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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Travel / Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? (51563 Views)
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Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by kingsolomonjnr01(m): 1:42pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
This is all about personality.
I stay in ph. My bestie of 2017 just travelled to Lagos last year.
Guess what?
He have stop talking to me neither does he reply my chat.
Just Ordinary Lagos oh. it's just personality... Nothing much. 20 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Sammyolis: 1:42pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
You did not know they are facing there some think anytime you chat that maybe you want to ask for money or help 2 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Empiree: 1:42pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
SoccerUSA:Don't take his post personal. Your friends are going through shit in US beyond their imaginary America pre-travel. In another word, they are now facing reality abroad. Mo ja e si ni ooo Ire oooo 3 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by kunle75(m): 1:43pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
Mrcomputeru: I can relate with you bro. This is my predicament too,I was complaining to one of my uncle here and he said ,do the little you can and leave the rest cos some of those folks in naija are even eating good food better than you, or how can you explain my own sister asking for financial help and end up organizing birthday party in naija with my hard earned money? I have blocked those that doesn't reason with me but only see me as financial messiah. I can't come and kill myself. Enjoy your day 9 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by nickfrane(m): 1:45pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
Brother I agree they were never your real friend.. I have a friend that has traveled out over 5 years ago and we still talk like we're a stone throw away. A real frined won't ever ignore you. Just move on with your life 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Buffalo2(m): 1:46pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
SoccerUSA:Don't bother yourself bro. Who sees me, I see. Who text me, I respond. I can't be checking on anyone like dodo 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Nobody: 1:47pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
Busy schedule plus the time zone are different. Like America is 7 hours ahead ( i think) of Nigeria. So, when you're awake, they are sleeping and when you're sleeping, they are busy round the clock with 5 to 6 jobs to be able to meet up with bills. 3 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by heendrix(m): 1:47pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
Nwaotu10: The guy is just so funny cause when he should be proud is when he's attain the rank of a major or Lt.Col atleast one thing I've learnt bout Life is Don't kick the ladder away that carried you up. The guy that helped me reach where I am today is a friend that never went to University, while I was in the university but I never looked down on him I would always even go to visit him at home and today after school who would ever believe he'll be the one to help me You can see this life is indeed not balanced 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by godwin2ng(m): 1:47pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
You are talking of friends? What about brothers, sisters, uncles and aunts. If they can abarndon u, then who is friend. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Blackmann001: 1:50pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
I laff very very hard..when someone says ppl abadon good friends cuz one gats to huzle while one is abroad..... Lemme ask,which set of ppl huzles more on legit Nigerians abroad or Nigerians in Nigeria..... Guy ppl don't sleep we don't go for outings,beaches, friends gatherings or even party...till specific period in the year..and someone says its cuz they realized they GATS huzle in their nu environment... I laff!.... Ppl abroad trying to form "focused"... Nonsense! 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Nobody: 1:50pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
optimusprime2:Beautifully said! Some nigerians too Don't want to even assess themselves to see if they themselves were also good friends. That could be another factor too 1 Like |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by freeman67: 1:51pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
SoccerUSA: I do not think it is all friends that travel abroad that forgets their friends back home. However, some people start avoiding friends when they go their for various reasons. Some of those reasons are: 1. Immediately people travel abroad for job/hustling, some friends back home have found their ATM turning themselves to beggers before the friends. They will hardly call that friend just to know how he/she is faring. Any call to that friend will be to get something from the friend. That is tiring and may want to make the friend avoid the persons. 2. Some friends back home sometimes try to use their friends over there to complete their crime. Scammers and yahoo boys especially. Will want to used that friend particulars to obtain money from their victims. If you have a clear conscience and a legal hustle why will you want to continue picking the calls of such friends? 3. Sometime, there are issues of time difference depending on the country. Except you schedule time to call if you call somebody in the USA around 10-11am Nigerian time, he/she is likely to be sleeping and thus would not be able to answer you. 4. Strong work ethic in those countries could affect your communications too unless scheduled. Some employers in some countries does not tolerate wasting of their paid time for activities not related to what they paid for. 5. The feeling of not measuring up. Sometimes the picture painted to them before leaving Nigeria turns out not to be true. Thus, they start struggling and because they do not want people to know, they start avoiding calls and messages as it may bring out clues. 6. Some go there commit crime and get incarcerated. You as a friend will be the last thing he/she would think about except if he sense/believe you can render any kind of help. I believe different individuals will have their own reasons. But as it is usually said, 10 friends cannot continue to be friends for 10 years. This is because there will surely be events, happenings and situations that will affect your plans,growth and aspirations. 10 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by ajl: 1:52pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
