₦airaland Forum

XavierBlue:
it an acronym for Friends With Sexual Benefit.

Me i gat no problem with anyone. Ill gladly accept you back as a friend. You know it isn't only cheating that causes breakups?


XavierBlue

Oh ok. Thanks for the clarification. Eww @ sleeping with an ex lol. No, I know there's more to break ups than cheating. It's just that cheating is one of those things I do not forgive. Ever. Hence I was interested to hear your view on the ones that cheated. You're nice if you forgive even that. It could be the "benefits"

XavierBlue:
same here, ill never go back to my vomit, am ain't a dog. We can be friends but it'll be strictly FWSB, no strings attached.


XavierBlue

What does FWSB stand for? So, can you still be friends with an ex that cheated?

I prefer not to be friends with exes for the most part. We dated, that's right, but after that I just don't see a reason to be in contact or remain friends. Friendly, yeah, but more than that is pushing it imo. We owe each other nothing, so..

playboy99:
u rite but heartbrks ar bound to happen since dere no plans of getting married although it painfull but life goes on.n d right person is ahead.#ACE

Yeah.

XavierBlue:
mmmm. So you wouldn't love to get back to the last person you dated? Infecting from the fact that you said your love turns sour for them.
As for my case, i just avoid them. I vividly remember a time i broke up with a busy girl living in my street. She'll always intentionally bump into me with the guy she choose to date just few days after we split, only God knew how painful that was. Sometimes it painful seeing your ex with another.


XavierBlue

Interesting. So sad. Well, maybe it's pain experienced as hate in my case. I don't know & I don't wanna know.

I never took back an ex. I had one come up to me a few months after a break up. I don't even remember how we broke up because I'm quick to end relationships lol. I can't deal with stress. Anyway, he came back & wanted another try & it got me SO angry because it took him MONTHS. Like, what, you think I've been waiting for you all this time or something? Exes just never win with me, so it's better to just let sleeping dogs lie.

playboy99:
I thought u were in love with d person b4 d breakup.how did hate just overcome d love.n I thought u supposed to fight for love. #ACE

That's how *I* roll. Everyone copes differently I guess. Also the reasons for the break up matter. If it's due to cheating then the hate becomes that much stronger. Some people are very black or white in their thinking. No in between. It's either love or loathe.

XavierBlue:
. You're right, one of the best ways is total avoidance :8


XavierBlue

Very true. One thing with me though is, if I do happen to come across anything related to them- be it them in person, how they blink or some stupid comment they make to someone else. Even if it's unrelated to me or the relationship, it just makes me hate them so much lol. My love turns to hate then indifference. Nothing they do, after the break up, makes me want them back in any way. I become a HATER, honey. Lol! It just hurts so much I guess. Shrugs.

XavierBlue:
some do, like 80% of ladies do.


XavierBlue

Ok.

Well, I'll admit to having stalker tendencies but I never follow through because I don't like the thought of being consumed by somebody to THAT level. I usually snap out of it because the aim is to move forward & not get stuck. Which is what I think will happen if you keep checking what the ex does online, etc. Total avoidance works for me. I delete ery'thang related to them. Poof! Like they didn't exist. Keyboard happy fingers right hur! Delete! Bye! Hahaha.

XavierBlue:
some girl do stalk their ex, especially on social media.


XavierBlue

I'm not disagreeing with that. SOME do.

Ain't nobody have time for most of that. Especially the stalking part. As if!

I'm guilty of 2 & 7 though.

falconey:

Please stop!.......OK OK I agree DOC!

Lol. Not a doctor but aren't these boards about sharing information? I could be helping somebody, yanno

falconey:
if I should go by your hypothesis it means 90percent of the world is crazy. I'm inclining to agree with the OP in this case.

I think is hormonal, at some point women exibit these traits and you know it.

No, that's not what I'm saying at all. All I'm saying is, you should not look at only one place. Personality disorders have symptoms as well & hostility is just the tip of the iceberg. Example, they tend to have poor impulse control. Meaning they can go on spending sprees, risky sexual behaviours, gambling, etc. They're full of rage, full of themselves, believe themselves to be ALWAYS right ( other people are of course stupid) & you're always blamed for pissing them off because they never own up to their behaviour, etc. Most are suicidal & do become homicidal with the ever increasing anger that they have, if not treated.

