flyingdutchman:

Once upon a time, I use to grovel for acceptance of my fellow guys so i could "belong", thought there was something wrong with me cos I couldn't. Turns out that majority of them were jerks, and I couldn't fit in! I truly feel sorry for that guy's mentality. Something is fundamentally wrong with him and so many naija guys.

It's good you see it too bro. Good for you. Many are void of sound reasoning.....products of dysfunctional individuals, incapable of self evaluation.

Oyindidi:
You can't confuse me

Have u seen that you have no answer to this.

We always find it very easy to blame, castigate and crucify others and when in that same situation, we do worst that the person we were judging and sentencing to death.

Be properly guided my dear.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Could you negotiate a truce with your husband.. bring your 12 years old son with you for a while, say 6 months.. give him a chance for a good life..

Then if he misbehaves then you know what to do...

Then as soon as your son arrives, start working on him and also an exit plan just in case, like a friend, or relatives while praying to God to straighten your son's character.. I think your son needs some love...

Aside: why does your son misbehave tho? Just curious..

Saintmary:
Very simple, travel to your brother's place, pick up your son, bring him home.
If your husband is a sensible man, he will only leave your child's upkeep to you without raising hell. Good luck.

You are wrong
In this case now you might have to choose between your son and your husband which is an experience you might never want to have.
I believe you should give your husband some time, treat him nice and beg him, he might consider

MA THERE ARE SO MANY SCHOOL THAT HAS HOSTEL GET HIM ONE TILL WHEN YOU WILL FIGURE OUT WHERE HE WILL BE STAYING PARMANENTLY AND WHERE DO YOU STAY SELF.

Davash222:

How is she independent when she’s still living with a man
If she’s independent, let her divorce the man and rent a house for herself and her kids. That’s what I call independent.
She’s begging a man to accommodate her son and you’re claiming she’s independent.

So she should rent house for the 12yrs old boy before you would agree she is independent??

This boy mumu get first class. Cow

shekauvsbuhari:
Girl, dt woman is not independent. She is still livin with a man and depending on him to an extent. She is hardworking though. If she were my sister I would hav adviced her to wait for her kids to grow before remarrying since she had kids from an audio man.

I hear you

Psoul:


Have u seen that you have no answer to this.

We always find it very easy to blame, castigate and crucify others and when in that same situation, we do worst that the person we were judging and sentencing to death.

Be properly guided my dear.

You no be papa yet so you fit come up with silly logic like that one.
Weak men everywhere

President2031:


So she should rent house for the 12yrs old boy before you would agree she is independent??

This boy mumu get first class. Cow

Seems you don't have elders in your community.

cr7lomo:
Women and selfishness are 5 and 6....look at the way they are condemning a man that did her a favour ( a true fact) ... Y are most women this dumb... How can u get pregnant for a man that u know nothing of his family TWICE!! Oh my ...that alone shows how weak mentally that woman is ..... Those saying he agreed initially but declined after marriage... So if u wanna by a car , after agreeing to pay , u find out that particular car is a post salvage vehicle , will u still buy it , knowing fully well that u don't want previously salvaged vehicles... Will u now force the person to buy it ?? Her siblings that are even blood rejected the boy , but u want a stranger just because he is husband to accept him ... A criminal in the making , so that he will come and destroy his own children... Men , pls b careful with women... They are very selfish and unreasonable beings

you epitomises foolishness, a replica of dundee
for christ sake were do you people creep out from, is this the kind of people i share cyber space with, oh lawd... your such a pathetic object, like at your illustration with a car, so human being has become a car, and even if it is, does your illustration match the issue at hand, you are a typical ewu gambia

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks for nice advice. You are right my son has become a thief due to the way my sister in law has being treating him , depriving him from food and many bad things the boy had no other choice than to steel. Since I’m alive I want him to be with me and I will take good care of him

madam, forget nairaland kids. Forget about U re footing 70% bills. U want ur son n ur marriage too? Am I right? Get back to talkin with ur husband. Dnt be combative but be persuasive. De man has his good reasons, but persuade him to give ur son a chance. Also work on ur son to see de situation n change for ur peace of mind n his own good. For the interim U can put him in a boarding school while U work on ur husband. Persuade him with good talk, good food, mind-blowing sex, good manners. Anything U can use to re-format his brain n make him change his mind. Give him fantastic blow-jobs. Use that too. This is how u win in this situation and get all U want. Thank me later.

Tallesty1:
Lols.


You for just allow me to read and disappear usual without forming an opinion.


You see this issue of single moms and their husbands, it is always very complicated and women are usually pitied as if the men are evil.

Nobody sees things from the man's perspective.

I mean why should a woman in her normal senses have two kids for a man she isn't married to?

A child is acceptable, shits happen but two kids for a man you don't know his family house or any of his relations? The OP is not telling us the whole truth.

