chrisj2:


Comprehension seems to be a problem here. One person even said the OP is arrogant. He already accepted that he made a mistake getting married without money.

However, did he know that his wife to be will ask directly for a dowry that he could not afford just before the wedding.
A dowry is a token gesture and it mean nothing at all but silly old tradition of selling a daughter or old testament ***p.

He should get out of the marriage right now. As if it is easy to increase hustle in these day and age. Maybe he should start stealing?

So in essence, do you mean the woman should not ask for what is rightfully hers?

You should know dowry is paid so as to protect the woman's dignity and also to let the Man know he did not purchase a slave but got himself a wife ( which the woman covered up for him)....

If OP get mind make he just try repeat that divorce threat twice and Watch a good woman walk away.
I can bet my Balls the woman is already tired of OP even


If the woman had considered the O.P financial status I don't think she would have agreed to his marriage proposal.She is only Trying to motivate the poverty stricken O.P to get the Man out of his comfort zone

OP wasn't and still not ready for marriage.He should be taking care of Himself seeing he could not even afford a place to stay prior to the marriage.

The woman's isn't at fault in any way here.

OP should wake up from his slumber

OP, in account of all what you wrote up here. Your wife is impeccable while you're the one guilty of all these mistakes.

You'll enjoy such a lady if you wisely use your head with heR. Because I observe she's a person that will always be there for you whensoever you are in need of it. Moreso, thinking of using that huge amount to purchase a land instead of letting an apartment is a foul thought.

Just be patient with her she will makes your dreams come true.

malcom1X:
Guy be a man.
Don't ever borrow money from your wife to do anything. If you don't have tell her you don't have. That her money should be spent on her children.

Pay her dowry, don't owe her, it's her money. She saved you from embarrassment.

where on earth do they pay the dowry to the woman?its like paying a prostitute in advance for sex.

Xisnin:
You are the wrong person!
You couldn't take care of yourself while single but you thought it wise to engage in a
family-sponsored marriage.
Did your family also promise to help you run your marriage financially?

Your wife didn't force you to do anything, you agreed to it even though you could have said no.
Forget what you see in Hollywood, love is overrated and is insufficient to run a stable marriage.

All I can see from this story is a man suffering from financial woes and trying to blame his wife for it.

One way to reduce your stress going forward is to stop accepting suggestions that you will end up regretting later on.

Bro thumbs up... U just said it all.

JudgeKronos:
Oga,
I bet my January salary, your wife is from Imo State...

You are thinking my thinking

DEmejioba1:
I got married in 2018,since then I have been battling with some unimaginable experiences with my wife even when I thought I married to a religious lady.

To cut the story short,

Prior to our marriage, things was not so good enough for me but because of age consideration of both of us we decided to wed with the help of our families.

The first thing that happened which caught me thinking afterward was that during our make up to wedding,my wife insisted that she's receiving 50k dowry which she knew I wouldn't be able to get it just shortly before the wedding. I told her that there is no way I could afford it then that she should reduce it may be to 20k, she said I should not worry that things will be sorted out. A day to the wedding she told me that when it's segment for dowry collection that she would pronounce that she had collected it. I said no problem. Since then I have not been able to pay it because she wants full cash. Now, any slide misunderstanding she refers to it.

Secondly, immediately after the marriage,I was left with 60k which I thought we would manage to get a room and a parlour apartment for a start, just to do according to my pocket in my present rent house. But my wife insisted that we should let 2 bedroom flat at 100k but knowing fully that my source of income would not maintain it couple with other obligations that I would be discharging. She said, she would lend me 40k.
Thank God I was able to pay her the money. But still thinking over wasteful of almost 50k,while 150k can secure a land for bulding house in my area.

Thirdly, few months after our marriage. We were having misunderstanding and I carelessly said if the marriage can not work it better we go our separate ways, my wife holds on this statement and continue saying that she just need me to say it twice more and the marriage is over.

But I used to think over all these with other ones that I cant write, then, I ask myself if truly she loves me or may be am with wrong person.

