₦airaland Forum

Eight good years haba.. Now he's looking for a solace.. Well the ball is In ur court.. If u think u can handle the burden den accept him... He has a good hrt tho Buh leaving a pregnant woman for 8yrs doesn't justify his goodness..
I would advice u ask him his plans now as things don go south.. If there r any positive possibility den u guys should go on..
If his story de go south too my dear run for ur life u have seen enough already please..

The boy can always see his father...

let him know you have nothing and see his countenance if positive or negative. Give the impression if you're taking him back, then he should be ready to shoulder responsibilities as father and husband but will help in your little way as he can see you have nothing also. If he's truly remorseful and sincere then both of you can build your dream together.

dingbang:
Let God bless you both.
Every child needs a father.

not a father who can't provide for his basic needs

Don't rush things again. This might be a second chance to correct the old ways. Ask him to get a work or if you are connected then secure one for him. Don't open your legs for now and make sure you know what he has done for himself all these years away...maybe he don give another woman belle. Do a thorough background check.

Truvel:
I Could Feel Ur Deep Emotional Pains & How Deep Ur Heart Is Wounded Even As I Read Ur Story. I Would Av Told U Not To Accept Him 4 Abadoning U & 4 What He Put U Tru, But Accept Him Back If Not 4 Anything But 4 D Sake Dat He Sacrificed His Own School Fees 4 Urs. Dat Was What Touched My Heart Most Abt Him. It Takes Only Love 4 A Guy To Do Such 4 A Lady. Accept Him Back.

as a second child abi?

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

Accept him as he is. His inability to make it all this while could be the consequence of what he did to you. Now he has come to right his wrongs. I trust that thing will turn around for good for both of you.
With God on your side you have nothing to worry about.

There must be something that made him come back. Find this and you will have your answer. Is there a father figure in your life? This matter is not to be your sole decision, since you have feelings for him. Your judgment is already impaired

Thegoodone13:
You didn't tell us about yourself also. Are u working? Are u living alone? Can u get a good or any job for him ? Have u ever detect that he is a liar? You need to be very carefully. He may have wife and children some where. Don't rush to marriage with him. You need to study him again.

I do business and my business is at it baby stage. Growing it is not easy for me because I have loads of responsibilities, But in all, Good has been faithful and I'm managing my life.
I don't have any way of getting him a job except the usual way of CV submitting on online job vacancy.
I am not living alone either.

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

Don’t ever try take him back out of pity, pity is not love, he would leave again when head ways are not forthcoming.

He can come see his son and have relationships with him but pls move ahead. You can help him if you can but don’t kill yourself my dear

Divanona:
Going through all the comments here and all the things in my head, I get more confused.
It will be simple and easy for me to sleep peacefully and don't even woke up again. All this failure, problem in my life will not border me again after, I have tried. I know my son will be okay.

How on Earth can I allowed a man who has hurt me that much, here in infront of me. With all the way I have suffered and I'm still struggling to establish my business because I don't have a job, I'm not rich, my family is not rich.
I have met couple of people I should have willing get married to, but I declined.

Now the only thing I can do is allowing this same guy around me without any positive contributions.
The only reason I have is: my son need his father, I saw the kind of boldness, courage he shows among his friends for this few days, and it makes me happy that he's happy.
But I still have more pain inside

Two years ago, I wanted to get married, this new guy was all over me. He was fully in my son's Life. We were so much in love. But we couldn't get married because I caught him with a habit which I wouldn't want to disclose publicly. And he couldn't stopped the habit, so I quit the relationship and returned his ring.

Since then, I've been so sceptical about getting emotional with any man. And my son have equally been all by himself. It took him a long time to be able to forget about the new guy. Which really hurt me.

Right now, I feel I have really tried, just that I have also been a total failure, I couldn't work out my life as well, otherwise, what kind of ignorance would keep me down for this years.

I'm beautiful, not lazy, I'm a good person, I'm not a flirt, Every day I keep meeting admirers. Why did I keep chasing them away?
I feel like a failed in so many ways.

I feel should I go to bed, and never wake up, I will be more relaxed and nothing will border me anymore

I can express myself here because no one knows me here physically.

My life story is really hurible.

He has been going around looking for a house to rent and start his life.

He told me yesterday, one of his friend sent him 40k and he intend to use it to get his place.
He's seriously looking for a house now,
he said he don't want to be far away from us again,

Aunty, Aunty!
You are trying to create an impression that you are soft and you need empathy. But deep down in your mind, you have already accepted this guy back despite all good advices here, hence the story that you don't know why you did not accept all the other suitors. You are NOT confused, you are just desperately trying to convince yourself against good advice!

Madam, no matter what advice you receive here, 100 times over, you have already made up your mind to go ahead with this man, knowing fully well that it will still end in prenium tears. Lol

40k ko 400k ni! You are going to raise a family based on generosity of others and begging from family and friends abi? More power to you sha.

