₦airaland Forum

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srclark:
you have said it all .I wont really blame the man the fact they both once lived in dubai says it all the zeal to relocate to another country is there but i think the finances is the issue here .Many of our young women out there see marriage and child bearing as a pension plan .From her write up she said she is close to 30 and she already has 3 children where on earth is she rushing too now you want the man to perform magic to relocate you and the kids to another country getting a visa is one thing moving and relocating the family is another thing (you cant give what you dont have ).My advice to the op is better face the facts and accept the situation on ground many women purposely turn a blind eye to the truth these days and expect their husbands to perform magic .Going to the uk alone he can easily squat with his friends but who wants to squat a family of 5 *na for audio all this things dey easy when it comes into reality guy na war ooo* unless you want to go to the uk and return to naija the way you returned from dubai

Would it kill the man if he had explained that to his wife?

He has a responsibility to the family he started. He can't just up and disappear from their lives like they never existed in the first place.

It is a different thing if he and his wife had agreed that he would go first. Why the deception?

Mrsabuh1:
Please I seek advice from experts here as I'm lost and devastated over this issue, please bear with me as my story is a little bit long.

This is the 7th year of my marriage and the union is blessed with three kids, hubby and I stayed in UAE, but whenever I'm pregnant I come down to have my kids due to cost and also I ll be needing helping hands after delivery, it happened that when I came down to have my last child 3years ago as usual, I was preparing to return to UAE , I discovered that my Husband had canceled the resident visa for myself and our two kids, when I confronted him he said he is making plans to leave UAE and there was no point for us coming back and also business isn't moving as usual so taking care of us will cause a strain on his finances. At first I felt bad and cried about it but later I accepted my fate and moved on.

First plan was for me to apply for Canada study visa, the plan was to go with my last child and after sometimes hubby and my other kids can join me later, I got admitted into a Canadian college but when the time for visa processing hubby pulled out that we should go the express entry way, I accepted and started with registering for ielts tutorials which I did for 5 weeks, and to God b the glory I aced my exam. It was left for him to write his as he ll be standing as the primary applicant since he has lots of job experience but along the line he pulled out again and said everyone is going to Canada and he ll work out something different.

Last year he applied for US visa he was denied, he applied for Germany too, still denied. While he was doing all this I was alone in Nigeria with the kids while he stays in UAE but visits every 5 months. This year June, we had some issues that would ve resulted to divorce but we settled it with the help of some elders so he said he was going to make up for his mistake by applying for UK for both of us so we can just take a vacation to London, of course I was excited and looking up for the trip.

He applied for UK visa for both of us and lucky they granted us 6 months, I was already getting set and looking forward to the trip when he said he needed to rush down to UAE as he has some unfinished business, two days after he left I saw him updated his fb and the location was showing UK, he left without me and he didn't even inform me that he ll b going until he got there. When I confronted him he came up with the excuse that he needed to meet with some companies over investment so that way he can process resident permits for everyone at home so we all come over there at once, two days later he told me he got a job.

it's been 2 months over there already, we filed our stay for 10 days when applying for the visa and I know what he has done is messing his future chances up, now he doesn't do video call, won't pick my calls when I call at my own time, from 7pm he isn't active as no way I can reach him, before now the only time he put a call across is when he is in a bus .. I confronted him over all this and guess what,he has stopped talking to me, Wont reply my chats or even talk to me yet he reads them, our sons bday was 4 days ago and he couldn't even call to speak with him or wish him happy birthday.

I'm so confused, this is the man that I have lost lot of jobs opportunity for simply because he doesnt want me to work, I learnt fashion designing so it won't be like I'm staying at home doing nothing, I run a fashion store but trust me I'm not feeling it because its not what I'm meant to do ..

In two months time I will b 30 and you know how Nigerian systems works, the older you get, the lesser chances of getting a job I dont even know what to do with myself, please advise me what to do?

