₦airaland Forum

thorpido:
Only extroverts who understand her nature and is willing to work with her.
Not an extrovert who thinks she should be like him or some other girl out there.

Yes. There are different kind of extroverts. She should read a book on temperament

iramure:
This is quite interesting
Let me comment form my own personal experience.
I knew my wife now was exactly like you when were dating.
I loved her wholeheartedly with everything I had. I talked to her severally about the need to change her attitude to win me totally. She promised to. This assurance made me to leave the other two that practically showed green light..
Even though I knew her "uncaring, cold, too silent attitude was constantly breaking my heart, I believed she would change.
Fastward to now, we are married with children but am all alone. We still live together but she is just not the type that know how to make man happy, very unromantic, zero social life.. just no communication. I demand for romance almost all the time we are together, she doesn't just give a damn. I work in a different place only come home to see them maybe once in 2 months.
Am not always glad to come because her attitude are uninviting.
This I live with as I write this....
Totally heartbroken.
My opinion on your topic. Ralationship should be 50-50 thing. Incompatibility is not an option. I only love my wife but her love for me is too cold. Am suffering silently. Am always tempted to seek happiness from other ladies of good attitude but am afraid.

Sir don't be tempted. I think you should plan outing every month with her deliberately ( with dates both agreed) like kayaking, hiking and traveling . If you leave the planning and execution to her she will procrastinate because of her personality( she is most likely a phleg) and the children.

Both of you should read 'travel with a pen' blog (www.travelwithapen.com) so that you can plan your trips ( you can start from republic of Benin). I am sure when you do some very fun activities she will be the one asking for more. Don't forget to plan DELIBERATELY.

djoe21:
It's so unfortunate that just November last year you were giving ladies tips on how to make their men happy. Did you not follow the tips?

that is what happens wen u do copy and post... she probably copied those tips and just posted it here

calabardick:
Seriously?
How old are you?

Must you be a dic*k?

geraldinai:
Nairalanders, this is a long post but please read till the end.

My bf just broke up with me over what he termed incompatibility. This guy and I have been together for two years and we both loved each other. It was a long-distance relationship, he stays in Lagos while I schooled in another town in the west. I had no problem with the distance because I'm not the attention-craving type and I like my space.

He's a complete extrovert, while I'm an introvert(not to the extreme though) and this has been an issue most of the time. He complains that I'm too quiet and not on the same social level as him. I don't do social media like that while he's uploading new pictures every minute. I also didn't like the fact that he relates too well with girls; he had a lot of female friends and easily socializes with new ones. Well, I blended with that so well as I didn't see any trace of unfaithfulness in him.

Fast forward to late last year, there was a breakdown in our communication, he stopped calling and chatting as he used to, I asked him what the matter was but he said there's nothing. I was a bit scared if something went wrong with him and I asked again after some days, that was when he said he would tell me when the time comes, so I stopped asking. With all the signs he showed me, my mind was telling me he wanted a breakup but I didn't ask him further as I was preparing for my final exam and him breaking up with me that period would leave me devastated so I focused on my exam with the hope that after then, we would talk about it.

After my exam, I sent him a text apologizing and asked us to continue as we were but he didn't reply. He invited me over to his place and that was when he told me he's no longer interested in the relationship, that he has no feelings for me again. He gave one thousand and one reasons for us not to be together anymore. He said I'm less expressive, I agree with anything he says and does and that during the break in our communication, I didn't make efforts to find out why he did so and challenge him. Funnily enough, I didn't react when he told me, I just said it's all right as I envisaged it earlier. With the reasons he gave me, my heart was broken and felt there was no need to push further. He was surprised with how calm I was when he told me, personally, I don't believe in forcing someone to love me.

I moved on well but after a week when I was alone and reflecting, the feeling of guilt overwhelmed me that I probably pushed him away with my seemingly “not too caring” attitude. I see myself with him and I never thought we could separate. I showed love and care in my how way and in the best way, I know-how. I did love him wholeheartedly and he knew it but he seemed unable to cope with my private/ less emotional lifestyle.
Nairalanders, did I actually push him away?

what day is your birthday? And what day is his?