What is your thought about this?

You're just over reacting. This attitude is typical of women irrespective of their upbringing. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you or careless about your feelings.

Countless times, when i am angry, i told my wife if marriage doesn't work we should go our separate ways. It is not a new thing. Your marriage is young expect different arguments and fights for the next 1-2 years. You guys will be alright

This looks like a poorly fabricated story. However, in the event that there's any element of truth in it, I quite agree with the others that you had no business getting married in the first place, but, it's never too late for a self reappraisal and doing the right thing. Firstly, you need to right all the wrongs from the very beginning, start being the man of the house and a husband to your wife, the reverse shouldn't be the case.

I'm assuming you're suprised about the reactions you got here, pretty sure you expected the usual women bashing in this case, that's to tell you that you didn't try at all.

I'm glad you realized your financial mistake but I'll advice you to do the following
1. pay her dowry to her since you promised to do that
2. Stop borrowing money from her, if she wants to contribute or take up responsibilities on her own let her do it otherwise let her be
3. She knew your condition before marrying you so Stop borrowing money unnecessarily to please her
4. Get new skills that can increase your income stream
5. Have a sincere discussion with her on the way forward and decide if the marriage is worth it
6. Avoid careless statements
All the best

nawoo marriage no be child's play oh it is well

malcom1X:
Guy be a man.
Don't ever borrow money from your wife to do anything. If you don't have tell her you don't have. That her money should be spent on her children.

Pay her dowry, don't owe her, it's her money. She saved you from embarrassment.

It used to be that women cried of oppression. Now I ask myself what crime did we commit to be born men?

lol...So a man cannot even expect to have help from his wife, then what is she a wife for? Sex alone?

You people don't have sense.

My man do you really want to hear the truth? If I tell you the truth, it will seriously pierce your heart.

Lenient001:
OP, in account of all what you wrote up here. Your wife is impeccable while you're the one guilty of all these mistakes.

You'll enjoy such a lady if you wisely use your head with heR. Because I observe she's a person that will always be there for you whensoever you are in need of it. Moreso, thinking of using that huge amount to purchase a land instead of letting an apartment is a foul thought.

Just be patient with her she will makes your dreams come true.

God bless you.

He is just over thinking. It is normal to have such arguments in your marriages. I can bet the woman loves him so much, he is not just seeing things from there.

The problem with newly married couple is that, they tend to believe that marriage should be rosy like the nollywood thing.

The truth is that you have a good wife who want to push you to achieve extraordinary success, a wife that is supportive and here you are complaining.

Haven't you heard about some cases like, you have to send my brother to school before my family would allow us to marry? Similar cases like that.

Am a man who like thinking big and go getter to achieve things that are bigger than, but I have not fortunate enough to meet a woman like yours, I only get a woman who are dependent, opportune and feel entitled.

Bro, my advice is this, you will never know what you can achieve if you don't visualize it and take step, when you married, don't run your marriage with single mindsets, that is where alot of marriage have problem, many men are running the marriage as if they are still single.

When you married properly, am not talking about cohabiting here, I mean, married according to the law and customs of tradition, government and God, things will change, you will need to enlarge your mind and coast to be able to fit for the change. After years of marriage if things didn't change for good then you can start to worry.

All in all, I think you have a good wife sha

malcom1X:
Guy be a man.
Don't ever borrow money from your wife to do anything. If you don't have tell her you don't have. That her money should be spent on her children.

Pay her dowry, don't owe her, it's her money. She saved you from embarrassment.

If I am to follow this your advice, may be I for don go be with Lord. As per I cannot calculate how much I have borrowed from my wife. It will run into millions. May be other guys can do it alone but me I cannot.
May God bless her for me.

DEmejioba1:
I got married in 2018,since then I have been battling with some unimaginable experiences with my wife even when I thought I married to a religious lady.

To cut the story short,

Prior to our marriage, things was not so good enough for me but because of age consideration of both of us we decided to wed with the help of our families.

