I only want to know where dem dey sell a plot of land for 150k abeg?

Shebi, u don't rush marry.. now u see
Marriage no b measure of success
Don't let societal ideas push u Ooo
Run ur own race as best as you can

I don't see any of you being the wrong partner rather you both have financial challenges. Try and pray, then think on how to have more income and take charge of your home. Your own is still better compare to what some people face in their marriages.

With what you wrote up there, you are the major problem here. I will not discredit your family decision (marrying for you) but that shows part of your weakness as a man and it has degenarated to your home. The problem here is not that you do not have enough money, but you do not have enough decision making ability and your sense of judgement is poor. You need to learn to be a man and take charge of your home while you double your money making energy. You need to understand that marriage never come without few misunderstanding even with enough money but your maturity will see you through

slawormiir:
Damnnn niggarrrr
Isoright.....
See threat ....
Fear nor let the op talk am the second time again....
Bros op don't know what he has put his hand into.....
And children never start to dey come now..
If God want fuckkk you up the more now he go first give una triplet at once...

You think marriage na child's play...all those them bros don jazzy way never one hurry enter you think say them nor know wetin them dey do

But bros op ...where them for dey sell land 150k ...
Make I come buy like 20

boss man i trust u, money no be issh 4 ur side all u want na peace of mind.. Boss abeg i dey run levels like you but i no get sub to update.. Do sub for me nah

She has done no wrong. Take it as if she is motivating u to do better. Life is tough we know but the future is determined by God. If u stay in a one room apartment and children start coming u Will definitely still spend that money to look for a two bedroom.

Bride price are mostly paid on the traditional marriage day. And she did best to wave it for you. My wife waved the watch I did not put in the box but I eventually I got her one .so my guy u saying the marriage should scatter is not a good choice of word from you

You can do better be better finances will grow so is Family
Word enough

Angy55:
Don't rush into marriage until you are financially stable some of you won't listen.

Guy you need to go and follow Reno Omokri on Facebook, maybe you will have some sense.

My mates are getting married, time is not on my side bla bla. At the end of the day you end up regretting.

I need to have kids bla bla. At the end of the day you pressurize yourself into what you can't come out from.

So much for one who sees Reno as one with so much sense

slawormiir:
Damnnn niggarrrr
Isoright.....
See threat ....
Fear nor let the op talk am the second time again....
Bros op don't know what he has put his hand into.....
And children never start to dey come now..
If God want fuckkk you up the more now he go first give una triplet at once...

You think marriage na child's play...all those them bros don jazzy way never one hurry enter you think say them nor know wetin them dey do

But bros op ...where them for dey sell land 150k ...
Make I come buy like 20

bro, is it compulsory you marry when you are above 30, i mean as a guy. cos my lady is disturbing me i should come do introduction, and to be sincere with you, i am not ready(financially)

afilaka:


If my husband had taken this advise when he wanted to start his business, i am sure he wld stil be in the police station nw cos the other option for him was a bank loan and unfortunately business did not go as planned ,returns didnt start when expected until like few months after and i must say i am glad he didnt make his ego overshadow him. That business has turned our lives around, i used to earn more than my husband before but with this business,my salary is like tithe to him.

Ladies,if you have the means,please help your husband and dont ever use it against him. Mine paid me back and added a whole 25% to it, even if he did nt pay back,i wld ve stil be patient because he is hardworking.

Do you know of other women just like you?

The problem is you, you married when u can't afford marriage because of age, religion didn't stop a woman from asking for her unpaid dowry, women are known for runny mouth but here u were d one that mention it carelessly and the woman is right if u keep uttering such nonsense she should move on.
U are the wrong partner

Women learn to appreciate the little that ur husband can offer, because any turn around u will b the 1 that enjoy most, learn to b patient and trust in God. Keep things low

One thing that gets me angry at some people is thinking MARRIAGE is a child's play.

Na this kind thing dey force some men into committing suicide at the end of the day, cos of pressure.

For you to say na age u look wey push u to marriage, wetin be ur age when u got married?

You need to be matured before going into marriage and most importantly, you need the grace of God to also help you, it seems both of you were not really prepared for marriage, you just rushed into it, and if one is not careful, he or she rushes out, you have to be patient with her and don't say things that will provoke her, and you need to be prayerful, God that instituted marriage will help your home at this time.

