There's a thread on front page right now where the OP stated categorically that a woman who would not allow his relatives live with him should not bother marrying him.
While I'm personally all about a closely-knit family on all rounds, I just couldn't look past the flawed thinking of most of the male commenters on that thread. A lot of the men were sounding as though they really do women a favour by getting married to them...
One said "my house, my rent, my food..." My my everything... what sort of mentality is that? I doubt if all of those commenters know what marriage really is all about. I'd like to address a few points.

1. To begin with, at the point of marriage, couples have got to realise that they've become one, and everything they do has to be of one mind. If your wife says she doesn't want live-in relatives in the home, you shouldn't just overrule that on the basis that it's "your house" and your family. Actually, it would be a lot easier if intending couples would agree on these things before marriage.

2. Why are the men screaming "wife can't come and separate me from my family, or make my family become the enemy?" Uncles, first off, you are meant to be separated from your family... to join your wife and raise a new family. But even at that, the fact that they don't live with you and your wife in your matrimonial home doesn't mean an enmity has been created, doesn't mean everyone can't remain cordial, doesn't mean the family won't be closely knit. How do y'all jump into illogical conclusions? As a matter of fact, there's a higher chance of maintaining a very healthy relationship with the extended family when everyone lives in their respective houses.

3. A lot of men raised the question of why women may have their own relatives living with them, but may not be very comfortable with hubby's relatives. Who runs the home? Who is attending to everybody's needs? Who is the caregiver? Let's try to be a bit objective here, please... sentiments aside... who do you think she'd more naturally and comfortably do these things for? Her family who she's known all her life, and who understand her perfectly, or your family that she's only recently getting to accept as part of the big picture? How often do you hear that men are having issues with the in-laws? Men by their very nature get around these things more easily. But women are quite emotional and handle matters differently. Also, the society plus family seem to have some sort of high expectations from the woman in marraige, all eyes are on her watching
how she conducts herself... the littlest thing that goes amiss and the table is broken. Why then would you want to put your wife in a situation where she's pressured to live up to those expectations? (I'm playing the devil's advocate here).

4. Yes, women, especially when the marraige is young want to model their homes to an adaptable lifestyle... want to walk around freely, naked or sexy. How hard it must be feeling restricted in your own home? Plus then again, sex is confined to the bedroom strictly. How does a marriage like that get spiced up?

5. Imagine that you can't have certain spur-of-the-moment conversations... or get freaky with your husband until you've cornered him into the bedroom. As insignificant as these may seem, do you realise how much it could stifle intimacy and bonding between husband and wife?

6. Lots of men on that thread kept emphasising how their families had done a lot for them to get them to where they are today. The women don't have families who went to hell and back for them, too? But life is just like that. You still can't marry them. Plus you've still got a lifetime to be there for them... and there are so many ways to do that without them living in your home.

About the lady with the brother-in-law who "dips hand into her pot." While I may be of the opinion that she was just not being accommodating as she didn't like that he was in the house to begin with, I also understand that it may have been the way things are done where she comes from.. Her own brother may have known not to even try going to her pot. As a matter of fact, if herself and hubby were just on their own, such an issue need not have arisen.

Speaking for myself now, I want to call my mother-in-law mother, my hubby's brothers and sisters my own brothers and sisters, too. I want my home to be very accommodating, an air of love and friendliness... I want to host hubby's friends in our home. I want them to be able to come freely to our home without thinking twice or bracing up for any kind of cold treatment they may receive. No. But the fact still remains that under NORMAL circumstances, I don't want live-in relatives, be it mine or his. Anyone's free to visit, free to come for holidays, free to drop by when they are in town, free to come in to stay for short periods, but an extended continued stay, is honestly not the best, especially for a young marriage.

Finally, I'll end by saying that if for unavoidable reasons, a relative has to live with you, there really is no point being hostile... take them as your own family who you'll never show the door out... and let peace and love reign.

My candid opinion.

Both men and women are not comfy with relatives.


It's simple.

Garbage.

The real question most of you ladies should be asking yourselves is this:
Why is it that anytime the topic of live-in relatives is brought up, it's always the females who are more against it 95% - 5%...every damn time.

That should tell you all that is needed to know, and that's what? That something is inherently wrong with a lot of you psychologically - I'm not even trying to be funny or biased, it's just an observation.
The problem is y'all actually think you're normal, so no chance of engaging parallel thinking.

