₦airaland Forum

coolguy4christ:
My girlfriend and I had issues sometime last year which eventually led to a break up. Early this year, we made up. I initiated the make up because I still loved her even though, it was she who ended the relationship.

When we started again, I told her I wanted a fresh start and that she should come out clean with me of whatever I need to know when we were apart. She knows how much I emphasize sincerity as I hate lies. She confided in me, that she had sex with a guy whom she dated briefly when we were apart but that she used protection. I believed her and didn't really bother myself because we were not together when it happened.

Few months later, I proposed to her and she accepted my marriage proposal. Since then, the relationship has been beautiful and we have become better as we were previously before the break up. We are actually planning our wedding in a few months.

Yesterday, she confessed to me that she had an abortion while we were apart. That she lied about using protection and that she got pregnant and aborted the baby.

Since then, I have mixed feelings for her:

Firstly, I am strongly against abortion and she knows that. Secondly, She lied to me!

The second reason is actually why I am more angry with her. She has lied to me previously and I don't know if I can believe and trust her again.

She has been very remorseful and she told me she came out clean because she wants to set everything right before we get married.

The issue here is that I don't know how can I trust her again?

Route99:
I get the beginning of your post and understand social conditioning has a role to play in all this.

Your last statement is the problem I am talking about. Love is not everything. It would hurt the OP so so bad if he finds out she even had an affair while in the first half of their relationship, which is very very common in situations like this. He may even prefer she lets him know at the beginning or at any point she changes her mind, or whenever she decides to breakup. Personally, I wouldn't hold it against her or see her in a bad light like some guys will, but I will likely end to the relationship because of problems that might arise.

Sirvingeo:
For her to disclose she had an abortion is a signal she loves you and want the marriage to work . Personally, I hate ladies that lacks sexual purity .

Omar09:
Bro you can't say for sure if she's promiscuous or not. The fact remains, she initiated that break up for that sex spree that got her pregnant. Take it or leave it.

coolguy4christ:
Thank you for your advice. But she is not promiscuous, I'm almost certain of that.

And the first instance she lied, did not involve sex.

coolguy4christ:
I did not sleep with another girl whilst we were apart, in fact since we got back, I have not slept with her. It's a no-sex relationship.

YorubaPrince:
But, why is it that it's majorly guys that come on here to complain and rant abt their women?

They cry, wail and do stuff like sissies all the time. Why don't the ladies do the same on here?

WTF?

cenaman:
If I no marry virgin wetin i gain? ashawo everywhere.

coolguy4christ:
I did not sleep with another girl whilst we were apart, in fact since we got back, I have not slept with her. It's a no-sex relationship.

bethyz:
If you want to marry her marry her forget all this stories joor.


What happened when you separated should have stayed in the past, now you cant deal with it.

Na the girl no smart her mouth to lose and she will lose the marriage.

All this guys that say tell me tell me DONT EVER TELL SHIT. They cant deal with it. Just like this one. He wants to know yet the cant deal with it.

donchrisville:
Bro as for the abortion, just forget that one, Its a mistake without a doubt more than 60% ladies have gone through it. Either operation or drug. If you've taken postinor before, you've committed abortion.

Gaggi:
No sex relationship with you, yet she has unprotected sex with another and you are in love. F00ls will always exist in abundance. Please take her to the alter immediately.
I think the hard core rap of the 90's we used to listen to helped shape us into men. we used the lyrics to help us through heart breaks and the way the rappers talked about women shaped our mentality. I don't understand the category of young men we have now. An embarrassment and a disgrace to real men.

Brodagovernor:
Going by what you narrated here, she ended the relationship at first( even though you didn't tell us the reason). Then you initiated the reconciliation. During the time you were apart, she moved on. Apparently you didn't. I know you know the truth but you have decided to live in denial. But I will tell you. She actually got pregnant to hook down the other guy, only for her to be disappointed. Out of shame, embarrassment, resentment and hatred, she aborted the pregnancy. Then you like a saviour, came back only to ask her hand in marriage. The truth is she has never been into you 100 percent. You her just her plan B if not C. I don't really understand why people are incapable of moving on and never look back. There are millions of ladies out there that can make you love drunk than what you are feeling now. I can forgive all things but definitely not infidelity, let alone one that led to abortion. The ball is your court. Its your call. You will be the one living with her.

donchrisville:
Dude its quite a difficult scenario though. But i tell you this....in marriage trust comes first before love. you see this love shacking you guys now, give it 2 or 3 yrs in the marriage it fizzles and you guys are back to reality.
What keeps a marriage is that friendship loyalty and trust. Trust is the basis of marriage though.
If you would always weigh everything a partner tells you out of distrust, then you both are not fit to be in a relationship, talk more of marriage.\
Dude you wont be happy if you end up living that life. [s]Theres no joy in always investigating anything your loved one tells you[/s].

I feel maybe you can put her to a test of your own again, and check if she passes it without lying. Maybe she's changed or maybe she's not.
So put it to test

Bro as for the abortion, just forget that one, Its a mistake
without a doubt more than 60% ladies have gone through it. Either operation or drug.
If you've taken postinor before, you've committed abortion. So just move on with that...don't judge her with regards to that

Rosay15:
... Then let her go, if you know you can’t trust her again then there’s no point in marrying her.

