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Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met - Family (12) - Nairaland

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Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by richie240: 12:24pm On Jul 19, 2020
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by MrFly(m): 12:26pm On Jul 19, 2020
Godlovesyou28:


My father will kill if I go that public.
thought u said ur grown up and independent
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Thereishel: 12:26pm On Jul 19, 2020
Godlovesyou28:


The person referred me back to my dad to get the identity of my real mum.

Beg the person give her money and promise her that you will never divulge the secret to your dad since they fear him

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Nobody: 12:28pm On Jul 19, 2020
Godlovesyou28:



I hope to take care of something first; I guess, get stronger physically before going. Am so afraid (I really don't know why). Never been so scared and insecure all my life.

I am so hated in my family (I never thought it'll get to me this much). cry

I can't sleep anymore and sometimes I don't even remember to eat until after a day or two at times and don't feel notice until I feel too weak to get out of bed. I hate to go out too except its extremely important. I get very angry for no reason at my self and destroy or set my belongings ablaze. Am loosing touch of my business and my sales girls are looting me dry and I don't seem to care.

Why? Can't I fix anything anymore?


Reduce ur emotion over the issue. And focus ur mind only on logic and strategy to get the truth u seek.

U have been told, u and ur cousin have the same mother. And u know, ur cousin is your fathers elder brother son. If all this are correct, u already have ur answers. Your quest is already almost solved.

If that story is correct, ur fathers elder brother died before his wife. Your father was now taking care of her and her son( ur so called cousin who is ur brother). By tradition, ur mum is ur father's wife after ur uncle (ur fathers brother) died. Your father got her pregnant and she gave birth to u. Your father did not commit any abomination by tradition for getting ur mum pregnant. It is his right and privilege by Tradition. The reason ur ralative told u, ur dad payed ur mum bride price. because by Tradition, ur mum is ur dad legal wife.

After u were born three things are possible.

Option 1. Your mum died at Child birth when she was giving birth to u. Or she died few years after u were born. Ur dad did not see any need to start telling u that u have a different mother. For sure, ur step mum was never in support of ur dad marrying ur mum even though tradition gave him that right. because ur dad have d right to refuse marrying ur mum, tradition aslo have a way of freeing the woman and the man, if her husband brother don't want to marry her.

Option 2: Your mum just hated your paternal family and left. That means she hate ur grand father, ur father and ur fathers family. She abandoned u and ur brother (cousin). If this is the case, the person most hurt is not even u, but ur brother (the seminarian).


Now, simply ask your cousin(ur brother), if he has the picture of his late parents. They have no reason to hide the picture of his late parents from him. If he has the picture of his dad and mum, then u will see ur mother.

Also, u can ask ur cousin(brother), where is his mum from. If he knows any of his mum relatives. If he knows anyone, he can link u to them.

But don't tell him, he is ur brother when asking this question. But if he refuse to answer u, u can then tell him all u know. No matter how he perceived u, he will be interested too in knowing. He is a human being. He will naturally be curious.


In my opinion, u have 80% of what u need to get all ur answers if the story that u and ur cousin have the same mother is true.

17 Likes

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Wapchrist1(m): 12:29pm On Jul 19, 2020
As a consultant psychologist ur Mum is ur step mum sister !!!
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by osothermal(m): 12:29pm On Jul 19, 2020
SexytorresE:
On this matter , I belong to the C.R.A thank u. Hit like if u are one
stop being childish here, do you think the Op is playing here
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Eze2000(m): 12:30pm On Jul 19, 2020
dalass:


She is not illegitimate! Her paternity isn't disputed. She knows and was raised by him...


She's his illegitimate child. How do I know that?

Answer: The circumstance of her birth is not something her own people wish to discuss. They shy away from the topic in FEAR....

I always call the truth where I see it.

