₦airaland Forum

BRATISLAVA:
Your wife is not a bad woman. Apart from her earning more than you, what led to the changes? In what other ways did she change before all this? Because if she was there for you for 13 years, it is strange for her to change just because of a little more money coming from her. Perhaps you've had some other problems with her prior to this and now she's found a way to get back at you.
Also, even when you suspect her of doing things, the way you react to it can cause her to behave funny, too. Communication is key. If you have been talking for 13 years, then you can still talk today. Explain the situation and, even though she's being arrogant, ask for her suggestions. Did you know that spouses can resolve life issues together easier than single people do?
And lastly, it is possible you are sensitive(you may not believe it) about the recent downturn and you are overreacting in some instances to her actions and reading meaning into it. She cannot be this 100% bad person all of a sudden.

Kennedyiheme:
lol i just saw her picture, she's really ugly its the ugly women and old ones that are bitter

strungup79:
I'm 42 years old and married with 3 children (2 boys and a girl). I got married to this beatiful lady 13 years ago and everything was bliss until three years ago when my business experienced a serious down turn.

My wife on the other hand witnessed an upturn in fortunes and practically became the bread winner in the home.

Her good financial fortune had me focussed on trying to get myself back on track. I tried getting a job, but it was not forth coming.

My business continued to dwindle and then I resorted to doing small odd jobs just so I could contribute to the family upkeep.

My wife's upturn in fortune however brought out the ugliness in her. She started trying to assume control of the home. She stopped consulting me on decisions concerning our home, rather consulting her parents. She practically turned my kids against me as she painted me as irresponsible.

We initially had assess to each other's account, but now she has accounts hidden from me. I just found out she bought land somewhere, though she doesn't know I have that knowledge.

She has become rude and disrespectful and her parents and siblings have taken over my home. I am so pained because all I ever did was show her love and respect.

She didn't like the fact i tried to have order in my home and that seems to be my sin. I have never hit her or been wicked to her.

Right now, I'm pained and confused. I don't know what to do. Someone please help.

MajorWarren:
No assumptions, I am clearly going by what he said “I am so pained because all I ever did was show her love and respect”

teelady:
have you ever cheated on her during your regime of being the breadwinner? if yes, this can prompt most women to hide there investment from there randy husby, and save for rainy days, because she can just wake up one day to see a new drama from the man. but if you never cheated, then u married a woman who fell in love with your money and not you, or look back to your youthful days, did you ever treated a good lady badly despite knowing she truly loves you....if yes, oga u are going through karma, because most men in your situation will fall into one of the above category, have a nice day.

sassysure:
Exactly my thought.
Let him open up.
Emotional outbursts don't solve problems.
It will only garner fake sympathies.

rayobaba:
yes, l believe it's money dt makes women submissive except very very few like 3%. The 3% sef is submissive cos of another thing separate from money. There must sha be something to make them submissive. Submissiveness by default is rare.

simonlee:
simple trick....

use a strange number to forward a text to your phone that reads "i will give you N20million and an oil company job if you divorce your wife and marry me"...
then see if she wouldn't go back to factory settings!

sassysure:
Now, u are starting to open up.
Listening to what majority of the emotional outburst I saw here will never help you nor your marriage.
The goal.is getting back your wife, children and the respect u once have.
Can u elaborate on your flaws.
Don't sugarcoat it please
I believe some of the women talking to you here are trying to see things from the eyes of your wife and will obviously proffer solution from that angle too.

Think back. Words, actions.
Words affect women more contrary to popular opinions especially words thrown at them carelessly by their spouses

it means that when you were making it, you guys was living above your means that is the problem

you get broke easily, when you live above your means and also if you dont have savings for raining day

anyway, this is a lesson for you

cococandy:
Anyone who doesn’t agree with you guys is bitter. It’s a new year please. Do away with the worn out phrases would ya?

Kendumazy:
I guess you didn't pray about your relationship or you didn't get to do spiritual consultation about the kind of person your wife is. See, when it comes to two people coming together to get married. There are a lot of things involved. A wife star might superceed that of the husband and atimes it could be the other way round. These are parts of what parents sees that make them stand their ground that their son or daughter won't get married to a particular person. Not that the person is bad but it's just that, we all have the star we carry. You don't need to fight your wife. You just need some prayer or spiritual journey to see what could be the cause of your downfall or you can try and leave the home for like a month and watch any changes.