CorGier:
Lol, you really cracked me up there darl. Thanks for getting me in a lighter mood.

Okay, that aside Uyail; See the key to any healthy heterosexual relationship is the ability of the man to successfully manipulate his woman for his selfish interests. This is because in his happiness lies her happiness.

I mean why do you think our mothers stayed married to our over-bearing fathers for so long? These men knew the secret to keeping their women on their toes, our mothers in turn - in their quest for true contentment - advertently submitted themselves to the wimps and caprices of their men. Therein lies true happiness in total submission. Girl, that in itself is a virtue.

That was my point. You got all carried away getting your panties in a twist over the side-talk.

Lmao, this has to be a troll post

If this is all to it. You did nothing wrong. You guys didn't blend. He grew more exposed and he felt you would not fit in. The next man you meet should know the kind of person you are before you say yes to him

geraldinai:
Nairalanders, this is a long post but please read till the end.

My bf just broke up with me over what he termed incompatibility. This guy and I have been together for two years and we both loved each other. It was a long-distance relationship, he stays in Lagos while I schooled in another town in the west. I had no problem with the distance because I'm not the attention-craving type and I like my space.

He's a complete extrovert, while I'm an introvert(not to the extreme though) and this has been an issue most of the time. He complains that I'm too quiet and not on the same social level as him. I don't do social media like that while he's uploading new pictures every minute. I also didn't like the fact that he relates too well with girls; he had a lot of female friends and easily socializes with new ones. Well, I blended with that so well as I didn't see any trace of unfaithfulness in him.

Fast forward to late last year, there was a breakdown in our communication, he stopped calling and chatting as he used to, I asked him what the matter was but he said there's nothing. I was a bit scared if something went wrong with him and I asked again after some days, that was when he said he would tell me when the time comes, so I stopped asking. With all the signs he showed me, my mind was telling me he wanted a breakup but I didn't ask him further as I was preparing for my final exam and him breaking up with me that period would leave me devastated so I focused on my exam with the hope that after then, we would talk about it.

After my exam, I sent him a text apologizing and asked us to continue as we were but he didn't reply. He invited me over to his place and that was when he told me he's no longer interested in the relationship, that he has no feelings for me again. He gave one thousand and one reasons for us not to be together anymore. He said I'm less expressive, I agree with anything he says and does and that during the break in our communication, I didn't make efforts to find out why he did so and challenge him. Funnily enough, I didn't react when he told me, I just said it's all right as I envisaged it earlier. With the reasons he gave me, my heart was broken and felt there was no need to push further. He was surprised with how calm I was when he told me, personally, I don't believe in forcing someone to love me.

I moved on well but after a week when I was alone and reflecting, the feeling of guilt overwhelmed me that I probably pushed him away with my seemingly “not too caring” attitude. I see myself with him and I never thought we could separate. I showed love and care in my how way and in the best way, I know-how. I did love him wholeheartedly and he knew it but he seemed unable to cope with my private/ less emotional lifestyle.
Nairalanders, did I actually push him away?

taneez:
Sir don't be tempted. I think you should plan outing every month with her deliberately ( with dates both agreed) like kayaking, hiking and traveling . If you leave the planning and execution to her she will procrastinate because of her personality( she is most likely a phleg) and the children.

Both of you should read 'travel with a pen' blog (www.travelwithapen.com) so that you can plan your trips ( you can start from republic of Benin). I am sure when you do some very fun activities she will be the one asking for more. Don't forget to plan DELIBERATELY.

Thanks my sister, the funniest thing is that she will not deliberately pick up a quarell with for no reason, the problem is the she doesn't just have time for socials. Her job is her priority. The marriage is becoming terribly boring and divorce is not just an option. I have called her to tell her how her attitude is almost giving me hypertension...I have come to realise that is her nature and am finding it hard to cope.

geraldinai:
Nairalanders, this is a long post but please read till the end.

