₦airaland Forum

Whether your parents were strict, under strict or over strict, the treatments you got were enough raw resources to refine and rebuild your life lessons and wisdom which could have been a guarding angel , even while in University and up till now.

However, the decision to choose came to you with enough time and options but you rather chose wrongly....(while trying to justify the harsh treatments you received from your parents).

Now with time, you gets to understand the victim who takes the Lion's shares of the sufferings.

Meanwhile, preventing people from hazards (knowledge), while not making them understand (wisdom) the consequences and end-results of it is half-baked!

Teaching people (kids) the FEAR OF GOD, FEAR OF GOD , is the main thing that keeps the ever -curious human mind. The doer or receiver eventually enjoys its 90% if not 100% benefits....

Who thinks he's doing God any favour?

Exc2000:
pastors kids turn out badly because they no their parents are hypocrites that preach something on the pulpits and do the exact opposite at home

That is not true. Most pastors kids become spoilt and rebellious because of peer influence. Look at Dr Paul Eneche's, kids, Adeboye's kids and even Oyedepos are good examples. These families are strict especially Oyedepo

This topic is very interesting, my parents aren't strict but they disciple my ass any time I do nonsense, and because of their punishment till today I respect them because I remember those days they used flog me because of bad company.

druxlazu:
I get it, you are another terrible creature like her and that's why you can't see that the poster is a terrible creature.

Awesome!

That doesn't mean... My parents are strict especially my mum... I have friends that smokes and drink but that doesn't mean I will do the same... You are responsible for your actions

Is because u want 2b a useless child so far only ur daddy that is strict and ur mum is nt that shuld b ok 2make u a gøod child so if they ask u 2carry guns u will do it because of ur daddy did nt give u want u want

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

crackland:
All of that happened ONLY because of your bad decisions and the wrong kind of company you kept, it wasn't due to the style of discipline you were given by your dad.

If you had been involved in more profitable things like hanging out with the brightest students who spent their time studying and sitting at the front of the lecture hall, or perhaps you joined a religious Christian group and made friends from there, you would not have had anyone to drink, smoke, party, or do drugs with.

Your mom who wasn't strict, why didn't her relaxed disciplinary style have any effect on you?

Learn to have some personal responsibility for your choices.

I was about to write a diary, then I saw this comment. Need I say more! Thanks for summarizing my diary into few words.

Dpharisee:
Drugs, whoring, smoking, partying are all your personal decisions.
There are better ways to explore the world in the midst of good company.
How can you blame your decision to join bad group in university out of curiosity due to your father strictness whose aim was to protect you against such vices.
You get drunk on alcohol you put into your own stomach but blame your dad who is miles away.
Imagine your own kids doing that to you in future

My mum (God bless her soul) was strict and till date there are things I will want to do but remember that she wouldn't have tolerated it and I hold back even as an adult.

I remember the story of the young man who went to an interview as a facility manager in a big oil firm, he desperately needed that high paying job.
On his arrival he saw a water hose spilling water on the floor, he put off the water because his strict father that he hated would have shouted at him for not doing that, he saw a light bulb shining outside in the hot sun and a fan blowing in an empty hall, he put them off while still angry at his father who would have shouted at him if he just walked past.

It continued until it was his turn to meet the interviewers who simply told him that he got the job as there won't be any need for interview because they observed every candidate as they entered from a CCTV camera and non of them did what he did by putting off the wasting water and electrical appliances. His father's strictness gave him the job.

Yeah probably that is why some Nigerians do care about others and things in their environment. The illustration you gave should have shaped many Nigerians but the reverse is the case

Am embarrassed that you wrote that post OP
Am glad you turned out okay after being messed up...
Trust me, you would have been better

Kyom20:
I can totally relate to this. Nigerian parents often make the mistake of trying to force or suppress their kids to be a certain way so as to avoid them making "mistakes". What they fail to realise is making mistakes and learning is part of life.

This then leads to rebellion because often times these children want to have these experiences for themselves. Its just human nature. What i feel is important for children in this situation to understand is that everything should be done in moderation because at the end of the day its still your life, and you would suffer most the consequences of your actions.

@ op, you are normal and i hope you learn from your parents mistakes when training your own kids.

I Hope this article sheds more light
https://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20120223/overly-strict-controlling-parents-risk-raising-delinquent-kids

Modified
I really feel the need to add that people on this forum are very judgemental without even understanding where the poster is coming from.
Did any one read her story at all? Her dad was very strict which led to her having to pretend when at home while being a totally different person when out of the house. Can we really say that is a good thing? Or have we never seen this happen in our society? Do we not see that this parenting skill breeds hypocrisy?

Some are even going as far as judging her. That makes no sense, so many people are mistaking strict parents for disciplinarians. The one thing we need to understand is that strictness often results in rebellion which often shows up on in our society as hypocrisy.

The reason why so many Nigerians are quick to judge but what they do in the secret is most disgusting.

And you are not judgmental? You believe her story, one-sided, without hearing from the father.

To me, the exact thing the father was trying to prevent her from becoming was the exact thing her mother helped her become.

How can people make bad decisions that are foremostly theirs like smoking Marijuana, drinking too much alcohol and doing drugs and want to shift the blame to their parents, that they are strict? Stop shifting the blame lady. Stop looking for your parents to blame.
Take responsibility (for your bad decisions), and stop being a coward.

