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Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Help! My Marriage Is Giving Me Pain. / An American Woman With Two Husbands And Three Children Is Causing A Stir Online / Sex Is Causing Problems In My Marriage, Help Me Save My Marriage (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Obason22(m): 10:09pm On Dec 17, 2019
SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.
Is only baby mama or club girl can offer such advice.

30 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by beezyblaze(m): 10:09pm On Dec 17, 2019
Ladylite:


[s]You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young. [/s]

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Samuels90: 10:09pm On Dec 17, 2019
I guess u both understood each other before taking the vow. Sometimes age is a number, a Lil bit of maturity with age help one decide what they truly wants.
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 10:09pm On Dec 17, 2019
therajah:


Ahhhh......break marriage just like that!! O ti le to yen ni.. ??

It won't break. The man will have to bend last last. She can't be crying at home without being proactive. She should get the job and they can take it up from there. Let him go and tell the world that he wants to divorce his wife because she's working and see whether they won't laugh at him.

11 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by chloride6: 10:10pm On Dec 17, 2019
Lol you dont have problem...

Just tell him you want to buy iPhone 12 for Xmas

And tell him to transfer the funds to you..

I actually know someone that asked his wife a bank manager to be a stay at home..

She did on the condition of joint account...

Can he agree to joint account?

Just let him know that you will be drawing an equivalent of your monthly salary from your joint account..

Infact tommrow look for his ATM, withdraw 200k and send to your mom for Xmas..

If he talks tell him that he is the one who said you should not work..

That he should not frustrate you..

35 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Obason22(m): 10:12pm On Dec 17, 2019
Talk to him about private business so that u can have something doing.
Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by therajah: 10:12pm On Dec 17, 2019
SBL28:


It won't break. The man will have to bend last last. She can't be crying at home without being proactive. She should get the job and they can take it up from there. Let him go and tell the world that he wants to divorce his wife because she's working and see whether they won't laugh at him.
Makes sense...

3 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 10:12pm On Dec 17, 2019
Newguyhere:
upon say you Don marry, yansh still dey itch you to go taste outside prick bah undecided.
Your husband is a fool for marrying a supposedly "educated" lady like yourself. undecided.
Thats the usual excuse you guys use to start misbehaving. "I want to work"
work kee you dia.
Is taking care of the home and your kids not enough work undecided
Thanks bro

1 Like

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by beezyblaze(m): 10:14pm On Dec 17, 2019
Lol...
I’m sure you’re not married...just the way I’m sure no guy will cope with you.
Wtf is this??
You call this an advice??
You have no idea what marriage is.
Smh

SBL28:
[s]You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.[/s]

4 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Elina123(f): 10:14pm On Dec 17, 2019
Am a lady and let the truth be told.

U are a disrespectful woman and very stubborn.
For better for worse as it was said so stop complaining.

Lata u will say u are a Christian but the same Bible says lady's be submissive to ur husband.

Accept whatever e tells u and any one u don't like u bring it up with care and love not raising voices and quarrelling it makes the man feels u can't be controlled. The more u make him feel that the more he wants to do things to controlled u and make u obey everything he says.


So wan face ur marriage and don't disturb our peace.
SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.

16 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by kevotek1000(m): 10:14pm On Dec 17, 2019
SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.
Auntie adviser, this your advice go break her marriage...

1 Like

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by CSNg: 10:15pm On Dec 17, 2019
Ladylite:


You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young.

WTF did I just read? Are you high on crack cocaine?

14 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Flier: 10:16pm On Dec 17, 2019
You have seen it all at the age of 24.You are just 24 and I can imagine you are still very much pretty.
Don't be weak you should be able to threaten him

3 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by frozen70(f): 10:16pm On Dec 17, 2019
Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

Stop being fastidious because of your age, you lack the experience of what you are clamouring for

As for work, keep it aside and try to have the number of kids you guys want so that you will be done with child bearing and start working

Raising kids is more difficult than working even

Go to him and calm him down and assure him of your loyalty

Remove shakara and pride so that you can humble yourself

If you think you need to be busy, get pregnant, it's enough to keep you busy

Time will come, he will be the one to give you options to take from getting a job and having a store

Don't try to run faster than your shadow, the main race is still ahead

26 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Mac2016(m): 10:17pm On Dec 17, 2019
Am about to take a very big guess.. It seems it's the OP that was overly in love with the man she married and not the man.. That's a brutal sign of emotional selfishness. Women shd stop making this mistake...
Men are the most rigid emotionally out of the two human genders. A corrective instruction from a woman you're head over the heel with makes you feel your little princess will grow up to be a queen that your wife is...

I am talking from experience grin

Only the intelligent ones will understand me

5 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by beezyblaze(m): 10:17pm On Dec 17, 2019
kingkakaone:
OP please don't listen to the advice of some single ladies up there.
They will say all stuffs online and do otherwise if they are in your shoes.
Others are also ignorant of what marriage entails that's why their comments are like that.
Sincerely, most will do all within their capacity to find a solution, even begging the man instead of jumping ship like they've suggested.
Enough said.

GOD bless you
I got really pissed reading some comments here.

