₦airaland Forum

Mstick:
Hmmmmmmm this one is tough, a broke man with ego is more dangerous than a rattle snake.

Well captured

That's why I love my Benin women. They build their houses without their husbands knowledge. And when the man and his family turn bronco, they quietly leave for their own house,babu wahala.

Save for yourself o.

kestolove95:
Divorce d modafucka nd move on with ur life, get a young guy as a sec toy...no time men are stupeed

You are confirmed useless olosho

Shame to you woman, you can't get any good and better advice here cos, the best way of marriage is that way which works for you, so go home and solve your problem, and let it not be that your eye is somewhere now, their is no better place. Don't allow people that you are better Dan to dicive you.

Lets hear from your Husband first.

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

You sound like a good person.

What you need to do is to stop expecting him to change, stop waiting for him to spend his money on you. That way you wont be disappointed because that man does not sound like someone that can change for the better, his problem is mental, and not just mental, but one that has to do with the pathology of his brain.

Focus on yourself and how you can make extra cash (a business?) to take care of yourself and to give your kids beautiful things as they grow. So far as marriage goes in this life, you have entered one-chance! So zero your mind and make the best of the situation for your kids' sake!

Alawaxbimbex:
With the kind of stories I read daily on nairaland about marriage...I'm so scared of marriage ooo...God pls bless me with a good husband when it's time for me to marry

If you agree to marry me,

You won't have problems

Clearly the problem here is money, no doubt you are trying really hard but he’s also trying...he’s also spending all his salary on family and not on stupid stuff... and he also gave the same personal problem as u, he wants a good savings too, he wants to dress nice and look handsome, he also wants to buy you gifts and take u out on dates, he’s frustrated he can’t do all that and not happy you are carrying the home... and 6 children is a lot, try family planning but pray for ur husband, God will provide more money

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

There is no smoke without fire.

Don't even think of moving out even if you have money. Your marriage is highly redeemable. If it is apology he wants to eat, give him and let peace reign. Try to keep talking to him and let him retrace his way back to God. Also, talk to him about side hustles. Both of you need to improve your finances.

I found that Donald Duke comment funny though [left][/left]

I’m that kind of person too. But I will just switch off the topic rather than embarrass you.

Red flag- God called me or too much spirikoko

betexplorer901:
i can't read it all.learn to summarize and be concise.why would u be having 6 children while still POOR.6 children +u+husband,8 mouth to feed.go and write a book,i will buy.knw offense

In a family of 6, hubby & wife are included. A nuclear family,,,, simply put.

No offence

When a woman feed the home for a month, the whole world will hear. Men please hustle ooooo

Please my dear, you need to talk to a counsellor, if you don't mind, I can help out, chat me up on 08060691237. I hope things will get better after our conversation

To every single man out there. Make sure you participate in this forthcoming conference to avoid what OP is experiencing.
Ladies are also welcomed...

A marriage is a very sensitive and sacred institution that needs somethings to oil it as an engine.. And what happens when an engine doesn't have oil.. I guess its knock.. Marriage is sometimes full of ups and downs.. Madam u are at the downtime now and i have some questions to ask u...is the foundation of this marriage built on Jesus? Do u know that there are 2 things that uphold a marriage.. Husband must love and wife must submit... Are this still present in this marriage? Anyway as a fellow colleague in the marital institution, i would like to commend your endurance and perseverance during this difficult time in your marriage and with the way u talk, u have sacrificed alot for this marriage for it to hit the rock.. So let me just tell u one simple fact... The inability of your husband to meet certain family needs is responsible for 80 percent of this whole problem.. I want to assure u that this man is inwards passing through alot too due to this.. U wont get the best out of him for now and u women are wired to frustrate a man when he seems not to meet up to your expectations... A man who pays rent of over 100k and school fees of 6 children should be applauded for a job welldone and needs peace to do more.. I know u too have been out stretching yourself too... But do u know that in all this battle, someone is missing? U and your husband seems to have forgetten the rock on which u started this marriage... Why not go back to Him and seek absolute help from Him?basically u need a prophet and Dont listen to some single... Divorced or unserious comments here on nairaland.. And if u cant find any true prophet around, I know a true prophet though not fluent in grammar ..pastor samson oluwamodede in akure the Lord has given him the mandate to set the captive free and restore
broken marriages.. After seeking God's face.. I see that man buy another car for u... U r such a strong woman and if u dont face this, when your husband eventually become a man of God, how will u counsel member of your ministry who have turbulent marriages too... Experience is the beat teacher they say.. be wise