Or maybe the kids are from different fathers? That is even worse, it is terrible.

See eeh, raising this children is not the issue, the real problem is what will happen when their real father shows up.


It is clear from the write up that they were together until the man traveled to Italy, so they really didn't break up. Should the man come back tomorrow and give good reasons for no communication and ask the OP to come back to him, chances are she would accept, or at least give him his kids.


What then happens to the current husband? He will be left with nothing like Aaron.

This is why I say that if at all anything should join me with a single mom it will be on a condition that I will adopt the kid as mine and yes she must get the consent of the father.

No hating here.

I spent the best part of my childhood days under the care of a single mom that is married to a single father. Experience is the best teacher.

Okay here is another thing.

The lady here claims to be financially okay, in fact she claims to be responsible for 70% of the family expenses but the reason she can't be with her son is a bigger apartment.

You boast of being a giant financially but you live in a self con with your husband and two kids with a third around the corner.

The man was okay with the child living with them until he started stealing, so why didn't she rent a bigger apartment since she's okay financially?



Abeg make I leave matter for Mathias.



How are you doing my dear? It has really been a long time

I really like your profile pics. A father's effort is looked down at.

Something is not complete in this your story madam,,, you were married to your first husband without knowing his people, let me ask questions pls, when he got married to u didn't he come with his people to see your parents? U have two kids for him without know were he comes from, pls what I will advice u is that keep on praying and talking to your husband and God will touch his heart, pls stop saying u are 70% in charge and u even stop talking to him, that also show that u talk to him in an arogant way, pls talk to him in a loving way and he will see reason with u. God bless ur home

The mistake have been made already and there's a solution for everything. I would be glad if I can talk to your husband for you. My WhatsApp is 07068374674

Badgers14:


Could you negotiate a truce with your husband.. bring your 12 years old son with you for a while, say 6 months.. give him a chance for a good life..

Then if he misbehaves then you know what to do...

Then as soon as your son arrives, start working on him and also an exit plan just in case, like a friend, or relatives while praying to God to straighten your son's character.. I think your son needs some love...

Aside: why does your son misbehave tho? Just curious..

He is misbehaving because they are threatening him bad, he misses me and want to be back with me. he wasn’t a bad boy when he used to stay with me that’s why I want him back with me so I can take care of him myself

Your husband is a very selfish man its not as if he doesn't know about the children before marrying you. still plead with him and talk to him politely you can discuss the options of boarding school with him he will only come back on holidays. if he refuses go and bring your son forcefully. fight it to finish the future of that boy is in your hands not in your relatives or husbands hands face your responsibilities.

Isaac1980:
Something is not complete in this your story madam,,, you were married to your first husband without knowing his people, let me ask questions pls, when he got married to u didn't he come with his people to see your parents? U have two kids for him without know were he comes from, pls what I will advice u is that keep on praying and talking to your husband and God will touch his heart, pls stop saying u are 70% in charge and u even stop talking to him, that also show that u talk to him in an arogant way, pls talk to him in a loving way and he will see reason with u. God bless ur home

Thank you I know his people we weren’t married we only did introduction . I stayed with his people when he left for Italy I left the house when my daughter was 2 weeks old because his mother and sisters maltreated me

Sixfeetbelle:


I'm not debating the man taking care of someone else's kids. I even applaud him for doing so. Men rarely do that.

The problem here is that he initially agreed to accept the two and then changed his mind and accepted only one. Why? Do you see where people's opinion about this issue lies?

It reeks of suspicion.

See, the case would be better judged if he didn't accept either then everyone will be telling the woman to find where to send both kids and leave the marriage if the kids were her priority.

You read the post without understanding it's content.

The woman said they agreed to bring his boy home when they are able to improve their standard of living and probably move into a bigger apartment.
The 3yr old give was with the woman and she moved into the man's house together with the baby.

I beliv the man would've still accepted to bring the boy in if not for the latest story he heard about the boy and also how everyone rejected him based on that criminal act.

You girls should know how to handle serious issues. That's why most of you have problems in family.
The woman should forget about who will provide for the boy and focus on letting her husband know the need to provide shelter to the boy.
The need to save that boy from the hand of his tormentors and how to rehabilitate him.
Tell her husband how her mind will be restless if his boy continue to stay with another woman that will prefer to kill him than train him.
Rather she was flexing muscle that money will not be a problem and he should just let the boy come in.

Sixfeetbelle, I was expecting you to reason above emotion and be more rational.

Vyvyanvyvy:

He is misbehaving because they are threatening him bad, he misses me and want to be back with me. he wasn’t a bad boy when he used to stay with me that’s why I want him back with me so I can take care of him myself

Ok, Then talk to your husband, reach a truce.. tell him to give your son a chance for 6 months... plead with him, and give him reason to believe..

The time frame will help shape his mind..

Good luck, and I hope everything works out well for you..