I just want let you know that, she can decided not tell you she had an abortion when you guys were apart if she want to and you won’t find out.
Remember she is a woman and I think you know what am driving at, for the fact that she told with all sincerity that means she loves you and value the relationship leading to marriage but if you think you can’t forgive and trust her again let her know cus marriage no be child’s play.
This is a life time contract which you know trust and loyalty is important.
Well, you know where the shoes hurt.
Peace

YorubaPrince:
But, why is it that it's majorly guys that come on here to complain and rant abt their women?

They cry, wail and do stuff like sissies all the time. Why don't the ladies do the same on here?

WTF?

coolguy4christ:
My girlfriend and I had issues sometime last year which eventually led to a break up. Early this year, we made up. I initiated the make up because I still loved her even though, it was she who ended the relationship.

When we started again, I told her I wanted a fresh start and that she should come out clean with me of whatever I need to know when we were apart. She knows how much I emphasize sincerity as I hate lies. She confided in me, that she had sex with a guy whom she dated briefly when we were apart but that she used protection. I believed her and didn't really bother myself because we were not together when it happened.

Few months later, I proposed to her and she accepted my marriage proposal. Since then, the relationship has been beautiful and we have become better as we were previously before the break up. We are actually planning our wedding in a few months.

Yesterday, she confessed to me that she had an abortion while we were apart. That she lied about using protection and that she got pregnant and aborted the baby.

Since then, I have mixed feelings for her:

Firstly, I am strongly against abortion and she knows that. Secondly, She lied to me!

The second reason is actually why I am more angry with her. She has lied to me previously and I don't know if I can believe and trust her again.

She has been very remorseful and she told me she came out clean because she wants to set everything right before we get married.

The issue here is that I don't know how can I trust her again?

mickeyenglish:
See eehn, I swear down, if i was your big bro or kid bro, i would have beaten the shit out of you and even if i can't, I'd definitely arrange boys for to treat your monkey ass .. I know you're about to get married hence, you're older than me definitely but sometimes, you need to be very extremely logical with life,in relation to people and the bizarre web of intricacies therein.

DON'T MARRY THAT BITCH (I'm not sorry to call her that) and there are tons of reasons for saying such.

Firstly, she's a very dangerous hypocrite. You had initiated a no-sex relationship with her. Guess what, immediately you did that, a sincere lady would have voiced out her resentment on such a stance but, she kept cool, meaning she had found a FOOL.

Secondly, she broke up with you just to get an independent sexual exploitation with her would-be baby daddy(unfortunately for her, he denied the ownership), knowing fully well that you may eventually get wind of her sexcapades.

Thirdly, it's all about psychological warfare against you, the foolish would-be husband. she knows that you're a wannade "serious and disciplined man" thus, her so-called "confession" before marriage. She knows you cherish "truth" and "fairness" hence, her little mind tricks with you, knowing that if she opens up her so-called "confessions" to you, you'd eventually admire her new truthful stance and repentance.

Fourthly,she doesn't love you one bit. She broke up with you for no reason and instantly went into another relationship. She was even audacious enough to engage in a no-protection sexcapades.

Now, my opinion :

The other cool dude she went into a relationship with after the break-up with you, is actually her lover. Here's the trick ; if the other guy had accepted the pregnancy, she would have glady been his baby mama. Unfortunately, the dude refused such ploys employed by her to tie him down and they broke up . Now, she's out in the cold and, here come the STUPID knight in shining armor(you) to her rescue.


Secondly, she most have been promiscuous even for the level of the other dude that he couldn't even trust the pregnancy if it was his or his other friends, who she might have been digging to his knowledge hence, she had to bow out of the relationship and abort the pregnancy in shame.

Thirdly, she's done with whoring and sees the negative part of it. She sees you as a naive "serious man", who doesn't know what goes on "inside life". She knows you're getting closer to getting married due to your over serious nature hence, her ploy to mentally impress you with APC's sort of CHANGE. She just wants to come and drop herself as a baggage on your life. Again, she knows the best way to eventually get you into her traps, is to come out "very clean", so that you, the DIMWIT would-be husband would start viewing her like the "virgin Mary".

Finally, your consequences :

If and when you stupidly wife the LovePeddler, she'd go back to her whoring ways in no time.
Don't be surprised that she'd even go back to that guy and his friends that initially bleeped her RAW and IMPREGNATED her, which led to the ABORTION.

You would eventually get multiple Sexually Transmitted Diseases, even HIV/AIDS, no thanks to her adulterous lifestyle.

You'd always be very judgmental about her. You'd never believe her.. You'd always doubt whatever she says till death takes on of you away..

Your children may eventually turn out to be bastards.. Snows and Sands like the Game of Thrones..

Never make a LovePeddler a housewife *TuPac Amaru Shakur

Post No Bill

Lightway:
And ubunja said

That breakup she initiated for no reason

very4tune8:
This is a confession... Not like you found out. If she deemed it necessary to purge herself of deceit before the wedding then she's still trustworthy... Let it go.

donbachi:
deputy Jesus...clap 4 ur sef.

coolguy4christ:
Yeah she loves me and she wants our marriage to be built on truth. I think I have already forgiven her, but the issue I have is forgetting what she has done and be able to trust her completely again.

HARDDON:
Do you know what the term "Manipulative confession" is?

Ofcos, you don't. I invented it.


...and no one has thought about the health consiquencies of that abortion....

Sirvingeo:
For her to disclose she had an abortion is a signal she loves you and want the marriage to work . Personally, I hate ladies that lacks sexual purity .