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 Foreign Affairs / Re: Dubai Police Unveil Ferrari And Lamborghini Patrol Cars. by PresGEJ(m): 7:19am On Apr 28, 2013 |
This is exactly what I planned to do for the NPF! I will have to come up with something else before Dubai's Shiekh thinks I am copying him. Any suggestions? Long Live Nigeria! Presido |
| Family / Re: He Wants Sex Every Night. by PresGEJ(m): 10:58am On Apr 14, 2013 |
omigin: I don't think it is posible for any human bein to have sex everyday. Fa-Fa-Faaaaa-Foul! What are you people talking about here?! I have been doing Pay-shence EVERYDAY since we got married and no complain. The only time I reduced schagging to once-a-week was when madam was receiving treatment in Europe. . .I can run the country from anywhere, so no wahala. If I don't shack and schag everyday, what else is there to do, abeg??! Long Live Nigeria! 1 Like |
| Politics / Re: Delta State Commissioner Kidnapped by PresGEJ(m): 5:12pm On Oct 01, 2012 |
What is going on in this country?!? This pressure is too much o! I may end up joining Patience in Germany very soon! Haba! Wetin nao?! Una wahala too much for dis country sef. MSHEW! |
| Foreign Affairs / Re: Uruguayan President Donates 90% Of His Salary To Charity by PresGEJ(m): 9:43am On Sep 27, 2012 |
Fellow Nigerians, A poor President can only lead a poor nation, despite the country's level of development. When a President lives large, his people will become 'big and large and lead the entourage' among nations. That is my philosophy. This man is not doing his nation any good. Working for you, Your Presido |
| Politics / Re: Jonathan Rates Self-high On Performance by PresGEJ(m): 8:54am On Sep 11, 2012 |
Ten OVER ten. . .Shikena! Shikena, shikena, shikena o, I'm 10/10! It's a tough job, but I'm delivering on my promises to Nigerians. Work is going better now that madam is not home sha. |
| Politics / Re: A Picture Of Buhari & Ojukwu by PresGEJ(m): 3:10pm On Aug 28, 2012 |
To me oh, Ojukwu looks like a regular driver asking Buhari, "So, Oga, where next?" In yesterday's picture, Bakare looked like a houseboy that Oga shook hands with for the very first time after slaving for years!  1 Like |
| Family / Re: Funny Gifts You Received After Celebrations? by PresGEJ(m): 8:56pm On Aug 26, 2012 |
Here is my own list: 1] The Presidency - Some call it dumb luck; I say it's a gift 2] Newspaper Adverts - Those ones lift up my spirit after so much bashing by ignorant Nigerians; but I have to pretend I don't like them 3] Delegations of sycophants from every nook and cranny of Nigeria - Time wasters; except when election is approaching 4] A church building - I nor send the yeye guy oh! Church?! Of all gifts?! 5] Women - They find me irresistable now, unlike before (I mean, look at Pay-tience; that was my best in those days) 6] Loads of Benjamins - The most useful Your Presido |
| Politics / Re: Reuben Abati: The Jonathan They Dont Know by PresGEJ(m): 2:43pm On Aug 26, 2012 |
"President Jonathan is a clever, methodical and intelligent man, who is very adept at wrong footing all the persons who make an effort to second-guess or under-estimate him." - Reuben Abati I shed tears at this point. This man really knows me. |
| Politics / Re: N5,000 Will Strengthen The Cashless Policy – CBN Official by PresGEJ(m): 2:39pm On Aug 26, 2012 |
onatisi: here in ghana we have 50,20,10,5,1 ghana cedis note.to get the naira equivalent just multiply by 100.on the coins we have 50,20,10,5 peswas pls take note of something here the 50 peswa is equa to 50 naira and 20 is equa to 20 naira,they dont have 100ghc,so why do our own govt want to print higher denomination that will diminish the purchasing power of the ordinary nigerian man When did Ghana become an economic standard in Africa? The fact that you ran from Nigeria to eke out a living in Ghana is your loss. We are making progress in Nigeria without you. Ghana?! I can't stop laughing. |
| Politics / Re: N5,000 Will Strengthen The Cashless Policy – CBN Official by PresGEJ(m): 2:34pm On Aug 26, 2012 |
dorothy111: I feel otherwise, 1$, 5$, 10$, 20$, 50$, and 100$... Correct me if I am wrong, but it is 6 You're missing the $2 note |
| Politics / Re: N5,000 Will Strengthen The Cashless Policy – CBN Official by PresGEJ(m): 2:27pm On Aug 26, 2012 |
onatisi: Your posts should be in the Recycle Bin Section. NL should create one for a nincompoop like you! |