My bf just broke up with me over what he termed incompatibility. This guy and I have been together for two years and we both loved each other. It was a long-distance relationship, he stays in Lagos while I schooled in another town in the west. I had no problem with the distance because I'm not the attention-craving type and I like my space.

He's a complete extrovert, while I'm an introvert(not to the extreme though) and this has been an issue most of the time. He complains that I'm too quiet and not on the same social level as him. I don't do social media like that while he's uploading new pictures every minute. I also didn't like the fact that he relates too well with girls; he had a lot of female friends and easily socializes with new ones. Well, I blended with that so well as I didn't see any trace of unfaithfulness in him.

Fast forward to late last year, there was a breakdown in our communication, he stopped calling and chatting as he used to, I asked him what the matter was but he said there's nothing. I was a bit scared if something went wrong with him and I asked again after some days, that was when he said he would tell me when the time comes, so I stopped asking. With all the signs he showed me, my mind was telling me he wanted a breakup but I didn't ask him further as I was preparing for my final exam and him breaking up with me that period would leave me devastated so I focused on my exam with the hope that after then, we would talk about it.

After my exam, I sent him a text apologizing and asked us to continue as we were but he didn't reply. He invited me over to his place and that was when he told me he's no longer interested in the relationship, that he has no feelings for me again. He gave one thousand and one reasons for us not to be together anymore. He said I'm less expressive, I agree with anything he says and does and that during the break in our communication, I didn't make efforts to find out why he did so and challenge him. Funnily enough, I didn't react when he told me, I just said it's all right as I envisaged it earlier. With the reasons he gave me, my heart was broken and felt there was no need to push further. He was surprised with how calm I was when he told me, personally, I don't believe in forcing someone to love me.

I moved on well but after a week when I was alone and reflecting, the feeling of guilt overwhelmed me that I probably pushed him away with my seemingly “not too caring” attitude. I see myself with him and I never thought we could separate. I showed love and care in my how way and in the best way, I know-how. I did love him wholeheartedly and he knew it but he seemed unable to cope with my private/ less emotional lifestyle.
Nairalanders, did I actually push him away?

I don't think you pushed him away. He just didn't get you. And its no fault of yours. You are who you are. Don't try to change urself. Someone that appreciates and values you for who you are will come along. Staying with your ex would've put u under constant stress trying to be what you're not.

geraldinai:
Nairalanders, this is a long post but please read till the end.

My bf just broke up with me over what he termed incompatibility. This guy and I have been together for two years and we both loved each other. It was a long-distance relationship, he stays in Lagos while I schooled in another town in the west. I had no problem with the distance because I'm not the attention-craving type and I like my space.

He's a complete extrovert, while I'm an introvert(not to the extreme though) and this has been an issue most of the time. He complains that I'm too quiet and not on the same social level as him. I don't do social media like that while he's uploading new pictures every minute. I also didn't like the fact that he relates too well with girls; he had a lot of female friends and easily socializes with new ones. Well, I blended with that so well as I didn't see any trace of unfaithfulness in him.

Fast forward to late last year, there was a breakdown in our communication, he stopped calling and chatting as he used to, I asked him what the matter was but he said there's nothing. I was a bit scared if something went wrong with him and I asked again after some days, that was when he said he would tell me when the time comes, so I stopped asking. With all the signs he showed me, my mind was telling me he wanted a breakup but I didn't ask him further as I was preparing for my final exam and him breaking up with me that period would leave me devastated so I focused on my exam with the hope that after then, we would talk about it.

After my exam, I sent him a text apologizing and asked us to continue as we were but he didn't reply. He invited me over to his place and that was when he told me he's no longer interested in the relationship, that he has no feelings for me again. He gave one thousand and one reasons for us not to be together anymore. He said I'm less expressive, I agree with anything he says and does and that during the break in our communication, I didn't make efforts to find out why he did so and challenge him. Funnily enough, I didn't react when he told me, I just said it's all right as I envisaged it earlier. With the reasons he gave me, my heart was broken and felt there was no need to push further. He was surprised with how calm I was when he told me, personally, I don't believe in forcing someone to love me.

