Heartbrokengirl:
I have always hated the idea of dating married people, but here I am...the ex-girlfriend of a married man.

It started sometime during the lockdown, I went somewhere to get groceries and ran into this man. Let’s call him Mr X. His smile and sense of humour was the attraction. He was putting on a nice senator material and when I stood for us to leave, he towered above me. I am a 6ft tall lady and ladies with my height can tell the happiness when you meet a taller man.

We started chatting regularly and we were in a competition to give ourselves treats. On our second date which I initiated, I asked his age and he replied 36, he asked mine and I told him. He expressed his doubts and I showed him my drivers license. Started asking many questions about my background and I answered all of them. I asked about him too, including his marital status.

I had just gotten out of a relationship, his father said he wouldn’t marry outside the Catholic church and he started drifting, I had to let him go. It was tough for me, but after months of keeping to myself, my friend encouraged me to go on dates and give another man a chance. I decided to give Mr X a chance.

It was beautiful. We were in a competition to please ourselves, take ourselves out and we both had a healthy sense of humour...chatting was fun!!! Everywhere we went, people stared. We were all over ourselves even in public and till date I wonder how he pulled that off.

One day his office had a party and he asked if I could come, I said yes. Got there and the guys were looking at me with lust, the ladies were looking at me with pity. He said the ladies were jealous of my looks and some of them have been crushing on him. If you see him and see me, you’ll understand why this explanation made little sense.

After the party that day, it was late to go back to my house and his house was farther, so we decided to book a hotel around. That night was our most intimate night. We kissed, he gave me leg massages, a head and said he is ready when I am ready. I was blown away. Could this be real?

I always noticed he would be lost in thoughts whenever we are together and blame it on work. Other times he will start feeling sick and I would have to close earlier to go give him food and drugs. This became a regular occurence until one day…

He had fallen sick as usual. I made him promise to take pain relievers and we should consider going to the hospital. He didn’t do this and I had to make out time within the week to go check on him. He said it is because he was missing me, how sweet!

He didn’t get better, it was obvious something was bothering him. I decided I will take him for lunch so we can talk about it, but he couldn’t wait. That night he said he has something to tell me, he kept apologizing but still couldn’t say it. He asked if he could send a voice note and I told him to go ahead.

At about 3mins into the voice note, I felt my world crumbling. He told me he was married and has been married for almost 10years with kids. His family was not in the country, that is why I never saw traces of them. He said he had been battling with the guilt and was scared to tell me because some other girl left when she found out and the last was with him for money. He knew I would leave and was scared, his best friend told him to give it time, another told him to ghost me but I have been good to him and his conscience won’t let him. Other friends said he should never mention it to me.


When my friend saw him, she told me he was going to hurt me. I asked her how and she said I was too innocent for him. She didn’t say further not to be termed hater, but since he made me happy again...she wished me well.

I kept replaying the audio while he kept asking me to say something. I wondered if he treated his wife the way he treated me. He was such a gentleman. Held my hands when I had to walk in heels, opened the car door for me, checked on me at work, gave me handmade customized gifts...he made them himself. He said his wife is bad and he wants divorce her, lolz. I told him they all say that. I told him how much he has hurt me, but I forgive him and appreciate him telling me when he did.

It has been almost 3months but the pain lingers. I know I will be fine…

If you can stay with out him then try and pull out, but you will feel it more because you like his swag likewise you he too

You can still go ahead with the relationship but bearing in mind that he is married and most likely not going to marry you

You also never can say how and where he can be of help to you

The issue with such relationship is that he will make you not give your heart to another man

Meaning you may not have a chance to look for another man especially a Batchelor

manontree:
This entire piece sounds like you have your cake and want to eat it. Everyone stands for something. If yours is that you don't do married men, fine. So you moved and thats what it is

This thread is of no consequences to us. If you are seeking for sympathy, say so otherwise I do not understand what this is all about. We all have stories and experiences and most don't come online to nod off on faceless people about their past love lifes

Or do you in any way miss this man and regret its all over. Then if so, are you seeking validation to resume your illicit affair

I don't just know

Any normal person would miss someone that was good to them. I believe that is what makes us human, except you are an ingrate.

You can unfollow the thread, it is better than you getting triggered

Heartbrokengirl:
I have always hated the idea of dating married people, but here I am...the ex-girlfriend of a married man.

