₦airaland Forum

alizma:
That is where many women get it wrong. It is through that men get so much involved with work in marriage than when they were single but this is because the man cares and do not want his family to suffer. This is supposed to be the time for the women to understand and even be more romantic with the husband than they had ever being but unfortunately all they focus on is what the men are not doing, they hardly talk about what they have done to put things in order

Nuel4:
my grandfather married 12 wives and had a lot of concubines. He never had to buy any of them weavon that cost 120k or bought any of them cars. I could easily provide for 20 women what he provided his wives back then. The men of this age are a proper joke and not worthy of the title of a man. You see a man will toil and buy his wife a car she will be using it to carry a boy to a hotel or even just dash it out to a pastor. If you think a woman in a polygamous home under a serious patriarch will try that nonsense you are obviously joking. These women wipe the floor with their men because they know their position is secure and the man is a joke

Bubblewitch:
Sometimes the men just come, do 2minutes romance and then sex... this makes sex uninteresting. I want Sex to involve exploring, the pre-intimacy matters a lot but some husband just kiss the breast small, then start fingering and then sex with the absence of a cuddle after the deed, begins to look like a routine and the woman suddenly gets tired of it.

Chimeluv:
Childbirth, too many domestic chores, work, and the husband's lazy style of pre-intimacy

dumahi:
Polygamy is like true federalism. It is the wives who contribute to the center (the husband) and not the other way around. Each woman takes care of her kids. I know a polygamous man whose wives were competing for who would build the best house in her compound.

Hotbutt:
The reality is this.
For most women, their husbands become very Ugly and unattractive in their eyes.
The husbands sef would not help matters. Most of them will now develop one kind big "Beer" Belly all in the name of "Enjoying good life". They won't workout or go to do the gym.
They will now be as fat as what I can't say.
If I'm lying, look at your daddy and tell me how he looks.

Do u know what it means to keep seeing just one particular face everyday all the days of their lives it's not easy. You will just get bored.

As for the Sex part, they are already exhausted and tired of the Sex sef. They can even stay one full year without craving for it especially when kids have started coming.

Everything just changes.

Assignment:
1) Look at your Daddy. Then ask your mummy when last she had good SEX with your Daddy.
You would be shocked at her response. I know what I'm saying.

Hathor5:
Not so much after marriage as after pregnancy/child birth. The woman sacrifices her body to bring a child into this world. During pregnancy, even if there are no complications, the body is not fully hers. After delivery she needs to recover. Her hormones are out of balance, there are injuries down there. She is also breast feeding. Imagine someone sucking on your nipples several times a day. She also needs to carry the baby around, cuddle it, put up with the babies saliva and vomit. Every day, for months. Then another child is born and the two of them are all over her all day long. In the evening the husband wants to claim her body too. It's not easy.

Many women love sex too. Don't be deceived by people on this forum who want to tell you that women are all in it for the money. Our clitoris is much more sensitive than the penis. We can have multiple orgasms. We are capable of enjoying sex and a man's strong arms and shoulders can take us to heaven but nursing a baby and having toddlers all over us takes a toll.

If you want to be polygamous, find women who agree to it and go for it but if you do it to manipulate your wives and have them compete over you, know that you are creating a toxic family.

While it's good to help with chores, shopping and what not, having someone (family, nannies, daycare) free us from the little terrorists is a great relief.

Hndrrxxx:
Bro use your head and you dy blow grammar upandan like a Prof. ;DWhat dude is saying is that once the woman get married to you she lose all the will to compete so she doesnt use sex to entice you anymore but with polygamy other girls to compete with they start the competition and sex offering among themselves

luminouz:
So y'all were blind when he dated you abi?

Weren't y'all screaming that he is so fuqin good in bed, immediately after crediting ya accounts?

Since you want to eat ya cake and have it, here is what you end up getting.

See lame excuses everywhere


CalliDora1....pack well abeg. Only you dey complain of house chores and again, na husband bedmatic skills. The way una tire wrapper with bulging tummy and flappy breasts around the house is enough to kill a virile libido. That he still wants you sexually is testimony material.

luminouz:
Lies....


Lies



Lies....