So u think they will tell u that their children are bad or good abi

edoairways:
That is not true. Most pastors kids become spoilt and rebellious because of peer influence. Look at Dr Paul Eneche's, kids, Adeboye's kids and even Oyedepos are good examples. These families are strict especially Oyedepo

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

I share your experience by the time I was in Jss 1, any teacher flogging my palm or buttocks was just wasting his/her time cos I wouldn't even flinch if you like flog tire class would just b shouting "bone thugs"! My pops made me get so used to flogging so I wasn't even scared of doing "wrong" when I had the chance. Will often say to myself "afterall no be cane?" I remember confessing to "wrongs" committed by my kids sis just to take the beating cos it was nothing to me.
I used to play football well at a tender age but the skill was flogged out of me by my dad, he flogged me till I hated the game.
Some parents just enjoy flogging sha you will buy ball for your child then when he goes out to play it just around the house you would beat him up.
I totally understand you don't let anyone talk you down I was also blocked from socializing wit my peers, I hardly stepped out of my compound else we were being driven to school or church. At my first sight of freedom (admission) it was party, smoke n drink galore.
There's nothing wrong with you.

FeliciaOja:


I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

And you decided to leave out all the prostitution you did?

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

my dear my own mother had our family pastor pour pepper all over me. Today she is so proud of me, and will always seize the opportunity to tell everyone how good a son he has in me. So it's not about the beating father gave you... Them say who Wan spoil go spoil, though I angry with you on the effect of such system of bringing up kids, such as reduction in a child self esteem and confidence....
However if not for those beatings, I believe, I'did be a wayward kid by now.

I believe everything should be done moderately, I will never lay hands on my kids, because I have known better

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

This is partially hokum... What about those moral kids that grew without parents, the orphans etc?? As long as you can differentiate between good and bad, then whomever you becomes in life solely lies on your shoulder...

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

my dear that one concern u, watever happens 2u as a result of ur lifestyle u wil carry d cross nt ur parents. Ur life is totally urs, na ur sef u d do

Did you still smoke weed?

Depressed101:
my dear my own mother had our family pastor pour pepper all over me. Today she is so proud of me, and will always seize the opportunity to tell everyone how good a son he has in me. So it's not about the beating father gave you... Them say who Wan spoil go spoil, though I angry with you on the effect of such system of bringing up kids, such as reduction in a child self esteem and confidence....
However if not for those beatings, I believe, I'did be a wayward kid by now.

I believe everything should be done moderately, I will never lay hands on my kids, because I have known better

Point is excessive beating impacts differently on different kids. Simple truth

crackland:
All of that happened ONLY because of your bad decisions and the wrong kind of company you kept, it wasn't due to the style of discipline you were given by your dad.

If you had been involved in more profitable things like hanging out with the brightest students who spent their time studying and sitting at the front of the lecture hall, or perhaps you joined a religious Christian group and made friends from there, you would not have had anyone to drink, smoke, party, or do drugs with.

Your mom who wasn't strict, why didn't her relaxed disciplinary style have any effect on you?

Learn to have some personal responsibility for your choices.

hmm, wise word. It seems you're one of the elders in this forum. Respect sir

Ishaquine:
Thank God you said your parents warned you. Some won't make you understand why they re restricting you from certain things, all they know is to use force.

She said "My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid. Her father must have warned her which I know for such

Pat081:
So u think they will tell u that their children are bad or good abi

Their fruit speaks volume especially if you are close to them. You can't pretend to be a behaved child for long

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

Pikin wey go get sense go get sense. If u like smoke weed or pesticides, na u u do. Your papa don try for you, cane u make u get sense, u no gree.

DontBullshitMe:
Nonsense.

idiot, clearly you don't know it's a form of abuse, not keeping a child close and flogging them for every little mistake at the same time can make that child distance himself from a particular parent or both if care is not taken and even make them more stubborn

I am not against using force and not sparing the rod in a child's upbringing especially African Children. We should understand that psychologically, an Frican child is extremely very very stubborn so the best approach that Op' s father used was because he saw the waywardness and unrepentant spirit in her.

Sometimes using iron hand and force like we usually to train children make them do worst in their parents absence,I can relate that to one of my neighbours...

Everything is not all bout flogging and inflicting injury on them,sometimes a child while growing up with his/her parents needs persuasion from them except if the child decides to go astray...

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

We are responsible for our actions, inactions (choices). Blame God, the devil, or your parents all you want, it doesn't change that truth.
Adam told the one who Sustains all things that it was the woman whom He gave him (Adam) that made him sin.But this line of argument availed nothing.
The first king of Israel (the son of Kish) forcefully argued that the people around him made him did what he did.

Poor dad.

"So disappoint"

Depressed101:
my dear my own mother had our family pastor pour pepper all over me. Today she is so proud of me, and will always seize the opportunity to tell everyone how good a son he has in me. So it's not about the beating father gave you... Them say who Wan spoil go spoil, though I angry with you on the effect of such system of bringing up kids, such as reduction in a child self esteem and confidence....
However if not for those beatings, I believe, I'did be a wayward kid by now.

I believe everything should be done moderately, I will never lay hands on my kids, because I have known better

Bro... Don't think you are doing yourself and the kids a favor by not beating them when they go wrong... A good spanking won't kill them as stated in "Proverbs 23 vs 13" otherwise they will develop that mindset of "do it, daddy will not do us anything" as u see me so, i don chop beatings from my parents for this life wey i come because i was so stubborn.... But i later realized it moulded me to a guy of principles today
Lemme give you a scenario, I remember when i was a kid about 7years old, my mom caught me smoking (rolled pieces of paper) red handed, the way she dealt with me ehh, even till tomorrow I'm still running away from anything that emit smoke from the mouth, what if I'm your son and you played deaf ears, don't you think you are doing me more harm than good? Discipline your child very very well if they go wrong, in that way they learn to differentiate between good and bad

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

You are correct dear.