GIANTPLUSHUB:


Traceey, we have passed that culture things. Now, everyone is trying to be careful and put somethings into test. You see, your man did nothing wrong at all.

How about he does not takes anything to your house but he gives you peace and comfort in marriage and always support if any situation arises in your own family side?

You need to think and go beg your man. So far he's a good guy to you. Somethings just need wisdom. Since he's into going to your house without buying something along. Next time, whenever he wants to go, try and meet him up and handover something to him to give them at home. Maybe as time goes on, he will get used to it. Do this with calm and good words, like you just want your family to see him as a more better good man.

All the very best.

Good man!!! Even though others made me laugh but I learnt one or two from your post

The problem is the mother keep reacting and the girl calling the guy to complain about it and arguing over it. She should have just apply wisdom

you know ur mother very well .u ought to have told him she likes gift.and honestly your gift makes room for you and therefore you should know taking a gift along to a new place helps reception.the mother is not too wrong and the fault is yours and the guy too should learn a new thing.they may not not be poor or greedy.

Manty:

It's just common here on nairaland to see people insulting others for no good reason. Visiting an elderly woman for d first time empty handed is a no no. Their is a popular saying dat first impression matters a lot

That's where most of you supporting the op get it wrong. It wasn't his first time.

The Op truthfully pointed out that the first time he came, he came with gifts.

Stupid people even white people don't pay visit without a gift even if is sweet is still a gift .
How much is a wine even if he can't think of anything to go with .
I can't imagine visiting someone for the first time without even a gift .
Don't know why all these idiots here are making life look more harder .

Useless ebinna family. Ogun kill all of una. Does the guy owe you anything? Offered him drink you come loud am. Bros if you're reading this and you marry her,Ogun go kill you ooooo.




Japa!!!!

Exodora:
Stupid people even white people don't pay visit without a gift even if is sweet is still a gift .
How much is a wine even if he can't think of anything to go with .
I can't imagine visiting someone for the first time without even a gift .
Don't know why all these idiots here are making life look more harder .

Can I tell you something no one has told you before?



You are very stupid

Hmmm....
I started reading this thread yesterday evening. I took a break cos of my sight. I had to continue today till I got to the last page. It is indeed a very interesting thread!

@Op. If I am to give blames to the characters (you, your mum and your fiance) involved in your write-up, I am going to grade you 50%, your mum 30%, and your fiance 20%. Here are my reasons

1. You shouldn't have disclosed it to your fiance in an angry manner. By so doing, you have given the guy wrong impression about you and your mum. The guy would begin to think you can be easily controlled by your mum in marital life. Even though, as you claimed, your fiance has called to apologize, he will never hold your mum with esteem again. In fact, he will begin to see your mum as threat to his marital life. You have portrayed urself to be one whose mind processes can be easily manipulated. You said you saw nothing wrong in the first place but the reaction of your mum made you bash your fiance. That's totally uncalled for! You ought to have applied wisdom here! I love what some nairalanders told you to have done like telling your mum he is not a person like that, he just came to say hi and you wisely and appropriately telling your fiance that he should not go to an in-law without gift no matter how little it is.

2. Since you said he came with gifts during his first coming, your mum ought to have understood that

i. the guy might not be financially bouyant at that time. Buying petty gifts like oranges or bread like some people have suggested might be considered as unbefitting for your mum by the guy, that was why he never bothered to come with anything.

OR

ii. coming along with gifts might not come into the mind of the guy at the time of coming. His mind might have been preoccupied by lot of things. We all know this terrible Buhari era. In fact as I am chatting with you guys, evil thoughts of becoming a Yahoo have been disturbing my mind, I have been trying to overcome these evil thoughts and I believe God will grant me victory!

iii. His coming alone ought to have been appreciated by your mum. That guy is one in a hundred.

3. The reason why I am giving the guy lesser blame is that he might not be a cultured person, probably he was born and brought up in the city, not knowing how giving gift to one's in-laws should not be held light-handedly as said by Marianges. She said it is ibo thing!

Solution.
Even though he has apologized to you, you also need to reciprocate cos you are the main genesis of this. Talk to him in such a way that he would understand that it is a cultural thing. Acknowledge your flaws before him about not telling him fully about your cultural background. By so doing, that bad impression he has had towards your mum will be taken off from his mind. Believe you me, your relationship will bounce back to normalcy.

Lest I forget, you should also talk to your mum about somethings she needs to overlook. Ur happiness is the most paramount not material gifts.

Shalom.

Minemrys:

no be mata of cruise sha. On a n0rmal, na little things like this dy strain relati0nships. N0thing m0re. In laws getting into relati0nships and so on. H0nestly, the mama no try and the babe ma mess up. Which gift the man want give the mama wey go last till eternity b4 the w0man want ruin the pikin relati0nship. Make we no dy do pass ourselves abeg and carry judgmental eyes fr0m people.

True talk

osazsky:
the mum cant be an elderly woman..we know how ederly women behave.she is a single mum..and men with pot bellies always come visiting with cash gift..hence she xpects same gesture from her daughters bf

you can neva be wrong bro. I've been with one before,men are biological ATM to them.
its either money and gift or no visit at all.
i cant even speak to her mother on phone without sending money first. Damn crazy
dat was wen i was simping though



Thanks say God no Ungodly

Exodora:
Stupid people even white people don't pay visit without a gift even if is sweet is still a gift .
How much is a wine even if he can't think of anything to go with .
I can't imagine visiting someone for the first time without even a gift .
Don't know why all these idiots here are making life look more harder .

