₦airaland Forum

MrOpp:
Comments on this thread stinks of ignorance! So may kids on this forum.

My dear MzJayY I want you to know that your husband might have his own issues but i will only address yours.

1. Understand that your husband might also be spending all his earnings on the kids school fee and accommodation and also has no saving, as a married man myself with 3 kids i will tell you that School fee and Accommodation is the 2nd and 3rd highest cost in my household, taking as much as 70% of my earning. cos it seems one of the major issue here is because you spend all you earn on your home.

2. You need to understand that marriage has issues, your case seems similar to mine, only that i am the husband and am not like your husband. Marriage is like partnership both of your got married, we most times use the word "he married me" that is actually wrong , the correct word is "WE got married"so if you have no savings, your husband is not the problem, you are spending your earnings on YOUR home. increase your earning or live below your means. You can achieve this only when you and our husband draw up a budget from whatever both of you are earning. The budget should be the household budget stating clearly all your projected inflow and expenses.

3. Always apologizing to your husband is nothing, it doesn't matter who is wrong or right, if he doesn't want to apologies, you go ahead and apologies, doing so doesn't mean you are the foolish one, it only mean you are the courageous one in the relationship. You also mention your husband don't appreciate you for your contributions. Well, who appreciates him for his contributions? Don't expect appreciation for taking care of your responsibilities. It's the responsibilities of the Husband and the Wife to cater for their home. & that is what you are doing.

4. Your marriage is still workable whoever is advising you contrary to this is an enemy or is simply ignorant, your marriage can become happy again and your financially life can turn around only when you decide to work together. Financial success and happiness in marriage require plan, frugality, persistence, understanding etc.

You can send me a private message if you need help.

Cheers.

Abi o, who appreciates the men for all their contributions, nobody. All women do is to nag for contributing to her own immediate family. As I said previously, marriage is as complex as the human nervous system.

yusfaith78:
1 I think the man is frustrated but doesn’t know to properly show his frustration.

2 I wouldn’t call him a broke man because we all know its very difficult to make money in Nigeria

3 I would advice you to keep supporting him the way you have been doing because obviously he can’t do it alone.

4 I think you always try to talk to him and let him understand that he’s not making you happy with the fighting and quarrelling.

5 I believe you guys didn’t plan your life very well because I can’t imagine having 4 kids in a country like Nigeria. Just imagine you guys are with just 2 kids, things would have been a little easier.

Lastly, please don’t leave your husband ooooo because you might end up been the only one taking care of your kids which will be a lot more difficult. Moreover, marriage is a very difficult thing oooo

wise words.... This shows u are a married man..

veave:
Hian.

Wetin I go talk go pain you o. But na the truth I go tell you. Madam, right now I can't tell you to start with 50% so I will say 20%.

Thank God there is covid and I pray your job doesn't get affected. As soon as you resume, the second day you get to work tell him there has been a 40% reduction from your salary due to low inflow of cash. You need to save at least 20% of your salary. This money no Matter if the roof is falling down you're not to touch it. Na your back up money be that. The other 20% is for your upkeep. You and your kids should survive on the remaining 50% because you'd definitely pay tithe. It's because he knows you always have a back up plan that is why he is relaxed and allowing you foot all the bills.
No this kain thing make me say I no go marry "brother" when I dey small. Most of them are lazy and are dreamers. They expect manner to fall from heaven after their praying and fasting forgetting Paul had a handiwork that sustained him all through his life hence he didn't have to beg and depend on anyone. I no dey like this kind jist. He's not even appreciative of his supportive wife. I know women who use all their money to buy shoes, clothes and the latest asoebi, their husbands dare not say pim because they'd even take his own and join.

wellsaid!!

vickydevoka:
God bless you for dat ur word. De don't feel comfortable at their level