I'd also like those who ve an idea of how the system in UK works to tell me how long it takes for one to b granted residential permits in the UK so I ll know when all this will end or if it ll ever end so I can make my next move
also how possible it is for one to land UK and in two days he is already working .

I feel used, I feel like hubby used me to secure a visa and I was never in his plans..I reported the issues to our family already and he Told them all he did was for the future of myself and the kids and I shld endure but I do not know for how long..,I'm tired of this distsnce marriage ,its been 3years in distance marriage and its been hell for me.

MOD please help me post this

I am sorry to ask, is your husband a Yoruba man If yes, sorry to tell you that he has another wife somewhere, and probably another set of kids with the other wife.


Before they come after me, Yoruba men are known for marrying one wife and marrying some other secret wives they keep far away....truth is bitter.....


Igbo men will rather have one wife and have plenty mistresses and concubines, but no true Igbo man play with his wife that gave birth to children, including a boy for him....their stupidity don't usually get to that level unless some few Igbo men with mental illness, but I can tell you, it doesn't happen in Igbo land often as in Yoruba land.


Hausa men too seem not to value their families as much as Southern men...to be honest with you, the best men when it comes to treating their family like kings and queens are Igbo men, you can go figure out from Nigerian married women and see.

So op, brace up for the worst, prepare for the worst case scenario.....if your IELTS haven't expired, please hurry immediately and re-apply for express entry, if it is the fund you will pay after you are selected, don't worry.....post it here on Nairaland and ask the mods to push it to front page, maybe we can do a fundraising for you by then.


Like I said and I repeat, prepare for the worst, your husband is a husband from hell fire....what kind of man joke with his children I am tempted to call him demeaning names, but for your sake and to show some respect, I will keep my mouth shut today

This man cannot and should never be trusted again by you if you know what you are doing.
So keep him at a safe distance from now on so that you can get your life back on track.

Also note that travelling up and down from one country to another is not the solution to your financial needs. Otherwise, your previous stay in UAE should have proved me wrong. He is now in UK and the situation has not changed but rather worse. So why do you still think it will if you move to Canada? Later you will think the solution is in Australia. Getting a job either, can only give you minimum wage that will lead you no where. So find something you are passionate about, be very good at it and concentrate on it as a business. Thank me later. If you must travel out, it must only be to get more skills or visit or for business
I can mentor you as per business and you can't go wrong. And never expect that I will ask you for your 1 naira. [color=#000099][/color]
You already have 3 kids and that's a full hand already. So you have a lot of work to do.

I know it will be difficult to forget about this man but in the circumstance it is the best thing to do not just now but finally so that you can break the yoke.
A wrong marriage will only produce wrong results.

GYMNASTIC:
Nne hold your breath and chose to stay alive, in case you are reading the comment here, pls take my comment serious, your husband has not scammed you, Your husband has a vision out side your vision, he want to single handedly handle the marriage to suit his vision, yes it may look as if he is being self centered but trust me he is not, the mistake he made is marrying a woman who has a vision and is not ready to let go of her vision in the name of marriage, He would have just marry a woman that is just hard working but does not have a vision.
If he mix his vision with your own he will not achieve what he really wanted in life.
He really love you so much but he does not know how to explain this or convince you to drop your own vision and allow him achieve his dream as a man and more so non of his explanation will convince you to let go of your vision.
Note am not asking you to be a coward but please send him a sweet text message, then take care of your children and be praying for him not to jam the wall in the pursuance of his vision. remember your own vision will not stand the test of time but his will stand the test of time in future. use your mouth to rebuild your union. do not think he is seeing another woman. if i go on and on the post will be too lengthy. but a word is enough for the wise. Marriage just like life is not a funfair, many people that you see that stays married today are those that let go of their precious vision. if you want to hear more let me know, cos i know how you feel.

Bla bla bla nonsense....that man is dubious and have some shady intentions.....he is probably hiding another wife somewhere.....who abandons his kids just like that If that's how you plan to treat your family, please you better change your ways right now or else you will regret it.