I moved on well but after a week when I was alone and reflecting, the feeling of guilt overwhelmed me that I probably pushed him away with my seemingly “not too caring” attitude. I see myself with him and I never thought we could separate. I showed love and care in my how way and in the best way, I know-how. I did love him wholeheartedly and he knew it but he seemed unable to cope with my private/ less emotional lifestyle.
Nairalanders, did I actually push him away?

@Geraldinai
I hardly post on here but had to make an exception to your case. Firstly, sorry your relationship did not pan out as you may have wanted it. The feeling of disappointment isn't something any one would like to experience.

But you have to understand this. You did nothing wrong. You didn't push your ex bf away. You guys were INCOMPATIBLE and that isn't something to be apologetic or feel guilty about.

I've come to realize that as men grow older and more matured, they tend to prefer women that are less extrovertive in nature.

Keep being you, love yourself more, hold your heads up and someday you'd meet someone that loves you just the way you are.

Cheers and stay lifted.

Hmmmm.

wizzynuru:
Lol.. And u posted tips on how to make a man happy last year December. Looks like u don't practice what u teach.

you are a typical example of Village People how can you be monitoring someone else's post like that lol

geraldinai:
Nairalanders, this is a long post but please read till the end.

My bf just broke up with me over what he termed incompatibility. This guy and I have been together for two years and we both loved each other. It was a long-distance relationship, he stays in Lagos while I schooled in another town in the west. I had no problem with the distance because I'm not the attention-craving type and I like my space.

He's a complete extrovert, while I'm an introvert(not to the extreme though) and this has been an issue most of the time. He complains that I'm too quiet and not on the same social level as him. I don't do social media like that while he's uploading new pictures every minute. I also didn't like the fact that he relates too well with girls; he had a lot of female friends and easily socializes with new ones. Well, I blended with that so well as I didn't see any trace of unfaithfulness in him.

Fast forward to late last year, there was a breakdown in our communication, he stopped calling and chatting as he used to, I asked him what the matter was but he said there's nothing. I was a bit scared if something went wrong with him and I asked again after some days, that was when he said he would tell me when the time comes, so I stopped asking. With all the signs he showed me, my mind was telling me he wanted a breakup but I didn't ask him further as I was preparing for my final exam and him breaking up with me that period would leave me devastated so I focused on my exam with the hope that after then, we would talk about it.

After my exam, I sent him a text apologizing and asked us to continue as we were but he didn't reply. He invited me over to his place and that was when he told me he's no longer interested in the relationship, that he has no feelings for me again. He gave one thousand and one reasons for us not to be together anymore. He said I'm less expressive, I agree with anything he says and does and that during the break in our communication, I didn't make efforts to find out why he did so and challenge him. Funnily enough, I didn't react when he told me, I just said it's all right as I envisaged it earlier. With the reasons he gave me, my heart was broken and felt there was no need to push further. He was surprised with how calm I was when he told me, personally, I don't believe in forcing someone to love me.

I moved on well but after a week when I was alone and reflecting, the feeling of guilt overwhelmed me that I probably pushed him away with my seemingly “not too caring” attitude. I see myself with him and I never thought we could separate. I showed love and care in my how way and in the best way, I know-how. I did love him wholeheartedly and he knew it but he seemed unable to cope with my private/ less emotional lifestyle.
Nairalanders, did I actually push him away?

May I?
You're an ambivert.
I can tell because I am one too.
You think highly of yourself too.
Maybe you might even suffer from the god complex(thinking your decisions and ways are better than anyone else).

You don't argue. You state facts. If they disagree, they are wrong and should go find out why. But you can't be.

Often times, you are. That's why you feel no need to curb it.