They will never be. Always running around looking for the highest bidder

vickydevoka:
See divorcee de give person advice

Is it not better to divorce a stupid man that can send you to ur grave on time than to remain in miserable marriage & die from a broken heart? Women remain in various abusive marriage becos some stupid people like you will stigmatize then as divorcees? What message do you now have for women who have died from stroke and heart attack as a result of bad marriage ?Of cos una usual advise: bear ooo!Knee down and serve food ooo!Pray for him ooo! Be humble and always apologize to him even when he is at fault at all time ooo! If he beat you , tell him you are sorry and cook his favorite meal oooo!!
Any one that reason like this should sit down on his village stool and start drinking his palm wine with kolanut in his mud house with goat and village fowl as his companion. Becos they are not only archaic but demented and miserable souls.
Madam if your husband is set his ways and not willing to compromised for the marriage to work .Please start saving money for a plan B. Do not allow this man to increase your hypertension to stroke or Heart attack. If you die today ,These same mad people here on nairaland telling you to bear and pray pray pray will still blame you for not doing the necessary duty as a wife for ur husband to make you happy .
Our society is cruel to women and you should not fall prey to thier wicked expectation of suffering and smiling in an abusive marriage .

crackkhaus:
See, Sass...on this, you and I operate on completely different philosophies.

I personally do not believe anyone changes (speaking of adults here), not children or teens. This is one of my guiding principles in human relationships.
I'm even much more comfortable with people who are transparent enough to show their negatives as well as their positives...at least you know exactly who you're dealing with and can work around it.

That false expectation which you noted as the reason why people change, is rooted on idealism - the need to focus only on positives, the belief that archangels walk the earth in human form.

Any man/woman who appears too good to be true, is definitely too good to be true.
This is reality.

The way you treat a girlfriend/ boyfriend is different from the way you treat husband/wife. As a young lady in school I will never ask my boyfriend now my husband for a penny because I have a father. After marriage and I started asking my husband, he said I was pretending as a girlfriend. �

thegrace:
The way you treat a girlfriend/ boyfriend is different from the way you treat husband/wife. As a young lady in school I will never ask my boyfriend now my husband for a penny because I have a father. After marriage and I started asking my husband, he said I was pretending as a girlfriend. �

You did not change, you were only pretending not to need his money when he was your boyfriend because you had a father.

Your own words.

omoharry:
Rude Rude Rude man.

As rude as it was,It is sadly very true.
We have to be practical and there is a reason it is called family planning.

saintandsinnerz:
That a good number of people liked your post clearly proved to me that many people on this forum are deluded. For a start, how do you come to the conclusions conclusion that she foots all the bills? She clearly stated that the man pays the house rent and their children school fees.
More worrisome was also the fact that you passed judgement on this man without getting his own side of the story.
Woman, your advice is devilish and will not be of any help in this current situation.

I wanted to Waka pass but you see ehn, the only deluded person on this thread is YOU. This woman posted her story some days ago and I gave my own opinion and you came here talking about likes and judgement. You are the judgemental person here calling my advice devilish. As in assistant angel Michael that you are right? How was I to know it would hit front page some days later? Ehn? You need help.

omoharry:
Rude Rude Rude man.

It's ok. I'm sorry, I never knew u are the OP


By the way, 4 children too plenty oooo

Mstick:
Hmmmmmmm this one is tough, a broke man with ego is more dangerous than a rattle snake.

D man is coming for u

UyaiIncomparabl:
Is it a must for her to continue the marriage? When will women stop condoning neglect? Does she detest separation/divorce?

can i tell you the truth?

with a face like that you'd be at your most beautiful in long red braids.

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

Call ur pastor or marriage counsellor into d matter...its everyday issues dat turned d marriage sour. Both of u are contributing to d toxic atmosphere in ur home. Also, u both have egos due to been broke. U want peace I presume, eat humble pie and go to him. Two of u are really stressed, try exercises for at least 30mins 3x per week, then encourage him to join u. Stress will reduce and u guys can start enjoying each other and plan with what u have. Exercises are free..just walk, sweat and release tension. As u are doing dis, be patient.
In summary, counselling, exercises and patience.
Good luck.

odinga1of:
It's ok. I'm sorry, I never knew u are the OP


By the way, 4 children too plenty oooo

I am not op oo!Just contributed.