| Politics / Re: N5,000 Will Strengthen The Cashless Policy – CBN Official by PresGEJ(m): 2:10pm On Aug 26, 2012 |
401kk: I'm yet to see reasons why Sanusi was made the CBN governor till today. The US has 7 paper notes, Nigeria has 9. What is the big deal?! Is it a sin to lead the US in at least one area? Young man, have you passed WAEC yet? You don't sound smart. Long Live Nigeria. Your Presido |
| Politics / Re: N5,000 Will Strengthen The Cashless Policy – CBN Official by PresGEJ(m): 2:04pm On Aug 26, 2012 |
centje: what about inflation and rejection of coins? Thanks for that thoughtful question - At least, you are thinking, unlike most posters here. According to the renowned Journal of Public Economy (Published by Chicago Journals), the need for larger denominations in a well-functioning economy "arises every 5 or 10 years". How long ago was the N1,000 introduced? 7 years ago! Can you see the calculated brilliance of my government? We are running the government by the book (or journal)...literally! The Journal went on to say that big denominations are often (mis)interpreted by the unlearned public as "overissue of currencies, and the mere expectation of inflation may drive the price level up even though the total stock of money is held constant." Did Sanusi say he is increasing money supply? No. So, my dear centje, no cause for control - everything is under alarm (I hope I said that right) Long Live Nigeria. Your Presido |
| Politics / Re: N5,000 Will Strengthen The Cashless Policy – CBN Official by PresGEJ(m): 1:41pm On Aug 26, 2012 |
Fellow Nigerians, The introduction of N5,000 should be applauded and supported by every well-meaning and intelligent Nigerian. To my chagrin, I see only a few reasonable and smart people on this thread so far. This reminds me of my days as a lecturer. Let us start with a definition of term: "Cashless" means LESS CASH - It is pity that people who can sign-on to discussion forums cannot interpret a word as simple as Cashless. Now, for application of the term: If I wish to pay out N10 Million (to further government work of course), I will need 100 bundles of N1,000. With this brilliant CASHLESS policy of N5,000 notes, I will need only 20 bundles. 100 versus 20!!! Isn't this progress obvious enough?!! Nay sayers will say that the 20 bundles will fit into agabadas and caps more easily, but that is beside the point. My government and I should be applauded for making CASHLESS a reality. Long Live Nigeria. Your Presido |
| Politics / Re: What Is The Meaning Of President Jonathan's Adverts? by PresGEJ(m): 7:54pm On Aug 20, 2012 |
Fellow Nigerians, This poster is grossly misguided. What is the big deal?! If I don't toot my own horn, who will?! If haters can't handle this sleek move, I wonder what they will do when I finish Chapter 2 of a new book I got on the subject (See attachment). Stay tuned for more dividends of democracy - I know I keep over-delivering and surpassing your expectations; it is in my nature to excel. E.g. getting a BSc was not enough for me, I had to go all the way to PhD. My dear Nigerians, I won't give you any less. I close with my now famous mantra: Small time, Nigeria will be better than Dubai - You will all apologize to me! Until then, back to work. Long Live Nigeria. Your Presido
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| Politics / Pet For President Jonathan: Your Recommendation by PresGEJ(m): 12:19pm On Jun 27, 2012 |
Fellow Nigerians, As I prepare to head to Belgium, I want your input on a matter. I am being pressured to choose a Presidential Pet that will keep me company in Aso Rock - They say JFK had a pony, Clinton had a cat and Obama has a dog. My advisers showed me the picture below to say how cool my colleague in the US looks with his pet. (I can't run like that sha) As a listening President, I want to know your recommendation: What pet, breed, color, etc? PS: The Politics Section of this site is too hot jor - Let's calm the nerves a bit. Long live Nigeria. Your Presido 1 Like
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| Pets / Re: Awwww! Bulldog Adopts Litter Of Orphaned Kittens by PresGEJ(m): 11:53am On Jun 27, 2012 |
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| Politics / Re: Falana Demands Identity Of VIP Who Closed Abuja Airspace For 30 Mins by PresGEJ(m): 4:49pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