A sexual woman won't count all that nonsense. Men that hustle at alaba, bodija and Co nko? Dem no dey stressed? Have you ever seen these labourers work before at a construction site? Or a carwatchman along the busy lagos-ibadan expressway? These mudafuckers always are stressed and still come home to fuq. So what's your point?

If stress is the problem,why is my friend complaining that his wife's stress disappears once he credits her account?

blackmaine:
brother ever since white people wey carry one man one wife ideology come Men begin dey die before 70, and part of it na family wey dey do am with wife as the head , brother if you want leave long for this life marry like five wives if you fit carter for them but one man one wife, bro that woman go just put you for pocket

Hassanmaye:
Terrorist?

bizme:
Even with house helps, these things still persisted like that for many. Actually, men are also a lot overwhelmed out there in the field. It is unimaginable what some men have to go through to provide for the same wives we are talking about. If a man stops getting sex and accompanying sexual excitement from the marriage, it's more like the woman has reneged on her part of the marriage contract. Or worse still, she scammed the man into fulfilling her dream of having a home. Many middle-income households can afford live-in house helps and yet the women are still de-prioritizing sex. I could imagine that sex with a man's baby mama hits better than with a wife.

Blueelf:
This is the most beautiful, logical comment I have come across on Nairaland and trust me, I have been here a while.

Devoid of toxicity, filled with love and common-sense.

Ma, If I know where you stay, I'll buy you your favorite perfume this Night

Such an amazing write-ip. Kudos

Incognito403:
Your first sentence shows proves the OP right. BTW, Yes, na food.

I don't believe it's house chores because even the housemaid does all the chores and still serves oga "good food"... regularly.

Finally, that house help part. Read previous paragraph for more info. And even when the house help does all the work, experience shows that our women will rather sit with Africa magic that service their husband.

UncleKoboko:
Which chores?
Na only Una dey do chores?
What about a man who leaves his home early in the morning and come back later at night just to put food on the table?



I think the problem is selfishness from the wife's side and lack of organization.

ehinmowo:
No be low libido. Na see finish dey cause am. Once a woman gets married, she felt no need for many things. Once she has kids, she has little or no need for the hubby.

Only a woman that is kept on her toe by the 'presence ' of other females (colleagues, old friends etc. No overdo am sha) will always be on her toes tp always want to satisfy you. Once a woman is certain that she has secured your commitment and 'lock' your emotions where she wants it, forget it.

Someone was talking about polygamy. While i don't support polygamy, the very knowledge that you are not against polygamy, will make a woman to strive to ensure that will not happen. That's why many women want to tangle you withe their Pastors. Because by revering a mutual clergy, she can be certain that you don't stray in certain direction.

mariahAngel:
Let's say we go with it:

The question is can most men of nowadays do what the men of old did?
Can they do what their grandfathers and great grandfathers did?
Can they cater for a polygamous family? Heck! They're even barely able to cater for a monogamous family, talk more of...

Na by talk?

Mindlog:
Just know that Nymphomania is a mental disorder.

Takotsubo:
After marriage, no need to pretend the sex is great.

All the fake moans and fake or gasms grind to a halt, the need to massage the man's ego disappears.

Majority of men know nothing about pleasing a woman, they just jump on her and expect her to clim max miraculously because they're thrusting like a jack hammer and turning ni pples like screw driver.

A huge percentage of women do not achieve org asms from penetrative sex,know that and know peace.

There is no way a woman who gets her back blown out with pleasure will say no to sex, unless there's a really good reason.. She will leave everything for good loving because she knows her mind will be melted every damn time.

If your wife is dodging you, it's because you are completely shit in bed and probably always have been shit at it.