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Nobody: 12:31pm On Jul 19, 2020
To get started

1. what tribe are you from
2. how influential is your dad
3. does he hold any post, politically or religiously
4. do you have access to old pictures in the house
5. since your birth certificate was forged as it seems, is the location of the hospital in the forged document in your area, if yes there's probability you were given birth somewhere near or in the area, hospitals around there should be noted.
6. do you have a dialect name, if yes is it a name related to your dads tribe, if no that's a clue
7. your other siblings, what's your age difference
8. Do you know anyone of your step mum family, I sense there's a connection, either your father got your step mum sibling pregnant


lets get this first, then we will talk on what next

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by timagentms: 12:31pm On Jul 19, 2020
miketayo:

U r a bolo, she said her father left her step mum and married her mum briefly before he broke up with her and brought back the step mom. U r dangerous to ppl around u

Oga take your time to read the story very well,

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by richie240: 12:35pm On Jul 19, 2020
Godlovesyou28:
(everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. cry . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Godlovesyou28:


My step mum is not wicked, she only gave me crumbs... Honestly, she even tried because some women would have done worse. I just wonder about many things.

Godlovesyou28:


Its nothing, he is usually hard on me when he is with my mum(step mum).
He will apologise by morning if am still around.

You really have a good imagination.
Thanks for stringing nairalanders along

#Fake story
cool

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Brightgem(f): 12:35pm On Jul 19, 2020
Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. cry . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother cry cry cry cry . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!
So sorry about your pain. Lock then all up and get answers jhoor! angry grin. They have no right to hold such info from you. You do need closure.
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by coldFLARES1(m): 12:36pm On Jul 19, 2020
Godlovesyou28:
I just told my dad I was going to kill myself if he fails to tell me who my mum is and he told me not to mention his name on my death note and Hung up cry
Sorry about your heartache, but I honestly think this whole episode is one needless hoopla.

Some of us had moms that stayed their married lives with our dads but were absolutely less loving in tending to us, yet we survived and eventually forgave. If it is closure you need just to be sure you have a mom somewhere and you are meeting a seeming lack of cooperation from your dad and informant, why not rest the matter.

Just be consoled that you have grown into an independent young woman in spite of all that went down and move on.

It would be foolhardy to think a stepmom with kids of her own could love you equally when me that was birthed with nine others by same mother wasn't loved anywhere near. grin

4 Likes

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Kenstufez: 12:37pm On Jul 19, 2020
Sue that person that told you that story so he/she can complete it by force. If not, she have succeeded in disorganizing your life.

Pick her up with the police asap so she can tell the full story!!


Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. cry . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother cry cry cry cry . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by butterfly777(m): 12:38pm On Jul 19, 2020
Godlovesyou28:


I am am a replica of my dad even more than all my siblings. I don't think I was adopted since I have older siblings.

Your monica says Godlovesyou, that suggests that you know God. So, don't do your search in your strength alone, engage God. You can see that the physical odds against you are strong.
- they kept such info away from you for years.
- your discovery and pleas failed to change their mind to tell you the truth.
- they fear your dad as if he is a lion.
- people who might know are scared of telling you.
- going online or to the court might make things much messier.

So candid advise?

As a Christian:
1. Command that every spirit hiding your mother's identity from you should be bound.

2. Command that every agenda to hide your mother's identity from you should be scattered.

3. Pray that, " O Lord, show me my mother.

Once you pray as above, believe it is done, and relax in God. Read Mark 11:23-24. You don't need to continue praying it. Just pray them once and continue thanking God that He has done it. God will work out how you will know your mother.

You are blessed.

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by KingBaba1(m): 12:38pm On Jul 19, 2020
Jullima:

Wow! Your birth certificate was forged (or that’s not your real birth certificate) so it means this is a more sinister scenario. Perhaps baby factory things?? Can you afford a private investigator? I see some ads here on NL for such services. Also, use social media as someone suggested, put up your pictures. Also, I think you should keep disturbing the family member that told you your step mum wasn’t your bio mum.
Those that knows about the step mum not being the real mum have answer to whom her biological mother is. It's either the bio mother isn't sane or there is more to it. I don't wanna believe she is dead, and i am not buying the baby mama thing, but maybe she was dumped somewhere and the parent took her up
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by mormoney85(m): 12:38pm On Jul 19, 2020
Godlovesyou28:


I can't even hold my tears back, my heart is bursting out. I don't even know why I feel this amount of pain. My birth certificate says I was born in a private hospital that don't exist(I have gone there and its an office complex) and mother's name, occupation and signature is that of my mum(now step mum).
from this comment sorry to say it you are an adopted child
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Emrixx(f): 12:39pm On Jul 19, 2020
Dem don use juju for your dad
Stepmum dey control that man
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by KingBaba1(m): 12:39pm On Jul 19, 2020
Jullima:

Wow! Your birth certificate was forged (or that’s not your real birth certificate) so it means this is a more sinister scenario. Perhaps baby factory things?? Can you afford a private investigator? I see some ads here on NL for such services. Also, use social media as someone suggested, put up your pictures. Also, I think you should keep disturbing the family member that told you your step mum wasn’t your bio mum.
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Analysiscorner: 12:39pm On Jul 19, 2020
[quote author=Godlovesyou28 post=89806678]

I have no idea whether she is dead or a life and intend to find out.
My siblings fear me more than I fear them; their only weapon against me is hate and my weapon against them is forgiveness and resolve - they know I never quit anything I start until I conclude it. I have weighed all my options and the court is my best option.[/quote

The court might not be your last option. Pay the person that told you, if need be swear to him that you will never implicate him. What is the name of your village? You Can go there and do your research. That is the best option. ]
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by chukel(m): 12:40pm On Jul 19, 2020
dalass:


Her mom isn't lost... Let her mom find her! A mom that left and never bothered to look out for me? How things were with me

I can never look for that person oh if true


Layelaye undecided
I can decipher how it happened. I may be wrong. Her true mom never left her. Househelp may have gotten pregnant for Dad. Probably no female Child then. To cover the shame to the family, they allowed her deliver, took the child away from her in deceptive way. Sent househelp away. Trained the child as theirs since it's Dad's blood. So baby will look like Dad. Step mom will never treat baby as hers. She will even have a kind of hatred towards her. The househelp the year she was born holds the answer to the question she seeks. If she isn't the one. She knows the one.

2 Likes

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by KingBaba1(m): 12:40pm On Jul 19, 2020
Jullima:

Wow! Your birth certificate was forged (or that’s not your real birth certificate) so it means this is a more sinister scenario. Perhaps baby factory things?? Can you afford a private investigator? I see some ads here on NL for such services. Also, use social media as someone suggested, put up your pictures. Also, I think you should keep disturbing the family member that told you your step mum wasn’t your bio mum.
Those that knows about the step mum not being the real mum have answer to whom her biological mother is. It's either the bio mother isn't sane or there is more to it. I don't wanna believe she is dead, and i am not buying the baby factory thing, but maybe she was dumped somewhere and the parent took her up
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by lacapine: 12:42pm On Jul 19, 2020
Please where are you based? You need friends and close watch. With this amount of raging emotions, she may hurt herself badly. Please let those in her vase find a way to reach her and help her stay sane. Let's know your base please..
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by OROSUNBOLB(m): 12:43pm On Jul 19, 2020
Godlovesyou28:
[/U are using emotions instead of your head and emotions don't solve problems. Also, bear in mind that u may not like what u will see at the end of the tunnel though]

A friend told me that maybe the person I am looking for doesn't want to be found?
You won't understand how I feel if your not in my shoes. I just need closure.

If I sue my dad and step mum, and demand DNA tests since they both claim my step mum is my real mum; the court will compel them to submit themselves to DNA testing.
When the results come out negative everyone will start talking.

I think its the best option for me now.

I'll advise you take necessary precautions to protect your life before taking the option above which I consider okay though. I tell you everything,I mean the truth you're looking for,is right there in your village. Some people know everything about you and your family in that village and some of them might talk if the price is right. A good investigative Journalist can get every fact you need for you at a reasonable expense.

I don't know why I'm having this feeling that your real Mum might be a relative of your Step Mum. I may be wrong but it crossed my mind and that's why I let it out. I don't like ruling out anything in a situation like this one. Why is everyone so scared of talking about your real Mum ? What are they hiding ? You might be shocked when you find out who your real Mum is.