veave:
I'm not suffering in my marriage sweetie. It's not everyone that will pass through hell before going to heaven. For some of us its from heaven to higher heavens. I'm only advising her based on what she said. I didn't ask her to leave or disrespect her husband. I'm only looking out for her because:
1. There's some kind of comfort and assurance your savings gives. It takes away a certain level of worrying and pressure because you know there's something somewhere you can fall back on no matter what. (20%)
2. She needs to look after herself. In order to stay sane live a happy and healthy life first your inner man needs to be fed. How do you do that? Your self esteem and self worth level should be above average so you can even think well and make more money. (20%)
3. In no part of my post did I compare her marriage to mine. I only told her my reasons from shying away from people who claim to be very spiritual based on my personal experiences as a growing child in the church.
4. As a good citizen of the country, all you needed to do is walk past my post and give her your own advice. She's an adult and can differentiate weed from plant. No one expects her to take all the advice given here.
5. When next you decide to quote any of my posts, spell your words completely. Abbreviations give me headaches.
6. Thank you.

you just elucidated that point of yours explicitly. else she would have misunderstood you.

I like your comment though respectfully submitted despite how hard I sounded. keep it up ma'am.
and keep in touch so I can make you one of my advisers when I take up the mantle of leadership of this country

Peave82:
As rude as it was,It is sadly very true.
We have to be practical and there is a reason it is called family planning.

I understand.

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

You husband character seems similar to mine. I'd better start to work on myself and change for a better character.

Well my advice for you is to pray. We all have problems that we are going through. Let God help us

veave:
Hian.

Wetin I go talk go pain you o. But na the truth I go tell you. Madam, right now I can't tell you to start with 50% so I will say 20%.

Thank God there is covid and I pray your job doesn't get affected. As soon as you resume, the second day you get to work tell him there has been a 40% reduction from your salary due to low inflow of cash. You need to save at least 20% of your salary. This money no Matter if the roof is falling down you're not to touch it. Na your back up money be that. The other 20% is for your upkeep. You and your kids should survive on the remaining 50% because you'd definitely pay tithe. It's because he knows you always have a back up plan that is why he is relaxed and allowing you foot all the bills.
No this kain thing make me say I no go marry "brother" when I dey small. Most of them are lazy and are dreamers. They expect manner to fall from heaven after their praying and fasting forgetting Paul had a handiwork that sustained him all through his life hence he didn't have to beg and depend on anyone. I no dey like this kind jist. He's not even appreciative of his supportive wife. I know women who use all their money to buy shoes, clothes and the latest asoebi, their husbands dare not say pim because they'd even take his own and join.

"Definitely pay tithe"!!!
Is it your money

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

youre not the talking type doesn't mean you are not the vexing type.... That anger (fire that's you're burning inside will one-day go out of hand ) you're accumulating will one day lead to something that you won't be able to explain how you got there even if you explained yourself will people believe you ...before then, PLEASE try see a Pastor or a marriage counsellor.

veave:
Hian.

Wetin I go talk go pain you o. But na the truth I go tell you. Madam, right now I can't tell you to start with 50% so I will say 20%.

Thank God there is covid and I pray your job doesn't get affected. As soon as you resume, the second day you get to work tell him there has been a 40% reduction from your salary due to low inflow of cash. You need to save at least 20% of your salary. This money no Matter if the roof is falling down you're not to touch it. Na your back up money be that. The other 20% is for your upkeep. You and your kids should survive on the remaining 50% because you'd definitely pay tithe. It's because he knows you always have a back up plan that is why he is relaxed and allowing you foot all the bills.
No this kain thing make me say I no go marry "brother" when I dey small. Most of them are lazy and are dreamers. They expect manner to fall from heaven after their praying and fasting forgetting Paul had a handiwork that sustained him all through his life hence he didn't have to beg and depend on anyone. I no dey like this kind jist. He's not even appreciative of his supportive wife. I know women who use all their money to buy shoes, clothes and the latest asoebi, their husbands dare not say pim because they'd even take his own and join.

MizJay, this advice is good. But you will still need wisdom. If he gets to know you lie about your salary there will be "war" and people (family) may not like it that you lie if they know too. God will see you through.

MizJaY

bukatyne:
I see two issues:

1. You both are earning below the standard of living you have set for yourselves. In what ways is your husband trying to increase his earnings?

2. Do you have a written budget where you can track income with expenditure so you see where you can cut expenses (I know what you have is not enough however, that will reduce the mental stress on you).

