UyaiIncomparabl:


I dash you all, dear.

midnighter:


So after all these permutations and speculations, can you finally admit that the OPs husband was wrong to go against their previously agreed conditions for the marriage and that that was the actual cause of the problem and not OPs wanting to work?

Because thats what we've been talking here.

healthserve:




When trying to force a woman to crip her wings, alot can go wrong. I K ow and understand your part. But many people marry the wrong partners that's why. If you marry your own wife, even if she has a million, she won't give you stranger problems. All these tactics we resolve to employ is simply because of the insecurities that emenates from our own core. Coupled with marrying the wrong partners.


If a woman is excessive forced, it can induce unhappiness like in this case and can turn her into what can even destroy the man. To get sweetness from a woman, it's with sense and gentility not force o.


Force may restrain a woman but won't keep her for too long. Trust me.

djon78:



No they think its by gra gra.
To get real sweetness is serious sense, gentility.

Women are very easy to handle
Women are like children, lead her by example. Show her you are worth her leadership, and she will be forever loyal. Even the very stubborn ones, can be easily managed

But they think na gra gra, I am the man.
Honestly many of our men need to get some sense

Desric:
OP will do well to find out why the husband is renegading in their agreement, because it's like a parent who promised a child of a toy only to observe that the toy will distract the child and affect him/her negatively, then the parent suspends the promise. So the man might have seen some negative traits from the wife which she will do well to find out first before getting worked up, this is my style of solving problems.

Desric:
Already if you're not aware, I am. A lot kids will be raised in broken homes, it's already happening so my advice is before you come into a relationship especially marriage these days define your terms and conditions don't bring your feminist movement into a poor man's life in the name of you're civilized and educated otherwise just look for somebody to impregnate you if bearing kids is your reason for marriage or better still do the IVF thing and be fine.

Desric:
What if she lands the job and the man's "fears and insecurities" become real? Anyway, na their wahala sha, they know themselves better and should sort themselves out. Mind you that fears and insecurities don't just start, there are some traits exhibited by the suspected partner that in most cases springs up these fears and insecurities.

CaptainMitch:
I usually send gifts to my friends from vendors on Twitter, I wanted to send a hamper to anyone living in Lagos.

UyaiIncomparabl:


Which one you know say go suit your pocket, buy am. Thanks Piiko.

CaptainMitch:
I be Chief and na detty December we dey

UyaiIncomparabl:


Naso, I trust you.

You no dey disappoint.

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

Damilolacoker:
Hello everyone I'm 24 years old and I have been married for three years. last year we had our first baby . Prior to our wedding, I and my husband decided I'll be allowed to work once our baby is old enough to attend day Care. Now our daughter is almost 2 years and he has refused to let me work. We've had countless arguments about this and it always ends with him saying women who work are not always submissive. I cannot be a full house wife , I am educated and cannot sit at home all say.

He recently told my parents I was being rude to him and they're all saying I should do whatever my husband wants. I love him but on this issue, I refuse to agree with him.

The other part here is he doesn't like me correcting our daughter. She's almost 2 and it irritates him whenever I try to potty train her or scold her. He insists I go to check up on Her at school during break hours. I understand that she's quite young but as her mother, I want the best for her.

Now he's changed towards me, he doesn't care or pamper me like he used to , sometimes he refuses to eat at home and when I try to speak with him, he's always very cold. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.

djon78:



No they think its by gra gra.
To get real sweetness is serious sense, gentility.

Women are very easy to handle
Women are like children, lead her by example. Show her you are worth her leadership, and she will be forever loyal. Even the very stubborn ones, can be easily managed

But they think na gra gra, I am the man.
Honestly many of our men need to get some sense

Ladylite:


You married too early
You married misinformed
You married a good man but you are a better wife

Also your parents disappointed you. Anyway you are still in charge. God bless you for being strong.

Here is what to do
Meet an elder or pastor or cleric that can listen to you and let them interfere.

Also pls try to correct your child in his absence

Also for your husband simply note that you have changed and you have become less attractive to him. So simply change how you dress, change how you treat him first.... Dress differently, talk about whatever you know he is interested in.


If he is still in your daughter's business... Then u need to be careful... He may cheat on you with her when she is older.... So take a firm stand o, you are still young.

healthserve:



My dad and mum met at a bank. Dad was a Don and could feed 100 people. She listened and retired. Till 20 years later she and the entire family suffered the decision. Men like that are con artists. I'm yet to meet a single married woman in the OP's condition to say they're happy in their marriage or aren't going through series of abuse. The moment she agrees to the logic, frustration and pain follows.

imam07:
There are many ladies outside there, starving for husband of their own. [s]If they can even get yeye husband, they will than God.[/s] I dont believe u grew uo to know your father. Because if u did know him, your life will not be like this.
If u quote me, beheading will be ur case.

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

healthserve:



It's now becoming a norm now for men in the name of marriages to deliberately ruin women lives. They don't know. They do this deliberately. That's what surprises me.

Damilolacoker:



*He was raised by a single mom .
*well not really. I don't know why he's so adamant on this one .
*my mom doesn't even want to listen to me, they all think I'm just being stubborn. They just listened to him and decided I was wrong .

SBL28:
You have to take some hard decisions. Your parents failed you by not fighting for you, it is now left to you to save yourself.

You should be doing something meaningful with your life. Why did he not marry a stark illiterate instead of imprisoning someone's daughter.

Go and start looking for a job and avoid getting pregnant at this period (that is what some men use to pin down their wives). If he wants to break the marriage because of that, let him. You can't just be sitting on your hands waiting for him to feed you for the rest of your life.


Edited to add for the slow pokes here yarning dust under my comment:

No sensible man will divorce his wife because she got a job. She can't be crying about not being able to do a job when she does not even have one in the first place. For how long will she continue to nurture her husband's insecurities?? She should look for a job that won't be too far, somewhere she won't have to close late so he won't have more ammunition to use against her.

Many older women today regret not standing up for themselves on time. The earlier the issue is trashed out the better.

Damilolacoker:


Cheat on me with our daughter ?

Forward77:
Take my advise.

Men are big babies and you know babies are possessive and stubborn.

You have to understand that he’s your husband and not just anyone else.

He said clearly that women who work are not submissive.
He’s right about that.

Don’t argue with him. Show him that you are not going to be rebellious.

Don’t nag at him Learn to negotiate with your husband. Treat him you will treat yourself, because you won’t nag at yourself, but you’ll rather negotiate.

Don’t destroy your marriage now It’s obvious that he’s no more comfortable being around you; you have to make him feel comfortable. To have him with you because if you start to loose him, small girls with big gODS with snap him up.

Marriage is not always easy There’re no perfect marriages, so learn to compromise and always apply negotiation to avoid having a destroyed home.

From my understanding, there’s something you’re doing that is making him take such a decision and others things he does.

We know you’re a graduate and want to work and all that, but lower your standards and remember that you’re married.

The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

I wish you good luck