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whatdowomenwant:
IS MY WIFE STILL CHEATING? (2)

After much anger and shouting and reporting to one of her sister who is a woman of God, though I told her to not tell other members of the family. I really don't want my wife disgraced.

My wife has confessed to me that she only had an affair with two men since we have been married. And that it was in 2015. That she did it to make some money to take care of herself because according to her, things were rough for us at that time. Although I find that funny because she has never done any major thing at my house since we got married. She has never paid rent, never paid school fees, never paid hospital bills, or even giving me any cash money to support myself. Yes, I know we had some challenges around 2014 and 2015 but we were still okay - compared to most families. I don't know what to believe.

About the chats, she says that she may have chatted in those ways but she didn't have an affair with them, that she was just having some chatting fun and letting the chat flow. I insisted that there was a heart connection. But she is denying it. Still, I don't know what to believe.

About the licking and sucking, she says yes, that it has happened only once, around 2016, but there was no penetration sex involved. The guy was her gym coach, and she just had that moment of temptation. What should I believe here?

About the kissings and others, she says yes, she has kissed some two or three other men, but it wasn't tongue-to-tongue kissing. Just a random fling thing. What should I believe?

About the guy she introduced to me as her cousin in 2012 and I let him free in our house, which I later found chats that showed they were not cousins, she says she didn't do anything with him, just kissing twice and nothing more.

Now that makes it three major issues. Multiple sex with Two men in the past. Sucking and licking with one man, and kissing with about three or so. Then the continued erotic and sexual chats. But honestly, what should I believe.

In the last three days, I have been in a hotel fasting and praying for wisdom in this matter. She visits the hotel and we would talk and talk and talk and it would become tense, then she would go back to her office.

The truth is that my wife is a good girl, very hardworking in the home, and also very godly or you could say, loves God and prays. She knows how to take care of family, children, and inlaws.

She is insisting that all these are in the past, and would never continue into her future. That she is wiser now.

About the January 16th kissing in her office, she says she really has nothing to do with the man. She was just counseling the man about his sex life with his wife and in the end, it just happened, that it wasn't really a kiss, more or less like a peck, but done in the mouth.

She is begging me and saying I should let her fulfill the plan of God for her life with me. She says that I should look deep inside her, that I would know she's a good girl. She's always saying things like, "please save my soul. Only you can do that."

Although she's always very emotional. Even in her plea she would get annoyed and shout when I shout and express my anger. She does not know how to remain remorseful. She believes that the moment she apologizes that I should just understand her and welcome her back.

Now my challenge is this:

Is there a chance those are the only men she cheated with? Can she really have those chats without the physical fulfilment? Was she just bored all those years and because of my *low communicating skill*(according to her) she decided to have some fun? Is it possible she continued past those ones she confessed to after much forcing? Is she just naive or manipulative?

The truth is I love my wife and my family. And I know she does love me (so I think). I'm willing to let everything go and move on, but I am having all kinds of emotions, moving from sadness to grief, from anger to sorrow, to regrets, to vengeance. The different pictures of the chats, those men, and everything is just playing in my head and making me annoyed. How do I get healed in this?

I'm afraid, if I let her go, it will be very disastrous for her. No father, no mother, and unsupportive brothers.

Her not remaining remorseful is another challenge I have. She believes that I should just believe her and move on.

Please everyone, should I just believe everything she has told me, and stop at this juncture and move on, or I should do something she wouldn't forget? I really don't want her to be disgraced. Am I over dragging the whole thing. I am confused but praying.

I just need a heart-to-heart talk. If not that she hates third parties, I would have taken her for counseling again. But she insists we can trash our issues

Please, everyone, counsel me.

Open marriage will be okay for you.

I had similar experience with a woman for 5yrs. she is beautiful, takes care of the house well and also sweet on the bed. it took me 2yrs to completely make up my mind and part with her. Now I have rest of mind.
if you continue to endure with her, you will end up shorting your life. think weľl and be a man

adebayo111:
I had similar experience with a woman for 5yrs. she is beautiful, takes care of the house well and also sweet on the bed. it took me 2yrs to completely make up my mind and part with her. Now I have rest of mind.
if you continue to endure with her, you will end up shorting your life. think weľl and be a man

Thanks for this input. Now I see I am not alone.

My wonder is:

Has she been a bad girl that just pretends to be good? Or

Is she a good and bad girl at the same time? Or

Was she just naive and didn't know the danger of adultery?

So far, she has given names of 5 different men she slept with, some once, some twice, some thrice, and some just a fling.

Today she still believes I am overdragging these whole thing. That it was past. That she stopped in 2016 and has moved on. She's telling me not to allow anger to destroy things.