You can keep your mistresses and side chicks away from your home if you so wish, but hey Mr. don't bring innocent kids to this world and be using their destiny to play ludo in the name of planning nonsense life outside nonsense dream, what nonsense is that

Re-read the op's post again and again, if she is your daughter or even sister, would you condone this nonsense from the so called husband from hell


Some of you men are a disgrace to manhood

Your Husband is up to something but My advice is to be strong,God has blessed you with three children,See how you can improve on your Finance and take care of your Children, If you can pray , Go into serious prayers,All things will work out together for your good.

NOTE SOME FACTS

1) Any body can disappoint you except God. Be it your father,mother,husband,Sister,Brother,friend,children Pastor E.t c
2) You need to be there for your Children,they are your greatest asset.Do not loose hope ,kill yourself or stuck in Pain.What has happened to you has happened to some other Women and God wiped there tears through their children
3) Some women do loose their husband either death or divorce but will still be successful and happy
4) Trust God to defend your Interest and make a way
5) Do not forget,what ever a man sows he will reap. Your husband will surly reap Deceit and Emotional hurt

May God Strengthen you in a time like this,

That is how they behave. If they get rejected at their old age by their children they would start yanning rubbish

extremelygolden:
Hmmm. Please try the Canadian stuff again, for you and the children. When he hears you have immigrated, he'll try to contact you.

God bless you for this comment. You took words from me.

Madam don't sit down and wait for him. Hopefully they will grant you and your kids visa. Forget about that man for now. And while you are at it, don't allow him or anyone get wind of your plans. Do it with God and relocate to Canada.

I hate rubbish!

Mrsabuh1:
honestly you are right about everything , what u said is painful but that is the actual truth, now my father blamed me ,he doesnt even want to listen to anything ,he said I shldnt bring my three children to him .while I was away I wasn't allowed to see my kids ,traditionally they said the kids belongs to my husband and I can only take the female child away but even at that he didnt even allow me take my daughter. he knew if he purnish me with the kids I ll come running back and he won .my father still blame me for everything and said I didn't give them enough time to investigate his family before marriage ,I was 22 and trust me I didnt really know much,I dont even know what the word RED Flag means , the signs were there and obvious but I was too dumb to notice that ..now its late and I dont know what to do ,business isnt even growing that much as the proceed from it I use in providing food .. I feel so down,wish I can turn back the hands of time

Every new morning we wake up is another day and opportunities to right our wrongs. You can't change yesterday but you can do something today to effect your tomorrow...

You know what you should do just, Follow your instincts that's the answers you need...
Don't doubt it, seek the courage from God to do that...

[quote author=FrLukas post=84268022]Would it kill the man if he had explained that to his wife?

He has a responsibility to the family he started. He can't just up and disappear from their lives like they never existed in the first place.

It is a different thing if he and his wife had agreed that he would go first. Why the deception?[/quot


Thank you!

Assuming your claims are true, how does this help the Missus?

franchasng:
I am sorry to ask, is your husband a Yoruba man If yes, sorry to tell you that he has another wife somewhere, and probably another set of kids with the other wife.


Before they come after me, Yoruba men are known for marrying one wife and marrying some other secret wives they keep far away....truth is bitter.....


Igbo men will rather have one wife and have plenty mistresses and concubines, but no true Igbo man play with his wife that gave birth to children, including a boy for him....their stupidity don't usually get to that level unless some few Igbo men with mental illness, but I can tell you, it doesn't happen in Igbo land often as in Yoruba land.


Hausa men too seem not to value their families as much as Southern men...to be honest with you, the best men when it comes to treating their family like kings and queens are Igbo men, you can go figure out from Nigerian married women and see.

So op, brace up for the worst, prepare for the worst case scenario.....if your IELTS haven't expired, please hurry immediately and re-apply for express entry, if it is the fund you will pay after you are selected, don't worry.....post it here on Nairaland and ask the mods to push it to front page, maybe we can do a fundraising for you by then.


