you wounded yourself. Someone broke up with you and you want to believe she did not have sex with the person she dumped you for? Get this to your skull, no lady breaks up a relationship in vacuum- an average lady will dump you because she has found someone else, otherwise, she will do her best to stay with you.
Your story will never be the same again since you have found she had had sex with someone else and even committed abortion in that process. You can never forgive her. Even if you forgive her, you can never forget. So my advice is that dont be lazy. You dont want to start afresh that's why you went back to her in the first place. Dont be lazy .Go out and find someone else and start afresh. Otherwise, marry her and you will hate her and yourself forever.

Men can pretend but once a lady finds out that a man is ready to settle down they can change to anything just to win the race of been his wife

Bro leave that idiot don't go back to your vomit , she will still go back to full the guy after marriage

coolguy4christ:
My girlfriend and I had issues sometime last year which eventually led to a break up. Early this year, we made up. I initiated the make up because I still loved her even though, it was she who ended the relationship.

When we started again, I told her I wanted a fresh start and that she should come out clean with me of whatever I need to know when we were apart. She knows how much I emphasize sincerity as I hate lies. She confided in me, that she had sex with a guy whom she dated briefly when we were apart but that she used protection. I believed her and didn't really bother myself because we were not together when it happened.

Few months later, I proposed to her and she accepted my marriage proposal. Since then, the relationship has been beautiful and we have become better as we were previously before the break up. We are actually planning our wedding in a few months.

Yesterday, she confessed to me that she had an abortion while we were apart. That she lied about using protection and that she got pregnant and aborted the baby.

Since then, I have mixed feelings for her:

Firstly, I am strongly against abortion and she knows that. Secondly, She lied to me!

The second reason is actually why I am more angry with her. She has lied to me previously and I don't know if I can believe and trust her again.

She has been very remorseful and she told me she came out clean because she wants to set everything right before we get married.

The issue here is that I don't know how can I trust her again?

Pls let her go and marry the guy she was pregnant for. For her to confess this to you I am suspecting that the abortion went bad and if she cant give you children after marriage, she will claim she told you about the abortion and didn't know there were complications. Better quit now before you regret it. Besides a girl who is quick to open her legs like that is a dangerous wife material ooo she looks like every bodies wife to me.

Guys make una leave OP matter for am. His responses to comments so far indicates that he is into the girl and you can't change his mind.

I think he just came to nairaland to vent his heartbreak. Remember what he said previously? That; "Early this year, we made up. I initiated the make up because I still loved her even though, it was she who ended the relationship..

The word in bold tells you everything: he "loves" the girl.
NOTE:
OP didn't say the reason for the previous breakup.

OP is not totally honest about the sexual part of the relationship. Yet, he claims to hate lies and love honesty.

In all, OP cannot be helped.

Tomorrow, he will come to nairaland and seek opinion about ending the marriage because of her infidelity.

OP is infatuated and blind to reason. Love is not and cannot be blind.
Infatuation is blind actually.

OP, I'm outta your thread.

Route99:

I thought it through my friend. Not all women are like what you described. There are women who will tell you they cannot date someone who isn't good in bed, there are women who insist they must taste what they're buying. It's better they communicate rather than keeping it to themselves, or assume their partner isn't serious about his or her stance.
It saves everybody stress, there's no need pretending. Pretence could be what lead to the OP's case. This issue has lead serious problems in relationships, as partners even go behind and engage in sex, even while in a relationship. I'll prefer you tell me in the beginning to avoid stories later. I won't judge you for it. I'll understand that we're just two different people.
And no, he wasn't the cause. There is no need pining your ideology of 'sex and relationship' on him.

Those women u mentioned at the beginning of this ur post are in the smallest of the minority

Just run away.

CorperKola:

Those women u mentioned at the beginning of this ur post are in the smallest of the minority

Yeah, I get his point. It's true. I think the ideology of pretending needs to be changed though. It causes a lot of problems. I have seen several cases.

coolguy4christ:


I did not sleep with another girl whilst we were apart, in fact since we got back, I have not slept with her. It's a no-sex relationship.