This possessive spirit of me and my husband alone, I honestly don't know where you people got it from.
Africans (more specifically, Nigerians) have always lived a communal lifestyle when it comes to family, so I don't quite understand if it's modernization or some sort of western influence that has made a lot of women become so suspicious & weary of extended family in their homes.

Some of you will even start quoting scriptures of how a man shall leave his father and mother yada yada yada... forming Christians out of thin air, when we know that you don't even know where to find the book of Obadiah in the Bible without looking at the index.

It's a typical case of trying to be more white than the white man, na wetin dey worry una.
Deep mental fuckery...

hehehe... that thread was too funny I couldn't even comment just read comments and .
most of them will never be happy in marriage or die single. yes they can come and cry on my mention.

but I don't blame them, its because of desperate women like the one that opened a thread about an in-law; who didn't complain when she was single and now wants to cry us a river.

no man is doing you a favour whatsoever by marrying you, there are lots of women if he didn't need you he would have gone for another and he has the option of being single too.

women stop being desperate and settling with these men with boys mentality, leave them to marry their mother.
your father didn't pack his family to come and stay with him, maybe because your mother wouldn't like it, now you want pack your lazy-ass dependent family come stay make I dey cook/work for them. rubbish

xendra:
ave them to marry their mother.
your father didn't pack his family to come and stay with him, maybe because your mother wouldn't like it, now you want pack your lazy-ass dependent family come stay make I dey cook/work for them. rubbish

That's what these blockheads don't consider when they make stupid rules, some of these in laws you have to personally serve them food anytime they want to eat because you are the wife aka housemaid, you will clean up after them, wash bathroom and dishes and any other thing they mess up, you might have to wash, iron and shop for some depending on your relationship with them. But nobody cares about all the stress women face.
I don't support sending relatives back but some of them can be stressful to live with.

nahzyla:


That's what these blockheads don't consider when they make stupid rules, some of these in laws you have to personally serve them food anytime they want to eat because you are the wife aka housemaid, you will clean up after them, wash bathroom and dishes and any other thing they mess up, you might have to wash, iron and shop for some depending on your relationship with them. But nobody cares about all the stress women face.
I don't support sending relatives back but some of them can be stressful to live with.

hahaha I hate bad character; even if you are the husband you show bad character you are out. how much more one dependent family member.

women dont complain about their own relatives because those ones know what you cant take already, but in-laws?? just rubbish

xendra:
hahaha I hate bad character; even if you are the husband you show bad character you are out. how much more one dependent family member.

women dont complain about their own relatives because those ones know what you cant take already, but in-laws?? just rubbish

The few women who complain are labeled enemies of the man's relatives. Why can't she just shut up and bear their stress? After all they are his blood, na she be visitor.
Mstsheeww nonsense and absolute thrash

People with different views plus their personal reasons

As for me and my house , no relative is staying or want to turn my home to a permanent one unless it's for a while ,a job interview,exam, omugwo, celebration of something, proximity to work (I would remind u about renting ur apartment) etc as u de enter count down to wen you will leave ( anyone who comes in should also give me a time frame wen they would be leaving)

lemme enjoy my marriage Biko ,I can't be enduring or managing it.
be it from my side or wife's side


#myownopinion

I know counter thread will comes up.

Nigeria women are more Oyinbo now than even the white. One here is even saying her fellow women should stop being desperate for marriage, their type we sabi them las las na baby mama dem dey be for man with already wives.

jeff1607:
People with different views plus their personal reasons

As for me and my house , no relative is staying or want to turn my home to a permanent one unless it's for a while ,a job interview,exam, omugwo, celebration of something, proximity to work (I would remind u about renting ur apartment) etc as u de enter count down to wen you will leave ( anyone who comes in should also give me a time frame wen they would be leaving)

lemme enjoy my marriage Biko ,I can't be enduring or managing it.
be it from my side or wife's side


#myownopinion

Exactly.

crackkhaus:
The real question most of you ladies should be asking yourselves is this:
Why is it that anytime the topic of live-in relatives is brought up, it's always the females who are more against it 95% - 5%...every damn time.

That should tell you all that is needed to know, and that's what? That something is inherently wrong with a lot of you psychologically - I'm not even trying to be funny or biased, it's just an observation.
The problem is y'all actually think you're normal, so no chance of engaging parallel thinking.