Like I said and I repeat, prepare for the worst, your husband is a husband from hell fire....what kind of man joke with his children I am tempted to call him demeaning names, but for your sake and to show some respect, I will keep my mouth shut today

Mrsabuh1:
Please I seek advice from experts here as I'm lost and devastated over this issue, please bear with me as my story is a little bit long.

This is the 7th year of my marriage and the union is blessed with three kids, hubby and I stayed in UAE, but whenever I'm pregnant I come down to have my kids due to cost and also I ll be needing helping hands after delivery, it happened that when I came down to have my last child 3years ago as usual, I was preparing to return to UAE , I discovered that my Husband had canceled the resident visa for myself and our two kids, when I confronted him he said he is making plans to leave UAE and there was no point for us coming back and also business isn't moving as usual so taking care of us will cause a strain on his finances. At first I felt bad and cried about it but later I accepted my fate and moved on.

First plan was for me to apply for Canada study visa, the plan was to go with my last child and after sometimes hubby and my other kids can join me later, I got admitted into a Canadian college but when the time for visa processing hubby pulled out that we should go the express entry way, I accepted and started with registering for ielts tutorials which I did for 5 weeks, and to God b the glory I aced my exam. It was left for him to write his as he ll be standing as the primary applicant since he has lots of job experience but along the line he pulled out again and said everyone is going to Canada and he ll work out something different.

Last year he applied for US visa he was denied, he applied for Germany too, still denied. While he was doing all this I was alone in Nigeria with the kids while he stays in UAE but visits every 5 months. This year June, we had some issues that would ve resulted to divorce but we settled it with the help of some elders so he said he was going to make up for his mistake by applying for UK for both of us so we can just take a vacation to London, of course I was excited and looking up for the trip.

He applied for UK visa for both of us and lucky they granted us 6 months, I was already getting set and looking forward to the trip when he said he needed to rush down to UAE as he has some unfinished business, two days after he left I saw him updated his fb and the location was showing UK, he left without me and he didn't even inform me that he ll b going until he got there. When I confronted him he came up with the excuse that he needed to meet with some companies over investment so that way he can process resident permits for everyone at home so we all come over there at once, two days later he told me he got a job.

it's been 2 months over there already, we filed our stay for 10 days when applying for the visa and I know what he has done is messing his future chances up, now he doesn't do video call, won't pick my calls when I call at my own time, from 7pm he isn't active as no way I can reach him, before now the only time he put a call across is when he is in a bus .. I confronted him over all this and guess what,he has stopped talking to me, Wont reply my chats or even talk to me yet he reads them, our sons bday was 4 days ago and he couldn't even call to speak with him or wish him happy birthday.

I'm so confused, this is the man that I have lost lot of jobs opportunity for simply because he doesnt want me to work, I learnt fashion designing so it won't be like I'm staying at home doing nothing, I run a fashion store but trust me I'm not feeling it because its not what I'm meant to do ..

In two months time I will b 30 and you know how Nigerian systems works, the older you get, the lesser chances of getting a job I dont even know what to do with myself, please advise me what to do?

I'd also like those who ve an idea of how the system in UK works to tell me how long it takes for one to b granted residential permits in the UK so I ll know when all this will end or if it ll ever end so I can make my next move
also how possible it is for one to land UK and in two days he is already working .

I feel used, I feel like hubby used me to secure a visa and I was never in his plans..I reported the issues to our family already and he Told them all he did was for the future of myself and the kids and I shld endure but I do not know for how long..,I'm tired of this distsnce marriage ,its been 3years in distance marriage and its been hell for me.

MOD please help me post this

sorry madam i feel your pain, some people can be very selfish even to there immediate family, and this country is not fanimorous wen it comes to building a buisness and getting a good pay job. for a geniue visa application/ immigration search independent travel on google for their contact. good luck! referer : Stanley

egwekwe:
This is your side of the story.. If we ask your husband I'm sure he'll as his as well .

But as married couple, you're meant to be honest with yourselves.