echibuogwu:
Clearly the problem here is money, no doubt you are trying really hard but he’s also trying...he’s also spending all his salary on family and not on stupid stuff... and he also gave the same personal problem as u, he wants a good savings too, he wants to dress nice and look handsome, he also wants to buy you gifts and take u out on dates, he’s frustrated he can’t do all that and not happy you are carrying the home... and 6 children is a lot, try family planning but pray for ur husband, God will provide more money

family of 6 = 4 children

MizJaY:
U hit d nail on d head. A BROKE MAN WITH EGO. That's my husband.

Wawu! congrats for casting ur husband as a broke man.


In yoruba land there's an adage " oju ti ore mi oju o ti mi, iwo gangan loju maa ti"



Yes, he's wronged you but doesn't give you the right to mock his situation.

is it madam bukat? that woman pisses me off

Jullima:
My dear you have described most Nigerian marriages. We see it here a lot on NL. Keeping malice and Nigerian husbands are 5&6. You are not allowed to express your feelings, it’s called talking back. You’re also supposed to apologise for something you were a victim of. If the husband is not 100% the breadwinner, even worse, any body language or words are interpreted as “you don’t respect me because you are contributing”

P.S our NL favourite matron will come in and blame you for not choosing right, even though he presented himself as a godly man or you must have done something to change a godly man.

Sis, it is well.

hazydon:
To every single man out there. Make sure you participate in this forthcoming conference to avoid what OP is experiencing.
Ladies are also welcomed...

These are the kinds of things that young unmarried men need to be listening to. Not watching Premiership all day long and listening to songs that only talk about how to hammer.

I have this feeling finance is the most important thing in marriage. So if I do marry, I will make sure I have enough. And if I do have enough for wifey & Five kids. Na Two kids I go have


MizJaY I know someone with similar issues like yours, very close relative. But she eventually learned to talk back "politely". He can't even think of touching her anymore, cause muscalar relative who likes trouble(I ) visits a lot. We somehow helped her build a very big & nice house for herself just in case

nautybride:
Your story is typical for almost every Nigerian family.
The thing is our daily expectations are gradually decreasing because the future of the nation is uncertain, likewise the people in it.
Make sure you do not pregnant again. Do not add more to the challenges. I believe your husband is faustrated too and he doesn't want to be referred to a yeye man.
Yes, start saving, no matter how small. Please endure for each other. It's almost everywhere. Please, kindly apologize to your husband for your own peace of mind. Cut your expenses to what you can afford o. It is well.
Your health is important, take care of yourself for you and your children.

Apologizing for stupid, unnecessary and non existent offences makes you a bitter person. What is life if I can't express myself. In any case this whole thing called marriage is only working for a select few who really are aligned, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and more.

The whole thing I just read about the OPs husband's behavior is just nonsense. It's sad when kids have been brought into this kind of life, kids are always the reason people find it hard to walk away. That man will turn on her once he is better off. Before you give to others so much as if you will die, remember to take care of urself. She needs to do that.

Men need to stop acting like marriage is a favor to the woman.