It started sometime during the lockdown, I went somewhere to get groceries and ran into this man. Let’s call him Mr X. His smile and sense of humour was the attraction. He was putting on a nice senator material and when I stood for us to leave, he towered above me. I am a 6ft tall lady and ladies with my height can tell the happiness when you meet a taller man.

We started chatting regularly and we were in a competition to give ourselves treats. On our second date which I initiated, I asked his age and he replied 36, he asked mine and I told him. He expressed his doubts and I showed him my drivers license. Started asking many questions about my background and I answered all of them. I asked about him too, including his marital status.

I had just gotten out of a relationship, his father said he wouldn’t marry outside the Catholic church and he started drifting, I had to let him go. It was tough for me, but after months of keeping to myself, my friend encouraged me to go on dates and give another man a chance. I decided to give Mr X a chance.

It was beautiful. We were in a competition to please ourselves, take ourselves out and we both had a healthy sense of humour...chatting was fun!!! Everywhere we went, people stared. We were all over ourselves even in public and till date I wonder how he pulled that off.

One day his office had a party and he asked if I could come, I said yes. Got there and the guys were looking at me with lust, the ladies were looking at me with pity. He said the ladies were jealous of my looks and some of them have been crushing on him. If you see him and see me, you’ll understand why this explanation made little sense.

After the party that day, it was late to go back to my house and his house was farther, so we decided to book a hotel around. That night was our most intimate night. We kissed, he gave me leg massages, a head and said he is ready when I am ready. I was blown away. Could this be real?

I always noticed he would be lost in thoughts whenever we are together and blame it on work. Other times he will start feeling sick and I would have to close earlier to go give him food and drugs. This became a regular occurence until one day…

He had fallen sick as usual. I made him promise to take pain relievers and we should consider going to the hospital. He didn’t do this and I had to make out time within the week to go check on him. He said it is because he was missing me, how sweet!

He didn’t get better, it was obvious something was bothering him. I decided I will take him for lunch so we can talk about it, but he couldn’t wait. That night he said he has something to tell me, he kept apologizing but still couldn’t say it. He asked if he could send a voice note and I told him to go ahead.

At about 3mins into the voice note, I felt my world crumbling. He told me he was married and has been married for almost 10years with kids. His family was not in the country, that is why I never saw traces of them. He said he had been battling with the guilt and was scared to tell me because some other girl left when she found out and the last was with him for money. He knew I would leave and was scared, his best friend told him to give it time, another told him to ghost me but I have been good to him and his conscience won’t let him. Other friends said he should never mention it to me.


When my friend saw him, she told me he was going to hurt me. I asked her how and she said I was too innocent for him. She didn’t say further not to be termed hater, but since he made me happy again...she wished me well.

I kept replaying the audio while he kept asking me to say something. I wondered if he treated his wife the way he treated me. He was such a gentleman. Held my hands when I had to walk in heels, opened the car door for me, checked on me at work, gave me handmade customized gifts...he made them himself. He said his wife is bad and he wants divorce her, lolz. I told him they all say that. I told him how much he has hurt me, but I forgive him and appreciate him telling me when he did.

It has been almost 3months but the pain lingers. I know I will be fine…

He is a bad and wicked man!!

daewoorazer:
This one dey seek validation to continue being a side hoe.

That niggar is a G, And that’s a brother. I’ll never advice you at the expense of a brother!

Why not shut up if you don't have any sensible thing to say.

shortgun:

Will you stop this Nonsense!
Do you know her? Have u been to her closet ?
Stop typing like a frustrated person.

He is, probably a teenager who is yet to understand life nairaland should be showcasing peoples age on every moniker so we can diagnose some People madness

daewoorazer

Heartbrokengirl:


Thank you. He was indeed good to me. I trusted him and even when a colleague of his collected my number...he said he is sure she wants to introduce me to bad life. I wondered how a woman in a reputable organization would introduce me to bad life. He deleted her number and I didn’t suspect anything.

she wanted to have sex with you lol. Deleting the number from your phone wouldn't prevent her from reaching out to you if she already took your number

I understand life from his point and from your point though. I understand the fact that a man whose family is abroad will actually want a relationship. But with someone he has no tendencies to settle with. And then again, not a sex worker. Its that difficult. Maybe something like friends with benefits.