He should have told you he's going to UK. There's no excuse for that but then he might be struggling financially and not able to fund your travelling . Some african man feels egoistic about this type of issue.

Anytime he's back in Nigeria, tell him how you feel.. Tell him you're completely fed up and depressed.

His reaction should answer you.

This is the funniest comment i have read on NL so far. You mean she should WAIT for her husband to come back and then start explaining her feelings to him? This your comment no be advice at all o. No offense meant. The husbandman has moved on, she should do the same. QED

Nobody is talking about the fact that she can still travel to UK, they gave you guys 6months right. is it up to six month already? did he travel with your own passport, if you can visit UK and spend even one month, US, canada, Australia, will be automatic for you. don't pay any agent , read their requirements online and apply by yourself.

Don't travel with the kids yet, go alone, take them to your grand mother so you can have enough time to hustle at where ever you find yourself. Don't over stay in any country so you can come home easily to visit your children maybe after 6months, flight is usually around 300k -400k and after 6month serious haustle, flight fee won't be a problem and with time you would figure out how you can move your children. That man will come back to his senses, forgive him if you can but be wiser and don't ever rely/trust him. Listen to the new 2face single, he said this life "if you no use person , person go use you"

na so life be my sister . Your husband used you.

My heart goes out to you OP. I'm sorry about what you have gone through and especially what you are still going through. From your write up, i perceive you to be a strong resilient woman. Your husband is insecure and probably fears that you might be more successful than him.

It's time to move on with your life and of course your kids. A lot of right thinking persons have already advised that you try the Canadian visa once more. Keep your plans to yourself. Hopefully they give you and kids visa, quietly move to Canada and start all over, this time with your kids.

God be with you all the way through.

hibeebeeking:
I really feel your pain. As u narrate, your husband said that what he is doing is for the family future. He maybe right. It like your husband understand how the system work in UK. U have three children for him,do you think he will leaves his children. They are his future. I don't think he has a bad intention. He just wanted to settle down and then take care of others. To get a permanent residence,depends on how you package yourself. It depends on your program. Pls you should bear with him for now. Understand the message he trying to communicate. He will surely come back for you and his children. Try get in touch as you will,so as not to leave any gap in your communication. Pls and pls do not fight or abuse him. U know woman now,when u are fed up u say a lot of wrong things. Don't fight shadow. Just be optimistic. Shalom

This guy nah Lukaku slowpoke brother.

[s]

Mrsabuh1:
Please I seek advice from experts here as I'm lost and devastated over this issue, please bear with me as my story is a little bit long.

This is the 7th year of my marriage and the union is blessed with three kids, hubby and I stayed in UAE, but whenever I'm pregnant I come down to have my kids due to cost and also I ll be needing helping hands after delivery, it happened that when I came down to have my last child 3years ago as usual, I was preparing to return to UAE , I discovered that my Husband had canceled the resident visa for myself and our two kids, when I confronted him he said he is making plans to leave UAE and there was no point for us coming back and also business isn't moving as usual so taking care of us will cause a strain on his finances. At first I felt bad and cried about it but later I accepted my fate and moved on.

First plan was for me to apply for Canada study visa, the plan was to go with my last child and after sometimes hubby and my other kids can join me later, I got admitted into a Canadian college but when the time for visa processing hubby pulled out that we should go the express entry way, I accepted and started with registering for ielts tutorials which I did for 5 weeks, and to God b the glory I aced my exam. It was left for him to write his as he ll be standing as the primary applicant since he has lots of job experience but along the line he pulled out again and said everyone is going to Canada and he ll work out something different.

Last year he applied for US visa he was denied, he applied for Germany too, still denied. While he was doing all this I was alone in Nigeria with the kids while he stays in UAE but visits every 5 months. This year June, we had some issues that would ve resulted to divorce but we settled it with the help of some elders so he said he was going to make up for his mistake by applying for UK for both of us so we can just take a vacation to London, of course I was excited and looking up for the trip.