The possessive spirit of me and my husband alone, I honestly don't know where you people got it from.
Africans (more specifically, Nigerians) have always lived a communal lifestyle when it comes to family, so I don't quite understand if it's modernization or some sort of western influence that has made a lot of women become so suspicious & weary of extended family in their homes.

Some of you will even start quoting scriptures of how a man shall leave his father and mother yada yada yada... forming Christians out of thin air, when we know that you don't even know where to find the book of Obadiah in the Bible without looking at the index.

It's a typical case of trying to be more white than the white man, na wetin dey worry una.
Deep mental fuckery...

There is nothing inherently wrong with women. What is wrong is that some of you men honestly don't realise the burden of care that rests on a wife and mother.

See you talking about the traditional style of living. That era had some good in it, but this is the 21st century, things are no longer as they used to be. It is indeed true that most men have refused to evolve. You can't bring a 1780 principle to 2020, it just won't work. Marriages today are bedeviled by challenges that were largely non-existent in those times.

A nuclear family is easier and sweeter to manage, while maintaining very cordial relations with the extended family wherever they are. If anyone has to stay, perfect, only as long as your stay has a timeline. Simple.

PrimadonnaO:

There is nothing inherently wrong with women. What is wrong is that some of you men honestly don't realise the burden of care that rests on a wife and mother.

See you talking about the traditional style of living. That era had some good in it, but this is the 21st century, things are no longer as they used to be. It is indeed true that most men have refused to evolve. You can't bring a 1780 principle to 2020, it just won't work. Marriages today are bedeviled by challenges that were largely non-existent in those times.

A nuclear family is easier and sweeter to manage, while maintaining very cordial relations with the extended family wherever they are. If anyone has to stay, perfect, only as long as your stay has a timeline. Simple.

Yet y'all still continue with the 1780 principle that men should provide for you, propose to you, buy your engagement ring and fulfill all the traditional rites (finanancially) associated with marrying you.

If your claim is that women have evolved, then it's probably in confused reverse/forward motion. You people don't quite know where to stay.
1780 or 2020?
All this putting one leg in 1780 and the other leg in 2020, e no dey make una yansh pain una from the stretching?

crackkhaus:

Yet y'all still continue with the 1780 principle that men should provide for you, propose to you, buy your engagement ring and fulfill all the traditional rites (finanancially) associated with marrying you.

If your claim is that women have evolved, then it's probably in confused reverse/forward motion. You people don't quite know where to stay.
1780 or 2020?
All this putting one leg in 1780 and the other leg in 2020, e no dey make una yansh pain una from the stretching?

Ohhh. I see where the problem lies. Apparently where I come from, women are educated, building a career or a thriving business, they bring their own quota to running the home, and they bear wedding costs together.
It would seem that it is not so where you come from... so a woman has no say in her home, and must live her life tethering to the every need of her husband and whoever he so pleases.

@the coloured quote... Lol. There's such a thing as balance. Take what's relevant and discard the rest.
It totally irks me when I still hear some men saying "African men are polygamous in nature. Our fathers had 5-7 wives." I really wonder what's stopping those men from marrying the 5 wives today. They should go and marry 5 wives nau...

crackkhaus:

Yet y'all still continue with the 1780 principle that men should provide for you, propose to you, buy your engagement ring and fulfill all the traditional rites (finanancially) associated with marrying you.

If your claim is that women have evolved, then it's probably in confused reverse/forward motion. You people don't quite know where to stay.
1780 or 2020?
All this putting one leg in 1780 and the other leg in 2020, e no dey make una yansh pain una from the stretching?

...yet the women with contrary, independent minds are termed feminists.
You guys are not ready.

Op, everyone should work with whatever works for them. We all have varying tolerant levels, what ms A would condone, ms B may not accept it.

Personally, I don't think it's ok for couples to discuss relatives before marriage, every relative especially siblings of couples should be allowed to live with couples for as long as they want, they will not live with them forever. In fact my culture, a little child(boy or girl) is usually given to the couples to cater for with the belief that the child will bring forth their own child quicker, some still practise it while others don't.

However, when such relatives are around, there should be mutual respect, everyone should know their place and I believe a properly brought up individual would know how to behave either as an inlaw or wife.