The first thing that happened which caught me thinking afterward was that during our make up to wedding,my wife insisted that she's receiving 50k dowry which she knew I wouldn't be able to get it just shortly before the wedding. I told her that there is no way I could afford it then that she should reduce it may be to 20k, she said I should not worry that things will be sorted out. A day to the wedding she told me that when it's segment for dowry collection that she would pronounce that she had collected it. I said no problem. Since then I have not been able to pay it because she wants full cash. Now, any slide misunderstanding she refers to it.

Secondly, immediately after the marriage,I was left with 60k which I thought we would manage to get a room and a parlour apartment for a start, just to do according to my pocket in my present rent house. But my wife insisted that we should let 2 bedroom flat at 100k but knowing fully that my source of income would not maintain it couple with other obligations that I would be discharging. She said, she would lend me 40k.
Thank God I was able to pay her the money. But still thinking over wasteful of almost 50k,while 150k can secure a land for bulding house in my area.

Thirdly, few months after our marriage. We were having misunderstanding and I carelessly said if the marriage can not work it better we go our separate ways, my wife holds on this statement and continue saying that she just need me to say it twice more and the marriage is over.

But I used to think over all these with other ones that I cant write, then, I ask myself if truly she loves me or may be am with wrong person.

What is your thought about this?

you are not in control because of your pocket

Good morning...please help a brother...I am in serious need of a job...I have a B.Tech in Building Technology...I am hardworking and versatile...I can work anywhere...Thanks
Phone Number: 08029917484

Xisnin:
You are the wrong person!
You couldn't take care of yourself while single but you thought it wise to engage in a
family-sponsored marriage.
Did your family also promise to help you run your marriage financially?

Your wife didn't force you to do anything, you agreed to it even though you could have said no.
Forget what you see in Hollywood, love is overrated and is insufficient to run a stable marriage.

All I can see from this story is a man suffering from financial woes and trying to blame his wife for it.

One way to reduce your stress going forward is to stop accepting suggestions that you will end up regretting later on.

u r so damn right.....he no dey capable instead of looking for ways to augument his salary e dey blame wife...

slawormiir:
Damnnn niggarrrr
Isoright.....
See threat ....
Fear nor let the op talk am the second time again....
Bros op don't know what he has put his hand into.....
And children never start to dey come now..
If God want fuckkk you up the more now he go first give una triplet at once...

You think marriage na child's play...all those them bros don jazzy way never one hurry enter you think say them nor know wetin them dey do

But bros op ...where them for dey sell land 150k ...
Make I come buy like 20

I’m equally interested in the land acquisition, if truly it’s that cheap.

DEmejioba1:
I got married in 2018,since then I have been battling with some unimaginable experiences with my wife even when I thought I married to a religious lady.

To cut the story short,

Prior to our marriage, things was not so good enough for me but because of age consideration of both of us we decided to wed with the help of our families.

The first thing that happened which caught me thinking afterward was that during our make up to wedding,my wife insisted that she's receiving 50k dowry which she knew I wouldn't be able to get it just shortly before the wedding. I told her that there is no way I could afford it then that she should reduce it may be to 20k, she said I should not worry that things will be sorted out. A day to the wedding she told me that when it's segment for dowry collection that she would pronounce that she had collected it. I said no problem. Since then I have not been able to pay it because she wants full cash. Now, any slide misunderstanding she refers to it.

Secondly, immediately after the marriage,I was left with 60k which I thought we would manage to get a room and a parlour apartment for a start, just to do according to my pocket in my present rent house. But my wife insisted that we should let 2 bedroom flat at 100k but knowing fully that my source of income would not maintain it couple with other obligations that I would be discharging. She said, she would lend me 40k.
Thank God I was able to pay her the money. But still thinking over wasteful of almost 50k,while 150k can secure a land for bulding house in my area.

Thirdly, few months after our marriage. We were having misunderstanding and I carelessly said if the marriage can not work it better we go our separate ways, my wife holds on this statement and continue saying that she just need me to say it twice more and the marriage is over.