I'm just thinking what kind of human being is this?

Hhhhmmmm! Op,you will be making a very big mistake if you don't continue to tolerate such a good, kind and generous woman. All you need to do now is simply rent a very expensive and befitting apartment for her to enable her continue in her sexual generosity. You are indeed lucky.Woooow! Foolishness is indeed a rare virtue.
Dear God,please never make my enemy to be as foolish as the Op. So help me God. Amen.

whatdowomenwant:
Thanks for this input. Now I see I am not alone.

My wonder is:

Has she been a bad girl that just pretends to be good? Or

Is she a good and bad girl at the same time? Or

Was she just naive and didn't know the danger of adultery?

So far, she has given names of 5 different men she slept with, some once, some twice, some thrice, and some just a fling.

Today she still believes I am overdragging these whole thing. That it was past. That she stopped in 2016 and has moved on. She's telling me not to allow anger to destroy things.

I'm just thinking what kind of human being is this?

its true you are over dragging it. what you need to do is take a decision. what your woman did was the same with mine. the pastors she reported me to were also ducking her. this I later find out, by my counting it's over 15 men.

adebayo111:
its true you are over dragging it. what you need to do is take a decision. what your woman did was the same with mine. the pastors she reported me to were also ducking her. this I later find out, by my counting it's over 15 men.

Thanks. I guess I need to stop discussing it. I was waiting for the DNA result to know what's up first.

She needs deliverance, I like the way you are handling the issue, but still meet your pastor for more advice, it seems she hide her past from you during courtship.

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whatdowomenwant:
How do you mean?

I'm trying to love and serve God. I'm not perfect. I just need advice now please

After reading this Nonsense you post, i strongly believe you are not man enough to call your self a man.

You are THE true definition of A Weakling. A woman Wrapper. A spineless entity

Emotionss:
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After reading this Nonsense you post, i strongly believe you are not man enough to call your self a man.

You are THE true definition of A Weakling. A woman Wrapper. A spineless entity

Bro. Take it easy.

Tomorrow is pregnant

whatdowomenwant:
I know this is not right, but is there any need to confront some of the men she cheated with, as I do know some of them. At least, two of them are my friends. Though not very close friends. But they respect me and know me well.

How do I handle myself with these men. I can't begin to think what they did

at this point, my heart bleeds. So sorry op. This is so painful and so abominable. This abomination is your reality, wow. You remind me of a man in the bible, hosea, I will post the scripture., my tongue is twisted, I am speachless at this your story. Utterly shocked!

Hosea 1:And the Lord said to me, “Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins.”2So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and a homer and a lethech of barley.3And I said to her, “You must dwell as mine for many days. You shall not play the LovePeddler, or belong to another man; so will I also be to you.”4For the children of Israel shall dwell many days without king or prince, without sacrifice or pillar, without ephod or household gods.5Afterward the children of Israel shall return and seek the Lord their God, and David their king, and they shall come in fear to the Lord and to his goodness in the latter days.
—Hosea 3:1-5

An Unfaithful Wife
Yahweh commands Hosea to marry a “wife of whoredom [zenunim]” (1:2). This Hebrew term indicates illicit sexual behavior. Moses uses the word in Genesis 38:24 to refer to Tamar’s posing as a shrine prostitute in order to entice Judah. Hosea’s wife, Gomer, bears this label, not necessarily because she is a prostitute but because she is (or will become) a woman characterized by sexual infidelity.

The ESV translates the last phrase of Hosea 1:2, “for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the Lord.” The Hebrew idiom woodenly reads, “for the land commits great whoredom from after the Lord.” This is the first of a series of expressions in Hosea where God puts himself in the place of a forsaken human lover (cf. comment on 2:2–5 [esp. v. 5]). Hosea does as Yahweh instructed and marries Gomer, who then bears him a son (1:3).

In the autobiographical sketch of 3:1–5, the prophet tells his story, as once more he is called to image Yahweh. But is the woman he now pursues his wife, Gomer? The text does not explicitly identify her. She is an adulteress, and “another man” loves her (v. 1). But it would hardly make sense if this woman were not Gomer. The whole point seems to be that her estranged husband sought her out, did what was needed to redeem her from her lover, and brought her back into his house, at great cost to himself (silver and foodstuffs; v. 2). This extraordinary expression of love reflects how God has loved Israel. She, too, is faithless, and betrays her husband (the Lord) through her worship of other gods. Raisin cakes (v. 1)—which are mentioned along with “other gods”—were apparently an element of pagan religion, and their mention here underscores Israel’s faithlessness. She loves her promiscuity.

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whatdowomenwant:
Bro. Take it easy.