Blakjewelry:
Clear your head and stay focus. This is the point I was trying to raise when people talk about broke guy issue. So what happened if things go wrong in the future, our parents where true to each other no matter the situation or condition. Just try and dust yourself up, just believe you can do it again, being frustrated will only keep you from achieving your goals, I pray 2020 smile on you

funmisticqueen:
you don't even understand the meaning of the word insight.

But your misogyny and hate for women is strong.


Life will still teach you all very soon

funmisticqueen:
fact of life, money changes both men and women because it comes with control. It's human nature

Your wife is not emasculating you, you are just losing control of the power and finances in the family. Do you know how much BS women tolerate from men in marriages because he earns more?

Uncle, go and hustle or give your pants over to your wife and stop complaining

Dehindepgenius:
I am almost completely sure you are not giving us the full picture. It would be really interesting to hear your wife's version of this story. As human beings, we tend to tell stories in a way that favors us and make us garner pity. If your wife is the breadwinner at the moment, she deserves your loyalty, respect and understanding. Taking care of the financial responsibilities of a home is not easy. You plan, you worry, you get afraid, you have sleepless nights...especially if your spouse does not pitch in.
Here's what happens. When a man loses his source of livelihood, every little move by a woman suddenly becomes emaaculating. The woman is already under a terrible strain and you are here to barmouth her to strangers.

I frankly do not believe you are doing enough. Factories abound, uber is there, the keke business is there, even uneducated teenagers from the north are hustling and making a good living riding bikes.

Yea, sometimes a man experiences setbacks, my dad did. The true measure of manhood lies in dusting yourself off the ground and trying again. These days sadly, there are too many lazy men who whine instead of actually being men. If you are here bad mouthing your wife, then I'm willing to bet, you do it everywhere. My cousin went through this. Everybody called her wicked. The husband's elder brother was like come and stay with me and I'll fix you up with something. They no tell the brother. Las Las he chases the man out of his home and told everyone to ignore the man because he is lazy. All he does is play video games and sleep.

Society is particularly unfair to women. A quick look through this site will convince any unbiased person of that. You already have men pitying you and condemning your wife which is exactly what you wanted. Oga poster, you came here seeking pity, looking for people to condemn your wife and soothe your ego and you already have faceless strangers doing that, but the truth is you are failing as a husband and a father. These people cheering you on and telling you your wife is wicked are in their ow homes hustling and taking care of their business.

I am a man like you and I will not lie to you. You are your own problem. Take these steps.

1. First of all, love and appreciate your wife. Thank her for all she does.

2. Pray hard and ask God to show you why you are experiencing hard luck. Folks here might not tell you the truth, but you may have a character flaw that is working against you. You may actually be lazy, most lazy people won't admit it. It may also be karma. You may have treated others, including your wife badly in the past hence the problems. Yes, it happens. Find out what the problem is and fix it.

3. Hustle, hustle, hustle! I don't believe in excuses. Real men don't. Meanwhile, what do you do? You can mail me your cv at dehindep@gmail.com.

eyinjuege:
You have entered 2020 on fire, with no time for BS.

funmisticqueen:
marriage is not about control. Money is what gives control. Stop misquoting me from your place of pain.

Also stop this 'poor me' 'boohoo' victim mentality, it is irritating and pathetic. You are the one emasculating yourself, by allowing yourself to be emasculated.

Most likely money was all you had to offer in the marriage and now that you have lost that, you are just like an appendix in your marriage. Existing without function, but capable of causing hell because no one cares about it anymore.

It is not about bringing more money but showing that you are a leader, and being her support. Give her a reason to trust you by showing initiative. Do you think women like to be bread winners? She is picking up your slack.Of course She will be pissed at you subconsciously.

Be proactive, anticipate needs in the marriage that you can provide and meet them without being told or nagged. Convince her that you are still necessary in your marriage. Get your head out of your asshole and be man.


This is the most candid advice you will get from me or on your thread

funmisticqueen:
fact of life, money changes both men and women because it comes with control. It's human nature

Your wife is not emasculating you, you are just losing control of the power and finances in the family. Do you know how much BS women tolerate from men in marriages because he earns more?

Uncle, go and hustle or give your pants over to your wife and stop complaining

twhy111:
Please I'm curious, are you married?

twhy111:
Please I'm curious, are you married?

funmisticqueen:
fact of life, money changes both men and women because it comes with control. It's human nature

Your wife is not emasculating you, you are just losing control of the power and finances in the family. Do you know how much BS women tolerate from men in marriages because he earns more?