SoccerUSA: Actually, he may not be lying about the Amazon order mistake. Let me explain how Amazon order work and such order mistake has happened multiple times in our family before. You said you created an account for him to order. He probably continue to use the account for future orders, and also most likely used his credit card, which would have been saved as well. Problem with Amazon is that any time one go back to make order, it automatically select the credit card that was used when the account was first created, as a preferred payment method or sometime it uses the last used credit card. After the first order, in fact, the payment system won't show you the step to select a payment method, you have to specifically go to the relevant page to select card you want to use in case you have multiple cards. Because we now use a single account in our family, I have ordered things before, and my spouse credit card was charged instead of mine. We have several credit cards in the account. Nonetheless, it's also possible that your pal took advantage of you. Who knows? 5 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by IYANGBALI: 1:52pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
SoccerUSA:my brother living abroad is not as easy as we think back home in Nigeria. It is a place where for you to really survive in terms of paying your bills and mortgages,some people do nothing less than two jobs in a day, the only time they have is for them to sleep, do their laundry and groceries. You need to be there to know what I’m saying 2 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Johel(m): 1:53pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
SoccerUSA: Don't mind em,they feel you will start begging for things from em,guy!,...you are better in your way,keep grinding and let em be...they feeling too big but remember they ain't God...Had same experience too,I just blocked em and cut em off then move on with my life...my destiny and theirs isn't tied together...Nigerians will buy iPhone and start feeling like they are above everyone else,Nigerians will travel abroad and forget those who stood by them all the while.....las las,we all go dey alrite regardless,it's only a matter of time....#peace. 3 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Originalsly: 1:54pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
SoccerUSA: I am one such person. As someone said earlier... you need to travel to get an understanding of why that happens. I believe if the person is in a big city... there will be even less communication. As for me... not too many 'friends'.... let's say 10 back home... I would be in constant communication with maybe 3.... let's say you are #5 on the list. Time is precious over here.... so much to do so little time... if you're not on it... you fall behind and things get worse. Friends 1 to 3 will give me an update on what's happening back home.... how friends 4 to 15 are doing.... who still looking for husband... who snatch who husband... who building house... cultists taking over the neighbourhood.... who doing well at school but finding it soo hard to maintain..... and at the end I'll say tell everybody I say hi!.....that's how I spend my back home allocation time! I see your Good Morning... how you doing... how is the weather.... have a blessed day.... and you know I saw it..... but it drains my energy to reply and start a back and forth ... and same to the others down to #15. Now you may be more likely to get a call from me on your birthday..... and then we can let tongues wag... but then... if you desperately grab that opportunity to fill my ears with lamentations... the convo will be over in a heartbeat! There are nany like me... we still have you in our hearts... but just don't show it to you as we should. Then we have made new friends.... and these ones being present will no doubt grab wayyy more time that you so far farrrr away. Like a long distance relationship... just don't expect a long distance friendship to be the same.... expectations can lead to disappointments. Whenever the friend returns.... you will see that the bond of friendship has not been broken or ruptured.... he/she will always seek you out regardless of your status. I spend all this time replying to you... who I don't know... yet to respond to those who I know by saying hi.... ehmmmm..... hmmmmm...... I'll get to them in due time! This is my relaxation time... I spend it here on NL. 8 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by SpyChild: 1:54pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
What happens abroad is plenty. Allow them settle down before you start judging them. Some are going through things they can’t talk about publicly in order to get their stance in those foreign land. Telling some folks about their travails only for some of them to discuss their issues in beer parlor and makes jokes about it or use it against them is not necessary. It’s better, they sort themselves out first, then they can now chat you or gist you when the travails are over if you still hang in there and be a good friend like you say you are. Some friends don’t know boundaries and will want to ask you personal questions even on social media, not knowing the possibility of your friends account might be monitored and these people will implicate someone and ruin their plans whether intentionally or not. Give people space to sort themselves Out first b4 you judge, then they will reach out. It’s not a joke, it’s a matter of life and death and the stakes are usually very very very high. Make it or fail miserably, if you have gone that far, seen prospects, you can’t afford to lose cos you wanna run your mouth with friends. Best option is Silence till you make it. My 2 kobo 3 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by bammydhele(m): 1:54pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