Pele

banmee:
That is not the reason. We as men tend to forget the amount of responsibility women/wives shoulder. Especially in this day and age. Our wives will cook, clean, and be expected to go to work as well. They are human. Not superheroes. I first noticed this after my first kid and I would tease my wife about not doing everything she used to do for me before and when we first got married. Manicure my nails, massage my back, etc. It got worse after my 2nd kid and I really began to have an issue with it. We got into a fight once and she made a remark about me not understanding how hard it's been for her but I was too angry to listen to anything and went to bed. Saner heads prevailed, so the next morning we had a long talk. She was like "dude, I cook, clean, take care of the kids, go to work and when I come back from work I still have to prep the kids for the next day. How romantic would you be if you had to do all that". Then it hit me. She needed help. Things changed tremendously after that. On my part, I became a master chef which reduced the cooking pressure on her and I helped her out on things around the house which freed up more time for us to do things together. We started working out together and going out more for no reason. You see, I'm married to a goddess and I love showing her off. I'm pretty sure I handled it right because we've been married for over 20 years but it feels like yesterday. I will highly advice you to take this approach when you get married.

banmee:
That is not the reason. We as men tend to forget the amount of responsibility women/wives shoulder. Especially in this day and age. Our wives will cook, clean, and be expected to go to work as well. They are human. Not superheroes. I first noticed this after my first kid and I would tease my wife about not doing everything she used to do for me before and when we first got married. Manicure my nails, massage my back, etc. It got worse after my 2nd kid and I really began to have an issue with it. We got into a fight once and she made a remark about me not understanding how hard it's been for her but I was too angry to listen to anything and went to bed. Saner heads prevailed, so the next morning we had a long talk. She was like "dude, I cook, clean, take care of the kids, go to work and when I come back from work I still have to prep the kids for the next day. How romantic would you be if you had to do all that". Then it hit me. She needed help. Things changed tremendously after that. On my part, I became a master chef which reduced the cooking pressure on her and I helped her out on things around the house which freed up more time for us to do things together. We started working out together and going out more for no reason. You see, I'm married to a goddess and I love showing her off. I'm pretty sure I handled it right because we've been married for over 20 years but it feels like yesterday. I will highly advice you to take this approach when you get married.

mariahAngel:
Let's say we go with it:

The question is can most men of nowadays do what the men of old did?
Can they do what their grandfathers and great grandfathers did?
Can they cater for a polygamous family? Heck! They're even barely able to cater for a monogamous family, talk more of...

Na by talk?

Kuns84:
I'm sure there are as much sexually starved black marriages as there are white, asian or interracial.

CalliDora1:
A house gird can do all that because that is basically her job. Does she go for any other outdoor jobs like the wife? No.



You think so?
A man once posted here on nairaland how his wife travelled for only 8days and he was left to take up her role while she was away. Within three days, he was already feeling the heat and complaining bitterly. a He then admitted the wife was a super woman and appreciated her so much in that post. So you asking which chores, try switching roles with your woman one day and see if you can cope for two days.

mariahAngel:
Oboy!

The Ubunja of family section abi?

femmoy:
God bless you for speaking out exactly what I'm going through.
most times taking care of the kids and house chores can be exhausting,hence the rejection.
I'm getting used to it anyway.

stanliwise:
I am interested if you would follow his advice.

missyblissy:
You deserve one cold beer. Men will blame the woman for not sleeping with them how can when you have turned your wife to. House girl. She clean, cook, sweep, wash, bath the kids, tend to the kids, go to the market, feed the kids, clean and arrange the house again,. Where do you see help from the husband? No where he will cross his legs and ask for breakfast, lunch and dinner and no. Rest for. The woman. When it's time. For. Her to. Rest her body, you come. For sex. Mtcheeeew.

trilobite:
One word: HYPOCRISY.

Many men on Africa don't want to get married to women that are sexually exposed. So women pretend to be sexually dumb in order for the men to take them to the alter.

This becomes a problem after marriage when madam who is used to having sex like a IndecentStar but got married by having sex like a village woman cannot tell her now husband she is not sexually satisfied.

Sex becomes a chore, and she becomes fed up with only pleasing Oga with time. Then comes the sex time tables, which inevitably drives Oga into the arms of a girl who can do what madam used to do in her youth.

The solution is for African men to be sexually open minded when it comes to marriage and communicate with their partners. But we are not ready.

Cousin9999:
Definitely not true. lol

ECHICHE:
Obviously, this article is what is happening to most marriages today. Of course, it has damaged many marriages including divorce, as men cannot do without sex.

Am also experiencing same, and i think women should try and coorperate

iamcee:
Thank God you said "hardly."
There are,but it's just hard to find them truly like you said