₦airaland Forum

UNDERSTANDING AND PREVENTING CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE. A handbook for young people, parents and professionals working with children.

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

The immediate and long term negative effect of child sexual abuse can never be over emphasized. Everyday we hear news of one horrible story or the other of children and young people been sexually abused. The reported cases on the media are just a small fraction of the numerous cases of child sexual abuse that occur on a daily basis.

About one in 10 children will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday. About one in 7 girls and one in 25 boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18. Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults occur to children ages 17 and under. This is alarming and not an issue that anyone should turn a blind eye to.

The most annoying part of child sexual abuse is that the perpetrators are usually people that are close to the child. About 90% of children who are victims of sexual abuse know their abusers. Only 10% of sexually abused children are abused by a stranger. This even makes it somehow difficult for the child to be protected because you can not really say who the perpetrators might be. Parents, siblings, relatives, neighbour, teacher and friends had been known to perpetrate the crime of child sexual abuse.

Because of the magnitude of the problem, it is important for everyone, parents, teachers, care givers and even children and teenagers to not only be aware, but be fully involved in preventing sexual abuse as much as possible. Awareness and prevention skills are vital tools to help fight the crime. And that is why this book was put together. The more people are informed about child sexual abuse, the fewer victims there will be.

Please do not say it does not concern you. If you escape it, your child, siblings or relative might not. Help in anyway to create as much awareness as possible. You will be saving a life and a future.

ABOUT THE BOOK

Understanding and Preventing Child Sexual Abuse is a book that gives an insight into the epidemic and crime of child sexual abuse and it’s overwhelming negative effect on the child. The book contains facts and figures to help drive the message home and create more awareness among young people, parents and professionals working with children. The more people are informed about child sexual abuse, the fewer victims there will be.

In Understanding and Preventing Child Sexual Abuse, the author explore the issue of child sexual abuse, the perpetrators, the risk factors, the consequences and strategies for preventing it. The book also contains advice for those who were sexual abused as a child.

CONTENT OF THE BOOK

Understanding and preventing child sexual abuse covers the following areas:

1. The Issue of Child Sexual Abuse
- What is child sexual abuse?
- The magnitude of Child Sexual Abuse
- Myths and facts about child sexual abuse
- Characteristics of child sexual abuse.
- Perpetrators of child sexual abuse
- Sexual abuse of the male child

2. Risk Factors and Consequences
- Circumstances under which child sexual abuse occur.
- The grooming process
- Factors that increase a child risk to sexual abuse
- Consequences of child sexual abuse
- Physical effect of child sexual abuse

3. Preventing Child Sexual Abuse
- Reporting child sexual abuse
- Signs that are child is being sexually abused
- Rules of safety for a child
- How to prevent child sexual abuse

4. Advice for those who were sexually abused as a child


THE AUTHOR

CYRIL ISI is a versatile communicator, youth mentor, child advocate and human capacity developer. He is a graduate of Accountancy with a post graduate certificate in Mass Communication. He is a CEF and CEM professionally trained children and teens instructor and coach. He is the CEO of ONUS Communications, a Printing, Public Relations and Event Management Company.

He is a writer, speaker and he regularly facilitates in training programmes for corporate, academic and religious institutions. He is a committed agent of change and founder of TotalChild Children and Teens Network (TCTN), an NGO that engages, empower and equip teenagers and children inorder for them to fulfill God's plan and purpose for their lives. He is the brain behind Winning Ways, an online blog that chronicles principles for successful living. Other books authored by him include: Developing a Healthy Self Esteem and Exploring the Secrets of Exam Success.

For more information please contact the author

CYRIL ISI
www.facebook.com/cyrilisimedia
facebook | Instagram | Twitter @cyrilisi
www.cyrilisiblog.
Email: talk2cyrilnow@gmail.com
Call/Whatsapp: 08180495451

TotalChild Children and Teens Network (TCTN)
18, Anfani Road, Off Ring Road, Ibadan, Oyo State, Nigeria
Tel: 08180495451

N.B: You can partner with us, volunteer or sponsor us to help create more awareness about this epidemic called child sexual abuse. God bless you.