Marriage is mostly about compromise, it doesn't mean you are desperate, it only means you care for your own peace of mind. You can overlook several things and act like they don't exist, control your anger and keep yourself busy with things that make you happy, most importantly,have it in mind that whoever is living with you currently will not live with you forever.

crackkhaus:

Yet y'all still continue with the 1780 principle that men should provide for you, propose to you, buy your engagement ring and fulfill all the traditional rites (finanancially) associated with marrying you.

If your claim is that women have evolved, then it's probably in confused reverse/forward motion. You people don't quite know where to stay.
1780 or 2020?
All this putting one leg in 1780 and the other leg in 2020, e no dey make una yansh pain una from the stretching?

Don't mind her, choosing the best situation to conform to. Women are bunch of hypocrites. Double standard, two faced things. It's so appalling to her reasoning. China today is world economy power house, yet they have not neglected their culture, their way of life. And to think they were once colonized by the Americans during their war with Japan. We over here are claiming 21st century. Who does the 21st century epp? These rules or way of life were brought to us by the people it suits. They wanted market and the only way to do it is by bringing their culture to ours changing our preferences to theirs in a bid to defraud us. And one nonentity is here claiming 21st century. Mtchew!

PrimadonnaO:

Ohhh. I see where the problem lies. Apparently where I come from, women are educated, building a career or a thriving business, they bring their own quota to running the home, and they bear wedding costs together.
It would seem that it is not so where you come from... so a woman has no say in her home, and must live her life tethering to the every need of her husband and whoever he so pleases.

@the coloured quote... Lol. There's such a thing as balance. Take what's relevant and discard the rest.
It totally irks me when I still hear some men saying "African men are polygamous in nature. Our fathers had 5-7 wives." I really wonder what's stopping those men from marrying the 5 wives today. They should go and marry 5 wives nau...

Be deceiving yourself.
When you buy your own engagement ring, propose to your boyfriend, and be the sole provider, then you can have that conversation. Hold your peace till then.

As for picking what is relevant and discarding the rest in the name of balance...lmao,
So tell me who decides what is relevant and what should be discarded? Women?
Isn't it funny that when it benefits you, then it is relevant but when it does not benefit you, then it is ancient and should be discarded? How do you come up with what is relevant, I ask again.
Like I noted earlier, a lot of you think you're normal so it will be difficult to make you engage your parallel thought when you have been westernised.

In 2020, there are countries where communal living is still very much in practice, I can name two off the top of my head - China & Portugal, but I'll focus on China since it is a major force in the world.
The Chinese believe in something called filial piety, it's a Confucian philosophy and one of their moral tenets. The summary of it is that it espouses family values (extended) and is engrained in the psyche of most Chinese. Only in major cities like Beijing do you see couples who live without a single extended family member living with them. In fact, even in such cities, there are still situations where it happens.

My point is this, communal living has absolutely nothing to do with development or change...it is about acceptance and family values. If people can't open their homes to their own extended family, then there is already a serious breakdown of community which will reveal itself overtime. It's not every time you people should want to act like Americans or British, the world is so much bigger and you can learn a lot from far away places.

This whole idea that some extended family members stay indefinitely is ABSOLUTELY FALSE. That is the narrative you people sell to try defending your mental fuckery. There is no way on earth that a member of the husband's/wife's family will stay INDEFINITELY. It's either they will end up getting a job and move out, or change location due to some other circumstances, or get married and move out - they always do. Nobody continues staying with their married brother or sister and grows old in their house, it NEVER happens, so what are you people even saying...

To prove that it is selfish interest that is the motivation for a lot of you, most women like you are entirely okay with using the same extended family members as househelps.. no be una again
Once the husband's relative is coming as a househelp, they can stay for as long as possible abi..not like they will not even be maltreated after a while too. Lol

See abeg, una get plenty wahala. No jokes.

All these things you wrote up there will only work in southern Nigeria. Come to central north and southern Kaduna and try this nonsense, your marriage will fold up before it even begins.

If you can't find a way to accommodate your husband's relatives for as long as they want to stay, I promise you, you will be a serial divorcee.
Because you'll keep having issues with husband relatives in whichever family you marry.