You're the idiot here for not reading to understand the OP said that's not the first visit.
First visit, he brought gifts

BOSMANARIS:


Na everyday you dey pay offering for church?

na every day u day go. Church?

u can visit her once once na !

if you actually respect her as your mom, u won't find it difficult to buy her something even if na Irebhor bread of #250

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

Why are you asking, of course you are wrong. If you are planning to leave the rest of your life with someone and you cut out communication you are creating problems as you will only make matters worst. Better go and apologize to him and front for him apologetically to your mum and find out why he didn't bring anything. I think he will learn his lessons. Such a small issue badly managed.

No you are right and he is right too that's why he quietly moved on.

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

oshorstan:


na every day u day go. Church?

u can visit her once once na !

if you actually respect her as your mom, u won't find it difficult to buy her something even if na Irebhor bread of #250

And it is a must to always do at every single time you visit her.

Do you know of the guys financial strength?

Do you want him to go steal cos he want to get her something when he visits?

Mariangeles:


I don't know about the others, but in my tribe (Igbo), that's how things are done.
You don't go to your in-laws bare handed.
It is not an act to be proud of.

Stop tagging Igbo to this madness.

osazsky:
what if like 3 guys are fukking her...see plenty gift...that one na fianceenances

hahahahaha

1Dray:


Stop tagging Igbo to this madness.

Enough with the foolish mentions. It's past already, get over it!

If you have a contrary opinion, the least that is expected of you is to be civilized with your opinion.

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

Yes, you are wrong. Gifts are optional. Your mum is wrong as well and unreasonable to be angry. I sense you have a good, family oriented man given the fact that he was willing to visit your mum even though you weren't there. Do not lose your man over this.

TransAtlanticEx:

Speak for your clan,we don't do that where I come from and I'm also igbo.
We are not beggars and we like to hold our heads up high,
Giving should only come from the givers own volition and not some silly expectation,
Atleast where I come from.

I was just going to type this. Thanks for sparing me the effort.

Torontoraptors:
2. Stay away from that young man. He is a bad omen. If he thinks your family is hungry and poor, did he train you till this time? Did he pay your school fees to now? Did he feed you till now?

Hello woman wrapper / Simp

you are very correct, that Trayceey lady should stay far away from that young man.

A 33 years old evening newspaper with one child and no father, investing in various ponzi schemes one after the other, trying to defraud the peaceful young man. one wonder who is doing the other a service by running away.

oshorstan:


na every day u day go. Church?

u can visit her once once na !

if you actually respect her as your mom, u won't find it difficult to buy her something even if na Irebhor bread of #250

Had he brought the 250 bread, she would have been complaining that he only bought bread to the mom.

The lady has already acknowledged that the guy is not visiting for the first time, and has been bringing gifts the other times. Moreover, the visit was not planned, he actually went to visit the girl, but on realising she is not there, he just decided to branch and say hi.

Are people so greedy that the only pertinent thing to look for in a visit is a gift?

osazsky:
ur u bought gift only the first time consequently u stop.pls sir read the write up.it was not a fitst time visit ..d innocent first son has been visiting before.how i wish i could get his numb..so many good girls dey my hand i need to start sharing numb

Thanks for drawing my attention to reread it.
The Guy should run for his life!

Afromentalist:

Hello woman wrapper / Simp

you are very correct, that Trayceey lady should stay far away from that young man.

A 33 years old evening newspaper with one child and no father, investing in various ponzi schemes one after the other, trying to defraud the peaceful young man. one wonder who is doing the other a service by running away.

Wait, hol up, hol up and hol up.

Trayceey has a bastard child?
She is a 33 years after 1 evening newspaper?

No wonder. Right from the MBA Forex thread, I knew the idiot was a blockhead. I never thought she had grown so old and so deep in foolishness.

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

Jajajaja

TransAtlanticEx:
Lol more examples of the independent women that cococandy and co have been preaching about that litter everywhere in Nigeria.
One was even telling me yesterday how U25 women with good careers are everywhere in Naija,that I should change my circle
She almost stab her fiance because the guy no buy her mama bread.
Can you believe this?
Imagine what will happen if you marry his one and somehow forget to drop food money in the morning...

Lolz

Mariangeles:


We are Africans. Let us be honest with ourselves.

A man going alone to visit his would-be mother in-law empty handed is a red flag. Something to worry about.
What was the purpose of the visit?
Even as a female, it is still wrong to go visit the mother of the man you're going to marry empty handed.

Very true but blowing it out of proportion is something to be wary of. It shouldn't be what ends a relationship on both sides

mogbolade43693:
Dis is the problem,with many relationships in nigeria..ur mum was expecting him to come with big bread,milo and milk.ur mum acted wrongly.dis is just a boyfriend and not ur husband.

Lol

Stop dating broke girls you guys will not listen.

Iyajelili:
Stop dating broke girls you guys will not listen.

Iyajelili:
Stop dating broke girls you guys will not listen.

Hathor5:


I didn't think it was an excuse. I was asking myself why someone would make a big deal of something as petty as this? The young man brought a gift on his first visit. Why does he have to bring a gift on every visit? What if he visits thrice a week like we visit the elders in my family because they need help with shopping, cooking and cleaning?

yea, ofcourse i get your point. But what am saying is, i have met p0or people who d0n't have eyes fixed on what others have, and i have also seen wealthy people who demand much kn0wing others d0n't have. I doubt the OP is poor, the Mum just has a thing with ego or narcissitic nature.