new maonza: Mr president, are u not overworking urself. . . Why was REUBEN ABATI employed [b]Fellow (concerned) Nigerian. Thank you very much. In fact, since I became President, na so-so work, work, work! My sleep has been cut down to 10 hours a night + 2 hours siesta. As Deputy Governor and Vice-President one can easily manage with 12 hours of sleep in a night + 4 hours siesta. But not in that over-charged Aso Rock. I picked up the overworking style while studying for my PhD. All I needed to do to get the degree was to keep vigil for 4 straight days to witness and document the birth of calves by one stubborn COW. The ACN and CPC remind me of that useless cow till today. I work too hard, my brother. That's why I don't joke with trips like this one. BH thought they could stop me from going to Brazil (of all places), no way! Reuben is a storyteller. Most of the Nollywood movies are written by him under a pseudonym (In case you don't have a PhD, that means an alias or pen-name). His work is to dabaru the media - He's doing very well. Being a scholar, writing is pasttime for me. Long live Nigeria. Your Presido [/b] |
| Politics / Re: Falana Demands Identity Of VIP Who Closed Abuja Airspace For 30 Mins by PresGEJ(m): 4:32pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
lynxpro: Thank you, fellow Nigerian. Other Presidents here in Rio have been high-fiving me, patting me on the back and congratulating me for being the Most Connected President alive today. All because I joined NL yesterday; good news travel fast. I don't really like publicity, but I want to feel the pulse of my people. We are on lunch break now in gorgeous Rio (it's almost 12:30pm here) - You should see the food; you will realize that N1Bn is too small to feed my family. I'm running the country from here. At least, you can see that yourself. Please leave Badoo. . .I don't like the name and will not join. I hear 'Runs Girls' hailing themselves "Badoo!" You know, one can't avoid Runs Girls in Abuja. I'm told that as long as I don't eat their apple, I should be fine. Long live Nigeria. Your Presido |
| Politics / Re: Falana Demands Identity Of VIP Who Closed Abuja Airspace For 30 Mins by PresGEJ(m): 12:07pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
crackhouse: Mr. President sir, what do u have to say about the boko haram new catch who's already in SSS fish net?. And one more question sir; when do we expect u back to Nigeria? Because right now ur V.P Sambo is having difficulties being on top of the situation since u left. [b]Fellow Nigerian, I have just my towel on as I'm about to take my bath (It's 8:03am here in Rio), but as a responsive President, I am inclined to respond to you. It gladdened my heart when I heard about the commando style operation that netted Habib Bama. The Israeli and US Presidents turned green with envy when I described the operation to them in the Men's Room at Rio. Obama took copious notes on his iPad while Shimon Peres called Mossad and blasted them for being outdated. CIA and Mossad will visit Nigeria to learn from us after the Brazilian investors depart. As we say in Ijaw, "Bietebe keme ama miengha" (No man is an island). But I was saddened when I learned that Habib Bama was a common PRIVATE in the Nigerian Army! I called Aziza (notice I don't call him General anymore) and blasted him! "How can a common Private give you, a supposed General, sleepless nights?! Was it only pepper soup you mastered in the Army?!" He just kept looking down; he dared not into my now red eyes. I will deal with him later. Sambo is a nice man o. It is the joy of every office holder to have a lame #2. Ask me about that next time; that was how I got this job. But I'm not weak anymore o. . .Ask students of Moshood Abiola University! OK, they say my bath is ready and at my preferred temperature. Got to go. Long live Nigeria. Your Presido. [/b] |
| Politics / Re: Brazilian President To Lead Delegation Of Businessmen To Nigeria by PresGEJ(m): 11:44am On Jun 22, 2012 |