Tomorrow is pregnant

Any day my wife cheat on me will be the end of the marriage no long talk about that one. I will forgive her but the marriage is over. No amount of begging and crying can make me change my mind.

Know your worth.

whatdowomenwant:
I'm not cheating sir. When I saw the chat of August, I felt I really needed to help her sexually. So I bought some dildos for her because I now understood that maybe I'm not giving her satisfaction, even though I do try sha. And I've told her to tell me whatever she wants when it comes to sex and I'll do it.

I do really try in that area

Father Lord!

yvelchstores:
at this point, my heart bleeds. So sorry op. This is so painful and so abominable. This abomination is your reality, wow. You remind me of a man in the bible, hosea, I will post the scripture., my tongue is twisted, I am speachless at this your story. Utterly shocked!

Even me, I'm still thinking that I'll wake up from sleep and thank God that this was a dream.

Is this OP well @ all

whatdowomenwant:
Please can you leave pastors for now and give me an honest advise

I can see from ur story that u are a good man. bros good man doesn't make women to stay in one place this days. they are constantly looking for what is not looking for them.
please do something to stop this whole rubbish that u facing, cos it will never stop so, long as she has a way of getting into ur head. I hate cheating women when the man is good man.

Update:

The DNA results are out. Thankfully the kids are mine.

But still does not justify the multiple cheating.

Next step: Call a small family meeting and State my demands

whatdowomenwant:
Update:

The DNA results are out. Thankfully the kids are mine.

But still does not justify the multiple cheating.

Next step: Call a small family meeting and State my demands

Seems like you’re still interested in being married to your wife.

Anyway, how much did the tests cost? And how long did it take to get the results?

Belafonte:
Seems like you’re still interested in being married to your wife.

Anyway, how much did the tests cost? And how long did it take to get the results?

The test for the three kids cost 223k. It took two weeks.

Separation does not benefit children in any way, and they're innocent. They shouldn't pay for my stupidity and my wife's infidelity.

I'm looking at the longer picture. If I can get total repentance, why not.

I know I'm hurt. I know I feel very sad. I know I'm not happy every day for the last three weeks. But I have to consider all facets of the situation. The family meeting should hold and I will make my demands.

whatdowomenwant:
The test for the three kids cost 223k. It took two weeks.

Separation does not benefit children in any way, and they're innocent. They shouldn't pay for my stupidity and my wife's infidelity.

I'm looking at the longer picture. If I can get total repentance, why not.

I know I'm hurt. I know I feel very sad. I know I'm not happy every day for the last three weeks. But I have to consider all facets of the situation. The family meeting should hold and I will make my demands.

I understand where you’re coming from and I wish you well in handling this. It’s crazy and I know how embarrassing and devastating it must be.

Good luck bro. Wouldn’t mind updates as well. No offence.

whatdowomenwant:
The test for the three kids cost 223k. It took two weeks.

Separation does not benefit children in any way, and they're innocent. They shouldn't pay for my stupidity and my wife's infidelity.

I'm looking at the longer picture. If I can get total repentance, why not.

I know I'm hurt. I know I feel very sad. I know I'm not happy every day for the last three weeks. But I have to consider all facets of the situation. The family meeting should hold and I will make my demands.

She will never stop, Let her Go before it's too Late. Adultery Kills Believe me. It will still happen again this time around she might blame the devil. Make decision and let her go, I understand it might not be easy. But for the sake of your kids and your Life.

i swear i feel these same, i wish i can unread all that i've read, this man loves his wife, she's hardworking and takes good care of the family , what else do one prays for in a woman. Maybe Ops should read about polyamory.... and continue living your life, there's always a dot in everybody's life, that's your own dot. carry your cross.

chiemmanuel:
How can I unread this thing i just read.

This is the result u get when u try to privatize public property.

imbecilic post

I can't even marry non virgin not to talk of knowing one dick enter the woman I paid her bride price body, na her dead body dem go cum pick if she no vacate my house

whatdowomenwant:
The test for the three kids cost 223k. It took two weeks.

Separation does not benefit children in any way, and they're innocent. They shouldn't pay for my stupidity and my wife's infidelity.

I'm looking at the longer picture. If I can get total repentance, why not.

I know I'm hurt. I know I feel very sad. I know I'm not happy every day for the last three weeks. But I have to consider all facets of the situation. The family meeting should hold and I will make my demands.

one day, one of the overzealous concubine entering the toilet you carry for house will put thunderbolt in her body to have enough of her, fortunately u will climb her and peme like that then your eyes will clear


please Don't be unfortunate, save your kids because if she used her wayward life to send you to early grave, no one will be there to take care of the kids

whatdowomenwant:
The test for the three kids cost 223k. It took two weeks.