Xisnin:
You are the wrong person!
You couldn't take care of yourself while single but you thought it wise to engage in a
family-sponsored marriage.
Did your family also promise to help you run your marriage financially?

Your wife didn't force you to do anything, you agreed to it even though you could have said no.
Forget what you see in Hollywood, love is overrated and is insufficient to run a stable marriage.

All I can see from this story is a man suffering from financial woes and trying to blame his wife for it.

One way to reduce your stress going forward is to stop accepting suggestions that you will end up regretting later on.

shame catch me for a fellow male who can not bear the financial challenges of a marriage. My advise is to go and hustle more. Cherish your wife and swallow your pride before you lose her

RisenPhoenix1:


I saw it earlier, but didn't want to grace it with a response if not for your mention. I'm actually speechless as to how to advice him. The op is the author of all his misfortunes, yet he's wondering whether he married the right woman. A woman is how you train her. Let me write out an analogy and tell me how you will advice such a person. Here goes:

I bought a brand new Toyota Hilux, tear rubber on credit. I've still not been able to pay the seller and he keeps incessantly reminding me of my debt, even though he gave me a receipt in advance.

I don't like to check the water levels in my radiator, and sometimes when I do and there's no water, the tap is too far from my garage so I'll drive it without topping the water. Recently it started overheating, that was what first got me thinking.

Brake oil is too expensive, so I don't gauge the brake oil levels in my car. After two brake failures leading to accidents, I'm getting confused about what to do.

I forgot to put engine oil inside my car after I drained the sump, and my engine knocked. Now it's not even moving at all,and the cost is prohibitive.

All these incidents make me wonder whether Toyota Hilux is the right car for me at all. Please advise.

1,2,3...go.

End of story. Thank you

malcom1X:


The help there is that when you don't have the money to pay for your children fees, she will pay for you. Because it's her child too. When there's no food, at least she will cook something. That's the help but don't borrow from her to carry out any project or anything. It won't be easy to pay back.

So how is it help if she is doing it for selfish reasons?

So assuming the couple have no kids, the only help a woman can render to her husband is to use her money to cook food that they will eat together once in a while?

lol...Nigeria my country.

DEmejioba1:
I got married in 2018,since then I have been battling with some unimaginable experiences with my wife even when I thought I married to a religious lady.

To cut the story short,

Prior to our marriage, things was not so good enough for me but because of age consideration of both of us we decided to wed with the help of our families.

The first thing that happened which caught me thinking afterward was that during our make up to wedding,my wife insisted that she's receiving 50k dowry which she knew I wouldn't be able to get it just shortly before the wedding. I told her that there is no way I could afford it then that she should reduce it may be to 20k, she said I should not worry that things will be sorted out. A day to the wedding she told me that when it's segment for dowry collection that she would pronounce that she had collected it. I said no problem. Since then I have not been able to pay it because she wants full cash. Now, any slide misunderstanding she refers to it.

Secondly, immediately after the marriage,I was left with 60k which I thought we would manage to get a room and a parlour apartment for a start, just to do according to my pocket in my present rent house. But my wife insisted that we should let 2 bedroom flat at 100k but knowing fully that my source of income would not maintain it couple with other obligations that I would be discharging. She said, she would lend me 40k.
Thank God I was able to pay her the money. But still thinking over wasteful of almost 50k,while 150k can secure a land for bulding house in my area.

Thirdly, few months after our marriage. We were having misunderstanding and I carelessly said if the marriage can not work it better we go our separate ways, my wife holds on this statement and continue saying that she just need me to say it twice more and the marriage is over.

But I used to think over all these with other ones that I cant write, then, I ask myself if truly she loves me or may be am with wrong person.

What is your thought about this?

Pls where is your Area?

Any man that can not raise an emergency 50k in 2 weeks has no biz getting married.

LadySarah:


Your salary will surely disappear. when has Igbo girls start collecting dowry by themselves. It is the male relatives that says what. She won't even be there let alone declaring a certain amount.

The last reason should also tell you they are Hausa Muslims. They are the ones that will say it 3x and a marriage becomes void.

Don't let ethnicism kill you.

