TonyeBarcanista:
[s][/s]
I expect nothing different from angry, bitter, aggressive and frustrated feminist

Yimu

So anybody against your opinion is a feminist? I actually thought you were sensible, remove "ible" and put "less" there, that's what you are.

My sister, what is happening now depends on how your marriage started (first few years) and your relationship with your sister in laws. It is very difficult to relate with sister in laws especially if they are older, difficult, inconsiderate, petty and all.

Be that as it may, I do pray you have a supportive family of siblings. If not, its a pretty lonely and difficult journey.

Also, don't go into a fight with them. In as much as possible, avoid frequent visits to your sister in laws house(s).

Please be smart and avoid extended family drama. It drains all the energy and goodwill in marriage.

Don't get into arguments with your husband about his sisters. Avoid it. He will quote you word for word on a bad day if he is with his sisters.

I also hope you have a good job or business that will make you financially stable. Try and have your own savings as well. You may depend on it some day.

Please stay off all extended family drama.

I wish you God's best.

[s]

Fountainofyouth:



If you want the full story, get out of these thread and go look for the family and where they live, tell them you are a man supporting commenter here and you want to support the husband fully, you hear? Because according to you, women are manipulators, and men are always the truthful and right one, they do no wrong abi?

Are you fvcking married too? What has that got to do with anything? Rubbish.

[/s]

TonyeBarcanista:
Are you married?

No but I think I have an idea what it entails.

freecocoahubby:



You talk a lot of trash and you're so fond of insulting people's husbands - which speaks volumes about where you are in life.

How did I insult him bikonu? You have a problem seeing oo.

TonyeBarcanista:
[s][/s]

Cancelling my comments doesn't make you intelligent at all, I expected a valid argument, not surprised though.

boldx:
My sister, what is happening now depends on how your marriage started and your relationship with your sister in laws. It is very difficult to relate with sister in laws especially if they are older, difficult, inconsiderate, petty and all.

Be that as it may, I do pray you have a supportive family of siblings. If not, its a pretty lonely and difficult journey.

Also, don't go into a fight with them. In as much as possible, avoid frequent visits to your sister in laws house.

Please be smart and avoid extended family drama. It drains all the energy and goodwill in marriage.

Don't get into arguments with your husband about his sisters. Avoid it. He will quote you word for word on a bad day if he is with his sisters.

I also hope you have a good job or business that will make you financially stable. Try and have your own savings as well. You may depend on it some day.

Please stay off all extended family drama.

I wish you God's best.

The emboldened are highly spot on!

my advice is simply that you beg for now and when the temporary peace reigns you need to work seriously on knowing the PIN code for your husband. I'm a man and know that all men have PIN code so it's your duty to try and identify them. please there are more than one but it will take you time to identify them. why I am advising you to look for more than one is that when you overindulge the one you know then the guy simply become aware of your trick and then you are back to square one. so prayerfully and studiously look for ways to command the interest of your husband. you need not fight his sisters but you need to pray seriously and study how to gain your husband attention and interest then they will say you have ro efo fun je just don't mind them na me you for ro efo fun je before? so work on yourself and pray sister that's the way to go

[s]

Fountainofyouth:



Cancelling my comments doesn't make you intelligent at all, I expected a valid argument, not surprised though.

[/s]

AwkaetitiBabe:
No but I think I have an idea what it entails.

This thought will be tested when you marry

TonyeBarcanista:
[s][/s]

Yeye.

Anifaza:
Please pardon me for using a new moniker as I am quite known here.

Friends and family, I really need your sincere and matured input on this matter.

  I have been married for over 10 years with 4 kids. My hubby is a great guy save for this area that we will never agree.
 
 
    I have sisters-in-law who have vowed never to give me peace despite all my efforts to give peace a chance.  Most of them are all older than him and sort of influences his decision that affects my marriage greatly.

    From the beginning, it has been if I am in their good books, my marriage will work and I will be happy, then if not, reverse will be the case.

  My husband has refused to see all their manipulations and always tell me that he grew up with them and so he is indebted to them. I have never tried to cause a separation between them but they usually see me as an intruder to their unity.

   For these 10 years plus, it has always been the issue,  I have begged, used gifts,  apologised ,sought for forgiveness from them  for sins I have not committed just for peace to reign yet, the next problem will be bigger than the previous.

    Some are married while some are not. The worst that affect me most is the married ones with children.

   Now, they all don't talk to me and this is affecting my marriage. Hubby gives me cold shoulders, no sex asking me to mend the relationship with his sisters  of which I am fed up with the whole thing and I don't want to beg again.
   My mind is made up that everyone should stay on their own. Hubby is the only male, seems to be the only one doing well  and parents are no more
  Please what do I do?

