₦airaland Forum

wizzynuru:
Lol.. And u posted tips on how to make a man happy last year December. Looks like u don't practice what u teach.

Awon agbayeee! they can google dig up, extract anything extractable...

geraldinai:
Nairalanders, this is a long post but please read till the end.

My bf just broke up with me over what he termed incompatibility. This guy and I have been together for two years and we both loved each other. It was a long-distance relationship, he stays in Lagos while I schooled in another town in the west. I had no problem with the distance because I'm not the attention-craving type and I like my space.

He's a complete extrovert, while I'm an introvert(not to the extreme though) and this has been an issue most of the time. He complains that I'm too quiet and not on the same social level as him. I don't do social media like that while he's uploading new pictures every minute. I also didn't like the fact that he relates too well with girls; he had a lot of female friends and easily socializes with new ones. Well, I blended with that so well as I didn't see any trace of unfaithfulness in him.

Fast forward to late last year, there was a breakdown in our communication, he stopped calling and chatting as he used to, I asked him what the matter was but he said there's nothing. I was a bit scared if something went wrong with him and I asked again after some days, that was when he said he would tell me when the time comes, so I stopped asking. With all the signs he showed me, my mind was telling me he wanted a breakup but I didn't ask him further as I was preparing for my final exam and him breaking up with me that period would leave me devastated so I focused on my exam with the hope that after then, we would talk about it.

After my exam, I sent him a text apologizing and asked us to continue as we were but he didn't reply. He invited me over to his place and that was when he told me he's no longer interested in the relationship, that he has no feelings for me again. He gave one thousand and one reasons for us not to be together anymore. He said I'm less expressive, I agree with anything he says and does and that during the break in our communication, I didn't make efforts to find out why he did so and challenge him. Funnily enough, I didn't react when he told me, I just said it's all right as I envisaged it earlier. With the reasons he gave me, my heart was broken and felt there was no need to push further. He was surprised with how calm I was when he told me, personally, I don't believe in forcing someone to love me.

I moved on well but after a week when I was alone and reflecting, the feeling of guilt overwhelmed me that I probably pushed him away with my seemingly “not too caring” attitude. I see myself with him and I never thought we could separate. I showed love and care in my how way and in the best way, I know-how. I did love him wholeheartedly and he knew it but he seemed unable to cope with my private/ less emotional lifestyle.
Nairalanders, did I actually push him away?

No you didnt,he has found someone else,hee just needs u to feel that u are the one that caused the breakup so he won't look guilty,thats the most used breakup tactic,I have used it sometimes and it has been used on me as well. Thank God u have moved on,love is not by force.

Ayanfeoluxyz:
Awon agbayeee! they can google dig up, extract anything extractable...

Lol.... Don't mind d lady jare... Oya OP update us nah

Dirkcoyt:
Hmmm I will read up on them as I don’t like a docile person who also can’t think at my pace I hate repeating things many times before someone catch my drift

Ok but also know nobody has just one temperament. It's always a mixture of 2, although one is usually major while the other is minor. I'm mel-san. I've dated a phleg-mel before very peaceful and forgiving, hardly gets irritated (angry), knows I have other babes and kind of praise me for being masculine. Already believes a man is not meant for one woman so isn't too bothered (she is a bit though) about losing me. She also believe she can't force a man to love her and somehow shy. Funny enough she's not emotional, she's just calm and docile as u said. What made me not choose her yet is she's not challenging, aspiring, and not well educated but her stature is cool and she can express herself in simple English.

Now I have a new gf a san-mel, very lively, tender, emotional, talkative, initiates sex, initiates love and actions, educated, hardworking but stubborn on the other side, has pepper body(cannot withstand seeing u cheat), wants to go through my phone chats while the previous one is even ready to be my side chick. Her stature is not appealing like the previous though but I know childbirth will make her more round later. I'm in a dilemma right now on who to choose.

So I guess you're chlor- Mel. If I'm right, you're firm, rigid, action-driven, few talks, domineering etc. The Mel part of you gets you in deep thoughts sometimes. They say two action driven person engaged together will make fun die out in the home. Mel and chlor are the 2 action-driven temperament. One is just introverted and the other extro. While phleg and San are the fun-driven peaceful forgiving, recipients of others action, one is intro and the other extro also. So I think it's good to have a balance of the 2 together

R3B3L:
Firstly- Don't blame yourself.. distance didn't play a part in this break down in communication.

Next - more importantly is the fact that there has to be comprehension. It's a man's job to understand his woman. Most relationships succeed with men who do anyways..