1 Like

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 10:18pm On Dec 17, 2019
My advice...I once told my wife same. In fact, I asked her to resign from her job as manager in an FMCG company which she accepted, though after much persuasion. Our daughter was barely 2 years old and she was always asleep by the time we got to the nanny who used to take care of her. The nanny would go pick her up after school and take care of her until our arrival from work, during which my lovely daughter would have been deeply asleep.

One day, the nanny said to us that her husband wasn't feeling comfortable anymore the way we kept our daughter under her care. She said we were always coming back from work late.

I had to sit my wife down and persuaded her to quit her job. I told her I'd be giving her allowance at the end of the month, like 15k as of 2008 which she accepted. She was a full-time housewife for 9 years. When the last born of our 3 kids was age 4, I called her and said, dear now is time to start doing some business, if you're interested in one, pls let me know. She eventually opted into one, in which she's doing very well now. I always empower her financially and she's a leader in that line of business where her shop is located on the lagos mainland. I made sure no maid was employed, though not easy but she accepted, for the sake of our children. Now our kids are all grown up with 2 of them already in boarding school whilst the last born would soon join them.

Marriage entails alot of sacrifices and understanding. For you to really enjoy your home, you have to be submissive to your husband afer all, its for the good of both of you. The aspect I don't seem to like in your explanation was his thinking that you'd not be submissive, should you get employed. That doesn't apply in all cases. A good woman builds her home. For the sake of your home and children, try and reason with him. You may be surprised he would be the one to encourage you to work later.

36 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nwaonyishi69: 10:18pm On Dec 17, 2019
All I know is that when these marital crises take off it will always be difficult to get at the whole truth from one side. Yet, experience teaches that unless a woman is ready to be a wife, the house will always be somehow tensed and real joy for all will be far.

2 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by 21sailor: 10:18pm On Dec 17, 2019
SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.

5 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 10:19pm On Dec 17, 2019
Damilolacoker:



*He was raised by a single mom .
*well not really. I don't know why he's so adamant on this one .
*my mom doesn't even want to listen to me, they all think I'm just being stubborn. They just listened to him and decided I was wrong .

You are exposing not only your husband to ridicule but your innocent child and your marriage by giving too much info about his upbringing all in the name of seeking advice.

Just look at the advices from the supposed single ladies and tell me if you are happy with how they view your husband or parents?
Most of them would do anything to be in your shoes., be careful.

Some of them don't also understand what marriage stands for before talking about break-up, stand your ground in stubbornness, etc.

Be careful with Nairaland because some people are so lonely and bitter offline and they will do anything to make you feel same way. Be careful of mostly single ladies when it comes to marriage advice.

Let me ask you, what do they know about living with someone you've shared vows with but doesn't understand you? Most of them couldn't sustain their relationships not to talk of marriage.

My advice is that you should negotiate with your husband, but use what he loves most to enter into the negotiation jokingly.
He may not be as hard as you see him. Let him know he can trust you and see how he will be the one to encourage you to get a job.

15 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by beezyblaze(m): 10:20pm On Dec 17, 2019
oshe11:
This One is obviously Single, A Divorcee or a Nigerian Feminist

With a extra large soakaway between her legs cause she seems to be a ‘use and dump’
No man will ever keep a lady like her with such a irritating mindset!

4 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by healthserve(m): 10:20pm On Dec 17, 2019
Ladylite:


You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young.


OP read this comment a thousand times

But that cheat on you with daughter would make you needlessly suspicious of even his most sincere actions.

2 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by AIZubair(m): 10:21pm On Dec 17, 2019
Forward77:
Take my advise.

Men are big babies and you know babies are possessive and stubborn.

You have to understand that he’s your husband and not just anyone else.

He said clearly that women who work are not submissive.
He’s right about that.

Don’t argue with him. Show him that you are not going to be rebellious.

Don’t nag at him Learn to negotiate with your husband. Treat him you will treat yourself, because you won’t nag at yourself, but you’ll rather negotiate.

Don’t destroy your marriage now It’s obvious that he’s no more comfortable being around you; you have to make him feel comfortable. To have him with you because if you start to loose him, small girls with big gODS with snap him up.

Marriage is not always easy There’re no perfect marriages, so learn to compromise and always apply negotiation to avoid having a destroyed home.

From my understanding, there’s something you’re doing that is making him take such a decision and others things he does.

We know you’re a graduate and want to work and all that, but lower your standards and remember that you’re married.

The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

I wish you good luck

Nice one Bro. Nice One.

5 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by midnighter(f): 10:22pm On Dec 17, 2019
Since the argument is not working and his problem is * submission *, it seems you may need to change tactic

What I mean is, are you submissive normally? What happened that made him go back on you people's agreement?

Or is it that he never intended on keeping that agreement and just told you that to get you to the altar

Anyway, if you really are stubborn normally, it looks like you will have to change your strategy and start begging. Begging and pleading

Promising him that you'll still respect him after you start the work

Explaining the benefits of you having a job

Appealing to him with Bible quotes (if you people are religious)

And stuff like that

You have to make it seem to him like hes doing you a favour by allowing you to work and not that its your right or what you deserve. Maybe there is something about the way you keep insisting on it that is making him refuse to shift.