I don't know the kind of training they give girls in southern Nigeria but you dare not try it here.
I've always wanted to marry from south south or south east. But after joining nairaland two years ago and seeing relationship and marriage threads, I rather stick to our girls here.

I will marry an educated girl from here cos no matter how educated and exposed she is, she knows that "woman na woman.

One even said she doesn't like her brother in-law dipping hand in her pot of soup hahahaha. I mean, wtf is that? If I ever find myself in that situation (God forbid) and the girl confronts me, I will leave that house first thing the next morning, your husband sure knows what will follow after that.

9ja girls, all these your westernisation agenda will not thrive here. We are blacks and blacks shall we remain. Wonder why the west have high rate of divorce? Their idea about marriage and family is whack. The whites ought to learn about marriage from us cos they've been divorcing right from the days of Judas Iscariot. As long as you want to copy them, we'll keep on reading divorce stories on front page

If as a girl you are lucky to come from a family where your father and mother have been living/lived together for 35+ years, ask your mum how she did it.

Don't tell me times have changed.


Woman na woman.

Lastly, IT'S A MAN'S WORLD, WOMEN SHOULD LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH IT

Vyolet:

...yet the women with contrary, independent minds are termed feminists.
You guys are not ready.

Which one is contrary independent mind?
We call them feminists as a form of ridicule, they are actually pseudofeminists, faker than N20,000 Rolex.

Contrary independent woman wey never begin kneel down propose to man, buy her own engagement ring, or sponsor herself and her husband/boyfriend to vacation in Bali...is that one an independent minded feminist?

Make una let us see road jor.

PrimadonnaO:
There's a thread on front page right now where the OP stated categorically that a woman who would not allow his relatives live with him should not bother marrying him.
While I'm personally all about a closely-knit family on all rounds, I just couldn't look past the flawed thinking of most of the male commenters on that thread. A lot of the men were sounding as though they really do women a favour by getting married to them...
One said "my house, my rent, my food..." My my everything... what sort of mentality is that? I doubt if all of those commenters know what marriage really is all about. I'd like to address a few points.

1. To begin with, at the point of marriage, couples have got to realise that they've become one, and everything they do has to be of one mind. If your wife says she doesn't want live-in relatives in the home, you shouldn't just overrule that on the basis that it's "your house" and your family. Actually, it would be a lot easier if intending couples would agree on these things before marriage.

2. Why are the men screaming "wife can't come and separate me from my family, or make my family become the enemy?" Uncles, first off, you are meant to be separated from your family... to join your wife and raise a new family. But even at that, the fact that they don't live with you and your wife in your matrimonial home doesn't mean an enmity has been created, doesn't mean everyone can't remain cordial, doesn't mean the family won't be closely knit. How do y'all jump into illogical conclusions? As a matter of fact, there's a higher chance of maintaining a very healthy relationship with the extended family when everyone lives in their respective houses.

3. A lot of men raised the question of why women may have their own relatives living with them, but may not be very comfortable with hubby's relatives. Who runs the home? Who is attending to everybody's needs? Who is the caregiver? Let's try to be a bit objective here, please... sentiments aside... who do you think she'd more naturally and comfortably do these things for? Her family who she's known all her life, and who understand her perfectly, or your family that she's only recently getting to accept as part of the big picture? How often do you hear that men are having issues with the in-laws? Men by their very nature get around these things more easily. But women are quite emotional and handle matters differently. Also, the society plus family seem to have some sort of high expectations from the woman in marraige, all eyes are on her watching
how she conducts herself... the littlest thing that goes amiss and the table is broken. Why then would you want to put your wife in a situation where she's pressured to live up to those expectations? (I'm playing the devil's advocate here).

4. Yes, women, especially when the marraige is young want to model their homes to an adaptable lifestyle... want to walk around freely, naked or sexy. How hard it must be feeling restricted in your own home? Plus then again, sex is confined to the bedroom strictly. How does a marriage like that get spiced up?

5. Imagine that you can't have certain spur-of-the-moment conversations... or get freaky with your husband until you've cornered him into the bedroom. As insignificant as these may seem, do you realise how much it could stifle intimacy and bonding between husband and wife?

6. Lots of men on that thread kept emphasising how their families had done a lot for them to get them to where they are today. The women don't have families who went to hell and back for them, too? But life is just like that. You still can't marry them. Plus you've still got a lifetime to be there for them... and there are so many ways to do that without them living in your home.