Well said, the fact that he needs to threaten her with a divorce thrice glaringly displays their tribe and religion

Coconutheadd01:
There is really much to learn

guy, no be inside every thread you go dey do advert na. Often times, your ad constitutes a nuisance, like Google or AdBuka ads on blog/websites which I have to X. Read the room!

Oga calm down, try be a man, she loves you and had been faithful to you. No marriage is without problem and no one is perfect. try to see the good in your wife. be man enough and stop dwelling on the past, increases your hustle and more money will be available to meet demands.
you are complaining like a stingy man.
make her love you by not telling her that you can go your separate ways.

oga love this lady. woman wey borrow u money to rent house u no thank God. oga love her na your cross be that, u think say marriage na joke?

DEmejioba1:
I got married in 2018,since then I have been battling with some unimaginable experiences with my wife even when I thought I married to a religious lady.

To cut the story short,

Prior to our marriage, things was not so good enough for me but because of age consideration of both of us we decided to wed with the help of our families.

The first thing that happened which caught me thinking afterward was that during our make up to wedding,my wife insisted that she's receiving 50k dowry which she knew I wouldn't be able to get it just shortly before the wedding. I told her that there is no way I could afford it then that she should reduce it may be to 20k, she said I should not worry that things will be sorted out. A day to the wedding she told me that when it's segment for dowry collection that she would pronounce that she had collected it. I said no problem. Since then I have not been able to pay it because she wants full cash. Now, any slide misunderstanding she refers to it.

Secondly, immediately after the marriage,I was left with 60k which I thought we would manage to get a room and a parlour apartment for a start, just to do according to my pocket in my present rent house. But my wife insisted that we should let 2 bedroom flat at 100k but knowing fully that my source of income would not maintain it couple with other obligations that I would be discharging. She said, she would lend me 40k.
Thank God I was able to pay her the money. But still thinking over wasteful of almost 50k,while 150k can secure a land for bulding house in my area.

Thirdly, few months after our marriage. We were having misunderstanding and I carelessly said if the marriage can not work it better we go our separate ways, my wife holds on this statement and continue saying that she just need me to say it twice more and the marriage is over.

But I used to think over all these with other ones that I cant write, then, I ask myself if truly she loves me or may be am with wrong person.

What is your thought about this?

Sir, it's well o. My only addition is "just get your finances up and better" That woman won't give you peace. Go make money work and pray.

She is not the wrong woman. You both are meant to be together and I feel she has been understanding too. No human likes poverty but she still married you. Be patient with her, treat her right and increase your hustle. Once your finances improve you won't feel the way you're feeling now. But more importantly, don't do what you can't afford.

Kapilta:
Honestly after reading this your gibberish, i think your wife married the wrong man actually and not what you insinuate.

Buy 150k land so you can join in building another set of slums in 2021 when we are already tired of the ones that abound everywhere. Poverty mentality kill you there.

And the lady is even supporting you one way or the other while pushing you to become your best version but poverty mentality has taken over your body and soul already.

Useless lots, when they find angels trying to bring out the best out of them in life they start to complain because they are so used to status quo. Nonsense. Poverty mentality kee you dia once more.

I had to log in to like your comment. More wisdom to you!

DEmejioba1:
I got married in 2018,since then I have been battling with some unimaginable experiences with my wife even when I thought I married to a religious lady.

To cut the story short,

Prior to our marriage, things was not so good enough for me but because of age consideration of both of us we decided to wed with the help of our families.

The first thing that happened which caught me thinking afterward was that during our make up to wedding,my wife insisted that she's receiving 50k dowry which she knew I wouldn't be able to get it just shortly before the wedding. I told her that there is no way I could afford it then that she should reduce it may be to 20k, she said I should not worry that things will be sorted out. A day to the wedding she told me that when it's segment for dowry collection that she would pronounce that she had collected it. I said no problem. Since then I have not been able to pay it because she wants full cash. Now, any slide misunderstanding she refers to it.

Secondly, immediately after the marriage,I was left with 60k which I thought we would manage to get a room and a parlour apartment for a start, just to do according to my pocket in my present rent house. But my wife insisted that we should let 2 bedroom flat at 100k but knowing fully that my source of income would not maintain it couple with other obligations that I would be discharging. She said, she would lend me 40k.
Thank God I was able to pay her the money. But still thinking over wasteful of almost 50k,while 150k can secure a land for bulding house in my area.