Uncle, go and hustle or give your pants over to your wife and stop complaining

BRATISLAVA:
He may not know it now, but his wife is the solution to his problems. When married people have issues, instead of them to draw to their spouses they listen to advice to go away, travel away, ignore him, beat her, etc. But they don't realize that there's something special about their vows. Once the two of them agree on anything, they are unstoppable.

I believe they have more issues than her earning more than him.

funmisticqueen:
No

Kekereekun123:
same thing happened to by father. But he is not without blame. He never took advices my mother gave e.g build a school, build houses for rent. Stop father chrismas. My father was the largest donor to our church building project, he sponsored many inlaws and siblings in school and abroad , encouraged an apprentice that used to repair our lister generator to go to school and sponsored him. His driver built house in ota with his assistance. He believed givers never lacked. At the turn of the century technology made his business obsolete. Every other business he tried all failed or was duped till he became broke. Those who built schools were already cashing in my mum used to tell him. My mum would later go to hustle abroad she used his usa account. He took 4000 usd from her money . Still could not get back on his feet. To pay our school fees na beg we beg tire as she said its our papa duty. By the time by mum came back to nigeria after 9 years she don build 3 houses (12 flats) and started a thriving business. My dad also went to usa for 3 year could not hustle like my mama. Had to come back. We sha rough am. My mama later begin dey do the needful to us but not to my father. Today our last born twins don graduate. My mother is still a big madam while my father na me and my big bro dey send am 70k combined monthly.

The effect of this in my life is i dont trust any woman with money. Any woman wey no fit spend on me freely is not a wife.

Kennedyiheme:
Men this isna warning, we can all see by the response from the feminists on this thread.... thats why nature didn't put power in hands of women, they are bitter pysopaths that cant handle small power... op the trust me, forget that marriage, the best thing you'll do to hurt her is getting a divorce... a rich woman without a husband is useless... even when you get your finances back ,would you want to live with a bitter woman?... bro leave that house now, that woman can kill you while you sleep

StoneColdBiceps:
Sorry about your predicament Bro. But let me give you some tips on how to face your current status.

1. Kill expectations in its entirety! Never expect good in return as far as she's concerned.
2. Expect to eat from giant bowl not fancy broken plates any more.
3. Don't expect her to serve you food on the table or brought to you. You're are expected to go to the kitchen and get your food if any.
4. Don't expect her to wash your clothes even your boxer.
5. Don't expect Sex from her. If she open for you, you screw if she no open you sleep.
6. Have a hair clipper and Learn how to barb your hair skin so you don't have to look for salon money to get a hair cut.
7. Don't expect her to call your family.
8. Don't expect her to call you. Keep calling her.
9. Don't be surprised when she comes home late.
10. Don't expect her to be clean with her phone chats and calls. Never be suspicious even when you are.
11. Never loose your head. Still be the man you are but with no money.
12. Still give your wife advice but don't expect her to take it.
13. don't stop buying her stuffs and your kids as well when little money comes from your hustle.
14. Don't be surprised when she password her phone or change her phone password.
10. She'll put everything including your children against you. Worst case scenario.
15. When you bounce back to your feet, don't pay her back in her own coin, just be money smarter. You can never win in your family because family is not a competition ground. When money starts coming in, your wife will readjust and enjoy with you like nothing happened. That's how they're wired.
16. All the above is my advice and you may choose not to take it. God may have a better plan for you and your family. Seek God till the end.

Just keep your head up and hustle to bring something into the house until grace find you again.

The thing about marriage is that it's close to the same thing as normal relationship but bonded.

Every marriage have their peculiar problems. Yours is money right now.

Marriage is sweeter if money follow.

uninspired07:
Thank God you didn’t try to disprove my assertion that you are ugly & soaked with bitterness—which means you agree with my assessment.

I have been reading comments on this section for almost 5 years & I actually you were harsh to men because you were beautiful. I was shocked when I saw your picture & I now realized why you are bitter. You’re an ugly person inside & out & it has really damaged you as a person.

You need to see a therapist fast because you might just shoot up a gathering of men given your hate for men.

I pray God heals you this year. Amen.

funmisticqueen:
fact of life, money changes both men and women because it comes with control. It's human nature

Your wife is not emasculating you, you are just losing control of the power and finances in the family. Do you know how much BS women tolerate from men in marriages because he earns more?

Uncle, go and hustle or give your pants over to your wife and stop complaining

funmisticqueen:
No

uninspired07:
You will stay old in your father’s house!!! Any man that dares marry you has bought death for himself.

You’re damaged goods & you need serious help.