burkutu: Lol!!gej is so short on tangible achievements that his ass lickers would pick on a mundane visit by brazillians in the future as progress. Ok,come gej's 2nd aniversary as cic nxt year,reuben abati would include this in the list of dis govt's achievements. Naija has really sunk low.sorry,im good at saying the obvious. I am trying my level best, na wetin?! What have YOU achieved in ONE year in your own life? Ehn? What? As President, I shouldn't lose my temper, but I am so disappointed in you. I have heard about sensible people like Beaf, Billyonaire, 9ja_I_hail, Captainajama, jason123, PapaBrowne and many analytically minded people on this site. If intelligence does not come naturally to you, go and read their posts and learn. Wao! It's 7:45am here in Rio already. I need to take my shower. BRB (I learned all those codes on Facebook  ).Long live Nigeria. Your Presido |
| Politics / Re: Brazilian President To Lead Delegation Of Businessmen To Nigeria by PresGEJ(m): 11:31am On Jun 22, 2012 |
edicolove: My Sister - It's me o; coming at you from Rio. If I can't solve big problems (like Boko Haram, unemployment, power, etc), at least I can untangle small ones with comic relief. Since I'm still in the mood of naming/re-naming, your unborn child will be called Goodluck, if he's a boy, or Patience, if she's a girl. If you name her Patience, make sure you send her to a good school, so she does not embarass you in the future. I am carrying my own cross, if you know what I mean. Say me well to your husband, or husband-to-be (I am learning a lot of tolerance here in Rio). Long live Nigeria. Your Presido |
| Politics / Re: Falana Demands Identity Of VIP Who Closed Abuja Airspace For 30 Mins by PresGEJ(m): 11:22am On Jun 22, 2012 |
oddy4real: you see. Nobody has said it was GEJ that was flying at that time and yet some deluded people have turned it to a GEJ bashing thread. Don't mind them o. In the words of Shaggy, "It wasn't me" o. Long live Nigeria. Your Presido |
| Politics / Re: Falana Demands Identity Of VIP Who Closed Abuja Airspace For 30 Mins by PresGEJ(m): 11:17am On Jun 22, 2012 |
9-zeros: Ehen! I am proud of you. When those SSS boys told me you will see the light (after they reviewed all your NL posts), I doubted them. Now I see that Nigeria has the best intelligence network in the world. BTW, do you know where in Rio I can buy Brazilian hair for Patience? I don search tire. I got a Brazilian Bowler Hat though. You will like it; Take a break from Euro2012 and watch NTA. Long live Nigeria. Your Presido |
| Politics / Re: Brazilian President To Lead Delegation Of Businessmen To Nigeria by PresGEJ(m): 11:07am On Jun 22, 2012 |
femmy2010: The Brazilians are coming to help us rid Nigeria of Corruption. God bless you, femmy2010. And you're even an Ngabti man. Many of the Brazilian investors can't even afford the airfare, talk less of hotel bills in Nigeria or feeding allowance. They say Nigeria is too far! I had to beg and beg. On top of that, we have to pay for their first class airfare to Nigeria, close the airport 3 hours before they arrive/depart, 5-star accommodation, and other "state hospitalities" I am not at liberty to mention in public. All these I do for you. What do I get in return? Slow people calling me "Retardeen", and dull people (without PhDs) calling me Jona-Dull. Rubbish! You will all eat the humble pie and vote me in again in 2015. Thanks again, femmy2010. With the powers vested in me to rename at will, I hereby rename you "femmy2019", which is the year I plan to handover. Long live Nigeria. Your Presido 1 Like |
| Politics / Re: Falana Demands Identity Of VIP Who Closed Abuja Airspace For 30 Mins by PresGEJ(m): 10:52am On Jun 22, 2012 |
oddy4real: You and Spirit of Okija are true Nigerians. . .Clap for yourselves! Intelligence report says str8_talk is a Rwandan; remember my boys beat them in football last Saturday. 9-zeros: CHESSBOARD: 'ODUMEGBU' is the Ijaw spelling of 'ODUMEGWU', what is your wahala? I want an Ijaw touch on UNN: Odumegbu Ojukwu University. If you don't like it, wait until 2019 - You know I will win again in 2015, don't you? Also, intelligent Nigerians (I hear you have many of them on NL too) do not talk back to their President. You Moshood Abiola University kids/grads have a lot to learn. 1 Like |
| Politics / Re: Falana Demands Identity Of VIP Who Closed Abuja Airspace For 30 Mins by PresGEJ(m): 10:37am On Jun 22, 2012 |
Fellow Nigerians, Greetings from Brazil. It wasn't me oh! I was already on my way to Rio De Janeiro when this happened - Come to think of it; they didn't even close the airport for me!!! I suspect THE CABAL. They all have private jets, you know. I will ensure the airport is closed when I return. How can these small-small boys, without PhDs and bowler hats, get preferential treatment over Mr. President? Rubbish. PS: I didn't know Femi Falana is afraid to die o, with all his big mouth! PSS: @OP, you can't even spell F-a-l-a-n-a! Shame. If you're from UNN, don't worry, you will soon become OOU - Odumegbu Ojukwu University. Long live Nigeria. Your Presido. 24 Likes |