Along the line he must have just discovered you were not the type he would want to do that with. He discovered you to be more respectable than that. You didn't discover it after all, he disclosed it. I understand him sha. Its difficult been a man. Trust me it is

Heartbrokengirl:


I wondered how a woman in a reputable organization would introduce me to bad life.

He deleted her number and I didn’t suspect anything.

Thanks for sharing.... hopefully others learn from this and more importantly.... you should review the whole relationship .... find the many signs you missed.... the mistakes you made and how to avoid being lead astray again. Should you or the man really be blamed?

Quotes above.... first one shows you judge a book by its cover. The organization is reputable therefore everyone in the organization is reputable. The same line of thinking will go over to relationships.... judge a man by his outward appearance and what he does.... that's the cover... but what is really in the book? You need to pay attention to little signs.
Second quote... what difference did it make if he deleted her number from your phone when the 'bad' person has your number? Would that prevent her from calling you?...and you regaining her number? She may have very well been a bad person .... do you know if she sleeps around with the directors and other executives?... or such can't happen because "the organization is a reputable one"? That is not a sign you missed.

Many have gone through this... and many more will. Consider yourself one of the very lucky ones to run into a married man that told on himself. Most will not... and even if you find out will deny it until his back against the wall before saying he is fed up of your wild accusations and call it quits ... never admitting. This is what men do... it is in our DNA .... you can't change that.
Life goes on... just another big pothole you dropped in on the road of life... many more on the journey... are you going to brake and stop?... or proceed with caution? Only you can decide for you.

Most married men like ur man are very responsible.

As far as am concerned u guys didn't break any heavenly law by loving each other.
It's not un-african to date or marry an already married man.
Just that today's women coupled with our borrowed way of life.are either too greedy to share their Men or shying away out of peer pressure.

Many ladies crying chai on this thread hv dated married men @ one point or the other and some are still dating married men

Madam dey out of the country so Oga go continue to be single until whenever madam decides to come back?
Nature abhors vacume.
Tall fellow. live ur life, don't allow people and the norms railroad u.

Was it not a stunch catholic father that ruined ur relationship with ur fianee?
The blanked the Catholic Church doctrine on marriage and disparity of cult.
They were Catholic christians yet they did that to u.
That's y I believe only in God, not all these yeye religion people re practicing today.
Same religion that wants to consume the world today, especially Nigeria.
Follow ur heart my dear.

Chii59:

Last line is an insult. I'm taking note of men who reason like you do.

baby oma, If you note only the last line you will understand it out of context. Now let me explain it.

If the man had told her the truth, being that she already liked and was attracted to him, she could still stay as long as she's enjoying it. She may resent at first, but you know women don't mean what they say and they actually like what they hate.

But telling her much later was viewed by her as deception

Heartbrokengirl:


Thank you. He was indeed good to me. I trusted him and even when a colleague of his collected my number...he said he is sure she wants to introduce me to bad life. I wondered how a woman in a reputable organization would introduce me to bad life. He deleted her number and I didn’t suspect anything.

Heartbroken girl: I suggest u choose a better tag. U. Do not let his niceness make u list for him. U are just a lucky pawn. Most girls were "comsumed" in the line of duty. Ur not been eating was just a narrow escape. Another guy is lurking to eat the forbidden fruit. That the life we live in. In any case u might need his services tomorrow. Just keep him in the loop for the rainy day. No abuses, no blaming, just thanks him for being nice.
I like the fact that u allowed the readers on nairaland reach their individual conclusion while u keep urs.
He might be reading ur thread here, u know. Just the storey tells him ts u and that HE hurt u.
Welcome to the world of insecererity

femi4:
I know you ll come with the "I m comfortable" bla bla bla. Like I said, you got blinded by those material things not because you are not comfortable but because it COMPLIMENTS your status and perhaps his physique as well.

I know your your type, you get carried away easily without paying attention to details

Didn’t I compliment him too? Have you seen my physique? It just happened that he was almost perfect. Ugly people do what he did too. It doesn’t make it right. I wasn’t carried away, I had my suspicions and showed them sometimes. When he kept saying he can’t tell me what is worrying him, I made three guesses jokingly. One was that he is married. You can say I didn’t snoop, but it has never been my nature to snoop.

