Hallenjay:
u b mumu.
Who told u dats wat d hubby will say?
He'll rope her n get her off d hook.
U heard wen d op said her parent listen n conclude on hearing only her husband side n not bother abt her own part.
U shd grow up some sense nxt time

You type like a teenager, I don't banter words with children.

none of us were there when u guys started d love
he z ur spouse right?
just talk to him as a wife and not as a....

Plenty stupid people dey for this nairaland sha, very hypocritical irritants always talking from both sides of the mouth, these are the same weird creatures saying they can never marry a woman who isn't working, that she'll be a leech, bla bla bla.....now they are advocating for Op to continue to be a house wife smh, if the yeye husband was giving her enough money for upkeep and for herself, do you think she will bother about working? Confused lots.

Desric:
The man might have his reasons why he's not permitting her to work just yet, especially in this part of the world, a lot of financially independent women seriously are not submissive in marriage, but the lady should find a way to convince her spouse the reasons why she should be allowed to work and also convince the man that his fears will never come true, that's the way to go. For me, with what I've seen so far, nobody is wrong here, it's just an issue of perception and playing safe

From your comments I can tell my age from yours. And by the same extension what you're not seeing. The man isn't just preventing her from work. He's breaking her down morally and psychologically so she losses herself to depend on him as a job which is wrong. From the motive to the application. I replied you tentatively in our earlier interactions. Marriage is titfor tat, not master slave relationship. If he married a genius and then keeps her locked up as a slave, her creative ability forces her to be restless, hence she needs a job. Creative people can't stay idle. He isn't trying to provide for her, he's trying to force a flawed logic on her and emotionally blackmailing her to accept his will without a challenge. She needs to decide if she wants to be in cuffs or free. I'm sure you're a Christian. There's a rule I apply in everything I do. Whatever I lose my liberty and expression I term it slavery. Automatically


He's not telling her not to work because he will or can provide. No. He's demoralising her so she won't see the need to have a life without him. IT'S A DELIBERATE PLOY

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

Oh..he used to pamper you? If he stopped then I think it your turn now to pamper him. He's also human.

As for the checking on your baby during break...thats unrealistic but dont tell him to his face that youll not go. Just don't go.

As for allowing you to work, put it in prayers and there are stay-at -home jobs you can also do online. Ask round.

Some social media women with feminist thinking sef I tire o, you get better husband but e be sey you want join single parent league wey plenty outside now, if he doesn't hit you, u better find a way to end the problem u have in ur marriage ASAP

healthserve:



From your comments I can tell my age from yours. And by the same extension what you're not seeing. The man isn't just preventing her from work. He's breaking her down morally and psychologically so she losses herself to depend on him as a job which is wrong. From the motive to the application. I replied you tentatively in our earlier interactions. Marriage is titfor tat, not master slave relationship. If he married a genius and then keeps her locked up as a slave, her creative ability forces her to be restless, hence she needs a job. Creative people can't stay idle. He isn't trying to provide for her, he's trying to force a flawed logic on her and emotionally blackmailing her to accept his will without a challenge. She needs to decide if she wants to be in cuffs or free. I'm sure you're a Christian. There's a rule I apply in everything I do. Whatever I lose my liberty and expression I term it slavery. Automatically


He's not telling her not to work because he will or can provide. No. He's demoralising her so she won't see the need to have a life without him. IT'S A DELIBERATE PLOY

Then best for her quit the marriage now that it's still young with just a child, and be free to pursue any career of her choice. By the way, these days marriage is no longer compulsory.

SBL28:


Lol, na so e pain you? you go dey alright, na small fry you be.

We sabi una type... Olofo!

Desric:
Then best for her quit the marriage now that it's still young with just a child, and be free to pursue any career of her choice. By the way, these days marriage is no longer compulsory.

It's not your call. It's also not mine..

[s]

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

[/s]

A ni E ma jaa mo, seun wa la ja o. Lalasticlala come here and settle fight here , mynd4 wey that koboko e be like sey awon omo feminist yehn lo n ba understand materials(full yard) ja
Tonyebarcanista the Sars is here, o ya police arrest them all

Damilolacoker:



*He was raised by a single mom .
*well not really. I don't know why he's so adamant on this one .
*my mom doesn't even want to listen to me, they all think I'm just being stubborn. They just listened to him and decided I was wrong .

And you think you are wiser than your mom? If you like allow single and searching old feminists destroy your marriage... That's your business

healthserve:



You read the letter, I read into, beyond and beneath the letter.