MizJaY:
So I though sha cos I'm not sure I'm d only one going thru this kind thing. Most marriages na just mk we manage dey push am dey go....lol

I think you should follow the #divorcenotstigma thread on facebook by Ola Bisi & on IG by primrose_9ja. I hope you get the courage to create your own happiness and move on. Once you move on, everyone else will adjust.

angelusbrut:
Seriously some Nigerian men are just a joke,I got hooked up with a guy, well i am not sure if he is broke or not,but the manner he commands me made me to have a rethink, everything he wants you to apologize even the one he is guilty of, well as for me, am working and doing well,I can't because of marriage put my neck in a hook.
Least I forget,he will tell you that he is the man bla bla...
Yersterday,he insulted me like kilode, I just replied, thank you.
Nah so I take jakpa..I can't kill myself on top man and marriage matter.
Nne, please try and have some savings no matter how small, pray harder, you have already entered, you can't jakpa like that,I pray the man turns a new leaf soonest.

That is the problem most of you have

You don't want to be submissive but you want marriage

I don't know how long you have been married but this is truly a phase. When a man is not contributing 100% to the upkeep of the family, he feels less a man and that is why any statement you make, you hear things like; you are insulting me because to have money.

Please, try to save some of your salary. At the end of the month, bring out the one you will contribute and sometimes tell him you don't have money so that he can bring out his own for house expenses. If you calculate what you spend in a year, you will notice that it is higher than the rent and school fees he is paying.

When a man notice that you are capable, he will relax and leave all expenses for you. Be wise.

Finally, pray that God should bless your husband financially so that you can enjoy your marriage.

veave:
Hian.

Wetin I go talk go pain you o. But na the truth I go tell you. Madam, right now I can't tell you to start with 50% so I will say 20%.

Thank God there is covid and I pray your job doesn't get affected. As soon as you resume, the second day you get to work tell him there has been a 40% reduction from your salary due to low inflow of cash. You need to save at least 20% of your salary. This money no Matter if the roof is falling down you're not to touch it. Na your back up money be that. The other 20% is for your upkeep. You and your kids should survive on the remaining 50% because you'd definitely pay tithe. It's because he knows you always have a back up plan that is why he is relaxed and allowing you foot all the bills.
No this kain thing make me say I no go marry "brother" when I dey small. Most of them are lazy and are dreamers. They expect manner to fall from heaven after their praying and fasting forgetting Paul had a handiwork that sustained him all through his life hence he didn't have to beg and depend on anyone. I no dey like this kind jist. He's not even appreciative of his supportive wife. I know women who use all their money to buy shoes, clothes and the latest asoebi, their husbands dare not say pim because they'd even take his own and join.

are u serious like this.

angelusbrut:
Seriously some Nigerian men are just a joke,I got hooked up with a guy, well i am not sure if he is broke or not,but the manner he commands me made me to have a rethink, everything he wants you to apologize even the one he is guilty of, well as for me, am working and doing well,I can't because of marriage put my neck in a hook.
Least I forget,he will tell you that he is the man bla bla...
Yersterday,he insulted me like kilode, I just replied, thank you.
Nah so I take jakpa..I can't kill myself on top man and marriage matter.
Nne, please try and have some savings no matter how small, pray harder, you have already entered, you can't jakpa like that,I pray the man turns a new leaf soonest.

I agree with you.

I didn’t read the post cause it’s too long but if you have a problem with your husband just poison his food

MizJaY:
When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

we sabi that trick...when a man is poor he has to use bible to attract ladies...

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him,

I don't know when you ladies will learn. So you girls still take the words of men serious?take advice from people expert in the game of dating you will not hear word,you will listen to feminists and manginas.
Ambitiousness(talking of future projects and goals to prove to you he will not be poor forever),spirituality (church-church),and effemination(washing,cooking,etc)are tools broke men use to get women. This men usually asslick ladies and act like the special man singled out of the rest of us "toxic men".

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

I would personally take the royal walk from such a situation but our cases are similar. You probably don't have the funds to move out and start life afresh and you have 4 children.
The low self esteem of a typical African woman that will not allow her put her happiness first above her kids and husbands will not let you go back to your parents home or squat with a friend...just keep praying and/or apologising.

Cc:pansophist ,mrbrownjay1