WINNING WAYS BY CYRIL ISI

DON’T STOP UNTIL YOU ARE PROUD

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time”

I was speaking with a young man recently and he was trying to explain to me how he has written a particular exam over and over again and yet he still has not gotten the desired result he wants. Others that are not even as smart as he is have passed the exam and progress further, while he is still at a stand still for four years. He was feeling frustrated and depressed and already contemplating giving up the whole thing. I have to counsel him and make him see reasons while he must not give up until he acheived his goal and get the desired result he wants.

It is not how many times you have tried. What matters most is you getting the result you want irrespective of the number of times or how hard you worked for it. The final result is the crown to your effort. If you do not wait for it, all the efforts and resources you have put into it will be wasted. Success comes to those who never quit. It is normal for you to experience obstacles in your journey to success. The struggle you’re in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow. Never give up. Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying where there seems to be no hope at all.

Never give up on your dreams most especially if you are convinced about them. It may delay but never give in. Be patient and persistent. Keep hope alive and keep working on that dream. Sooner than you think, your desired result will come to pass. When you want to give up, think of the poeple who will want to see you fail. Don’t give them that pleasure. While you do not live your life to please anybody, use their negative expectation as a fuel to energize yourself for success. You may be the only one who believed in you, and that’s enough. It takes just one star to pierce a universe of darkness.

Never give up on your dream of gaining admission to further your education. Keep submitting applications until you get your dream job. Keep putting the effort to make your marriage work. Keep burning the mid-night candle until you pass that exam in flying colours. Keep working hard until you get to the top of your career. Keep praying and believing for the best until you get that child you so badly desire even after many years of marriage. Sooner than you think, it will all pay off and your desired result will manifest. Don’t give up until you are proud.

Be happy. Be successful. Be YOU.

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THE POWER OF A PROBLEM

“Every problem is a gift. Without problems we would not grow. Every problem has in it the seeds to its own solution. If you don’t have any problems, you don’t get any seeds. If you don’t have seeds, you don’t get any fruits. And your fruit is your success story”

Human beings don’t like hearing the word problem. If we have a choice, we would wish that our lives are free from problems. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Life is essentially an endless series of problems. The solution to one problem is merely the creation of another. For a young man seeking to get a university education, passing UTME is a major problem. As soon as he solved that one, he is confronted with another problem of passing post UTME. Once that one is solved and he is given admission, he is faced with the problem of passing each course in his department inorder for him to move to the next level until he eventually graduate. The solution to one problem creates another one. That is life.

When we begin to see problems as negative things that we should avoid in life, we become stagnant and never progress. The more problems you solve in life, the more progress you make. Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines that helps us to navigate to the next and higher level of success. Every problem is a gift. Without problem we would not grow. When problems showed up in our lives, we should concentrate on the solution instead of seeing it as a mountain that our enemies have brought into our lives. The truth is there are no mountains anywhere. Our ignorance is our mountain.

When you know the solution to a problem, the problem is half solved. Every problem has in it the seeds to its own solution. If you don’t have any problem, you don’t get any seed. And if you don’t have any seed, you cannot grow anything. Fruits which are synonymous to success are buried in a seed and seeds are buried in problems. Your goal should be to find the solution to every problem you face and solve it so that your life will be fruitfrul. Ignoring problems does not take it away. It will remain and wait for you. Solving it is what will take it away and give you joy and happiness.

Stop focusing on problems. When you focus on problems, you will have more problems. When you focus on possibilities, you will have more possibilities. Your attitude towards problems will determine whether you will be able to solve it or not. Take joy in solving problems and you will rise very fast and higher in life. Each problem we are confronted with in life has many solutions. You can only discover the different ways to solve your problems when you take time to analyze it and find the solutions.

Grumbling and murmuring does not solve problem. Taking decisions and action does. Don’t pray not to have problems in life. Pray to have solution to every problem you face. Pray for good problems and not bad once too. Don’t bother for help without first trying to solve your problems yourself. 20% of people you tell your problems do not care. The other 80% are glad you have it. So carry your own cross and run your own race.

Be happy. Be successful. Be YOU.

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BUILD IT IF YOU WANT IT

“It is very important to follow your passion, because every great prize comes with some big sacrifices. Success doesn’t happen overnight. But when you are passionate about what you do, you would always find a reason to never give up on yourself.”