Separation does not benefit children in any way, and they're innocent. They shouldn't pay for my stupidity and my wife's infidelity.

I'm looking at the longer picture. If I can get total repentance, why not.

I know I'm hurt. I know I feel very sad. I know I'm not happy every day for the last three weeks. But I have to consider all facets of the situation. The family meeting should hold and I will make my demands.

Pls where did you do the DNA, I live in the east, I have made several enquiries and I was told that there's no hospital that handles DNA test in the east?

DaniDani:
Pls where did you do the DNA, I live in the east, I have made several enquiries and I was told that there's no hospital that handles DNA test in the east?

I stay in Lagos sir. You can Google synlab

whatdowomenwant:
The test for the three kids cost 223k. It took two weeks.

Separation does not benefit children in any way, and they're innocent. They shouldn't pay for my stupidity and my wife's infidelity.

I'm looking at the longer picture. If I can get total repentance, why not.

I know I'm hurt. I know I feel very sad. I know I'm not happy every day for the last three weeks. But I have to consider all facets of the situation. The family meeting should hold and I will make my demands.

Don't deceive yourself,

1. You will never get total repentance
2. Your peace of mind will be gone, cos you will always be overthinking all her moves - Trust is gone
3. She sees you as a weakling already and will never respect you enough to be faithful
4. One of her concubines may want her for keeps one day and you become a marked man. She maybe involved in the plot and she maynot
5. She may one day jam someone way richer than u during her waka waka and she will still leave u, your fears will now materialize

My suggestion

1. Put her away
2. Go legal, document how you will manage the affairs of your kids after divorce/separation
3. Still be financially committed to your kids
4. Ensure they will spend time with you/your family at the least
5. Take your time and resources to find a loyal and better younger woman

Once women cross certain lines, they never return

whatdowomenwant:
I stay in Lagos sir. You can Google synlab

OK. Thanks so much sir

Op i would like you to know i created my nairaland account just to give you a response. We all cannot be perfect and i understand your pain definitely but i want you to know now that there is difference between telling your partner the truth and also telling your partner the deeper truth. We all tell ourselves the truth but the deeper truth is what you need in a relationship. Call your woman to order, before you do this make sure you are ready to hear the same excuse you have always been hearing but this time be as calm as you can ever be and take your woman down the memory lane ( remind her how you started, the plans that worked out and those that didn't work and be grateful with all you are still together ) now make her understand she doesn't do something's before which she does now and make her see more reasons why it is threatening your relationship. I would advice with tears in your face ask her what exactly went wrong all these years that she forgot to get you involved and now she is trying to handle it on her own. Op your woman loves you but her sex life has probably taken over ( i believe the problem here is your woman got used to having sex, now her sex vibe is high and she wants to explore whatever it is a man has to offer in bed but the question is it seems you are man enough for her in her own way. You might feel you are doing your best but trust me only a woman can really tell if you are hitting the spot the way you should. If you are not sure you are doing a great job the easiest way is to be sure you are getting is rt is to do your best every time and wait for her reaction, don't ask her if she is satisfied immediately after sex but there are some reactions from her that would confirm she enjoyed the sex. Imagine you are done having sex and your partner sleeps right away ( meaning she blacked out ) or maybe after sex she complains her whole stomach is wiped out, if she doesn't give you a nice reaction after sex bro she is not enjoying it you are. Just make sure in your own way you are hitting the spot and after the sex just wait for the reaction if she is getting satisfied and she is still into this then threaten her with breakup but if she doesn't give you that good reaction immediately after sex you are not really doing a great job brother

tunjilana:
Don't deceive yourself,

1. You will never get total repentance
2. Your peace of mind will be gone, cos you will always be overthinking all her moves - Trust is gone
3. She sees you as a weakling already and will never respect you enough to be faithful
4. One of her concubines may want her for keeps one day and you become a marked man. She maybe involved in the plot and she maynot
5. She may one day jam someone way richer than u during her waka waka and she will still leave u, your fears will now materialize

My suggestion

1. Put her away
2. Go legal, document how you will manage the affairs of your kids after divorce/separation
3. Still be financially committed to your kids
4. Ensure they will spend time with you/your family at the least
5. Take your time and resources to find a loyal and better younger woman

Once women cross certain lines, they never return

This is deep and fearful.

A whole lot is on the line if I go full separation:

1. The kids welfare (the most important)
2. The business I started for her (actually a school)
3. Her image and by extension mine (She's very respected among my family and friends)
4. The second most important (Sorry, I won't name this)

Yes, I agree. My peace of mind needs repair. And yes, I don't know if I will still trust her fully.

But your statement that...

Once women cross certain lines, they never return

This statement is fearful.