Heartbrokengirl:


I didn’t fall for flashy things, a Spider is not flashy when you drive the car I drive!! Thanks for your advice, I will do better next time

I mean no harm nor insult OK, stay strong , your own man will come sooner than you think, thank you.

Ok sorry

Heartbrokengirl:


We never had penetrative sex, I have never had penetrative sex. The messages are from our past chat, I only cleared the chat after creating this thread. I have not set my eyes on him since then. He has called with other numbers, but that has been it.

Plz, you can reserve the “hoe” tag for your loved ones if it is such a pleasant name. Using it randomly on people you do not know is a not a sign of good upbringing.

You guys here are all about the dick, dick is everywhere, but I have lived 25yrs of my life without it and I didn’t die. I was only hurt he lied to me and led me on. Some of us are trusting. I know people that would have ransacked his house and social media pages, but I didn’t do that. I am not even on Facebook and Instagram. He preyed on the fact that I am quite private and trusting, direct your misgivings to him!!

Dear, do not bother explaining your to them, sorry for what you went through and God will surely heal you. People will always want to talk you down. It's not your fault to fall in love, it's just so unfortunate that this happened to you but then, you have more than one billion beautiful years ahead.

Cheers.

Heartbrokengirl:


Nairalanders and insults. How exactly am I the side hoe here? Someone clearly looked me in the face and lied to me many times and I am the hoe?

Are you always like this or you are faking it?

I don’t need your advice, I advised myself and left him for his wife and family.

why are you responding to idiot people.?

Heartbrokengirl If you both didn't have sex (with each other) and he didn't ask you to be his girlfriend after months of seeing each other, then it's was not really a relationship, it was a just friendship with added emotions.

Cleaned up men doesn't necessarily mean bad. Don't spoil my market abeg... *Laughs

Next time, when getting to know people, snoop pls. Even if it is a female friend or someone working for you. Many people have gotten themselves raided on or into trouble by just going with the flow. This world is not innocent. Be the sheep who has the wings of a dove and the cunningness of a serpent. Lolzz.

Also, you have to find a way for wanting all the niceties and looking beyond them at the same time. It is blinding and all it takes to use it as a weapon is to have careless money. La blind, la fall. Make e enter your ear.

Lastly, to be sincere. Way more than half of cleaned up and watered men are married. Why is that, Most single men may not know how or simply do not have spare time for themselves. When i say clean, it goes beyond dress and completion and mobility. It is more of a countenance thing. Lots are single too however, you will have to probe to know if a woman polished him or he polished himself. Final lolzzzzz

@heartbrokengirl sent you a PM. Please reply

Heartbrokengirl:


We never had penetrative sex, I have never had penetrative sex. The messages are from our past chat, I only cleared the chat after creating this thread. I have not set my eyes on him since then. He has called with other numbers, but that has been it.

Plz, you can reserve the “hoe” tag for your loved ones if it is such a pleasant name. Using it randomly on people you do not know is a not a sign of good upbringing.

You guys here are all about the dick, dick is everywhere, but I have lived 25yrs of my life without it and I didn’t die. I was only hurt he lied to me and led me on. Some of us are trusting. I know people that would have ransacked his house and social media pages, but I didn’t do that. I am not even on Facebook and Instagram. He preyed on the fact that I am quite private and trusting, direct your misgivings to him!!

If you want your sanity remain intact, never you bring a personal issue to NL, I have read a lot of posts of people who do, and just shake my head from the replies.

Heartbrokengirl:


It happened. He also felt too good to be real.

Anyway, shit happens. You did nothing wrong. These are the experiences that build you up as a person. One thing that I have learnt over time is as long as you continue doing the right thing in whatever actions you take, good things will eventually happen to you. The problem is having the perseverance to continue doing the right without taking short cuts. Life is like a dice roll. You will never hit 7 every time but as long as you keep chucking that dice 7 will keep showing up at random. You just have to be prepared when it does show up so you don't waste the opportunity. You met a guy, you had fun, you found out he was married, you ended it. That's a great experience in my book. Just don't go back. No matter what he does or says. Even if he divorces his wife. Guess what risk you run into if you go into a relationship with a man who cheats on his wife and marries the person he left his wife for? Same shit will happen to you.