3. You have the classic egoistic Nigerian husband. How do you navigate them? By apologizing when issues crop up whether you are wrong or not. Yorubas call that apology 'gba je n simi' or 'sorry, let me rest.'
So issues come up, it is quickly 'sweetheart, sorry, I did not mean it like that.', 'sorry, no vex' etc.

4. His spiritual life: what happened to the man that wanted to be a pastor? Just how you leaned on him for spiritual growth, you might need to return the favour now.

And good that you have to wisdom to avoid his blows since you are still willing to stay.

If I see any advice here on NL that's better than this I will let you know. Note: Point 1 and 3.

This is a man trying to still save his name in the house as the "man of the house" regardless he is without job for now.
The moment a man allows a lady tale care of the home for a certain period, the woman turns a journalist on how she is now the one providing this and that but when the man does this, two ear not go hear.
If you like make 10m a month salary, you must know your place in the home. Total submissivness otherwise you ladies can take it the extra mile.
Like the first comment on page 1 said, we like to hear your husbands part, possibly you Don turn the man to houseboy and still want a voice in the house.

Drince:

This matter tie wrapper, wear shoe still put face cap..
How long have you been married?
How old are your kids respectively?
Do want a divorce?
Honestly i'm currently watching this kind of film live between my mom and dad,except from the shouting and beating honestly i can talk to them but i want to learn how they would make up..
The person below can be of help

You forgot the nose mask its wearing!

lilyheaven:
The only problem I have with you right now, is that you allowed your body to develop hypertension, money you don't have, you will be buying drugs up and down.
My lecturer warned me seriously not to allow any man to break my heart.
I'm a very calm person too, my only action is silent, and I smile a lot, but I always do my wify duty, even in silence.
My husband calls me Obi-akpo.

Your lecturer or your ex-FWB?

tonididdy:
This is a man trying to still save his name in the house as the "man of the house" regardless he is without job for now.
The moment a man allows a lady tale care of the home for a certain period, the woman turns a journalist on how she is now the one providing this and that but when the man does this, two ear not go hear.
If you like make 10m a month salary, you must know your place in the home. Total submissivness otherwise you ladies can take it the extra mile.
Like the first comment on page 1 said, we like to hear your husbands part, possibly you Don turn the man to houseboy and still want a voice in the house.

A woman cannot be contributing as breadwinner and also show total submission

It's not possible.

PeacenLove2:
Most if not all submissive wives get bullied by their significant other. It's against human nature to expose so much vulnerability and expect not to be taken advantage of. It's just the other side of humanity. Talk about the saying about absolute power, it corrupts absolutely. Women, be loving and supportive but always draw the line and stand your ground. There is no two ways about it.

Thank you, this is basic human psychology but men pretend they don't know all this because they want to control women completely

Mordecai:
Your lecturer or your ex-FWB?

What is the meaning of that?

In your next world, ensure that you marry a man you truly love and have feelings for. Meanwhile, do you want to be making millions of naira from investment on the Ibeju Lekki plots of land? Click on the links on my signature for details.

ReeLoaDead:
OP. Sorry for your predicament. Based on your account, I side with you, you are being unfairly treated in this marriage/relationship. I don’t have a solution except just advice that you should not be a pushover but still strive to maintain peace for the sake of your marriage/kids - find that balance.
Now for some preaching from my end, what I will say will be bitter. Why did you have six kids when you obviously cannot afford that many? This is a general problem in Nigeria/Africa - having more kids than the couple can afford to care for both financially and with their time. Future parents, please take note. Biology and Finance have to be planned well and in sync!

Living above means is a general problem in Nigeria. People that should nor even have GoTV will be doing DSTV and there is no light.

Madam what u narrated here Is the normal marital life of an average Nigerian. I don't think this Ur case is peculiar. Some many people u see are having the same or worse challenges and are managing them. Don't listen to those who are telling u d man is this or that. All marriage comes with their challenges and if u can analyse Ur hubby case like those then u can solve the problems. Some of the people advising u to leave him or do him this or that are managing their own problems and theirs could b worse. Sometimes in a marriage God raises a leader. It could b the wife or the husband. That person wud Sacrifice more than the partner so the marriage could continue and in Ur case it cud b u. Successful marriages means a lot of sacrifice from either one person or the both. May God see u through. I wud like to encourage u. U can talk to me on this no 07066601104