Thirdly, few months after our marriage. We were having misunderstanding and I carelessly said if the marriage can not work it better we go our separate ways, my wife holds on this statement and continue saying that she just need me to say it twice more and the marriage is over.

But I used to think over all these with other ones that I cant write, then, I ask myself if truly she loves me or may be am with wrong person.

What is your thought about this?

The issue is that she is just crazy fellow and is always wanting you to enter her troubles

Left for me, suspend the dowry debt and think twice if you are very sure this marriage will work

She is pushing you to accept and do things you can't really afford and will not even do that same thing to support you and where she does, she does it as a debt on you
i
So ask go to direct you, it's not yet late to end it, if that's the only way out for you

After all you have not paid her bride price and they will not refund any bride price to you

'...my wife insisted she's receiving #50,000 dowry price...' please where's your wife from,if i may ask?

Op permit me to insult u small. Ori e ti daru. Wait o why be say there is no strong man again nowadays. All we have now are half baked simps forming lover boys. Dem use charms tie u to her? When u see a lady who is obviously not meant for u. Until she born DNA pikin for u? Shooo?!

DEmejioba1:
I got married in 2018,since then I have been battling with some unimaginable experiences with my wife even when I thought I married to a religious lady.

To cut the story short,

Prior to our marriage, things was not so good enough for me but because of age consideration of both of us we decided to wed with the help of our families.

The first thing that happened which caught me thinking afterward was that during our make up to wedding,my wife insisted that she's receiving 50k dowry which she knew I wouldn't be able to get it just shortly before the wedding. I told her that there is no way I could afford it then that she should reduce it may be to 20k, she said I should not worry that things will be sorted out. A day to the wedding she told me that when it's segment for dowry collection that she would pronounce that she had collected it. I said no problem. Since then I have not been able to pay it because she wants full cash. Now, any slide misunderstanding she refers to it.

Secondly, immediately after the marriage,I was left with 60k which I thought we would manage to get a room and a parlour apartment for a start, just to do according to my pocket in my present rent house. But my wife insisted that we should let 2 bedroom flat at 100k but knowing fully that my source of income would not maintain it couple with other obligations that I would be discharging. She said, she would lend me 40k.
Thank God I was able to pay her the money. But still thinking over wasteful of almost 50k,while 150k can secure a land for bulding house in my area.

Thirdly, few months after our marriage. We were having misunderstanding and I carelessly said if the marriage can not work it better we go our separate ways, my wife holds on this statement and continue saying that she just need me to say it twice more and the marriage is over.

But I used to think over all these with other ones that I cant write, then, I ask myself if truly she loves me or may be am with wrong person.

What is your thought about this?

Guy stop talking like a child. Problems are meant to be solved. You've been married for only 3years and you are letting challenges overwhelm you already. You still have a long way to go o.

And what's the threat of calling it quits about? Not like your wife is threatening to murder you of something. Please man up. Marriage is not for boys but for men. For you to take that step means you want to play in the big league, and here you are.

So bros. There is nothing happening there that you can't handle believe me. You just have to make up your mind to win. Financial challenges are common in marriage. Disagreement is normal. You are two people dovetailing into one. So its expected. So learn from every daily experiences and issues that come up. Let them refine you into the perfect husband for your lovely wife.

Your wife may have her issues but look beyond them. See in her the person you want her to be altimately. And patiently bare with her issues until they are resolved or at least you can cope with them. I believe you loved your wife which was why you married her. So please let love continue to guide your words and actions towards her. It is not easy, but it is possible.

We are rooting for you. Guy, go and succeed in your home.

Cheers bro.

DEmejioba1:
I got married in 2018,since then I have been battling with some unimaginable experiences with my wife even when I thought I married to a religious lady.

To cut the story short,

Prior to our marriage, things was not so good enough for me but because of age consideration of both of us we decided to wed with the help of our families.