In life, there is always a price to pay inorder to win a prize.Truly nothing comes on a platter of gold. If it comes without you working for it, sooner of later it will go without you being able to hold it back. Have you every wondered what really happen to those who won lottery? As soon as they get the money, their life changes overnight. Everything becomes new. New car, new house, new clothes and even new wife as the case may be. The grooving and living ‘larger than life’ continues. And like a dream of the night, everything just fizzles out. No more money to foot the expensive lifestyle. Gradually, the descent from grace to grace begins and life gets down to square one.

Anything you did not truly labour for will not last. If you cut corners to get there without following due process, corners will be cut to get you out. You have to work for what you want. You have to sow the seed and nurture it if you want the fruit. You have to build it if you want to see it. What is your dream? What do you want to achieve? What do you desire? If you have a clear picture of it then find out what you need to do in order to achieve it and be ready to do it. True success comes from hard work. This is not a case of fake it until you make it. It is a case of work it until you achieve it.

Day dreaming, idleness and laziness are the ingredients of failure. They will never bring you success. So move away from the realm of daydreaming and wishful thinking to the realm of reality where hardwork, diligence and perseverance exist. Rome they say was not built in a day. Those people you see around that are succeeding in their various trades or professions, did not get there overnight. They put in years of patience and diligently working hard, sowing the right seeds and building on the right foundation. And today they are reaping the fruit of their labour.

If you truly want it then build it. If you want first class result then be ready to burn the mid-night candle. If you want to have a happy and successful home, be ready to make the necessary sacrifice. If you want to be the best in your field, be ready to go the extra-mile by working hard and smart, learning more and investing more. Every good thing comes with a price tag, pay for it. It is always a case of no pain, no gain.

Be happy. Be successful. Be YOU.

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DON’T FALL FOR THE PRESSURE, EVERYONE HAS A DIFFERENT TIME LINE.

“I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill, but time and chance happens to them all.”

Why so serious? You cannot be beyond the time. Everyone’s timing is different. Everyone has their own time in the clock called life. And no matter how much you run, you cannot compete time. So stay patient and work for it. You will certainly reach were you want to be. I learnt early in life never to allow anybody pressure me to do anything or become anything that I don’t want to. That lesson has helped me so much over the years, not to make unnecessary mistakes and to enjoy inner peace and stability. I don’t compete unecessarily and I don’t give room to peers or family to pressure me to do anything that is not what I want. I have learnt to pursue my own goals, take responsibility for my life and take things easy as they come while solely depending on God.

Don’t let anyone pressure you to do what you don’t want to do or you are not ready to do. Don’t allow people to use that same old stupid cliche they have used to confuse and frustrate so many people: “your mates are this, your mates are that, your mates are doing this, your mates are doing that and you are not”. See, everyone’s timing is different. Not everyone will get admission at age 17. Not everyone will marry at age 25. Not everyone will get a job immediage after graduation. Not everyone will have a child nine months after marriage. Not everyone will buy a car or build a house at 35.

I know people who graduated college at 21 and didn’t get a salary job until they were 27, I know people who graduated at 25 and already had a salary job. I know people who have children and are single, I know people who are married and had to wait 8 – 10 years to be parents. I know people who are in a relationship and love someone else, I know people who love each other and aren’t together, there are people waiting to love and be loved. My point is, everything in life happens according to our time, our clock. You may look at your friends and some may seem ahead or behind you, but they’re not, they’re living according to the pace of their clock, so be patient. You’re not falling behind, its just not your time.

Don’t be held back becuase of a number. And don’t rush into things because it feels like time is slipping by. Do what’s right for you. Hold on. Slow down. And breathe in. Your age is your age. But more importantly, your life is your life. Don’t change your journey so that it matches someone else’s. We need to walk different paths so the whole world can be explored. Revel in the differences. And enjoy where you are, in this moment.

We are all different with different potentials, purpose and timing. Don’t use another person’s clock to measure your own time. Stay on your own lane in life and stay focus. Just mind your business and when the time is right, everything will fall into place. If you allow yourself to succumb to uneccessary pressure from peers, family and the society, you will end up making the wrong decisions that might terribly affect you in life. Funny enough when you find yourself in trouble because of the wrong decisions, the people the pressured you into it will not be there to help you out. They will even join others to make jest of you. Be wise.