He applied for UK visa for both of us and lucky they granted us 6 months, I was already getting set and looking forward to the trip when he said he needed to rush down to UAE as he has some unfinished business, two days after he left I saw him updated his fb and the location was showing UK, he left without me and he didn't even inform me that he ll b going until he got there. When I confronted him he came up with the excuse that he needed to meet with some companies over investment so that way he can process resident permits for everyone at home so we all come over there at once, two days later he told me he got a job.

it's been 2 months over there already, we filed our stay for 10 days when applying for the visa and I know what he has done is messing his future chances up, now he doesn't do video call, won't pick my calls when I call at my own time, from 7pm he isn't active as no way I can reach him, before now the only time he put a call across is when he is in a bus .. I confronted him over all this and guess what,he has stopped talking to me, Wont reply my chats or even talk to me yet he reads them, our sons bday was 4 days ago and he couldn't even call to speak with him or wish him happy birthday.

I'm so confused, this is the man that I have lost lot of jobs opportunity for simply because he doesnt want me to work, I learnt fashion designing so it won't be like I'm staying at home doing nothing, I run a fashion store but trust me I'm not feeling it because its not what I'm meant to do ..

In two months time I will b 30 and you know how Nigerian systems works, the older you get, the lesser chances of getting a job I dont even know what to do with myself, please advise me what to do?

I'd also like those who ve an idea of how the system in UK works to tell me how long it takes for one to b granted residential permits in the UK so I ll know when all this will end or if it ll ever end so I can make my next move
also how possible it is for one to land UK and in two days he is already working .

I feel used, I feel like hubby used me to secure a visa and I was never in his plans..I reported the issues to our family already and he Told them all he did was for the future of myself and the kids and I shld endure but I do not know for how long..,I'm tired of this distsnce marriage ,its been 3years in distance marriage and its been hell for me.

MOD please help me post this

[/s]
A man can only be this mean if something is seriously wrong somewhere... DID YOU CHEAT ON HIM??/

Its a painful story, though we are hearing just your side of the story. I bliv he will Also have something to say. Do u know that he might really be after the happiness of the entire family but process to the happy ending might be something you'll totally disagree with.


Women most times are the ones who structure the attitude and movement of their men. Wen he noticed you might disagree with somethings he seems good for the family, what do u want him to do other than to lie or take some actions, won't b surprised if he's sleeping under the bridge or sleeping with a woman just to actualize his dream for now, hence avoiding video calls


On the other side, calm down ursef, he will call and reply ur msg. Pls make him feel safe and pray for him always even on video calls,

If after 2 months, u didn't notice any changes, start your traveling process too without telling him.

GYMNASTIC:
Nne hold your breath and chose to stay alive, in case you are reading the comment here, pls take my comment serious, your husband has not scammed you, Your husband has a vision out side your vision, he want to single handedly handle the marriage to suit his vision, yes it may look as if he is being self centered but trust me he is not, the mistake he made is marrying a woman who has a vision and is not ready to let go of her vision in the name of marriage, He would have just marry a woman that is just hard working but does not have a vision.
If he mix his vision with your own he will not achieve what he really wanted in life.
He really love you so much but he does not know how to explain this or convince you to drop your own vision and allow him achieve his dream as a man and more so non of his explanation will convince you to let go of your vision.
Note am not asking you to be a coward but please send him a sweet text message, then take care of your children and be praying for him not to jam the wall in the pursuance of his vision. remember your own vision will not stand the test of time but his will stand the test of time in future. use your mouth to rebuild your union. do not think he is seeing another woman. if i go on and on the post will be too lengthy. but a word is enough for the wise. Marriage just like life is not a funfair, many people that you see that stays married today are those that let go of their precious vision. if you want to hear more let me know, cos i know how you feel.

Scamming Vision. Animal.

Gloriagee:
Assuming your claims are true, how does this help the Missus?