The first thing that happened which caught me thinking afterward was that during our make up to wedding,my wife insisted that she's receiving 50k dowry which she knew I wouldn't be able to get it just shortly before the wedding. I told her that there is no way I could afford it then that she should reduce it may be to 20k, she said I should not worry that things will be sorted out. A day to the wedding she told me that when it's segment for dowry collection that she would pronounce that she had collected it. I said no problem. Since then I have not been able to pay it because she wants full cash. Now, any slide misunderstanding she refers to it.

Secondly, immediately after the marriage,I was left with 60k which I thought we would manage to get a room and a parlour apartment for a start, just to do according to my pocket in my present rent house. But my wife insisted that we should let 2 bedroom flat at 100k but knowing fully that my source of income would not maintain it couple with other obligations that I would be discharging. She said, she would lend me 40k.
Thank God I was able to pay her the money. But still thinking over wasteful of almost 50k,while 150k can secure a land for bulding house in my area.

Thirdly, few months after our marriage. We were having misunderstanding and I carelessly said if the marriage can not work it better we go our separate ways, my wife holds on this statement and continue saying that she just need me to say it twice more and the marriage is over.

But I used to think over all these with other ones that I cant write, then, I ask myself if truly she loves me or may be am with wrong person.

What is your thought about this?

What you are experiencing is not out of place, the initial marital period like 2-4years can sometimes be turbulent especially if you didn't start the relationship when you were young.

You shouldn't have acceded to renting a 2bedroom, especially when you don't have children yet. As for the dowry thing, you may need to find a way of paying her that money. That careless statement you made, be thankful she didn't say more than she said because, if the tables were to be turned, you will likely hold to it against her and by the time you become rich, you probably will never forgive her so, I think she handled it better.

Finally, you must understand that spirituality and lack of financial security don't mix well for a lot of women. Even the one that shows understanding now is doing it with the hope that you will breakthrough one day. It was one of the hardest thing for me to understand when I was younger but had to kind of conclude that it's probably the way God created them as I could not understand how someone who earns so much and can afford to even employ you the man still expects you to pick up bills they know you don't have the money for. Irrespective of how religious they are, they will still expect you the man to be financial responsible for the house so, it's better you assume women are not religious when it comes to money. I advise you find a side hustle, that's the next thing for you. Think of a business you can do, get loan from family which will be without interest to run it and you can keep expanding from there. One of the easiest thing to do is transportation. Even if it's 2 okadas, they will be bringing in extra income for you that will let your mind be relaxed a little in the mean time while you can then concentrate to think of something bigger.

Best wishes!

TrueChristians:
You married your wife without the direction of God you married in flesh , My brother seek the face of Jesus Christ ask for his direction am 100%sure the rightful person you will marry is still single .. look deeper and be spiritually Alert , sorry to say that your marriage will always start and end with quarrels and bitter heart she May never agree with you on any issues , Honestly you married the WRONG LADY

Everything is not spiritual......try to advice objectively without bringing religion into the picture

chrisj2:
We have a few vocal females here that think the men gets it easy and there is too much misogyny on nairaland...

If I was to answer the question posed by the OP, the answer is YES, you married the wrong person. In the sense that she is not what you thought she was and she already three you a curved ball on the dowry and will not stop going on about it. Moreover, she is just like many of the entitled women we have in Nigeria...

This lady knows your situation but she decided to get married to you anyways. Why is it all the man's fault when it comes to finance and why is she making financial demands that you cannot fulfil. Basically, she is already stressing you at a young age and expecting you to borrow,natural or otherwise to provide for her elevated status.

What is this nonsense about owning a DOWRY in 2021? And why does she want it all in cash and all that...

If you do not have children, I will advice you to sit her down and trash this financial issues out. If she is not a builder but a digger then divorce her. Why say it 3 times? Are a Muslim?

Entitled women are a turn off - it will never stop!

* Yes, you married too early and should not have done so given your means but you already know that fact.

The stupid dowry that is collected by family and very often given back or given to the wife. She did well to cover you but she was already scheming by upping the amount and the pretending that she has collected the DOWRY. Everyone knows what the situation is, if a woman convinces her family that she has received her dowry.

Finally, we have another situation where your money is ours and mine is mine alone. Tell her to do one if there are no children involved in this marriage - she will also think twice if you are serious about it.

Absolutely no sense in your long write-up