He's trying to break her down psychologically Nd then subdue her. Men build their wives not destroy them. Marriage should improve a woman not destroy her. When they're raised in damaged homes, they won't learn a better template to manage a home. Did you see God destroy Jesus to raise His authority higher?

. yes he did..

GraGra247:
1st problem: Why not try a work from home business or online business you can do from your computer while hubby is at work. Many fakes so be careful you don't fall for the fake ones.

Your husband is wrong to keep you from working just because he feels it'll make you less submissive but there's little you can do about it cos this is Africa and the man usually has the final say whether its wise or not as against America where women usually have the final say. Besides your parents are even on his side. Plus the matter is already straining your marriage.

2nd problem: Correct your baby daughter with love and not with hardness. At 2 years it'll be wrong to go too hard on her.

There's nothing wrong with visiting your daughter during break time every now and then since you aren't working and obviously have the time.

My opinion.

. You're too hash with your advice. And if she jumped in this way, believe me she might lose the marriage..... While can't her start something from? She can work from home, there's internet everywhere now. Let her negotiate with the husband to look for companies she can work from the comfort of her home.

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

you have 2 babies in the house.

healthserve:



It's not your call. It's also not mine..

I find it repulsive to see two adults always acting as if they're in a competition when the rules are clearly spelt out, for me, I think it's that simple, if you can submit to a man as your husband, there's absolutely no need you been in marriage with because it's never going to work. My advice will always be, if you can not cope with your husband's rules and see a way to subtly make him bend those rules to suit you, you don't have any business being in a man's life and be complaining. Simply live your life the way it pleases you and nobody will come demanding that you submit to him or not.

Desric:
I find it repulsive to see two adults always acting as if they're in a competition when the rules are clearly spelt out, for me, I think it's that simple, if you can submit to a man as your husband, there's absolutely no need you been in marriage with because it's never going to work. My advice will always be, if you can not cope with your husband's rules and see a way to subtly make him bend those rules to suit you, you don't have any business being in a man's life and be complaining. Simply live your life the way it pleases you and nobody will come demanding that you submit to him or not.

No need for drama. Ask her this question, does he have enough saving to keep the marriage afloat for six months if he loses the job or has an emergency? If he can't, then it's just a pathetic primitive game. Lol and with this stiffened comments, forget it, women will hardly stay. Marriage isn't forced. If the woman doesn't accept, forget it.

Forward77:
Take my advise.

Men are big babies and you know babies are possessive and stubborn.

You have to understand that he’s your husband and not just anyone else.

He said clearly that women who work are not submissive.
He’s right about that.

Don’t argue with him. Show him that you are not going to be rebellious.

Don’t nag at him Learn to negotiate with your husband. Treat him you will treat yourself, because you won’t nag at yourself, but you’ll rather negotiate.

Don’t destroy your marriage now It’s obvious that he’s no more comfortable being around you; you have to make him feel comfortable. To have him with you because if you start to loose him, small girls with big gODS with snap him up.

Marriage is not always easy There’re no perfect marriages, so learn to compromise and always apply negotiation to avoid having a destroyed home.

From my understanding, there’s something you’re doing that is making him take such a decision and others things he does.

We know you’re a graduate and want to work and all that, but lower your standards and remember that you’re married.

The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

I wish you good luck

I don't quite agree with most of your points,some men or boys can be too jealous and demanding but you just can't genaralize,but a man that cannot let his wife work due to fears of rebellion or infidelity is having serious insecurity issue.

Fountainofyouth:



You see all that @emboldened, shows that though you have a functioning brain as evident in the rest of your write up, [s]there is a little bit that is mixed with fufu.[/s]

That’s the truest part most ladies ignore.
That’s actually why most ladies are either forever single or divorced

Conceptman:
A ni E ma jaa mo, seun wa la ja o. Lalasticlala come here and settle fight here , mynd4 wey that koboko e be like sey awon omo feminist yehn lo n ba understand materials(full yard) ja
Tonyebarcanista the Sars is here, o ya police arrest them all

Omo these feminists are useless

okoroemeka:
[s]I don't quite agree with most of your points,some men or boys can be too jealous and demanding but you just can't genaralize,but a man that cannot let his wife work due to fears of rebellion or infidelity is having serious insecurity issue.[/s]

That’s your opinion.