For her to have had an affair with another means she didn't like the idea of a platonic relationship.

Before making major relationship decisions, always consider the next person.

cenaman:
If I no marry virgin wetin i gain? ashawo everywhere.

My brother we go gather grab this virgin crew member(s) o

Route99:

I thought it through my friend. Not all women are like what you described. There are women who will tell you they cannot date someone who isn't good in bed, there are women who insist they must taste what they're buying. It's better they communicate rather than keeping it to themselves, or assume their partner isn't serious about his or her stance.
It saves everybody stress, there's no need pretending. Pretence could be what lead to the OP's case. This issue has lead serious problem in relationships, as partners even go behind and engage in sex, even while in a relationship.
And no, he wasn't the cause. There is no need pining your ideology of 'sex and relationship' on him.

Its not pretence my friend.

Women are vulnerable and need to protect themselves from negative perception. Any girl I start dating who tells me she is not going down with a no sex relationship will come off to me as a sex addict by first impression. That will be bad for her since 50% of guys would not treat her serious from that day.

I have a friend who broke up with a girl because she told him how she drank alcohol and passed out. Instead of appreciating her truthfulness he broke up.

I personally broke up with a girl when i discovered she was a virgin. I discovered when we tried to have sex but didn't get penetration. I broke up because she was just a fling to me and I don't want to hurt her, she cried because she thought I dumped her because she didn't give me the sexual satisfaction i desired.

Girls go through those things so its not safe for a girl to put all her feelings out like that since most relationships are complicated. The truth is not always the right thing to say. What goes on in the mind should not always come out of the mouth.

If the girl told him, "no I want sex", he will end the relationship. She wanted him so she managed to stay celibate until her desires got the better of her.

Don't marry someone you can't trust. I repeat, don't marry someone you can't trust. It's very dangerous.

coolguy4christ:
My girlfriend and I had issues sometime last year which eventually led to a break up. Early this year, we made up. I initiated the make up because I still loved her even though, it was she who ended the relationship.

When we started again, I told her I wanted a fresh start and that she should come out clean with me of whatever I need to know when we were apart. She knows how much I emphasize sincerity as I hate lies. She confided in me, that she had sex with a guy whom she dated briefly when we were apart but that she used protection. I believed her and didn't really bother myself because we were not together when it happened.

Few months later, I proposed to her and she accepted my marriage proposal. Since then, the relationship has been beautiful and we have become better as we were previously before the break up. We are actually planning our wedding in a few months.

Yesterday, she confessed to me that she had an abortion while we were apart. That she lied about using protection and that she got pregnant and aborted the baby.

Since then, I have mixed feelings for her:

Firstly, I am strongly against abortion and she knows that. Secondly, She lied to me!

The second reason is actually why I am more angry with her. She has lied to me previously and I don't know if I can believe and trust her again.

She has been very remorseful and she told me she came out clean because she wants to set everything right before we get married.

The issue here is that I don't know how can I trust her again?

Bros it's either you are anyhow and anything goes person or simply a fool.
My reasons you break up for few months instead of being emotional about it she just moved on. And you never considered this before initiating comeback and even marriage proposal.
I can attack you as much as I could because you are a man.
Mind you love is the iresponsible language of female but to a Man love is responsibility where no excuse exist.
Go to school or go back if you actually went and forget. I mean school of becoming a Man.

coolguy4christ:
My girlfriend and I had issues sometime last year which eventually led to a break up. Early this year, we made up. I initiated the make up because I still loved her even though, it was she who ended the relationship.

When we started again, I told her I wanted a fresh start and that she should come out clean with me of whatever I need to know when we were apart. She knows how much I emphasize sincerity as I hate lies. She confided in me, that she had sex with a guy whom she dated briefly when we were apart but that she used protection. I believed her and didn't really bother myself because we were not together when it happened.

Few months later, I proposed to her and she accepted my marriage proposal. Since then, the relationship has been beautiful and we have become better as we were previously before the break up. We are actually planning our wedding in a few months.