Mods front page please for more inputs.

ur hubby is doing well and u want him for ur self alone dats wrong

Fountainofyouth:



How did I insult him bikonu? You have a problem seeing oo.

.. and you have a problem with comprehension

Fountainofyouth:
What a manboy your husband is, how can his sisters have so much influence on him? Not even his mother? SMH!!! Ignore all of them, you don't need anyone's validation to exist in life, not even your husband, if he continues to side his sisters, pretend he doesn't exist and focus on your children.

u are too immatured in d way u talk and seem to have a bad character no man will marry u like dis unless u changed

Fountainofyouth:

Did I just see you call mods? Lawd! You're so childish

Better make sure your records are clean, little girl, coz I'm about to scroll through your profile and flag up any nonsensical post you ever made...

Fountainofyouth:


You are a very irritating human, so because he isn't hitting and cheating, she shouldn't wail abi? All other abuses and psychological, emotional trauma is allowed like the one Op complained about right? Pdp left government with your sense abi? Nonsense.

freecocoahubby:


Did I just see you call mods? Lawd! You're so childish

Better make sure your records are clean, little girl, coz I'm about to scroll through your profile and flag up any nonsensical post you ever made...

Bring it on!!!

jakandeola:
u are too immatured in d way u talk and seem to have a bad character no man will marry u like dis unless u changed

My brother, are you expecting anything better from her kind? Thing is social media is a leveler

jakandeola:
u are too immatured in d way u talk and seem to have a bad character no man will marry u like dis unless u changed

You are the "no man" I presume.

@topic,

Many men dont understand that after marriage you mist protect your family as part of being a good leader to them. They think leadership is just about giving orders and commanding everybody left and right.

Download phone recorder and appeal to your SILs to forgive you one by one then show the recording to your husband. Pour your heart into the apology so he will know your hands are clean in the whole issue, when talking to them you can also include the part of you honestly being unaware of doing anything to hurt them and ask God to bear you witness, Nigerians are religious and anything involving calling God is usually taken seriously.

So sorry for all this ma, please accept my sympathies, it's unfortunate Nigerian marriages are largely unfavourable to women. Na women dey suffer pass for marriage but oddly enough many of them dont have sense to support each other eg your sister innlaws.

Call them sha and say sorry just to keep your home together. If your husband doesn't still reconcile with you after everything then involve your own family and report his immature arse.

@freecocoahubby, you are hyperventilating on my mentions, what gives nah? If you want me to notice you, I have, you can now move on to other people okay?

@Tonyebarcanista, I know why you feel so much pain, anyone familiar with you and your ideologies knows where the hurt and pain is coming from, you will be fine Las las.

Thanks for your input. I truly appreciate. It all started in my ist year of marriage when I had my baby and still in school. My mum came to look after baby and few months later, I took in again of which I left baby with mum while I continued schooling.
They accused my hubby of allowing my mother to be the only one taking care of baby and not them. That in their tradition, mothers of wife have no say and influence in family affairs. This was a major issue and still is. While in my culture, nothing of such as we see nothing wrong here. They disrespect my mother till date because of this. I have caught one twice giving my mother bad eye.
2ndly, a distant relative came with high risk pregnancy with fibroid and I asked she comes to seek medical help and go back, when she came, it was war in my house that it is forbidden in their culture for a pregnant woman to come to another man's house which she's not pregnant for. She later left but loads of issues after this.
My in-laws come anytime even with their children .Every other week and weekend is in my house.
My husband will not take us out unless they are around.
Hubby's lil sis but older than me lived with me for 5 years and that's where the whole wahala persisted with her giving information. I began to see their collaboration through her and frustrated me to the very letter.
We had a fight and hubby asked her to leave. They all ganged up not to talk to me or hubby again which hubby is feeling alienated.
Hubby said his position is threatened in his family and I am the cause. I took care of his older sister who had complication in her surgery for 6 months in my house, non of them came to visit her in my house nor call me. Rather , She got well and told others that I didn't give her food that was why when one called her and she said she was in a restaurant to eat. Hubby and I had issue on this.
I am so fed up . I work and I contribute significantly in the family.
They see me as the one who eats their brother's money alone.
Hubby takes great financial care of them. I am just tired.

Fountainofyouth:



You are the "no man" I presume.

DAT why I said no man cos all u talk is rubbish and insult.see how u attack all DAT didnt agree to ur word is DAT maturity? how u will be as a wife show when ur a single girl

Simple thing. Take the names of your sisters-in-law to Ori-oke Olorun kole’ in akinyele, Ibadan. Lay them at the feet of Jesus, open psalm 109 and read it aloud calling out their names to fill in the parts where the wicked people are mentioned. Make sure you’re in dry fasting... if you don’t receive sharp answers, then their must be something you’re doing that you’re not telling us. If not, thank me later.