People talk when the price is right and everybody has a price ! The truth about your real identity is right there in your village. A good investigator with some cash in his/her pocket to unlock people's mouth in your village will get the required information about your Mum for you. I strongly suggest you beam your searchlight there before thinking of any legal action against your dad. You may not even need any legal action afterward.

I wish you good luck in search of your Mum.

2 Likes

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by emmanuelpopson(m): 12:43pm On Jul 19, 2020
form the narrative here,it shows that your dad got your mum pregnant who maybe an underage at that time.

now the ways in which you can know your mum is by narrowing down your tribe, your village and your kinsmen...

you can do that on Facebook and after that you consult a private investigator that will to the findings for u..

If youe step mum connived with your dad to hve kept this a secret for years. then it means it more gonna be tough and hard bit...

there are some things hidden and which if exposed now, may nailed your supposed parents...


any findings done shd be kept secret and don't just trust any one with information received
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Stevenbright(m): 12:44pm On Jul 19, 2020
Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. cry . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother cry cry cry cry . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

Hello dear! Yo need to take it easy on yourself. I believed you already understand that your dad doesn't care what happens to you. That was why he cared less about your threat of suicide.

But please don't harm yourself because doing that will be an easy victory for those who want your dead because your mere existence is a an headache to them. At the moment, you need to know that you and God are the only personalities that care about you. God will never disappoint you and hence, it is now up to you. Be kind to yourself, be positive, be realistic and less emotional. Don't allow the urgent desire to meet your real mum becloud your sense of reasoning.

For the short-term, be focused on improving yourself confidence and establishing your base. While at this, cut all communications with your dad and his family. Be prayerful, determined to be more successful and work at it.

At the moment, tell yourself that as long as your mum is still alive, you will reunite with her soon. And it will surprise you how this will come to pass in due course! Cheers!!!

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by lele007: 12:45pm On Jul 19, 2020
I can't pretend to understand your pain. your parents are very callous to have treated you differently since they raised you as a child.

You have to have a very strong mind if you really need to find your mum, because from all indicaitons there is some shame that your father and step mother are carrying.

God luck and grace to you

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Onyi22(f): 12:45pm On Jul 19, 2020
Ishilove:
Then you are likely a product of away match.
Thunder fire you

1 Like

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Nobody: 12:48pm On Jul 19, 2020
Godlovesyou28
Go to the village, meet that your father's brother or sister he/she is close to, or better still his closest friend in town and discuss this with them. I bet they will be of help. Your elder one's may also know something.
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Awoleesu(m): 12:49pm On Jul 19, 2020
Dear OP,
I understand your pains and curiosity, but I must tell you, some things are better left un-exhumed!
I have a feeling your Dad is preventing you from a worse trauma by deliberately refusing you access to or knowledge about your Biological Mom!

With due respect to her, It could be she's no more, she's not in the right frame of mind... or an unforgivable scandal was behind your birth...

My prayer to you, is to let it go!
If Dad insists on keeping mute, please don't force your entry into where sleeping dogs lie...

2 Likes

Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by ABINTUK(m): 12:49pm On Jul 19, 2020
[quote author=Godlovesyou28 post=89782052]

Please how do I locate a private investigator. Am loosing my mind. [/quote

Let your lawyer write a letter to your Dad, compelling him to reveal the identity of your mum within 7days face litigation... You have tried your best,now let the government come in.
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by bluestone2015: 12:49pm On Jul 19, 2020
It's so easy.
You are now on your own.
Post his pictures, name, hometown together with yourself and your full name on various Social media platform and ask for anybody who knows your mom.
If she is alive she'll find you in less than one year.
Re: Please Help: How Do You Find A Mother You Have Never Met by Onyi22(f): 12:50pm On Jul 19, 2020
Godlovesyou28:
All my siblings have ganged up against me; they say am trying to break our family up cry. How is that even possible when I have never even existed.
I just need one person... My own mother cry cry cry
My own mother, if you know how this sounds in my heart.
I'll hug her when I want.
Buy her gifts that she would accept.
Show her off to my friends
Bring her to live with me if she
I don't care if she is blind, lame, deaf, dumb or even mad (no offence to people who are); I just want to love her.
Awwww am so emtional right now, may God continue to protect her anywhere she is until you find her

1 Like

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