Jodi Arias was diagnose with borderline personality disorder in prison, after she shot & butchered her boyfriend in jealous rage. Mind you, people with personality disorders are very jealous in relationships. Irrational jealousy. They may even accuse you of cheating just because of a dream they had of you cheating & you can't convince them otherwise because they think they're always right. They also make up fantasies in their heads of you cheating, whether true or not, you're guilty according to them. 75% of borderline personality disorder is women, btw. Men have it too & both sexes tend to become stalkers after being dumped. I could go on & on but I'll stop it right there.

Penssuwa:
There's no particular person you are destined to be with. The key is compatibility. If u marry someone you are not compatible with, it means "you've married someone that is not your wife/husband" and nothing more.

Hmm...Maybe. Maybe not.

I remember watching a topic on Oprah a few years ago & she had these couples who had love stories that seemed "made to be". One of them were born at the same hospital, minutes apart. They later meet up & I guess while discussion age, the topic of where each was born came up & they discovered that they were born at the same hospital. Must have been a holiday of sort, because both of them had the same photo, taken of the babies born on that day. What are the odds!

Another one, an elderly couple, they met as young children at Hitler's concentration camp. I believe the woman was the one that was locked up & the boy wasn't. Anyway, his mother used to give him food to sneak to the people who were locked up & that's how he began a friendship with the girl. Don't remember how they met up again after the ordeal but they ended up getting married.

Can't remember the rest of the other stories but it's something that stuck with me, because it was just unbelievable & beautiful.

IMO, it is different levels of "education". They used to have schools mainly focused on "class", where young ladies were taught how to correct their posture by sitting/standing up straight & so forth.

Someone with class learned proper etiquette on how to carry themselves, socially, etc. Whereas, an educated somebody, is just that, educated. They learned the ins & outs of a particular field, academically. But doesn't necessarily mean "classy". Someone can be educated & still be ghetto as hell, because unfortunately, a degree doesn't come with class. They need lessons from "the other school" lol

lol @ the magical thinking. The "voices" will be next

It could be because you have similar schedules. Duh.

Ataegbiti:
Freecocoa n Punkyoh I 've been enjoying ur chat. It turns out punkyoh is a soft, supple, sweet n "vulnerable" lady who is just putting up the "tough guy" facade.
Thanks for all your comments though.

LMFAO. I'm a crustacean. No...a chameleon! I never presented myself as a "tough guy" though, you just assumed. You need to squint real tight or be observant enough to realise that I'm actually a really nice person. .except when I feel strongly about something then I become the "tough guy" or whatever lol.

Cocoa is a lovely person, so yeah, mushy mushy

There're some things that most of us don't look into when we come across people like this & that's mood + personality disorders. These to me sound like someone suffering from cluster b personality disorders eg. histrionic, borderline, etc. Or maybe even bipolar. Not every hostile behaviour is due to hormones. Some people truly need to be on medication because their screws aren't on too tight. They're crazy.

I've been reading up on personality disorders lately. For personal reasons. And it's amazing how many thought it was hormonal imbalance when it was something much bigger than that--mental illness.

LMFAO. No. I regret nothing. That's something for the loser to remember me by. A haunting

OMG! She must have rat-like teeth. How did she manage to bite all the way to the white meat/fat?

freecocoa:
Maybe he is,

Thanks dear.

It's been nice chatting with you.

Twas nice chatting to you too. Please, don't let him be the one that got away. A drama-free relationship is what most thrive for & you both had it. Beautiful.

If you don't want him then give him to me. Hahaha. Just joking. Cute love story

No. What's that thing on his forehead? Weird. Almost like a 3rd eye.

freecocoa:
We got into different universities and distance put a rift, we somehow started seeing different people but remained good friends.

We still talk very well now that we are both out of school, he says we'll get married when we are both ready and I just laugh.

He's one of my(if not)my best friend, we almost never fight and when we do, it doesn't last 5 minutes, it just somehow turns into a joke.