Since you do not agree with me; then raise your own suggestion(s).

healthserve:




No need for drama. Ask her this question, does he have enough saving to keep the marriage afloat for six months if he loses the job or has an emergency? If he can't, then it's just a pathetic primitive game. Lol and with this stiffened comments, forget it, women will hardly stay. Marriage isn't forced. If the woman doesn't accept, forget it.

Again ask this question, what kind of job is the wife talking about and can that work sustain the family six months if the man loses his? Even if it can, one of the worst nightmares of any man will be to be out of job while the wife works, just a few men will be lucky not to consider suicide due to the reckless abuses they'll be getting from their wives.

Amanda4life:



Please women who work , are they actually stubborn?

If you’re talking from what i wrote; I was actually talking about men, not women.

But if not, specify and i will answer you.

Desric:
Again ask this question, what kind of job is the wife talking about and can that work sustain the family six months if the man loses his? Even if it can, one of the worst nightmares of any man will be to be out of job while the wife works, just a few men will be lucky not to consider suicide due to the reckless abuses they'll be getting from their wives.

Smh.

All my sisters are well educated, married and had good paying jobs, in fact high paying jobs.
In fact my sister who is a medical doctor with a 2 yrs baby, the husband allowed her to go to UK for medical fellowship/post graduate, recently she is back for 2 weeks to spend time with hubby. Aunty you are married to a backward and acheic man

Desric:
I find it repulsive to see two adults always acting as if they're in a competition when the rules are clearly spelt out, for me, I think it's that simple, if you can submit to a man as your husband, there's absolutely no need you been in marriage with because it's never going to work. My advice will always be, if you can not cope with your husband's rules and see a way to subtly make him bend those rules to suit you, you don't have any business being in a man's life and be complaining. Simply live your life the way it pleases you and nobody will come demanding that you submit to him or not.

You've just been saying submission submission, forgetting that submission isn't to be forced but earned, same as respect, submission comes naturally for those who are worth it, earned it and appreciate it, Op's husband is neither, he wants to cage her.

projectorz:

I'm in full support of what SBL28 said. In additions :

DO NOT GET PREGNANT
DO NOT GET PREGNANT
DO NOT GET PREGNANT

This is his next target since you are being stubborn about it.

You sef na wah for you! Age 21 is an age a young lady starts discovering herself. Set out goals, be on a career path. But you allowed him sweet tongue you, now you see!

When a lady marries late, people like you will call her names. Old cargo, gwegz etc.

If you allowing his pressure deter you from getting a job or at least start a business which MUST be funded by him, I hope you dont regret in future.

Again, this is a technique men use to disarm women. They will cheat maltreat, beat, break the woman. They know she has no where to run as she's fully dependent on them, wicked!

Mind you, I'm ELEVEN years in marriage. My husband fully supports me to be whatever I want to be. I'm even lagging behind sef in his view. Thats how real men behave. And yes our kids are fine and in safe hands.

BE WISE!

Plenty plenty problems dey for nairaland
See as you wan scatter this marriage
Chai
And you mean yours is perfect chai woman.

Dem no dey study sense for school

Forward77:
The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

OP this is part of the problem, look what you wrote:

Damilolacoker:
I do not want to do an online business, i want a real job

You said you need something to occupy your mind because you are a graduate yet somebody came up with a viable solution and you immediately shot it down just because its not exactly what you see for yourself.

Do you realise that you are experiencing a serious problem? You need to be less rigid and think laterally.

Everything cant be as perfect as you'd like it right now, at least you could start somewhere. You dont have a job now doesnt mean you wont ever have, at least you should consider your options.

healthserve:




I support this comment just like SBL28.


Men need to stop deliberately destroying their wives. It's annoying.

So you sabi this man wife pass him

Your writings reinforce the truth about how useless you are. Such a foolish lady.

SBL28:


Lol, chairman of wives enslavement institute. You are not only a useless human being, all the people older than me in your house are useless.

Many men are acheic, how can you tell your wife not to work? Most times it is guys that led very dirty lives as singles. They think every woman is loose. Absolute nonsense. My dear you don enter, find ways to mitigate the situation. I am so sorry for you

Fountainofyouth:



You've just been saying submission submission, forgetting that submission isn't to be forced but earned, same as respect, submission comes naturally for those who are worth it, earned it and appreciate it, Op's husband is neither, he wants to cage her.

And I've said simple thing, let her quit and pursue her career without interference, she might just see another guy who's her match and live happily married thereafter.