You're intelligent. Far more than the average person around you.


Now, what to do!
You go back to the guy, and apologize.
Tell him the truth.
Even if he rejects you, you need it.

You need to be rejected properly to undo your ego.
It will be devastating but it will make you doubt your excellent perception of your self importance.

The result from this is,
1. You'll try more.
2. Make more efforts in a relationship with someone you love
3. You'll understand that logic should be discarded when emotions are involved.

Note, he did nothing wrong.
You did everything wrong.

If he rejects you still, move on and take with you the lessons from your experimental interaction and don't forget to use it in your next relationship.

PS: One more thing, it felt good finding someone who hates to beg after being rejected or broken up with. But you need to try to curb it.

abeg move on ...

Hmmm

I need to go back to the university, department of emotion and study "Love'. The way I am refereeing and giving G&C to breakup spouses on nairaland these days ehn, I go soon open office beside mama Amaka's akpu joint.

from ur write up @ op you are a selfish being.you think of only ursef.you always want to receive from.him without thinking. but the main truth he has found another girl who is compatible with him that is why he dump you without the twinkling of an eye because what u did is not enough reason for him to dump you.

Thanks for all your comments and advice; they are all worthwhile. I'll definitely work on my weaknesses.
To those that chose to insult and call me names, thanks for your contributions too.

wizzynuru:
Lol.. And u posted tips on how to make a man happy last year December. Looks like u don't practice what u teach.

Haha... Seriously??

AfroKnight:
He did the right thing for the both of you.

A reticent partner is a whole package of frustration especially to someone who wants to be sure they are communicating well in a relationship.

The truth is you made communication a burden for him. I can imagine your chat threads on WhatsApp. He was not sure what you were thinking while you guys were in the relationship. He was walking in the dark and constantly at risk of assuming wrongly.

You don’t even communicate to yourself. I mean, look how long it took you to realise that the break up was final and that you pushed him away. 1 week! That guy tried.

*You need someone who is cool with little communication.* You should also learn to discuss and be on the same page with your partner instead of hiding under the excuse of introversion.

I'm right here

favoryte33:
He told u earlier on dat u guys aren't COMPARTIBLE. This is a trait of selfishness.i don't go about looking for compartibility coz true luv should embrasse our differences as long as we're ready 2 give up our ego.pls,do not go beg him.he doesn't deserve u

This is nothing to do with ego.
It's an introvert-extrovert factor.

It's difficult to pretend to what you are not, trust me.

wizzynuru:
Lol.. And u posted tips on how to make a man happy last year December. Looks like u don't practice what u teach.

You are basing your comments on copy and paste?

The guy obviously doesn't love you.

Nothing is wrong with you, lots of guys would love to date someone with your demeanor.

Try to move on.

A won set k k k..typical naijabgiel always wanting you to type a book and reply with k...

Na masturbation go kill you las las

seangy4konji:
A won set k k k..typical naijabgiel always wanting you to type a book and reply with k...

Na masturbation go kill you las las

Getting a modicum of sense won't be bad bro!

geraldinai:
Getting a modicum of sense won't be bad bro!

u don't need sense to know I am not your bro.

Oluromantic:
You're definitely phlegmatic. My ex gf too is same as you... Phleg-mel, while I'm mel-san. So I understand absolutely. She has exactly same weakness.. naturall he's been used to.

How's ur stature too cus I know phlegs are usually on d plump side.

What’s the best compatibility of a choleric man?

AfroKnight:
He did the right thing for the both of you.

A reticent partner is a whole package of frustration especially to someone who wants to be sure they are communicating well in a relationship.

The truth is you made communication a burden for him. I can imagine your chat threads on WhatsApp. He was not sure what you were thinking while you guys were in the relationship. He was walking in the dark and constantly at risk of assuming wrongly.

You don’t even communicate to yourself. I mean, look how long it took you to realise that the break up was final and that you pushed him away. 1 week! That guy tried.