A Comfortable, Intelligent, introverted working-class lady who isn't afraid to admit to her mistakes and "shortcomings", hmm, and did you say you are pretty and model like? Very Very interesting, If all you said is actually true then you almost a unicorn. Please don't let this change you,

uncleck:

You see, why I said he's a good man is because men have superior thought process. He could have led you on if he had wanted. He could have made you change to a stupid being if he had wanted. Even if you suspected him, he could still have had his way. But[b] he chosed not to rush you in sex even when it was obvious he could have his way as much as he wanted. [/b]He choosed to not hurt you more and ended it.

He is ignorant because he doesn't know that if he had opened up to you during one of your initial dates, you could still have liked him. Women are simply emotional and devoid of logic.

I guess you didn't read where she stated where he gives her head...

chi4ik:


Dear, do not bother explaining your to them, sorry for what you went through and God will surely heal you. People will always want to talk you down. It's not your fault to fall in love, it's just so unfortunate that this happened to you but then, you have more than one billion beautiful years ahead.

Cheers.

I don’t know why people are like this. This is someone that kept policing my movement. He is always seeing men staring at me. At a place we went to eat, he saw a man gisting with me and almost broke his leg where he was rushing to come whisk me away. He was that possessive.

I never took a dime from him and he hated it. All I did was love and trust blindly...

This whole thing infuriates me. So his sole sin is cos he is married. Who are we to judge him and who is she to even judge him

She may well go on to meet other singles who would act like they arw God's gift to a woman, even including those that do marry them, who treat women like trash

Here is a noble and nice man. In my profession I treat loads of emotionally and physically abused women daily. Good men are so scarce

You don't do married men, simples. You have left him. Ok. Hopefully someone else who wld value him comes along if polygamy is his choice. He is after all entitled to that.

He hasn't committed any crime. The only person that can judge him is his God and his wife

He is the one wearing the shoes and knows his pains

Enough already

Heartbrokengirl:
Csrockefeller what happened to your post?were you banned by antispambot? Lalasticlala pls help unban him.

Unfortunately, my post was deleted and I was banned.

In summary was trying to say that, stop trusting people on face value especially guys, give everyone d benefit of the doubt but let them earn your trust against your initial doubt (that doubt must always be present)

Trusting blindly is akin to living in a fools paradise. I perfectly understand your persona and temperament, fact is people like you make d best partners but there's a thin line that if crossed by meeting d wrong party/partner everything can go haywire, then you move from being that sweet gentle lady to an angry bitter one.

Don't worry too much, everything will be fine.

yemmit90:
Anytime a man tell you he's 35years and above, please try to know at least few members of his family before you get serious with him.

Hmmmmn

Christains mumu! Dating married men is bad but gossiping, hatred, stealing, fornication, etc are not bad!

Marry more than one woman if u can afford it! Nothing is there!

suzzyboss:
Lol
Let him stay blocked oh it's not the one that after 2 months you'll start catching feelings...
Wait but where is it in the Bible that God said Don't marry more than one wife, na why I like my religion as far is I can take care of her I'll marry her...

God didn't say that.

it's just too hurtful Sha. take heart and b strong...

Olunmercy56:
You are just so lucky, many innocent ladies fell into all those married men's trap

What about single guys that Bleep you girls, what is the outcome? As if polygamous is not part of African culture, any lady that is independent, if she sees married man who truly want to marry her. I beg her to jump to the offer.

If you you don't knw by now that girls are far outnumbered guy you are not doing urself good o.

Even the few guys that available how many ready to settle down?

Meditate on my opinion i wrote above and answer them correctly within you.

how some foolish adults believe this girl was not banged is surprising. no girl is descent, I m not a descent guy but I'm very principled but I never hid the fact that I love bitches who re sincere and proud of themselves. not you coming to tell adults a married man sucked u without f*ckin you. it takes foolishness to believe huge load of cum wasn't deposited in you regarding this Indecency story

Eyah I feel ur pain, you will get urs soon just be very careful and listen to silent voices coming from your mind in every relationship this voices make you to be more careful above involve God in all ur nee relationship from onset it will guide u I see a good person in you dear.

Heartbrokengirl:


I asked questions. I can’t say all he said because the world is a small place and someone close might be reading, but he had answers and alibis. His family is not in Nigeria, so it all aligned for him. Believe me, I asked and he answered. Due to the nature of our jobs, I couldn’t be policing him, not like I would have if I had all the time.

You are right at looking behind the mask. I am a very trusting person, everyone kept telling me I will learn the hard way soon.