| Crime / Re: Man Sentenced To Death For Stealing N1,705 & N400 Milk by PresGEJ(m): 10:24am On Jun 22, 2012 |
[b]Fellow Nigerians, Greetings from beautiful, well-planned and organized Rio de Janeiro. It's almost 6:30am here (Yes o, as President, I have to get up very early) Rio is a good place o, I won't lie. Come and see well-endowed women everywhere, with NATURAL Brazian hair! Since I went against the grain to register on NL yesterday, I have been receiving accolades from other Heads of State. I am a natural trailblazer, you know. @Topic (Abati tells me that's how to segway on NL): It is reckless judges like this that give the entire system a bad name. I am shocked, disappointed and feel a tinge of anger at this mindless charade of a judgment. A good friend of mine, Cecilia Ibru, was convicted on a 25-count charge for fraud. When I saw the zeros in the figure she stole, even me, with PhD (I don't care if it's in "ordinary" Zoology) my eyes started turning. What did she get after we all did the needful? No biggie. Six months sentence, but not a single day in jail - She "received treatment" at a high-brow hospital for the sentence period and was "discharged". Obinna John (I don't know why they spelled it "Obinah" ) should have been asked to face the wall, raise his hands, and close his eyes for 30 minutes. Also, he should return the money (only if it is marked), but made to drink the milk, which should have expired by then. That's all! How can I build a new Nigeria when nonesense judges like this one in Jos are everywhere??! PS: Does anyone know where I can buy Brazilian hair in Rio? It's #1 on Patience long list, but I still can't find it. PSS: But I got myself a nice Brazilian Bowler Hat! Went shopping with Brazil's President. I shocked him by paying with my Nigerian-issued Debit card. Thank God for Sanusi's cashless palava; me sef pose small. Long live Nigeria. Your Presido [/b] 1 Like
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| NYSC / Re: No Northern State Is Safe For Youth Service! by PresGEJ(m): 2:09pm On Jun 21, 2012 |
Greetings from beautiful Rio de Janeiro. I was recently in Kano, Katsina and Bornu, and all I saw were smiling faces and waving hands greeting me. Thank God I avoided Kaduna this weekend sha. Anyway, you all know I live safely in Abuja. So, don't worry, you can serve ANYWHERE in the country. Don't mind detractors. My advisors tell me NL is full of ACN people. The CPC folks are not computer literate. Long live Nigeria. Your Presido |
| Sports / Re: Brazil Calls Off Friendly With Nigeria Over Bombings by PresGEJ(m): 1:51pm On Jun 21, 2012 |
[b]Fellow Nigerians, Greetings from the beautiful, gorgeous and historic city of Rio de Janeiro - Did you know that Copacabana really exists? I didn't know it is a real place too (only knew it from Barry Manilow's song) until I landed here. Against the advise of my staff, I decided to register on Nairaland TODAY to reach you directly. After all, I brought Facebook to Nigeria and what that has done to the economy is simply mindblowing - The economic indices don't lie. It's almost 10:00am here, so I have to rush to join the planery session to discuss erosion and flooding. My people, don't make a fuss about Brazil's team canceling on Nigeria because of Boko Haram - The match was only postponed to July, since I will put an end to Boko Haram by the end of June. Lord knows I'm only waiting for June 30 on the calendar, then, GBOSA, Boko Haram will be no more. I am particularly disappointed by many senseless comments on this thread. However, my staff tells me the posters are either Namibians or Rwandans (Remember my boys defeated in football them over the weekend - Sore losers!). I wonder why foreigners are so many on NL though! To all well-meaning Nigerians who love me so much, I say thank you. OK, I've got to go; the bus is leaving (Yes, o, I enter bus here since it is Brazil). PS: Does anyone know where I can get Brazilian hair? That's # 1 on Patience's list. Long live Nigeria. Your Presido.[/b] |
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