But I used to think over all these with other ones that I cant write, then, I ask myself if truly she loves me or may be am with wrong person.

What is your thought about this?

My thought is that your wife is managing you. You don't deserve her

I don dey fear to marry ooo, with all this kind stories.

House please I need advice, I have this girl that am planning to marry by next year by Grace of God but is like I will leave her.

Here is my reason: l gave this girl 50k last year to add up and rent a shop which I told her that she must pay back and she agreed to pay back within two months, but after everything she paid 20k back to me and asked for more time but to my greatest surprise when I asked her last week, how much are you owing me now, she told me that I am the one that suppose to pay her and I have been thinking about it since then.

DEmejioba1:
I got married in 2018,since then I have been battling with some unimaginable experiences with my wife even when I thought I married to a religious lady.

To cut the story short,

Prior to our marriage, things was not so good enough for me but because of age consideration of both of us we decided to wed with the help of our families.

The first thing that happened which caught me thinking afterward was that during our make up to wedding,my wife insisted that she's receiving 50k dowry which she knew I wouldn't be able to get it just shortly before the wedding. I told her that there is no way I could afford it then that she should reduce it may be to 20k, she said I should not worry that things will be sorted out. A day to the wedding she told me that when it's segment for dowry collection that she would pronounce that she had collected it. I said no problem. Since then I have not been able to pay it because she wants full cash. Now, any slide misunderstanding she refers to it.

Secondly, immediately after the marriage,I was left with 60k which I thought we would manage to get a room and a parlour apartment for a start, just to do according to my pocket in my present rent house. But my wife insisted that we should let 2 bedroom flat at 100k but knowing fully that my source of income would not maintain it couple with other obligations that I would be discharging. She said, she would lend me 40k.
Thank God I was able to pay her the money. But still thinking over wasteful of almost 50k,while 150k can secure a land for bulding house in my area.

Thirdly, few months after our marriage. We were having misunderstanding and I carelessly said if the marriage can not work it better we go our separate ways, my wife holds on this statement and continue saying that she just need me to say it twice more and the marriage is over.

But I used to think over all these with other ones that I cant write, then, I ask myself if truly she loves me or may be am with wrong person.

What is your thought about this?

where the hell is a flat 100k in Nigeria? Omo in truth you had no business marrying with such low funds. Being that you have reached the rubicon, let these slide and just work on the union. Tell her u don’t like her attitude with money and let her let you take major decisions.



Good luck.

All these problems you listed, it's money that's causing it, plus you married because you thought age was no longer on your side when you should have hustled and made money more. If she's holding on to your word on going separate ways, you can't blame her, hopefully she forgives and forget.
Money isn't everything in marriage but in your own case you didn't have enough and you borrowed without hope of refunding, o wrong now.
This is the first time I'm hearing a bride collects dowry, is it no longer a father's decision?

Pay her dowry.

You also shouldn't have made that statement about separation in the first place, it makes me wonder if you were ready for marriage in all aspects (mentally, emotionally ...)

Find a way of taking the lead in your marriage, don't do more than you can and later be heard complaining as your wife should be helping you pursue towards the vision you have for your family.

Most importantly take care of your family it is your primary responsibility as the heard. Good luck

Oga zero your mind and try to b very strong. I am not asking you to divorce her but she might elope with another man going by some of the assertions she made. Many are doing well earning figures with six or five zero's before marriage and few years into marriage despite being prudent with their savings are financially down. Should they kill themselves. Any woman who will disrespect his husband because of the cash that was used jointly and not even squandered by the guy on frivolities, should not bear that title wife. Try to braze up cos with little cash such wife will open her legs to another man

I am sorry about your experience. But you apparently were not financially prepared for marriage. Neither you nor your wife was ready. You made a terrible mistake and I personally do not blame your wife. Marriage is a practical system and you need more than a raging hormone or age consideration to get married. As a man age is not supposed to be a factor for you. If you had paid attention to your own self development you wouldn't be in this mess. You should have allowed her to go on with her life instead of capturing her into an arrangement that may likely further consolidate poverty for the both of you. And she too exercised lack of judgment by getting married when she was also poor.