You can ask whatever you want.

You are welcome.

Awwww...

He sounds like "the one". I'm pulling for you guys. It really does sound like an ideal relationship. All the best

freecocoa:
I understand dear but there's really nothing to it.

Whenever I find myself in situations that make me nervous or scared, I ask myself "what's the worst that can happen" and just like that, it's done.

Gotcha

So, how did it end ? Don't answer if you think I'm being too forward. I tend to be unfiltered. Kikiki.

I admire your bravery & honesty, btw. Thanks

freecocoa:
No, he never did, I even used it to brag and he always denied it, saying I never asked him out, I always told him I did something he couldn't do

Well, that's only if the guy is immature, you have to know him to an extent atleast, I can't just walk up to a random guy and ask him out, I can get his contact info and then take it up from there to ascertain if he's my kind of man or not.

LMAO @ you did something he couldn't do. Brave girl
I still wouldn't risk it though. Too scary.

freecocoa:
Lol, I guess the way we were raised as women, to need a protector in the form of a man has contributed to how most women perceive men, there's always that need to have a man who can be all you want and more, and I guess a man, playing the reversed role of a woman(as set by society) is a turn off for people.

Ofcourse I would and I have, although with a little green light, any guy interested will get the message, but I knew he was interested before I made my move.

Nice one!! Brava! He never pulled out the "YOU asked me out" ace card each time you had complaints or when the relationship wasn't going well? See, that's my other reservation about that. I feel like the guy would always rub the fact that I asked him out in my face each time he acted like an @ss & couldn't be bothered owning up to his bs.

askakim:
@punkyoh, if she is your friend, what advice will u gv her?

Well, if she thinks she's built for it then by all means, she can go ahead & go share a husband with someone else. I mean, really, what can you say? They're adults after all.

freecocoa:
You know men are stronger than women physically, so it's easier for them to deal with such as they are able to hide how they really feel. Ladies on the other hand show emotions easily and I believe this is why men worry about hurting "their" feelings.

I do care how the ones I perceive as genuine/reasonable feel though, I know a guy that's all about the sex, therefore I'm very stern in turning him down, but I always try to be subtle with the ones who seem to genuinely care, I find out it actually makes them respect me more and try so hard not to do anything to spoil how I see them, therefore they behave themselves(proly still hoping I come around)eventually they let go.

Some girls actually end up getting the men by persisting, just like some guys get the girls too. I know a lady now married to the guy she asked out, dude wasn't interested initially but came around and is now head over heels.

It's not a one size fits all.

I agree with you, girl. To each their own. lol @ the lady who's married to a guy she asked out & he's now in love. Love potion things *side eye* Just joking. It just wouldn't suffice for me. I want it to be the other way around. Meaning, the guy must have hots for ME. Someone I have to pester just isn't man enough for me or in my eyes. I'd be embarrassed more than anything else.

So, would you ask a guy out? Just curious.

Rich or poor, I don't care. I know I'm too jealous for that sort of arrangement, so no way. It'd be too painful & might make me miserable + snappy. Hubby would never have a day of peace lol.

Nice.

Ataegbiti:
Abi,? Never thought of that. Transexuals full NL.
Usually ladies sound soft n tender.

Shrugs. I must be a "rough" kind of "lady" then if that's the case.

freecocoa:
Lol, men do it though.

Might just be a method of persuasion to get him to change his mind, you know, when it comes to matters of the heart, people usually aren't always rational in their approach, she probably thinks the guy is only playing hard to get.

lol @ she probably thinks the guy is only playing hard to get. That's just creepy. Maybe it's her personality to hound the men she's interested in then. Go, go, girl!!! Rather her than me. Every answer is always going to carry our own dna somehow. I just can't relate to hunting down a man for love. It's crazy behaviour imo lol.

As for men doing it, well, I think they're really brave I'd die a virgin if I was a man because I fear rejection so much.

Funny how it's easier for women to tell a guy to beat it when we aren't interested, but they find it hard to do because "it might hurt her feelings". Personally, I couldn't care less about how a guy might feel when I'm turning him down. I'm just not interested, so scram. I guess we're wired differently, hey?