She should prepare herself for the worst case scenario, brace herself up for a tough ride, forget the hubby for now, focus on things that can improve her financial life like focusing more on her fashion design business.....99.9% of people in the world aren't doing what they wished to do in life, including myself....I wanted to be scientist researching about space travels and writing books....but today, I have moved from being a practicing Engineer to an entrepreneur and part-time writer....so you see?

Life is not fair to anybody....many ladies wished they married at 25yrs at most, but some are 35yrs and counting no hubby, no serious boyfriend to even start with.....


Many graduates felt once they graduate, they start working with Chevron and Shell, but today, they are begging to be employed at Iya-Basira local restaurant, some begging to become tutors for 15,000naira monthly pay and they can't even get it.....


Many guys wished to build their own mansion, have like 5 cars before they marry so their wife can have an easy, luxury wife while their kids live the best of life, but they are 40yrs plus, some 30something years and can't even boast of a girlfriend all because they are unemployed, broke and depressed....so you see


Op saying she never wished to do fashion designing instead that she wished to be working and maybe earning fat salary of her dream or something means she is not ready to face the reality of life....many ladies discovered their fast moving successful business when the going became tough that their hubby couldn't even afford to feed them....some it downed on them when they got divorced or impregnated and denied and they picked up their life and started one mumu business that later turned to a big company.....


Most successful business owners didn't plan to own one, some started their thriving business out of life frustration and today they are enjoying more than those doing paid job.


So in summary, all I am saying is that the op should forget her husband, act like he is dead or divorced....and pick herself up....focus on that fashion designing....believe me, there maybe where her greatness is, I have said my own

benedima1990:
Its a painful story, though we are hearing just your side of the story. I bliv he will Also have something to say. [s]Do u know that he might really be after the happiness of the entire family[/s] but process to the happy ending might be something you'll totally disagree with.


Women most times are the ones who structure the attitude and movement of their men. Wen he noticed you might disagree with somethings he seems good for the family, what do u want him to do other than to lie or take some actions, won't b surprised if he's sleeping under the bridge or sleeping with a woman just to actualize his dream for now, hence avoiding video calls


On the other side, calm down ursef, he will call and reply ur msg. Pls make him feel safe and pray for him always even on video calls,

If after 2 months, u didn't notice any changes, start your traveling process too without telling him.

CRAP! Then carry her along, she is your wife and not your sex mate that don't deserve to know your life plans....she is your wife whom you have had kids with for C's sake.


Even boyfriends carry their girlfriends along, talk more of a wife you had kids with, what kind of nonsense is that, is that how you want other men to treat your own daughters

Mrsabuh1:
n

no , the last child is his carbon coby , no denial and where I'm from in kogi state , its a taboo for married women to cheat , I guess that's the omore reason why he is doing all this

Please tell me where you come from in Kogi state, so I can add it to the list of possible places I can marry from.

Your husband cancelled you and your kids visas without discussing it with you? Wow! Madam I envy your patience.

So why didn't u write all this epistle, which is rather helpful, at first. Instead you started praisin Ibo guys for being all that, without finding out if he's Ibo in the first place.

franchasng:
She should prepare herself for the worst case scenario, brace herself up for a tough ride, forget the hubby for now, focus on things that can improve her financial life like focusing more on her fashion design business.....99.9% of people in the world aren't doing what they wished to do in life, including myself....I wanted to be scientist researching about space travels and writing books....but today, I have moved from being a practicing Engineer to an entrepreneur and part-time writer....so you see?

Life is not fair to anybody....many ladies wished they married at 25yrs at most, but some are 35yrs and counting no hubby, no serious boyfriend to even start with.....


Many graduates felt once they graduate, they start working with Chevron and Shell, but today, they are begging to be employed at Iya-Basira local restaurant, some begging to become tutors for 15,000naira monthly pay and they can't even get it.....


Many guys wished to build their own mansion, have like 5 cars before they marry so their wife can have an easy, luxury wife while their kids live the best of life, but they are 40yrs plus, some 30something years and can't even boast of a girlfriend all because they are unemployed, broke and depressed....so you see


Op saying she never wished to do fashion designing instead that she wished to be working and maybe earning fat salary of her dream or something means she is not ready to face the reality of life....many ladies discovered their fast moving successful business when the going became tough that their hubby couldn't even afford to feed them....some it downed on them when they got divorced or impregnated and denied and they picked up their life and started one mumu business that later turned to a big company.....