Still don't get why its anyway; but I would have just love one of those in diaspora to really answer that.... The koko be say, we in Naija should hustle,,, once u were seen on media that you are doing well, they will have reason to reply or check on you 2 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Emmyjean: 1:54pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
OP, you will not understand, until you leave naija. Life abroad is not easy, but you see your cool cash if you are working legit. Most of us here work 12hrs from 6am -6pm ( 8hrs +4 overtime), 6days in a week and you hardly have time for yourself let alone others. I used to chat all my contacts, but they think I pluck money here, because if they ask I give. 1 Like
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Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by zomby(m): 1:55pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
@OP Your friends may be judging you based on their experience with other Nigerians friends/ family members that think going to abroad is the same as going to heaven. I know a few folks that have completely blocked all Nigerian friends contacts on their phones, simply because ENOUGH IS NEVER ENOUGH, especially among Naija chicks (aka the entitled chicks). My advise for you is to simply let them be and focus on yourself and other friends that truly care about you. 3 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Lexusgs430: 1:55pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
SoccerUSA: When you too port, let's see who you would remember......... |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by udemzyudex(m): 1:56pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
uboma: The way some of una dey reason for this forum ehn, so na everybody wey travel abroad go learn English language? Oga read and move on. 1 Like |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Sheriman(m): 1:56pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
Petyprincess:When he was crunching on you why don't you toast him by yourself.. I can see from your heart you really love him |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by maasoap(m): 1:57pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
Obinnau: The irony of what you said up there is that it can be referred to as flimsy excuse 3 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Excel419(m): 1:57pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
Baba u're likely to do same if you travel. Most times you wouldn't like to read and reply a simple "Hi" from someone you know because you already assumed you will get billed as usual 2 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by bilulu(m): 1:59pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
DICKstractor: China sef na aborad? I didn't know o 2 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by pulsa(m): 1:59pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
MabraO:They pursued people from there though truly, noticed a lot of traders seeking wares are no longer there. Maybe he is actually telling the truth. |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by Bayothewriter: 2:00pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
SoccerUSA: You believe what you want to believe. Just try to be understanding. Someday you'll meet and their explanation might ease your pain. |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by TheManOfTheYear: 2:01pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
otipoju:My guy you're so on point. Although I'm still in Naija but I totally agree with you. I've got relatives in the US and yet for me to even ask them for money is harder than looking for a needle in a haystack. That's because I know it's not easy out there and we all should respect ourselves. God bless bro 3 Likes |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by CaseSensitive(m): 2:01pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
In a typical Nigerian environment, you meet people and make friends in most social construct; from school to religious gatherings, bars, and friends who became friends through other friends etc. Many are more of social acquaintances than friends but we categorise them under the "friend" umbrella. I have a few of these set of people. When you leave Nigeria, you're left with your own devices in a new environment where you have to figure your way in finding your ground, this self actualisation process can be daunting and the last thing you want to do is chatting with people who are probably not even as close to you. I figured when these people finds out you've left Nigeria, they tend to want to tighten the connection with you a lot more. During the first few months to a year of leaving Nigeria, my Facebook inbox was flooded with messages until I deleted my account on Facebook. I'm definitely not a snub by any stretch but where's the time to sit behind a laptop to chat with people when you're trying to actualise your strategic goal of leaving the country? It's a totally different climate here. I left Nigeria over 9 years ago and had to start University education all over and I'm not ashamed or shy to turn down any financial favours because I'm a student. I still keep in touch with close friends and family and the relationship hasn't changed one bit but I guess the reasons why Nigerians in diaspora don't really connect with people back home may be partly or wholy relatable to my reasons. Although I'm not excusing the fact that some Nigerians in diaspora are plain snubs and arrogant. 14 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Why Do Your Friends Ignore You When They Finally Travel Out Of The Country? by udemzyudex(m): 2:01pm On Sep 04, 2020 |
If you have a friend that turns every conversation to billing, tell him you don't plug money on trees over there, let him or her know that there is no money. When you give or make it look like everything is fine and you're living large what do you expect? If you're not always chance, tell them the time difference and let them know you're always busy. That's all. |
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