This write up sound as if your husband travelled out of country immediately he impregnated you.

What has he been doing for that almost years

Are you sure he has not marry somewhere else

does he have family

if he has made it in life , he would never come back to you.

Left you for almost eight years now coming back empty handed.

well, with the Love Jesus christ have for all of us, you can consider him back

but ask him series of question and study him very well,God will support you

franchasng:
it is well.

Any young person reading this should listen, your future is built between the age of 20 to 30yrs. Whatever decisions you make between these period will determine how your future and entire life would look like except God intervenes.


Don't waste away your youthful age.

Don't ever think you are too young to make great choices or decisions. Whatever you wish to be, start from when you are 20yrs to build yourself around that dream and goal, don't wait.


If you are a lady, please chose your boyfriend wisely oh and if you must have sex, always use protection, having a child out of wedlock as a young girl can slow your life's progress and movement.


Guys please stop thinking about marriage on an empty stomach and pocket, till the soil, you must not wait till you get a job before you kick start your life. You can start something small and grow from there. Don't be shy to do any legal job or business or handwork that fetches you legitimate money please.


I am speaking from my personal life. I have seen it all. I passed through a lot so I am in a position to speak to young people on this.


I didn't wait for Shell jobs, when my dream jobs refused to come, I worked so hard and God helped me to break even and those organisations that never noticed me started to offer me what I daydreamed to have back in the days.


There are plenty money to be picked on the streets of Nigeria oh, don't dull yourself, you don't need a masters degree to pick these gold coins. I am done

Thank you. I always love your advice to young people like me. Always on point

please just forgive him and look for a way to assist him

Divanona:
Going through all the comments here and all the things in my head, I get more confused.
It will be simple and easy for me to sleep peacefully and don't even woke up again. All this failure, problem in my life will not border me again after, I have tried. I know my son will be okay.

How on Earth can I allowed a man who has hurt me that much, here in infront of me. With all the way I have suffered and I'm still struggling to establish my business because I don't have a job, I'm not rich, my family is not rich.
I have met couple of people I should have willing get married to, but I declined.

Now the only thing I can do is allowing this same guy around me without any positive contributions.
The only reason I have is: my son need his father, I saw the kind of boldness, courage he shows among his friends for this few days, and it makes me happy that he's happy.
But I still have more pain inside

Two years ago, I wanted to get married, this new guy was all over me. He was fully in my son's Life. We were so much in love. But we couldn't get married because I caught him with a habit which I wouldn't want to disclose publicly. And he couldn't stopped the habit, so I quit the relationship and returned his ring.

Since then, I've been so sceptical about getting emotional with any man. And my son have equally been all by himself. It took him a long time to be able to forget about the new guy. Which really hurt me.

Right now, I feel I have really tried, just that I have also been a total failure, I couldn't work out my life as well, otherwise, what kind of ignorance would keep me down for this years.

I'm beautiful, not lazy, I'm a good person, I'm not a flirt, Every day I keep meeting admirers. Why did I keep chasing them away?
I feel like a failed in so many ways.

I feel should I go to bed, and never wake up, I will be more relaxed and nothing will border me anymore

I can express myself here because no one knows me here physically.

My life story is really hurible.

He has been going around looking for a house to rent and start his life.

He told me yesterday, one of his friend sent him 40k and he intend to use it to get his place.
He's seriously looking for a house now,
he said he don't want to be far away from us again,

I hope you don’t accept him again.
You are strong you know this
At least you have been for the last 8 years
You will meet a better mahn
But if you think this man is your road to salvation
Then that’s your choice
But we all know it will end in premium tears yet AGAIN!

My sister is very hard oooo to just accept him. But forgive him. You also need God at this time. Why? Because you need his guidance. If you are not truly born agian please do, because when you table this issue before men, it will only help a little but when you table it before Jesus he give you full guidance. Finally hope the guy in question has not run away from another woman or from trouble some where. You see why you need Christ guidance in this matter. God bless you.

flyca:
@Divanona - If after he left, he graduated, got a good job, married a slay queen in his office / level. Or if he became a “Laycon” during his away years. He would have had a sweet family with 3 kids. Do you think he would remember you or remember his son with you? What exactly is the confusion here?

See how judgmental you are? What if he has succeeded and came looking after her? Somebody that sacrificed his school fees for just girlfriend then, you didn’t even reason that way. I’m not saying she should joking take him back but he he has something doing to take care of their responsibilities why not. You are so mean my dear.

Hangulsaram:
See how judgmental you are? What if he has succeeded and came looking after her? Somebody that sacrificed his school fees for just girlfriend then, you didn’t even reason that way. I’m not saying she should joking take him back but he he has something doing to take care of their responsibilities why not. You are so mean my dear.

If he can abandon her for a child, his child. He will definitely abandon her for money!

Handwriting on the wall.

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

So sorry for the pain u must have been through.


On his part, find out if he still has dreams and is willing to pursue it.