In essence, you need to calm down (even though youre frustrated) and study this dude because Im sure hes not just saying all this for nothing. He has some particular concerns about you that need to be addressed.

7 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by oshe11: 10:23pm On Dec 17, 2019
beezyblaze:


With a extra large soakaway between her legs cause she seems to be a ‘use and dump’
No man will ever keep a lady like her with such a irritating mindset!


Their "Men" na usually Dildos with diff shapes and sizes

4 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Fountainofyouth(f): 10:24pm On Dec 17, 2019
Forward77:
Take my advise.

Men are big babies and you know babies are possessive and stubborn.

You have to understand that he’s your husband and not just anyone else.

He said clearly that women who work are not submissive.
He’s right about that
.

Don’t argue with him. Show him that you are not going to be rebellious.

Don’t nag at him Learn to negotiate with your husband. Treat him you will treat yourself, because you won’t nag at yourself, but you’ll rather negotiate.

Don’t destroy your marriage now It’s obvious that he’s no more comfortable being around you; you have to make him feel comfortable. To have him with you because if you start to loose him, small girls with big gODS with snap him up.

Marriage is not always easy There’re no perfect marriages, so learn to compromise and always apply negotiation to avoid having a destroyed home.

From my understanding, there’s something you’re doing that is making him take such a decision and others things he does.

We know you’re a graduate and want to work and all that, but lower your standards and remember that you’re married.

The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

I wish you good luck


You see all that @emboldened, shows that though you have a functioning brain as evident in the rest of your write up, there is a little bit that is mixed with fufu.

8 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by healthserve(m): 10:25pm On Dec 17, 2019
Elina123:
Am a lady and let the truth be told.

U are a disrespectful woman and very stubborn.
For better for worse as it was said so stop complaining.

Lata u will say u are a Christian but the same Bible says lady's be submissive to ur husband.

Accept whatever e tells u and any one u don't like u bring it up with care and love not raising voices and quarrelling it makes the man feels u can't be controlled. The more u make him feel that the more he wants to do things to controlled u and make u obey everything he says.


So wan face ur marriage and don't disturb our peace.



What are you saying. Abeg she's not wrong

2 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by aminusodiq(m): 10:25pm On Dec 17, 2019
Dear op, do not listen to some coments by some ladies updia!!! /dey are hypocrites nd will do d exact opposite of what they have written!
Pls listen to ur husband and convince him to open a business for u, let him see d reasons why u need to work... He mayb right wit hs opinion abt workin class women, but u can also b ut own boss wia no one will harass u, just reason wit him and negotiate, btwn, a two years old is too young to b corrected, dia are means of physcological training our parents used on is without scolding!!! (Lik putting bitterleaf on d finger of a child who likes licking, or using a hot pepper spoon on a child who likes begging) just make u respect ur husbands opinion while workin... Most d advices up dia can break ur home.. Especially frm dos single ladies, divorcee or feminists... Werey ni gbogbo won kk

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 10:26pm On Dec 17, 2019
SBL28:


It won't break. The man will have to bend last last. She can't be crying at home without being proactive. She should get the job and they can take it up from there. Let him go and tell the world that he wants to divorce his wife because she's working and see whether they won't laugh at him.
You clearly don't understand what you are saying.
The world will call her an unserious and stubborn lady for that.
You think the world will even care about the man when they will call her a single mother?

Try threatening some men and see the marriage pack up in 24 hours.


You should learn to negotiate instead of being strong headed when it comes to marriage.

2 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Fountainofyouth(f): 10:28pm On Dec 17, 2019
Ladylite:


You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young.


Cheat with the daughter? Because he corrects the way she scolds the daughter means he'll cheat with her when she's older Ayam not understanding how you arrived at this big assumption and conclusion...

4 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Dalby(m): 10:30pm On Dec 17, 2019
SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job she does not even have on the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.
Speechless.
This is how you people break people's homes...
The Otedolas and the Dangotes are their wives looking for jobs, or it isn't important...
A feminist running loose lipsrsealedlipsrsealedlipsrsealed

3 Likes

Re: Help, My Husband Is Causing Me Pain by Nobody: 10:31pm On Dec 17, 2019
Elina123:
Am a lady and let the truth be told.

U are a disrespectful woman and very stubborn.
For better for worse as it was said so stop complaining.

Lata u will say u are a Christian but the same Bible says lady's be submissive to ur husband.

Accept whatever e tells u and any one u don't like u bring it up with care and love not raising voices and quarrelling it makes the man feels u can't be controlled. The more u make him feel that the more he wants to do things to controlled u and make u obey everything he says.


So wan face ur marriage and don't disturb our peace.

Shut up there, chairwoman of the suffering and smiling club. The same Bible asked men to love their wives like Christ loved the church. What the OP's husband is doing to her, is that an embodiment of love. Or the poster told you she has not discussed it with him calmly? Why should a man even want to control his wife. Is that what the Bible preaches
So being submissive is letting a man ruin your life and then you wake up at 50, children have left the house and you have absolutely nothing to show Radarada.

19 Likes 1 Share

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