Cheers!

franconian:




I’m sorry, I read the above wrongly.
Please try to contact him and his family, they can’t just leave you to take care of the kids all by yourself. He has to be responsible for his kids too.

The mother is the best person to put up with him. What is wrong with y'all? She is alive, fi ancially capable n willing to have him.

Was it not in this same section y'all blamed a woman that absconded leaving her kids for her husband!

Isaac1980:
Something is not complete in this your story madam,,, you were married to your first husband without knowing his people, let me ask questions pls, when he got married to u didn't he come with his people to see your parents? U have two kids for him without know were he comes from, pls what I will advice u is that keep on praying and talking to your husband and God will touch his heart, pls stop saying u are 70% in charge and u even stop talking to him, that also show that u talk to him in an arogant way, pls talk to him in a loving way and he will see reason with u. God bless ur home

Read her post again. She knows them.she doesn't have their contact anymore. Kilode!

jesmond3945:
Op that boy is your son and blood. He is growing up with resentment and hatred in his heart. it is a matter of time it will come crashing down and he would never forgive you or his dad. Thank God you are footing the bill. The mistake you made was to remarry. it never ends well. Reach out to his father if you have his contact, if that fails. Plead with your husband one more time on bended knees with weeping, if that fails. Then go for your son, if it means leaving the house. This is because as long as he is away from you, happinesss and peace of mind eludes you.

Please read this twice, pick the point he or she has made above, i feel his or her reply is one of the best I have read so far.

Here’s my own contribution in addition to that above:
Motherhood is all about sacrifices, if your husband is not willing to help your son, please do what is right by your son.

Please don’t send him to a boarding school yet, that boy needs love and attention.

I believe your children should always come first before any man or marriage.

When you finally settle down with your son, please let him know you’re very sorry for not being around much, promise him that things will change from then onwards, let him know the sacrifices you’re making for him. Get him closer to church and to God.

I don’t know why I don’t believe he’s as bad as people are labeling him.

But, with due respect, I don’t feel your husband is a good person and I don’t know if that environment is safe for you kids.

Anyway, I wish you well.

Continue to pray to God and ask him for his mercy and grace for your home.

Oyindidi:
Lol, men hate independent women see as e dey pain you.

Modified
O ye Nairaland men! I like the taste of your tears, keep crying in my mention
I said what I said with my chest

make I catch u

LadySarah:


Read her post again. She knows them.she doesn't have their contact anymore. Kilode!

My dear I’m tired of explaining to them the same thing over and over again . It’s better I stop replying to comments lol

Davash222:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.

I will love to insult you and those who liked your comment.
The man decided to marry a the woman.
It was his choice.
He knew her baggage before he married her so he should be ready to carry it with her.

He also isn't doing her any favour for marrying her.
She had her life before she came and if he decides to go, she will also have her own life.

Yes it's a tough decision for the husband cos he is trying to protect his own children but he should understand that once his wife is sad.
The tsunami in the family that's about to happen will ruin whatever joy or peace he has.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Madam, I have an idea of how you feel, I will advise you talk to any elder or pastor to come and intervene in this matter cos your husband is just seeing it from his own point area
He doesn't understand that once you are sad, the children will experience the ripple effect and that will ruin the joy he has in his house.

Possibly, invite the boy to come spend days in your house so your husband can identify with him as his son not as your son alone.

Also, oray... Pray well well

Goodluck

rali123:
Haaa, I am surprised with the kind of replies I see here, she is there mother for crying out loud, kids needs love, care and attention, they need to stay with there mother.

You got married too early op, you should have waited for them to grow older a bit or look for someone who will accept you for who you are...

You are right my dear I should have waited for my kids to grow. See when we first met he had all those sweets words that he loves them they are his he will treat them well etc etc and I taught it was God that send him to my life ooo if I knew it would be like this today i wouldn’t even wasted my time marrying him. Have a lots to say but Not everything is good to say on social media

gwama:
Between my husband and my children, I chose my children, sister have you a kids from husband? If not yet, chose your kids and struggle for them.

Thanks my children come first too. I have a 2 years old daughter for him and am also pregnant

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

Let dem come and stay with u and see how it feels, evening newspaper

If you love your son and don’t want to have regrets for not taking care of him,rent a small apartment even if it’s one room look for a guy that can stay with him,or better still take him to a boarding school you know u only have to worry during when he is on vacation and make sure u show him love take him out always explain things to him.That boy might be the bread winner for your entire generations to come.

Vyvyanvyvy:

He will be 12 years in August , my daughter is 6 years, I have one daughter for my husband she is 2 years and I’m pregnant with another one. Their father is not in Nigeria and I don’t have his contact or his siblings. Yes I have a grocery shop I foot 70% bills in my house

Davash222:

Seems you don't have elders in your community.

Your comments shows how childish you are so just Shut up your mouth and take correction.