At the same time, please don’t be lazy or non-challant about life. What will be will not be. You are the one that will make it to be. Take responsibility for your life. Work hard and work smart. Set goals for yourself and work hard to achieve them. And it will all end in praise.

Be happy. Be successful. Be YOU.

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YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE

“Positive thoughts generate positive feelings and attract positive life experiences. You only live once but if you do it right, once is enough”

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people that treat you right. Forget about those who don’t. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promise it would most likely be worth it. Live life like you mean it. Stop procrastinating. Do all that you can with all that you have, in the place that you are right now. Life is too unpredictable to put things off and not take it seriously.

Live the best of your life now. Stop acting like you will live forever. Nobody will. We only live once and unfortunately that once is a short one. So make your living meaningful. Do something with your life that your very self will be proud of. The day you start living is the day you decide to take life seriously and take responsibilities for all your actions and inactions. Living a reckless life will sure bring you sorrows and regrets. Living your life without discipline and accountability will destroy you faster than you can imagine. Young people make your life count. Don’t squander time and resources. Do something meaningful and productive with your life. Add value to your life so that you life will be valuable tomorrow.

Have you made some silly mistakes in the past that you are regretting? Well it is in the past. Let it go. Everybody do make mistake. Nobody has a perfect life. Forgive yourself. Get up and move on. What is ahead is far better than what is behind. You only live once. Do what you have to do to make your life one that God will be proud of. You owe no one explanation how you live your life so stop trying to impress anyone. If what you are doing makes you and God happy then you are good to go. In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today. In all live the best of your life.

Be happy. Be successful. Be YOU.

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ARE YOU REALLY SOLVING THE PROBLEM?

“Successful problem solving requires finding the right solution to the right problem. We fail more often not only because we solve the wrong problems but also because we get the wrong solution to the right problem”

I had an experience few days ago that got me thinking. I was having symptoms of malaria and decided to take anti-malaria drugs to treat it. I did not go to the pharmacy. I just check by bedside drawer and saw an unfinished sachet of drugs that looks like anti-malaria drugs and decide to take it. I saw the prescription written on the pack. One in the morning and one at night and decided the follow suit. I took the drugs for two days without any improvement in my condition. Infact, I started feeling worst. On the third day, I decided to check the drugs again to know if it’s actually anti-malaria drugs because I was not seeing any improvement. Lo and behold, on the pack it was written that the drug is for treating back pain. I had to rush to the pharmacy to get the right anti-malaria drugs.

Most of us are treating the right problems with the wrong solution. Life is full of problems. Before one is solved, another one will show up. Solving these problems as they come is our sole responsibility. Problems will not go until the right solution is given to it. If you keep using the wrong solution to solve a particular problem, it will not be solved no matter how hard you try. You will only be compounding the problem. Every problem in life requires a specific solution and until we find the solution the problem persist.

Take a proper look at the problems in your life. Are you applying the right solution? Are you using the right method to solve it? You have to find out the right solution to whatever problems you are facing so that it will be solved once and for all. Beating around the bush or trying to cut corners will never give a permanent solution to any problem. Find out the real solution and administer it. A student who refuses to find out the reasons why he failed an exam, will not pass the same exam when given the opportunity again. When you are not making progress in any area of your life, sit back and ask questions to find out the reason. If you do not thoroughly diagnose your problem, you will not get the required solution that will help solve it. When you finally find the answers to your problem, you should be ready and willing to take action in solving them. When you ignore the solution and try to find short cut, the problem will persist and create more problems.

A young man of about 36 years once came to me that he cannot read or write because he never went to school. I told him what it will take him to be able to read and write. We schedule an adult class for him and ask him to get the required book and lectures started. About six weeks into the training, he complained that the whole thing is taking too long. He thought within a very short time he will just know how to read and write. And he stopped. Today he still cannot read and write. And if he continues without paying the price of learning how to read and write, he will die an illiterate. Don’t look for short cut to success. Be willing to pay the price inorder to solve whatever problem you are going through. Do not forget that tough time never last, but tough people do.

Be happy. Be successful. Be YOU.

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