Most successful business owners didn't plan to own one, some started their thriving business out of life frustration and today they are enjoying more than those doing paid job.


So in summary, all I am saying is that the op should forget her husband, act like he is dead or divorced....and pick herself up....focus on that fashion designing....believe me, there maybe where her greatness is, I have said my own

Gloriagee:
So why didn't u write all this epistle, which is rather helpful, at first. Instead you started praisin Ibo guys for being all that, without finding out if he's Ibo in the first place.

Lol....

Madam,

Bear in mind that your husband have left you and run away,it will take him year to get a resident in the UK because he has traveled with a visiting visa,and this will put a ban on your passport if he over stays as both of you applied for the visa together,if you have enough money and your UK visa is still valid try your luck and applied for Canadian visa also you have 70% chances of getting the visa

Believe me you will not see him any time soon,as he has tested the life in abroad and can't cope in Nigeria,he thinks traveling with your and the kids at the same time will slow him down

This is the truth

He did all these and ypy are still asking questions?

Women, when are you going to learn how NOT to depend on men? Get your shit together and have your things going for you. Learn to be independent finacially!

Madam, the handwriting was boldy on the wall in black and white, but you chose not to see it.
I beg you pick yourself together, get a job and leave that sorry of a man alone. If you can make your way to canada, take your kids and flee. Do not discuss any plan you have with your family, if not they will discourage you.

Wow! You get patience walai. I would have started making my own plans right the minute he cancelled the UAE visa at my back.

Running from one foreign country to the other for solace is cowardice.
Just continue with your fashion business if you are good at it.
Get yourself engaged in something lucrative and look forward to reuniting with your husband and building your home in Nigeria for a permanent stay.
YOUR eye too dey abroad woman! Cool it off! Let your husband go and hustle and come back.
Haha! You're pushing him too hard.
Okay, I understand now...every woman needs a 'joystick' I bet you just can't wait no longer my dear. That man doesn't give a damn though about your feelings and that could be as a result of the frustration he might be facing in England as a migrant. Believe me, it is not easy. I've been there too.
Wise counsel please....Divorce is not a better alternative my dear...Don't dare it for the sake of your children!

LordKO:
Citing the OP's submission, the man's behavior is bad - shame on him if he has unjustifiably acted in such manner - he can do better, no matter the circumstances. However, your tactical support for cynicism and contentiousness among couples is rather repulsive; you'll be doing more harm than good to your clients in particular and the marriage institution in general, if you continue with this kind of mentality. It's unethical for a couple to unjustifiably mete out distrust and rebelliousness towards another - two conscientious people in pursuit of a common goal shouldn't be caught doing such against one another. Cynicism in particular is the unpronounced major cause of disunity among couples.

As a divorce attorney, a conscientious one I have to believe, your first duty is to master the act of differentiating altruistic couples from egoistic ones and avoid giving the former advice meant for the latter. You (a divorce attorney) can't have a successful career if you fail in this regard.

Resourcefulness is refreshing and engaging, however, it always becomes a toxic if the aim behind the grit is to cushion cynicism in particular and subjugation is general.

You can do better, believe you me.

Do you even know the work of a divorce lawyer or do you think that a divorce lawyer is the same as a therapist?

NOC1:
I think he is into street, but relating with his family on phone is not way out, in fact that’s the ideal thing to do.
I know those on street don’t like having their family close to them but many try to let them know what they are doing and why it should be like let’s talk whenever I am not busy

Na sooo



He could be a night walker/crawler (not in the literal sense)

Why is my opinion contrary to what y'all have been saying here.

Madam carry your cross, na you get am not be nairalanders.

When the union was bubbling did you invite us?

Spits... nonsense...