You need someone who is cool with little communication. You should also learn to discuss and be on the same page with your partner instead of hiding under the excuse of introversion.

You capture their situation so well.......are you a psychologist ?

geraldinai:
Nairalanders, this is a long post but please read till the end.

My bf just broke up with me over what he termed incompatibility. This guy and I have been together for two years and we both loved each other. It was a long-distance relationship, he stays in Lagos while I schooled in another town in the west. I had no problem with the distance because I'm not the attention-craving type and I like my space.

He's a complete extrovert, while I'm an introvert(not to the extreme though) and this has been an issue most of the time. He complains that I'm too quiet and not on the same social level as him. I don't do social media like that while he's uploading new pictures every minute. I also didn't like the fact that he relates too well with girls; he had a lot of female friends and easily socializes with new ones. Well, I blended with that so well as I didn't see any trace of unfaithfulness in him.

Fast forward to late last year, there was a breakdown in our communication, he stopped calling and chatting as he used to, I asked him what the matter was but he said there's nothing. I was a bit scared if something went wrong with him and I asked again after some days, that was when he said he would tell me when the time comes, so I stopped asking. With all the signs he showed me, my mind was telling me he wanted a breakup but I didn't ask him further as I was preparing for my final exam and him breaking up with me that period would leave me devastated so I focused on my exam with the hope that after then, we would talk about it.

After my exam, I sent him a text apologizing and asked us to continue as we were but he didn't reply. He invited me over to his place and that was when he told me he's no longer interested in the relationship, that he has no feelings for me again. He gave one thousand and one reasons for us not to be together anymore. He said I'm less expressive, I agree with anything he says and does and that during the break in our communication, I didn't make efforts to find out why he did so and challenge him. Funnily enough, I didn't react when he told me, I just said it's all right as I envisaged it earlier. With the reasons he gave me, my heart was broken and felt there was no need to push further. He was surprised with how calm I was when he told me, personally, I don't believe in forcing someone to love me

I moved on well but after a week when I was alone and reflecting, the feeling of guilt overwhelmed me that I probably pushed him away with my seemingly “not too caring” attitude. I see myself with him and I never thought we could separate. I showed love and care in my how way and in the best way, I know-how. I did love him wholeheartedly and he knew it but he seemed unable to cope with my private/ less emotional lifestyle.
Nairalanders, did I actually push him away?

1st of all, he sounds like an A-hole for saying that. Condescending much? It's actually good you two have parted ways.

2ndly, you made effort to address & mend your issues, he was the one that was uncommunicative. Who's socially rètarded now?

3rdly, what were you apologizing for? Never apologize for being you.

You handled yourself very well. It sounds like he was playing some type of game with you, probably to get to you, but you didn't give him the reaction he was expecting. Fùck him!

Don't feel bad about it. You gave it your best shot & in the end it wasn't good enough FOR HIM. Which doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you & your approach. He sounds like an attention whòre anyway & it is not your duty to validate him each second of everyday. Bye Felipe!

geraldinai:
Thanks for all your comments and advice; they are all worthwhile. I'll definitely work on my weaknesses.
To those that chose to insult and call me names, thanks for your contributions too.

I'm an introvert too like you but I'll tell you right now that your attitude would have pissed me off. I assume you like compliments, some attention, some stimulating conversation. Well guess what, we guys like all those things too. I particularly like a woman who can carry on an interesting conversation. I don't care much about social media but replying me in monosyllabic answers really bores me and makes me think you are not interested in talking. Don't change your personality for anyone but try to put more effort in your next relationship. Sometimes just being the first person to say hi can mean a lot.

Dirkcoyt:
What’s the best compatibility of a choleric man?

It's a phlegmatic woman

Choleric goes with phlegmatic
Melancholic goes with sanguine

Oluromantic:
It's a phlegmatic woman

Choleric goes with phlegmatic
Melancholic goes with sanguine

Hmmm I will read up on them as I don’t like a docile person who also can’t think at my pace I hate repeating things many times before someone catch my drift