Yesterday, she confessed to me that she had an abortion while we were apart. That she lied about using protection and that she got pregnant and aborted the baby.

Since then, I have mixed feelings for her:

Firstly, I am strongly against abortion and she knows that. Secondly, She lied to me!

The second reason is actually why I am more angry with her. She has lied to me previously and I don't know if I can believe and trust her again.

She has been very remorseful and she told me she came out clean because she wants to set everything right before we get married.

The issue here is that I don't know how can I trust her again?

my brother the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know I bet u this lady will make a good wife. Remember why God said that David is a king after his heart because he accepts his mistakes my own opinion good luck

adanny01:


Its not pretence my friend.

Women are vulnerable and need to protect themselves from negative perception. Any girl I start dating who tells me she is not going down with a no sex relationship will come off to me as a sex addict by first impression. That will be bad for her since 50% of guys would not treat her serious from that day.

I have a friend who broke up with a girl because she told him how she drank alcohol and passed out. Instead of appreciating her truthfulness he broke up.

I personally broke up with a girl when i discovered she was a virgin. I discovered when we tried to have sex but didn't get penetration. I broke up because she was just a fling to me and I don't want to hurt her, she cried because she thought I dumped her because she didn't give me the sexual satisfaction i desired.

Girls go through those things so its not safe for a girl to put all her feelings out like that since most relationships are complicated. The truth is not always the right thing to say. What goes on in the mind should not always come out of the mouth.

If the girl told him, "no I want sex", he will end the relationship. She wanted him so she managed to stay celibate until her desires got the better of her.

I get the beginning of your post and understand social conditioning has a role to play in all this.

Your last statement is the problem I am talking about. Love is not everything. It would hurt the OP so so bad if he finds out she even had an affair while in the first half of their relationship, which is very very common in situations like this. He may even prefer she lets him know at the beginning or at any point she changes her mind, or whenever she decides to breakup. Personally, I wouldn't hold it against her or see her in a bad light like some guys will, but I will likely end to the relationship because of problems that might arise.

I can relate... Above all things what I hate most in relationship is lies. Dammit, you can cheat and confess to me. I'll understand. If I catch you in one lie. I'd find it very difficult to trust you again. I'll doubt everything you tell me. I do tell all the girls I've dated this.

cenaman:
If I no marry virgin wetin i gain? ashawo everywhere.

. WAI YOU WAN SEE DE VIRGIN? SHEY FOR THIS NAIJA OR WHERE?

coolguy4christ:


I did not sleep with another girl whilst we were apart, in fact since we got back, I have not slept with her. It's a no-sex relationship.

Receive sense ijn amen..you are a weak man sorry to say bro

COULD DJ CUPPY AND BRODA SHAGGI BE DATING? - https://eleve8blog.com/?p=1146

inspitation:


What if her womb is already damaged? after marriage no child she will now say didnt i tell you i had an abortion before?
did i force you to marry me? bla bla bla...

He should go for comprehensive medical check up before the wedding.

op do you have sense atal... How can you be so weak and been used to play volley ball. I feel like slapping you and kicking your bombom now.. Common wake up..This is a SCAM ALERT

Route99:

I get the beginning of your post and understand social conditioning has a role to play in all this.

Your last statement is the problem I am talking about. Love is not everything. It would hurt the OP so so bad if he finds out she even had an affair while in the first half of their relationship, which is very very common in situations like this. He may even prefer she lets him know at the beginning or at any point she changes her mind, or whenever she decides to breakup. Personally, I wouldn't hold it against her or see her in a bad light like some guys will, but I will likely end to the relationship because of problems that might arise.

Personally, I don't believe in lying to save a relationship when you know what you did is clearly against your partner's wish. It's like depriving your partner the ability to make an informed decision on who they'll like to spend the rest of their lives with.
How would you feel knowing that the reason you are married to someone because you lied about something they consider important?
Stick to your truth and you'll find your perfect match.