About the lady with the brother-in-law who "dips hand into her pot." While I may be of the opinion that she was just not being accommodating as she didn't like that he was in the house to begin with, I also understand that it may have been the way things are done where she comes from.. Her own brother may have known not to even try going to her pot. As a matter of fact, if herself and hubby were just on their own, such am issue need not have arisen.

Speaking for myself now, I want to call my mother-in-law mother, my hubby's brothers and sisters my own brothers and sisters, too. I want my home to be very accommodating, an air of love and friendliness... I want to host hubby's friends in our home. I want them to be able to come freely to our home without thinking twice or bracing up for any kind of cold treatment they may receive. No. But the fact still remains that under NORMAL circumstances, I don't want live-in relatives, be it mine or his. Anyone's free to visit, free to come for holidays, free to drop by when they are in town, free to come in to stay for short periods, but an extended continued stay, is honestly not the best, especially for a young marriage.

Finally, I'll end by saying that if for unavoidable reasons, a relative has to live with you, there really is no point being hostile... take them as your own family who you'll never show the door out... and let peace and love reign.

My candid opinion.

I think intending couples need to discuss amongst other things the position of relatives/in-laws in the marriage.

Marry someone on the same page with you and all will be well.

Marry someone with conflicting values and you have to go back and forth at every instance.

Omar09:


Don't mind her, choosing the best situation to conform to. Women are bunch of hypocrites. Double standard, two faced things. It's so appalling to her reasoning. China today is world economy power house, yet they have not neglected their culture, their way of life. And to think they were once colonized by the Americans during their war with Japan. We over here are claiming 21st century. Who does the 21st century epp? These rules or way of life were brought to us by the people it suits. They wanted market and the only way to do it is by bringing their culture to ours changing our preferences to theirs in a bid to defraud us. And one nonentity is here claiming 21st century. Mtchew!

Wow, we were actually typing the same thing at the same time using China as an example.. amazing..

See this is how I know people who are truly exposed about world issues. Not like a lot of these ones whose every behaviour is designed to be American-like or British-like because they know nothing else.

crackkhaus:

Be deceiving yourself.
When you buy your own engagement ring, propose to your boyfriend, and be the sole provider, then you can have that conversation. Hold your peace till then.

As for picking what is relevant and discarding the rest in the name of balance...lmao,
So tell me who decides what is relevant and what should be discarded? Women?
Isn't it funny that when it benefits you, then it is relevant but when it does not benefit you, then it is ancient and should be discarded? How do you come up with what is relevant, I ask again.
Like I noted earlier, a lot of you think you're normal so it will be difficult to make you engage your parallel thought when you have been westernised.

In 2020, there are countries where communal living is still a very much in practice, I can name two off the top of my head - China & Portugal, but I'll focus on China since it is a major force in the world.
The Chinese believe in something called filial piety, it's a Confucian philosophy and one of their moral tenets. The summary of it is that it espouses family values (extended) and is engrained in the psyche of most Chinese. Only in major cities like Beijing do you see couples who live without a single extended family member living with them. In fact, even in such cities, there are still situations where it happens.

My point is this, communal living has absolutely nothing to do with development or change...it is about acceptance and family values. If people can't open their homes to their own extended family, then there is already a serious breakdown of community which will reveal itself overtime. It's not every time you people should want to act like Americans or British, the world is so much bigger and you can learn a lot from far away places.

This whole idea that some extended family members stay indefinitely is ABSOLUTELY FALSE. That is the narrative you people sell to try defending your mental fuckery. There is no way on earth that a member of the husband's/wife's family will stay INDEFINITELY. It's either they will end up getting a job and move out, or change location due to some other circumstances, or get married and move out - they always do. Nobody continues staying with their married brother or sister and grows old in their house, it NEVER happens, so what are you people even saying...

To prove that it is selfish interest that is the motivation for a lot of you, most women like you are entirely okay with using the same extended family members as househelps.. no be una again
Once the husband's relative is coming as a househelp, they can stay for as long as possible abi..not like they will not even be maltreated after a while too. Lol

See abeg, una get plenty wahala. No jokes.

Okay... @emboldened. Doesn't make sense anymore. This is clearly going to be a discourse in futility because you're fixated on your opinions and you're totally going out of context.