On ur part, try and look inward if u still love him enough to continue with him. ( pls, remember it is better to be with ur child father than to be kicked around by men when they find out u have a child)

If he still has dream and willing to pursue it and u still love him enough, I know u will be fine together because he will pick up again I can assure that.

The burden of shouldering every thing now will be rewarded. Real men dont forget women that stood by them when they were down. Remember u attested that he is a good person, that goodness has nothing suddenly left him because of his challenge, though, it may be dormant.

pocohantas:
Stay there and be doing mumu love. Men always looking for fixers like you.

After moving upandan like evil spirits in their youth, when they are old and broke- they will now come back to that virtuous woman. Same thing you see in marriages. Womanize in youth, come back to their wives with Nigerian used penis and damaged internal organs. Your work will now be to cook vegetable soup without pepper and spices. You will also learn to turn wheat and pound unripe plantain for him.

Ndi virtuous women. I don’t blame him, na you I blame. 8 fcking years... Pfftttt!!

so much sense in your post.

merieam16:
So becos ur sisters er regular attendees at shiloh, u tink everyone is an evening newspaper. smh

Stay there and be deceiving yourself

LibrarianD:
Divanona, see it as a personal responsibility to face your problem and solve it. It's also important for you to separate fantasy from reality. You may consider the following steps in taking responsibility for your son's safety:

1) See him as a partner (more like a colleague) in bringing up your child. This should tell you that your legs should remain closed to him. Forget the aspect of school fees for now, you've spent more than that caring for his son.

2) Get the contact and address of his parents and siblings. Request to speak with them on phone after he has done the necessary introduction, request for a visit (do not visit them alone).

3) Interrogate the last eight years of his life including work life, family, social and religious ( you should get names, places and addresses that you can verify)

4) Find out if he's not running away from law enforcement officers

5) study his phone habits, collect his phone and go through images, sms, emails, whatsap, telegram, IG, check all chats don't assume a name is Male or female. Pay attention to his body language while you're going through his phones

6) While it's good for a child to have is dad around, you have to exercise caution in this case, you may need to combine the roles in the interim till you ascertain that this personality is safe to be around your son.

7) Do away with the hidden desperation for marriage, your safety in this case matters a lot

Do a Google search of his name

9) Forgive yourself, this is the most important step.

All the best in your search

Good advice from librarianD, do that discreetly, then follow the advice from pymetric above on helping him get a short term skill, be positive about his success but cautiously. Mind that relationship between him and his son for now.
Do not be quick to resume sexual intercourse with him.
if you have decided to forgive him and take him as your husband to be, then invite him for a medical checkup,he should run some medical test like VDRL, HIV, Hepatitis B, C and urine mcs, go with him don't let him go alone.
find out more about the friend who gave him 40k
to get a place, above all invite him to study the Bible with a male Jehovah's witness in his locality, they will help him make positive life changes that is influenced by God's word the Bible.

Divanona:
How please? He's here and I'm more confused than ever.

I don't understand what's making you confused. This is why it is never good to have sex with someone you are not married to because you create soul ties with anyone you choose to give your body to and exchange bodily fluids/secretions with. If you had kept yourself pure until marriage, you won't be in this mess right now.

Now here you are looking to take back a man who fvcked you, got you pregnant and then abandoned you and your child. You Nigerian women truly deserve all the crap your men throw at you. For real. Many of you have such low self-esteem and insecurity issues, it is actually sad to watch.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I am not going to advise you on what to do because you are a grown woman who ought to know better. It's unfortunate your mother didn't teach you better about what womanhood is really all about.

Bennysam:
Stay there and be deceiving yourself

Nairaland guys and their mumu mentality. see u yeye

merieam16:
Nairaland guys and their mumu mentality. see u yeye

Madam go and get yourself something doing

Bennysam:
Madam go and get yourself something doing

Uncle am at work . u tink every1 is jobless like u

merieam16:
Nairaland guys and their mumu mentality. see u yeye

Are you this jobless?

Bennysam:
Are you this jobless?

U don tire abi

bigtt76:
When you release a bird or it leaves you and come back ...know its yours to keep. Give him the second chance he craves, do not try to change him if he appears different from who you knew earlier on, be good to him, nuture and guide him to success ...if he leaves again, let it be between him and his God. You would've done your best for him for the sake of your son.

You will give her the money to take care of him ba.

merieam16:
U don tire abi

Woman I'm not jobless, you're working for someone and you you're talking boss like me

merieam16:
U don tire abi

Don't use indirect way to toast me madam

Bennysam:
Don't use indirect way to toast me madam

oga face ur work abeg i dey go. bye

Madam u need to ask him what really went wrong for those 8 yrs is he in prison or is he into cultism nd rusticated by d school, why shud he wait till dis long b4 coming back to u !maybe is man of God dat asked him to seek for ur forgiveness so pray about it nd b very careful not to make same mistake again