DEmejioba1:
I got married in 2018,since then I have been battling with some unimaginable experiences with my wife even when I thought I married to a religious lady.

To cut the story short,

Prior to our marriage, things was not so good enough for me but because of age consideration of both of us we decided to wed with the help of our families.

The first thing that happened which caught me thinking afterward was that during our make up to wedding,my wife insisted that she's receiving 50k dowry which she knew I wouldn't be able to get it just shortly before the wedding. I told her that there is no way I could afford it then that she should reduce it may be to 20k, she said I should not worry that things will be sorted out. A day to the wedding she told me that when it's segment for dowry collection that she would pronounce that she had collected it. I said no problem. Since then I have not been able to pay it because she wants full cash. Now, any slide misunderstanding she refers to it.

Secondly, immediately after the marriage,I was left with 60k which I thought we would manage to get a room and a parlour apartment for a start, just to do according to my pocket in my present rent house. But my wife insisted that we should let 2 bedroom flat at 100k but knowing fully that my source of income would not maintain it couple with other obligations that I would be discharging. She said, she would lend me 40k.
Thank God I was able to pay her the money. But still thinking over wasteful of almost 50k,while 150k can secure a land for bulding house in my area.

Thirdly, few months after our marriage. We were having misunderstanding and I carelessly said if the marriage can not work it better we go our separate ways, my wife holds on this statement and continue saying that she just need me to say it twice more and the marriage is over.

But I used to think over all these with other ones that I cant write, then, I ask myself if truly she loves me or may be am with wrong person.

What is your thought about this?

Old people marriage ehhhh

lakefist:


God bless you.

He is just over thinking. It is normal to have such arguments in your marriages. I can bet the woman loves him so much, he is not just seeing things from there.

Thank you bro.
He failed to believe humans are not God (we can't have it all).

Marriage this days is scary. Oga cut ur coat according to your size.

[s]

Kapilta:
Honestly after reading this your gibberish, i think your wife married the wrong man actually and not what you insinuate.

Buy 150k land so you can join in building another set of slums in 2021 when we are already tired of the ones that abound everywhere. Poverty mentality kill you there.

And the lady is even supporting you one way or the other while pushing you to become your best version but poverty mentality has taken over your body and soul already.

Useless lots, when they find angels trying to bring out the best out of them in life they start to complain because they are so used to status quo. Nonsense. Poverty mentality kee you dia once more.

[/s]

Easy tiger - how easy to bash the weak and the downtrodden.

Easy ok.

RisenPhoenix1:


I saw it earlier, but didn't want to grace it with a response if not for your mention. I'm actually speechless as to how to advice him. The op is the author of all his misfortunes, yet he's wondering whether he married the right woman. A woman is how you train her. Let me write out an analogy and tell me how you will advice such a person. Here goes:

I bought a brand new Toyota Hilux, tear rubber on credit. I've still not been able to pay the seller and he keeps incessantly reminding me of my debt, even though he gave me a receipt in advance.

I don't like to check the water levels in my radiator, and sometimes when I do and there's no water, the tap is too far from my garage so I'll drive it without topping the water. Recently it started overheating, that was what first got me thinking.

Brake oil is too expensive, so I don't gauge the brake oil levels in my car. After two brake failures leading to accidents, I'm getting confused about what to do.

I forgot to put engine oil inside my car after I drained the sump, and my engine knocked. Now it's not even moving at all,and the cost is prohibitive.

All these incidents make me wonder whether Toyota Hilux is the right car for me at all. Please advise.

1,2,3...go.

Omo....


When I saw the thread the answer to all these analogy hit me which is the answer to ops problem.

I no read am finish but obviously you got married when you could hardly take care of your own self

You are a selfish person to say the least, if true

You are the major problem, not her. She's just reacting to your nonsense. If you can't afford a home with wife and kids don't start one

Land 150k, 2 bedroom 100k abeg where be the place?