So crackhaus (My spellcheck suggested "crackhead" ) you and your wife will do what works for you when that time comes...

crackkhaus:

Yet y'all still continue with the 1780 principle that men should provide for you, propose to you, buy your engagement ring and fulfill all the traditional rites (finanancially) associated with marrying you.

If your claim is that women have evolved, then it's probably in confused reverse/forward motion. You people don't quite know where to stay.
1780 or 2020?
All this putting one leg in 1780 and the other leg in 2020, e no dey make una yansh pain una from the stretching?

you men ain't innocent of this hypocrisy. Redpill is based on the 1780 principle of dating a feminine,young,virgin that is submissive et Al, but when it deals with spending on a girl they chant no one owes you money apart from your father. They adopt the 2020 financial independency of a woman rule, and yet still adopt the 1780 rule of a woman being submissive.

Hypocrisy exists in both genders.

Michellekabod2:
you men ain't innocent of this hypocrisy. Redpill is based on the 1780 principle of dating a feminine,young,virgin that is submissive et Al, but when it deals with spending on a girl they chant no one owes you money apart from your father. They adopt the 2020 financial independency of a woman rule, and yet still adopt the 1780 rule of a woman being submissive.

Hypocrisy exists in both genders.

Are you an atheist?

bukatyne:


I think intending couples need to discuss amongst other things the position of relatives/in-laws in the marriage.

Marry someone on the same page with you and all will be well.

Marry someone with conflicting values and you have to go back and forth at every instance.

That's just the best way to deal with this, truthfully.
In a healthy courtship, where are all the cards are placed on the table, every issue is generally known, it would be easy to foresee a relative who may potentially live with you. The discussion has to start before marriage. Are both of you open to accommodating this person when you get married? At what point does this person come to live with you? For how long will this person stay?

Vyolet:

...yet the women with contrary, independent minds are termed feminists.
You guys are not ready.

apt!

My siblings have a proven record of being there for me in trying times. Face trying times in marriage and watch the woman who so “loves you” change overnight.

It’s the clowns marrying these dingbats I blame

nahzyla:


That's what these blockheads don't consider when they make stupid rules, some of these in laws you have to personally serve them food anytime they want to eat because you are the wife aka housemaid, you will clean up after them, wash bathroom and dishes and any other thing they mess up, you might have to wash, iron and shop for some depending on your relationship with them. But nobody cares about all the stress women face.
I don't support sending relatives back but some of them can be stressful to live with.

You’re literate but uneducated. What is the big deal in dishing food? Is it stressful? I ask because as a bachelor when I have guests I serve them and if I’m not in the mood, I ask them to help themselves and ask them to do their dishes when done. If I have a guest, why should wash after them? Are they babies?

You just want to talk, whether what you’re saying makes sense or not is immaterial.

crackkhaus:

Which one is contrary independent mind?
We call them feminists as a form of ridicule, they are actually pseudofeminists, faker than N20,000 Rolex.

Contrary independent woman wey never begin kneel down propose to man, buy her own engagement ring, or sponsor herself and her husband/boyfriend to vacation in Bali...is that one an independent minded feminist?

Make una let us see road jor.

Lol

PrimadonnaO:


Ohhh. I see where the problem lies. Apparently where I come from, women are educated, building a career or a thriving business, they bring their own quota to running the home, and they bear wedding costs together.
It would seem that it is not so where you come from... so a woman has no say in her home, and must live her life tethering to the every need of her husband and whoever he so pleases.

@the coloured quote... Lol. There's such a thing as balance. Take what's relevant and discard the rest.
It totally irks me when I still hear some men saying "African men are polygamous in nature. Our fathers had 5-7 wives." I really wonder what's stopping those men from marrying the 5 wives today. They should go and marry 5 wives nau...

You say men have refused to evolve, while women have. You get called out on the obvious lie, and then you shift the goalpost to finding balance. This is the exact reason women’s arguments are best ignored. Arguing with you is like trying to grasp the wind. Your arguments have no real basis apart from emotions.

Vyolet:

...yet the women with contrary, independent minds are termed feminists.
You guys are not ready.

my dear they are not ready at all, thank God more women are getting comfortable with being single, see one ode up there shouting baby mama as if na crime

the man will pay Bill's, you Will not dodge that, I dont care how much he spends, I will not put up with your lazy ass family..