Do not feel the need to switch up or down ur innate trait cos someone felt u "didn't care". There are more people whose turn ons are introverts. Get over this dude, he's not ur type. U would have struggled well in this relationship if u tried to go beyond ur abilities.

" it is a man's job to understand his woman" lol. Abeg come tell us, what is the woman's job? Mr job distributor

Oluromantic:
Ok but also know nobody has just one temperament. It's always a mixture of 2, although one is usually major while the other is minor. I'm mel-san. I've dated a phleg-mel before very peaceful and forgiving, hardly gets irritated (angry), knows I have other babes and kind of praise me for being masculine. Already believes a man is not meant for one woman so isn't too bothered (she is a bit though) about losing me. She also believe she can't force a man to love her and somehow shy. Funny enough she's not emotional, she's just calm and docile as u said. What made me not choose her yet is she's not challenging, aspiring, and not well educated but her stature is cool and she can express herself in simple English.

Now I have a new gf a san-mel, very lively, tender, emotional, talkative, initiates sex, initiates love and actions, educated, hardworking but stubborn on the other side, has pepper body(cannot withstand seeing u cheat), wants to go through my phone chats while the previous one is even ready to be my side chick. Her stature is not appealing like the previous though but I know childbirth will make her more round later. I'm a dilemma right now on who to choose.

So I guess you're chlor- Mel. If I'm right, you're firm, rigid, action-driven, few talks, domineering etc. The Mel part of you gets you in deep thoughts sometimes. They say two action driven person engaged together will make fun die out in the home. Mel and chlor are the 2 action-driven temperament. One is just introverted and the other extro. While phleg and San are the fun-driven peaceful forgiving, recipients of others action, one is intro and the other extro also. So I think it's good to have a balance of the 2 together

You really lessened a big burden on me bro. God bless. Life wouldn’t be hard if weren’t afraid to seek knowledge because knowing is freedom.

Masterclass32:
I don't think you pushed him away. He just didn't get you. And its no fault of yours. You are who you are. Don't try to change urself. Someone that appreciates and values you for who you are will come along. Staying with your ex would've put u under constant stress trying to be what you're not.

No man would cope with that for so long
She should work on her attitude
Not changing
The earlier, the better

loswhite:
" it is a man's job to understand his woman" lol. Abeg come tell us, what is the woman's job? Mr job distributor

kindly ask yo mama

geraldinai. jan 9,2020

Nairalanders, this is a long post but please read till the end.

My bf just broke up with me over what he termed incompatibility. This guy and I have been together for two years and we both loved each other. It was a long-distance relationship, he stays in Lagos while I schooled in another town in the west. I had no problem with the distance because I'm not the attention-craving type and I like my space.

He's a complete extrovert, while I'm an introvert(not to the extreme though) and this has been an issue most of the time. He complains that I'm too quiet and not on the same social level as him. I don't do social media like that while he's uploading new pictures every minute. I also didn't like the fact that he relates too well with girls; he had a lot of female friends and easily socializes with new ones. Well, I blended with that so well as I didn't see any trace of unfaithfulness in him.

Fast forward to late last year, there was a breakdown in our communication, he stopped calling and chatting as he used to, I asked him what the matter was but he said there's nothing. I was a bit scared if something went wrong with him and I asked again after some days, that was when he said he would tell me when the time comes, so I stopped asking. With all the signs he showed me, my mind was telling me he wanted a breakup but I didn't ask him further as I was preparing for my final exam and him breaking up with me that period would leave me devastated so I focused on my exam with the hope that after then, we would talk about it.

After my exam, I sent him a text apologizing and asked us to continue as we were but he didn't reply. He invited me over to his place and that was when he told me he's no longer interested in the relationship, that he has no feelings for me again. He gave one thousand and one reasons for us not to be together anymore. He said I'm less expressive, I agree with anything he says and does and that during the break in our communication, I didn't make efforts to find out why he did so and challenge him. Funnily enough, I didn't react when he told me, I just said it's all right as I envisaged it earlier. With the reasons he gave me, my heart was broken and felt there was no need to push further. He was surprised with how calm I was when he told me, personally, I don't believe in forcing someone to love me.

I moved on well but after a week when I was alone and reflecting, the feeling of guilt overwhelmed me that I probably pushed him away with my seemingly “not too caring” attitude. I see myself with him and I never thought we could separate. I showed love and care in my how way and in the best way, I know-how. I did love him wholeheartedly and he knew it but he seemed unable to cope with my private/ less emotional lifestyle.
Nairalanders, did I actually push him away?

Today we will be giving tutorial for introverts who wants to be Social