You can include psalm 27, 37, and 1 too. Ire oh

Anifaza:
Thanks for your input. I truly appreciate. It all started in my ist year of marriage when I had my baby and still in school. My mum came to look after baby and few months later, I took in again of which I left baby with mum while I continued schooling.
They accused my hubby of allowing my mother to be the only one taking care of baby and not them. That in their tradition, mothers of wife have no say and influence in family affairs.

Your mother/parents lost influence over you the day they accepted dowry from your husband and his family. That was the day you dropped your maiden name for your husband's name.

Why should wife's mother be having influence in marriage? You and your kids belong to your husband and his family by marriage traditions.

This was a major issue and still is. While in my culture, nothing of such as we see nothing wrong here. They disrespect my mother till date because of this. I have caught one twice giving my mother bad eye.

Once married, your culture becomes irrelevant as a woman, what is relevant is the culture of the family you are married into. But his sisters don't have any valid reason to be angry towards your mother! You only need your husband's permission, not theirs.

2ndly, a distant relative came with high risk pregnancy with fibroid and I asked she comes to seek medical help and go back, when she came, it was war in my house that it is forbidden in their culture for a pregnant woman to come to another man's house which she's not pregnant for. She later left but loads of issues after this.

If your husband agreed abinitio for the distant relative to come live with you, then he should sort himself with his siblings. However, I think your husband need to also accommodate your relatives and make this clear to his sisters.

in-laws come anytime even with their children .Every other week and weekend is in my house.

If they don't go to their brother's house, whose house should they go? You have to understand that by marriage you are also part of his family. However, as long as their coming isn't to undermine you then no cause for alarm. If they undermine you, you should sort it with your husband

My husband will not take us out unless they are around.

This is wrong of him even though I think he wants everyone to blend. But it isn't right!

Hubby's lil sis but older than me lived with me for 5 years and that's where the whole wahala persisted with her giving information. I began to see their collaboration through her and frustrated me to the very letter.

You didn't talk your own side of the conflict but conflict is imminent when two or more person live under same roof. It is up to you to decide how best to resolve and avoid further conflicts!

However, she "reporting" you is highly inappropriate. It shows she is a trouble!

We had a fight and hubby asked her to leave. They all ganged up not to talk to me or hubby again which hubby is feeling alienated.

Hubby said his position is threatened in his family and I am the cause.

If what you said is the whole truth then he should man up. But I suspect that you concealed some information

I took care of his older sister who had complication in her surgery for 6 months in my house, non of them came to visit her in my house nor call me. Rather , She got well and told others that I didn't give her food that was why when one called her and she said she was in a restaurant to eat. Hubby and I had issue on this.
I am so fed up . I work and I contribute significantly in the family.

You did well and your reward will come but not necessarily from the person you showed kindness. You don't need anybody's appreciation for your good deed.

They see me as the one who eats their brother's money alone.
Hubby takes great financial care of them. I am just tired.

Hubby taking care of them is the appropriate thing to do to his BLOOD! There is no problem here as long as it is not at the detriment of your home. But the lasting solution is for your hubby to set them up!

As for "eating alone", I believe before you came hubby has been taking care of them, so don't expect it to change, and don't try to change him from doing that

Meanwhile, try resolve with your SILs... All of you should recognise your own fault and make amends for there to be lasting solution

Else, you may lose your man and home!


Meanwhile, I know that the story will be different when we hear the side of your SILs

TonyeBarcanista:

Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.


The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard


There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them.

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!

  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise


Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance.

Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!

If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

Lol. You caught her hidden meanings neatly.

Sorry about your situation, OP. Please know that your situation is not unique as many women go through this in marriage, even in the so called advanced countries.

I can't say I know why it happens but e be dey get levels and grade. Be like say your own level be like person wey I know. In fact the sisters tell am live and direct say "she must suck up to them" if she wants her marriage to their brother to work. It's like women see their brothers as trophies and chips for bargaining when it comes to the women they will be calling sister in law. I wonder why in this part of the world, families see wives as something that has to be brought down, checked, humbled, tested and thus worthy, otherwise it's thrash. It's very unfortunate.

But OP, na you know your life pass anyone here. You will do what ever is good for your peace of mind with regards to your present situation. Your hubby is who he is, I doubt anyone can change his mind. I wish our women can learn to mind their own biz/lives and be less intrusive. Some are just dishing out what they are getting in their own marriage too. Some are just plain sadists. And I hope men can have some cajones as well when it comes to their lives. It's mostly spineless boys that go into marriage that their family members can decide if that marriage works or not.

Good luck, OP.